Tom19 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 Happy Birthday to me! Kind of in two minds about things right now, happy because it's my birthday, sad because it should have been two years for me and Fern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Happy Birthday!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Happy Birthday Tom, hope you have a lovely day. Sorry you also have to deal with the sadness of it being 2 years with Fern, hoping you have a peaceful day ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Recieved a text from Fern half an hour ago saying "Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day. x" Really don't know what to say back to her! She hasn't spoke to me for 4 weeks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Recieved a text from Fern half an hour ago saying "Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day. x" Really don't know what to say back to her! She hasn't spoke to me for 4 weeks! glad she texted you Tom and remembered.......maybe just say thanks, you appreciate her thinking of it and maybe something like "here for you if you need anything" .......assuming you are there !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miri Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 glad she texted you Tom and remembered.......maybe just say thanks, you appreciate her thinking of it and maybe something like "here for you if you need anything" .......assuming you are there !! Happy birthday, Tom! I'm glad that Fern sent you a birthday greeting today. Small steps, right? Thanks for responding to the new topic I started on a similar subject. It's here if anyone wants to take a look and comment: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=6508 I have been following your story very closely because we are in such similar situations and I know a lot of the advice here can apply to my situation as well. It's a very painful place to be in. I am glad that we are here to support each other and I am hoping for the best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Tom, I'm glad she acknowledged your birthday. I'd keep it short and simple and maybe just text back, "Thanks! It was a great birthday!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Thank you for the birthday messages! I feel like that's it though for me and Fern, it's been 6 weeks now and we've not spoken once, yesterday was the first time she had text me in a month. I'm now 20 and I don't want to be sat around all the time thinking about my first love. I need to focus on myself, my work, my degree and just exercising to make myself look and feel better. These past 6 weeks have been so hurtful because I've tried everything in order to try and help Fern or just to get her to open up a little but there's been nothing. I don't want to be sat here all the time feeling low and rubbish about myself because of someone that doesn't care about me. So tonight I'm just going to go around Fern's and get my things, if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to but I'm done. I guess this has had such a massive affect on her and I'm not going to blame her for what's happened, I miss the old Fern, my Fern! Maybe one day she'll realise that she lost someone who would do anything for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Tom, This is the one grief response I truly don't get...I haven't felt or acted this way in my own grief. I know everyone copes differently but I doubt it will ever make sense to me, esp. since they refuse to talk about it. You are right to not sit around and wait for a change. Maybe someday one of them will wake up and realize what they're missing, but I don't hold out hope for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Well I went round, and got part of my stuff! Still a few things, which I kept asking her for but she wouldn't get them and said that she wanted me to leave because she was watching something with her Mum. She wouldn't even let me in her house, she actually shut the door on me when she went and fetched my things. I asked if we could talk, she said go on then, talk. I asked her why she's just blocked me out of her life and she doesn't know why, and that I've done nothing wrong but that I'm the past. So the past represents bad memories of her Dad meaning I can't be in her life. She told me that she didn't want to be friends and that was that. She also had a go at me because she's having a bad week? That much of a bad week that she can book a holiday with all her girl friends and go to work? I really just feel like asking this girl out that I've met who works near me out on a date or something! I've never been so upset and angry at the same time, my blood was really boiling! Maybe she doesn't know what she's doing or thinking? But this has really affected me as well, but she fails to see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miri Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Well I went round, and got part of my stuff! Still a few things, which I kept asking her for but she wouldn't get them and said that she wanted me to leave because she was watching something with her Mum. She wouldn't even let me in her house, she actually shut the door on me when she went and fetched my things. I asked if we could talk, she said go on then, talk. I asked her why she's just blocked me out of her life and she doesn't know why, and that I've done nothing wrong but that I'm the past. So the past represents bad memories of her Dad meaning I can't be in her life. She told me that she didn't want to be friends and that was that. She also had a go at me because she's having a bad week? That much of a bad week that she can book a holiday with all her girl friends and go to work? I really just feel like asking this girl out that I've met who works near me out on a date or something! I've never been so upset and angry at the same time, my blood was really boiling! Maybe she doesn't know what she's doing or thinking? But this has really affected me as well, but she fails to see it. Tom, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know how you must feel. I haven't gotten to the point yet where I am going to ask for my things back yet, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. For me I'm afraid that doing so will just accelerate the finality of the end for us - I'm still holding out some hope that he'll come around as he still says he doesn't know yet. I know it must be so painful to hear that she doesn't want to be friends. At least you were able to spend some time with her after her father's death and gave it your best effort. You have been supportive and a friend to her. It's only been about 3 months since her dad died so I'm sure her grieving is still raw. But this is the kind of thing that stays with someone and it may be a long time before she is okay. It does seem like the best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself for now and not get hung up on her. I hope that she eventually comes to regret the way she treated you but at the moment it seems like she is probably unable to think beyond her own needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I'm sorry, Tom. Maybe you should ask that other girl out, why not, go have a good time. You've done your best and she hasn't left the door open. I probably would date if this wasn't my sixth major relationship. I just don't feel like it anymore, but you're young, why not! she might feel different a year later...but you can't hold your breath, and besides, you won't feel the same then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I guess it's true when they say that you hurt the ones you love. Or something like that anyway. Because I was the closest to her, I was the one who she took it out on. It's horrible, but it's life and I'm going to try and move on as best as I can. I still have a lot of care and feelings for her but last night is the last time I'll cry over Fern. I'll forever have some amazing memories with her and I'm happy that I got to have such a good relationship in my teenage years. Planning for next years holiday with my three best friends is under way, we're going to Las Vegas for my 21st, and I can't wait for it! Miri, I know your situation is different and so this may not be the case but Fern was always like if she wanted something, that's how it would be, she feels confused and she doesn't know what she wants but she thinks it's best not to be with me, or have me around and so that's what she'll do and has done. I don't know if your partner is the same but try and be strong, don't let this ruin your great memories, I'll always have our pictures and the things she brought me, and I can look back now and smile because Fern loved me and I made her happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2011 Report Share Posted June 11, 2011 Tom, You're doing things right, making plans, keeping busy, realizing you can't sit and wait for her to maybe change her mind someday. We did that for a time, but we can't do it forever, it's too emotionally debilitating. And Vegas! That'll be great! I am 58 and still haven't been to Vegas! Maybe someday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah, I feel much better if I keep busy! And yeah, I've never been America before! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2011 Report Share Posted June 11, 2011 Yeah, I got the impression you were abroad, but am not sure where...are you in the UK? The United States is so large that different parts of it are drastically different, not only in looks but in culture, people, accents, etc. I am in Oregon (NW), it is very green, lots of trees, mountains, but even within Oregon it varies, there are some flat places, soft rolling hills, valleys, desert (in Eastern Oregon) and on the west, the coast. The coast in Oregon is very different from California...CA has lots of sandy beaches, but Oregon's coast has a lot of rocky bluffs, although some beaches as well. We get a lot of rain in Oregon and our temperature here is moderate...usually 20-34 F in winter, 70-90 in summer. Other parts of our country gets tornadoes and hurricanes, flooding, earthquakes, you name it. We're kind of lucky, we tend to not get the disasters, although we got more than our share of snow this winter. The largest city in Oregon is Portland...my exH was from there, it's about 3 1/2 hours from where I live, and beautiful (for a city). It borders the Columbia river, and you can see the state of Washington across the river. There is a beautiful view of the mountains even from the city. Vegas is known for the night life, casinos, lights, shows, etc. It's like a world of it's own. If you ever get a chance, you'll want to visit Washington DC and New York. I went there with my son when his class visited, and there was so much to see...NY Harbor, the Little Mermaid, Holocaust Museum, Smithstonian, the Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square, and I even got to see the twin towers before they were blown up. It leaves me (and everyone in America) with a feeling of extreme sadness that something so prominent a part of our country is just gone now, and all of the lives taken with it. I got to see where John Lennon lived (one of the Beatles)...NY. There are so many places in the US I haven't gotten to see yet that I'd like to, but at least Oregon is home to Crater Lake (the purest and most beautiful water in the world). My little sister has had the fortune of traveling a lot in her life...England, Spain, Africa, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and so much more. I've been to Denmark, Holland, Sweden, but that's the only time I've gone abroad. There is nothing like seeing a world different from your own...money well spent! I hope you enjoy your trip! It will give your mind a lot to focus on this year and I think it's a great idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2011 Yeah, I live in a place called Leicester in England. We're pretty much slap bang in the middle of the country, so unfortunately no beaches or anything like that for me! It's one of England's oldest cities dating back over 2000 years actually and there's plenty of Roman remains in places. Temperature wise we're rather similar, in the winter it's usually 44F and in the summer it's generally around 70F. It's not the best place in the world but it's home at the end of the day! I've not done massive amounts of traveling in my life yet, I've been to Scotland, Wales, France, Holland, Spain and Belgium. So at least I can tick off America next year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Wow, your temperatures ARE really moderate! It doesn't even freeze there? Lucky you, if I never had snow again, I'd be happy. It's pretty but I sure get tired of dealing with it in the winter. You're well traveled, that's good, it makes a person more well rounded, the more exposure you have to other cultures, etc. Yep, you can cross America off your list, but there sure is a lot more to see than Vegas! I have a friend that is a German from the old country, he's told me about playing in castle ruins when he was little...it seems so far removed from here! 2,000 years...wow, and our country has barely existed! Still, we do have a unique history...nobody else had "cowboys and Indians" and Eskimos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 We do get snow in winter, but not much! With America being such a big country I think I'd have to come traveling over there for the year or two to see everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Tom, Vegas for your 21st will be an absolute blast, I've been there several times, couple of times with my Dad and other times with friends, it's a fab city. Be sure to check out some of the amazing shows in between the partying . Hopefully this gives you something great to really look forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 I'm going to try and do as much as is physically possible whilst I'm out there, like you said, it gives me something to look forward to. It's strange, I actually feel like I want to keep coming on here now just to keep in touch, even if I haven't got anything at all to say about Fern, which isn't a lot just lately anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Good, Tom! I do the same thing, end up making friends on forums and then have to check in and see how everyone's doing. Hey, come to America as much as you like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Realised that whenever things in my life annoy me, it makes me want to just be able to go to Fern and rant to her about everything! I miss being able to do that and it does affect me. Finally though I've finished my education so that's a great weight off of my shoulders! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 It could be that you could end up friends but right now it's too soon after the break up and would be too painful to try. Jim and I talk nearly every day but it's not the same and never will be. I know how much he "cares" and that's something I can't overlook...besides, nothing's changed in him and I wouldn't want the same results so I'm just not going there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom19 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Fern's going on holiday on the 1st July with her friends for a week, part of me is happy that she seems to be kind of getting there and hopefully she has a good time and maybe after that she can really start to pick up. But then another part of me is annoyed and angry at the fact she can throw me away yet jet off 2,000 miles to a different country! I can hardly say anything to her about it either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now