sad Posted April 28, 2011 Report Share Posted April 28, 2011 I just lost my best friend of all time. I can't even fathom life without her. We did everything together. I am so depressed and alone. I desperately need someone to talk to. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted April 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2011 Today I cleared out some of my friend's clothes as we shared a house. Just seeing them made me want to scream. It was the one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've been through death before. My mom and dad died before I turned 21. I know all about it, how permanent it is. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted April 29, 2011 Report Share Posted April 29, 2011 Dear One, I know your original post has sat here unanswered for too long, so I'm taking the liberty of moving your thread to a different forum, where I hope you'll get more of our members to interact with you. I'm so sorry that you are in such pain, and I don't want you to feel as if you are all alone in that pain. You are with kindred spirits here ~ they just need to be able to find you, as you have found your way to us ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted April 29, 2011 Report Share Posted April 29, 2011 Dear Sad, How painful this journey is for you and for all of us here....losing the person you love and with whom you share a home means that every aspect of life is affected by the loss. You are brave to clear clothes out...It has been over a year for me and the clothes are still in the closet....I guess clearing them out means he is not coming back and though I am very clear about that somehow I can't get to that task. I do know that this loss is harder than losing parents as I have lost both of mine and other friends but this one is the tough one...this and losing a child. As you said you did everything with her...and that is part of why it is so hard. We just count on hearing their voices at the end of a day or the beginning or anytime. I try to take a day at a time so I do not look too far down the road. It helps and talking to people helps and doing things to distract me helps but in the end...we all sit in that quiet house alone....know you have support here. mfh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beakerj Posted April 29, 2011 Report Share Posted April 29, 2011 Hey. I'm so sorry about your friend, how awful & hideous to have to go through losing her, especially since you lost your parents so young. It's hard to know what to say to you as you've been through it all before, but I think you're really brave for clearing things out- my brothers & husband have cleared out my Mum's house. I've finally managed to sort through my stuff from her attic, but she's been gone for nearly 6 months now. I'm so hot & cold when it comes to seeing/being around her stuff, or things that remind me of her...most of the time I can't stand it, sometimes I crave it. There's so many people here with great advice, & such encouragement from those who have truly crawled their way out of the pits, when they never felt they would. Hang in there. Big hug, Becka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Q Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Dear Sad The pain of losing a close friend is hard to bear. I've watched my best friend struggle with the loss of my husband - they were very close too and it's like a double whammy for her, with her own grief and mine to console. The bonds with close and good friends are often stronger than some family bonds. You need to keep trying every day to just get through the hours. In time, you'll be able to get through the days. Unfortunately, I can't tell you it will get better quickly. I try to think about what they would be telling us to do and in some crazy way, that gives me the strength to get up every day. Lots of stumbles , but I know what he would expect of me. Your friend will have good advice for you too - it's the way I have been surviving for 20 months and now I'm starting to feel that he's here with me still. It is small comfort but it works for me. I wish you some peace in these hard days ahead...Susie Q Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted April 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Thank you so much for your kind words. I really needed them. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 "Not be sad", my son would say to me, he was also my best friend, so I know exactly how you are feeling. Take care Nicholas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Dear Sad, Hello, I feel the pain and sorrow with you, my wife and best friend joined God 14 months ago and as days pass my life has changed and keeps changing in many ways and will never be the same as is true for all of us taking this journey we never wanted to take...we are all here to help and listen whenever you need support....a few things that worked for me to ease the pain is get plenty of rest, try and eat as grief takes alot out of a person, focus on positive memories, while they are painful it does help, and the main thing is cry as much as your body wants to, it is a wonderful gift God gaves us to releive the discomfort, I still cry, some days I don't but there are some days I just cry on and off all day, also try to talk and let your feelings out whenever you can this is a great relief...and the most important thing I found was to place things in God's hands or your higher power, when I did this little things started to happen that allowed me to see my life was not as bad as I imagined and the emptiness became less overwhelming... I pray for you and everyone going thru this journey that we may all find some comfort somewhere even if just a small amount.... May God Bless You and Comfort You with Love NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted April 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 I am overwhelmed by all your responses. I really didn't think anyone would reply. It feels good knowing someone somewhere who doesn't even know me is typing nice words and thinkings kind thoughts for me. I can't thank all you guys enough. It means so very much. Sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2011 It's been 1week since I lost my beloved friend Margaret. I feel like there is no reason to go on. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted May 1, 2011 Report Share Posted May 1, 2011 Sad, you are so early in this journey, of course you feel like you there is no reason to go on. However, you must, and you will find strength to do so as time passes. You can come here and say anything you are feeling. We have all lost our best friend, and we struggle with our grief. I have been struggling over 15 months, and mostly have now found a peace within myself. Still have bad days, and days that I weep, however, I also have days of joy and happiness. Be good to yourself, get rest, and be sure to eat. That was the hardest for me after Michael died, I lost my appetite, and lost about 20 pounds which is still gone (a good thing). Praying for you and praying for strength for you. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 2, 2011 Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 Sad, I'm sorry you've gone through so much loss. There IS reason to go on, you just have to discover it. A lot of us have gone through this for quite some time and are still searching for that purpose and reason to smile...I found it in my dog. Not everyone is a dog lover though and some find it in giving of their time to others, volunteering. Still others have found it in relationships. But it's up to each of us to keep trying to find it. Right now it is so soon for you and it's going to take all you can muster just to survive this. Try not to think about tomorrow or the rest of your life, try to just deal with the "now", that's enough to handle today. Be very gentle and kind to yourself, make sure to take care of yourself physically, proper food and water, exercise, it will all lend to a better mood. And feel free to keep coming back here and sharing your feelings, we're here, and with time changes, etc. there's almost always someone on line. (((hugs))) PS You were lucky to have such a friend, do you want to tell us about her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 She was the sister I never had and I was hers. We were friends since 1982. She moved into my house after her divorce 15 years ago. We did everything together. Now I am here in this big, lonely house alone. I need to take care of her affairs and then I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to live actually. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted May 2, 2011 Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 Sad, That is normal to feel that way I'm sure all of us felt that way and some still do, but there is a reason why we all have been chosen to endure this and take this journey, we of course see no reason what so ever we should have to go thru this but we are just children carrying out a master's plan...the reason will be revealed to us some day I'm sure....at this point everything seems a fog so try and take it slow and easy, keep in touch here and we'll all guide you....see I just found 1 reason, we are all helping each other..... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Crying and praying daily and feeling worse each day. So empty. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Sad, You are doing just what's needed crying it's normal, it does take time be patient things will level out, then you will have peaks and valleys of grief, you must be down before going up, please trust me on this one, keep praying and seek comfort in knowing God is hearing your prayers...try and find something positive and remember some happy thoughts anything, even a simple thing will make the differance...talk to Margaret and seek her spirit, you may not connect right away but keep an open mind....Ruth didn't connect with me until several weeks after she passed, now she comes and goes but she is always there when I'm down.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Dear Sad, We have all been where you are now. Nothing makes sense and the knot of pain does not seem to ever get any smaller or less intense. The grief is, at first, more than it seems like we can bear. Even five months into this--I lost my wife of 21 years on December 10--there are days that it is a struggle to convince myself to get out of bed. There are nights I come home and don't want to eat because I don't see the point to it. The loneliness seems unbearable. And the closer I get to the tenth of each month, the more pointless everything seems. But then something happens. The tenth of the month is never as bad as my expectations make it out to be. I see a rabbit in the yard. Or a hummingbird lands on a feeder almost close enough to touch--or goes screeching by my head as I work in the garden. A student says something so brilliant--or so dumb and inappropriate--that I have to laugh at the simple joy of that moment. And then I feel better--not always for long, but better. I try to build on those moments of not-quite-joy. I relax into them and accept that they are just as real as my grief. I may never be young again--my hair was already gray when my wife got sick--and the experience no doubt has taken more than a few years off my life--but I will laugh again. To do anything else would be to betray who my wife and I were--and still are. Just days before she died, she was still telling jokes that made even her doctors and nurses laugh. She was my best friend, and when they told us there was nothing more they could do, we both wept. But she was so brave in the face of it that I can be nothing less in dealing with this enormous, unrelenting grief. I cry nearly every day. I am angry far more frequently than I have ever been in my adult life. My patience has evaporated. But the work we had to do is still in front of me and the memories of her soul curled around mine sustain me in that labor. And the anger recedes a little every day. The pain does not lessen--not yet at least--but each day I become marginally better at coping with it. The tears are tears for my own loneliness. Every day i see some sign that tells me she is ok where she is and busy preparing for the work that comes next for her. And I rejoice in that knowledge--and curse at myself good-naturedly for the selfishness that pain evinces. I miss her so much that I don't want to go to bed at night--because that reminds me most forcefully that she is no longer physically here. But one of us was going to have to face this grinding loneliness and uncertainty. And in many senses I am much better able to deal with this variety of pain than she was. The bad news is that one of us was going to die before the other. One of us was going to have to bear this pain in this way. I said to her once that we loved each other too much--that if anything were to happen to one of us the other would face unbelievable pain--and that I worried sometimes about that. She laughed a bit, then realized I think that I had said something that was true--though she did not entirely understand. I badly under estimated the level of that love and of the pain that would come with that loss. When I first came here I was as lost and hurting as any person can be. With the help of these good people, I survived those early days after the numbness wore off. You will, too. But survival does not mean you will be the same person you were just weeks ago. You will be different. You have experienced things that most folks have not. And experience always changes who we are. Be patient with yourself. You have been burned in a very hot fire. These burns will take time to even begin to heal--but they will heal. You will not forget the pain, but you will gradually get better at coping with it. And some day it will be you who is helping some other victim of this fire find her way out of the darkness of the despair you are feeling now. They will be as lost as you feel now. They will hurt as you hurt now. And because you understand that pain you will know what they need to hear in that moment that will help them heal. I am a long way from whole. The pain still sears me. But nearly five months in I know I will survive this. I know the cancer that killed my wife has made an implacable foe determined to put it to the sword. But I also know that I need to help others get through this pain of being the one who lives. What you decide to do with your life matters--and will matter to others--but first you have to take care of your own wounds if you are going to help to bind up the wounds of others. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 Today marks 2 weeks. I pray all the time that God will take me before I do it. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 Dear Sad, I've just read your post and I am very concerned about you. Please, please go immediately to this thread and read the posts you will find there. Then let us hear from you as soon as you've done that, will you, please? Thoughts of Suicide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted May 9, 2011 Report Share Posted May 9, 2011 Dear Sad, Are you there? You have a whole bunch of folks here worried about you. Let us hear from you. Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2011 I read the posts. I don't have a support system. I am lost. Can't stop crying. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted May 9, 2011 Report Share Posted May 9, 2011 Dear sad, I've followed your postand am sorry for the pain you're in. Please know that WE on this site are your support system. All of us care about one another and you are one of us.. so WE CARE. You can tell us whatever you need to, nobody judges what is said. Many of the wonderful people on this site have helped me when I was/am depressed, let us try to help you. Let us know you're okay. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sad Posted May 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's nice that you guys care and all, but I am here alone, day in and day out. It's dark here and when that happens all I want to do is die. My friend Margaret was the only person that I could confide in or be myself around. I can't imagine that that is all over forever. I think about holidays and other things we did together that won't ever happen again. I tell myself that this isn't real. Can't be. But it is. There is absolutely no reason other than for her pets and mine that I need to be here. Sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 9, 2011 Report Share Posted May 9, 2011 We all know your pain...we are all in pain here. We are here for you and we are your support group. This journey has to be shared and we all count on each other here when it is so dark. Let your pets be a reason to keep going...that is what your friend would want. There have been times when the only thing that kept me going was the thought that my love would want me to be happy and Margaret would want you to be happy. I know that seems impossible as the emptiness is excruciating...but now and then there will be something to smile about that that can increase in frequency. We are here for you. mfh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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