Not Feeling Good Again

[kayc]

Dwayne, I hope you enjoy your day with Greg and Donna today!

[Dwaynecg]

Kay,

I had a very good day. I walked down to the water front and watched the sun come up. I sat and walked along the stone wall at the waters edge for about an hour. Then came home. I went to Donna's and Greg's about 11:15. I cooked on the grill and was home around 5:00. I lit a candle at 6:15, that would be 5:15 in Abilene KS. the time we were married 31 years ago. I played the DVD I made of Pauline's Life, and all though a few, tears today it was a great day full of those wonderful memories we all have of our loved one lost.

God Bless

Dwayne

[Earl C]

Dwayne: Good work!! It sounds like, even with all the illness, you worked it out, and good for you. It's true that all of us have the great memories, and right now that's all we really have so we should make the most of them. I hope they'll see you through the darkest parts of loneliness, and I actually hope the same thing for myself and for all in this group. We do hope after the day you had that you'll feel so much better in the days to come, and that your sickness departs for a while!! Keep plugging away, it sounds like you're doing as well as anyone could expect. We all have this terrible burden we're carrying, and even if life will never be the same again, we need to keep fighting for our sanity and get through life as well as possible. Reading the pain people in this group go through is difficult, but it helps us to know we're truly not alone in all this.

God Bless All, Earl C

[terp8r]

Dwayne, glad to hear you're feeling better. I'm thinking of you on your anniversary, hope you have a peaceful night. Love, Pam

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Pam,

I am starting to feel human again. I finished the Macrobid yesterday for the UTI and the Vancomycin will be done on Monday. I got an extension on my unemployment, so that takes some pressure off for awhile. I called the Career Center, and everything is still in place there, They are just waiting for me. If everything goes good I should start my classes the end of September. I am getting stronger every day now.

I forgot to tell you one of Pauline's got a pretty pink flower open up on September 5, our wedding anniversary. It has been 3 years sense it flowered the last time. That is a true sing that everything will be alright.

God Bless

Love Dwayne

[kayc]

Dwayne,

I'm glad to hear about your unemployment extension, that's great news! I know how you're feeling...the stress I've been under has wreaked havoc with my health. I got my blood test results and my doctor said the stress releases cortisol in my system which makes my cholesterol and blood sugar levels go up so she has to put me on medicine for it. Up until now I've managed my Diabetes with diet and exercise so it makes me feel like a failure. ANOTHER medicine! I wish I didn't have to be on any!

It's so neat to hear about the flower, that is so cool! I love to hear about people's "signs"...I don't seem to get them but I still think it's neat.

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Kay,

I do not want to hear you call yourself a failure. You are not, you are a strong, brave woman, who has had many misfortunes this year, like many of us. Just because you need the medication now doesn't mean you will have to stay on it. I know the stress you are under, and some day soon, I pray that you find a good job with everything you need to get back on your feet. Try to find something every day that makes you relax, and take your mind off all the things going on around you. That is why I like to go down to the water front in the early mornings and watch the sun come up. I haven't been able to do that only twice in the last 2 weeks. Then we had rain every day, until today the sun came out around 11:00. I made 2 walks down there today. It feels really good to get out again.

Take care my dear friend, any time you need to talk I am here.

God Bless

Dwayne

[mfh]

Dear Kay,

I am with Dwayne...you are about as far from a failure as a being can be. I would bet if I had my cortisol level tested it would be waaaay up there. It is just the way grief goes....it is stressful and your plate has overflowed with stressful happenings. You are strong and brave. Medication is not a sign of weakness.

Peace

Mary

[dave s]

Dear Kay....Going on another medication does not equall being a failure! it happens and frequently when life " settles down" and people are able to get better rest, exercise, etc.....they are able to get off diabetes meds, and if not....you will do ok, am planning this weekend to plant my tire planter! You inspired me! Doing ok here for the 4 month anniversary......not smiling much....but see the beauty in life......... Dave

[Cheryl]

Dave,

I work for a wholesale plant grower in phx. I'd like to donate plants to fill your tires. We grow veggies, herbs and flowers as well as some shrubs and a lot of cactus. Do you have an idea of what you want to do? I would not be able to get you the material until next week. Please let me help you with this project. If you are anxious to get it done this weekend, I could donate plants for another project at your home. Herb gardens are awesome! and I have a killer pesto recipe. Let me know and please remember no pressure. Whenever you are ready. Cheryl

[dave s]

Dave,

I work for a wholesale plant grower in phx. I'd like to donate plants to fill your tires. We grow veggies, herbs and flowers as well as some shrubs and a lot of cactus. Do you have an idea of what you want to do? I would not be able to get you the material until next week. Please let me help you with this project. If you are anxious to get it done this weekend, I could donate plants for another project at your home. Herb gardens are awesome! and I have a killer pesto recipe. Let me know and please remember no pressure. Whenever you are ready. Cheryl

WOW CHERYL THAT WOULD BE GREAT!tHKS ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY BLUE RIGHT NOW.....HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO CRY ALL DAY, BUT NOW YOU HAVE BROUGHT THE TEARS AGAIN THKS FOR THE LOVELY GESTURE....AND THERE IS NO RUSH ON DOING THIS! ACTUALLY ENJOY ALL PLANTS, BUT WITH ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED HAVENT HAD THE DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING BUT THE BASICS, i LOVE ROSES,VEGGIES, FLOWERS...AND IF YOU READ ONE OF MY RECENT POSTS, MY HERB GARDEN THAT I PLANTED FOR MIKEON VALENTINES DAY WAS DESTROYED RECENTLY BY HURRICANE VICTOR A 70 LB AUSSIE SHEPHERD! DO YOU HAVE ACCESS TO A YELLOW ROSE IT WAS MIKES FAVORITE....REALLY THKS! IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO CRY RIGHT NOW.... DAVE

[Dwaynecg]

Hi All,

Today I went to church, the first time in over 3 weeks. I staid after and tried out for the choir. I am glad to say I made it in as a tenor. I still do not have my strength back yet. It has only been Friday that I was able to walk down to the park and water front. Yesterday the town had their yearly festival down there. I walked 4 times yesterday, listened to bands playing and I wanted to go again and watch the fireworks, but I decided I better save some energy for today. Boy did I need it, we practiced for a little more than 2 hours. The choir leader really put you through the works. This is for the Christmas services. If I learn these other songs in time I maybe singing in an October service as well. I told them I will do my best as long as my health continues to improve. Just pray that it does, and on Tuesday the 13 I go for the CT scan of my left lung, then to the DR on Thursday the 15 to get the results. I really believe everything is ok.

Just wanted to share some good news for a change.

God Bless,

Dwayne

[HAP]

WOW CHERYL THAT WOULD BE GREAT!tHKS ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY BLUE RIGHT NOW.....HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO CRY ALL DAY, BUT NOW YOU HAVE BROUGHT THE TEARS AGAIN THKS FOR THE LOVELY GESTURE....AND THERE IS NO RUSH ON DOING THIS! ACTUALLY ENJOY ALL PLANTS, BUT WITH ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED HAVENT HAD THE DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING BUT THE BASICS, i LOVE ROSES,VEGGIES, FLOWERS...AND IF YOU READ ONE OF MY RECENT POSTS, MY HERB GARDEN THAT I PLANTED FOR MIKEON VALENTINES DAY WAS DESTROYED RECENTLY BY HURRICANE VICTOR A 70 LB AUSSIE SHEPHERD! DO YOU HAVE ACCESS TO A YELLOW ROSE IT WAS MIKES FAVORITE....REALLY THKS! IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO CRY RIGHT NOW.... DAVE

Dear Dave,

While tire planters are great for flowers, please do not plant anything in one that you are going to put in your mouth. Tires are made up of a complex of chemicals that should not be ingested under any circumstances. They leach those chemicals into the soil where the plants pick them up and concentrate them. If you then eat the plants you are consuming the often carcinogenic and downright poisonous chemicals in a more concentrated form than they would be in if you had eaten the tire.

Flowers are fine. Roses should love them. But don't expect to eat the rose hips afterwards.

Peace,

Harry

[dave s]

not to worry only planned to put flowers or Mikes rose in there, thanks though! Dave

[kayc]

Cheryl made me cry with her gesture, that was so sweet, this really is a wonderful group of people, is it any wonder I still come here after six years?! Dwayne, I'm glad you are in the choir...I was in choir today too as well as helping on the morning worship team. This heat wave we've been having is draining me, it saps my energy, I haven't done anything all day and now need to walk the dogs in it. But I'm thankful it's not a tornado or snow, it could be worse!

I was proud I'd been able to keep my Diabetes at bay so that's why I felt a failure when I had to join the ranks of all those who require "help" managing it. Ahh well, my body is what it is, bad genes and all...I continue to walk twice a day and eat healthy and am active, don't know what more I can do. Well the dogs are calling me to come walk them (one at a time now)...

[Dwaynecg]

Kay,

You are doing a great job with your health. I am sure once you are back to work, and have that stress, go away you will be back to your old self again. After all you made it this far. I pray every day you find a great job soon, just hang in there, I know how tough it is. I feel like I lost my whole summer, the days are still warm, but the nights are cool. It was 49 when I got up on Sunday morning. I do not like to see fall coming so fast.

Dave

I would trust in what Harry said about the tire. I worked with plastic, and several different types also. I would not even trust the plastic containers they sell for potting. You see all plastics, after they are made into the end product, start to leach out chemicals, Even water, soda, sports dinks bottles made from PETE, left in the sun slowly leach out chemicals. Granted it takes a very long time for enough to leach into the drink to cause harmful effects in humans. Just something to think about.

I am feeling alive again, I still better take it slow, because it want this to be the end of my health problems, until I am about 95 or so. I think God, will see to that for me, after all He is the one that made me slow down and take care of myself.

Harry, I will be talking to you soon my friend, just don't forget to take a minute or two each day to just breath and clear your mind, let all the positive energy back into your soul.

God Bless, My peace and comfort come to you all, I ask this in the name of JESUS, amen

Dwayne

[Cheryl]

Dave,

We grew over a million roses this year! I have two diffrent colors of yellow arriving on friday. I'll have a delivery truck in Surprise and Buckeye which is closer to you and will friday work? I thought I could have you pick them up when we are delivering to one of the retailers in the area. I'm glad to be able to bring some happiness to your weekend. Cheryl

[Dwaynecg]

Hi All,

Just an update on my health. I am feeling much better. I finished the antibiotics for the C-DIFF on Monday. Yesterday I had my CT Scan on my left lung. Thursday I see the specialist about the results form the scan. Then on Monday I give another stool sample to make sure the C-DIFF is gone. On Wednesday I call for the results. If everything come back negative. I will be at the Career Center next Thursday, to finalize all the paper work for my nursing classes to start. I still have to start the Hepatitis shots, and the TB test. I pray to God, that everything comes back negative. I want to get started so bad, I feel so close to the end of all this sickness and on to better health and get back into the work force after school. I still have my choir, and all the song to memorize. I hope to be able to sing with them in October, I have a lot of work ahead of me now, but I am not one to shy away from what I have to do.

Thank you all for your warm thoughts and prayers over my time of need.

God Bless

Dwayne

[MartyT]

Dwayne, dear ~ Thinking of you and pulling for you as you meet with your doctor today for the results of your scan, as we continue to send positive and healing energy to you ♥

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Marty T,

I got a good report from the DR today. My lung compacity is normal, but I do have 5 nod gels, 1 in the right lung, and 4 in the left lung. He said they are so small that they could not even be byopicy. He doesn't think it is any thing cancer or anything like that. They will follow up wit another CT Scan in 6 months and if nothing has changed, which he thinks it will be the same, the a CT Scan every 18 months. So now is the C-DIFF test on Monday and I will get the results on Wednesday, if I am clean then Thursday it is off to the Career Center to get the ball rolling on my classes. Everything is great. I have so much positive feelings in me and a roaring fire in my heart and soul that nothing will stop me now.

Thank you all for your prayers and warm thoughts through this trying times I have gone through all summer long.

God Bless

Dwayne

[terp8r]

My heart is so happy for you and your positive attitude! You with your strong, abiding faith are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to others as well. Will be sending positive thoughts and I'm working on that prayer stuff. I'm still a little ticked off at Him, but He and I are working it out. Love, Pam

[kayc]

Dwayne, didn't they say once before that they saw something in your lungs? We'll have to keep on praying, I know you want so much to start your nursing classes and I hope this week goes well for you and you continue to improve!

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Pam,

Anger is a very normal emotion as you go through this grief. Although anger is one emotion, that I have never had. It is ok to be angry at God, after all it is HE that call your husband into his Kingdom in Heaven. You can be as angry with Him as much as you want. God is a loving and forgiving God. So talk, yell or whatever you need to do to get the anger out, and God hears all prayers and can an will help guide you into and through your new life. Jesus Christ is my lord and savior. It just deepened my faith when God show me Pauline's face so HAPPY and HEALTHY. That is when the flame burning inside me grew into that roaring blaze, I feel all the time. Nothing can hold me down or back again. Of course I will still get sick from time to time, after all it is only normal as humans.

But trust me as you move along in your grief, every day find a positive something no matter how small to build on. Find something you like to do or even something new to do to get your mind off the grief for awhile, and again build on that and the relief you get from it. Then you will find that it is easer, to think and feel positive every day. The grief will still come back in waves, but you will be able to handle them better and in a different way. When the tears come let them. After find those positive emotions again.

I pray that the loving and forgiving God helps heal your heart and soul. That you to will be able to feel your husband spirit around you and helping guide you as you move into and through your new life. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

God Bless

Love Dwayne

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Kay my Friend,

They only seen something small on my second x-ray as I was being tested for C-DIFF the second time. No I have never had problems with my lungs before. I still and alright with my lungs now. The DR told me that the largest nod gel was so small, that it was amazing that the radiologist, even pick it up on the x-ray. But now they have found them they have to do the follow up CT Scan in 6 months to make sure they do not change size or shape. If it looks the same, then they will follow me up every 18 month after and so on and so on for a few years until they are certain that they do not grow into something else. The DR believes that they are be nine and not a thing to worry about. I have very normal lung function. And am feeling better than I have in months.

Kay, how are you doing these days? I hope that you are able to relieve the stress that you are under. I pray every day for God to lead you to that job you need and want so bad. Last week I was able to get my first extension. I do not understand why they tell you, that you are not eligible for any extensions. Just try to stay positive, I know it is hard to do under stress, but it is better for your mind and body to be positive as much as you can. I miss our talks on the phone, I will call you soon Maybe tomorrow, Today I need to go to Donna's and Greg's to fix the mail box for them. When I went by Wednesday afternoon the box was off the post, undamaged, but it needs to be fixed right. Pauline always told me when I start a project she knew it would be done right the first time because I do not quite until I get it right.

Well take care Kay, I will talk to you soon

God Bless,

Love Dwayne

[nats]

Dwayne,

AMEN to the above post to Pam...you are remarkable...I thought I was strong faithed but I believe I've found someone who's got a jump on me...your constant drive, faith and positive mindset inspire me and just enforces my faith even more, our God does indeed work in mysterious ways, the presence that is brought forth in your posts is amazing and it's so healing for all who read these with all the energy expressed...I wish we could sit down over a hot cup of coffee to share our beliefs and faith as well as speak of our wives...

keep moving forward my friend, I pray God hears your prayers and comforts you daily...

NATS

Edit...Dwayne, I had an x-ray last year that also showed a spot, I scheduled a second opinion

with the Moffit Cancer Center as I wanted to ensure I had no un-needed tests or biopsy's...the Doctor there advised me it was from a spore that is common in people who have lived in the tri state area around Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana,(I was born and raised in Ohio) the spore is inhaled then our lungs form a shell around this spore as a natural protection, this protection is detected in x-ray's as a spot...I had remarkable faith that all would go well and God answered my prayer...

NATS