Thanksgiving Wishes

[HAP]

Dear Friends,

If, like me, you are facing your first Thanksgiving without your other half, wishing each other a Happy Thanksgiving may feel--as it does for me--a bit strange. But I will say it anyway and trust you all will understand.

Last year Jane had just come back from a 34 hour coma and asked me to get her father and sister up to visit. Two friends interrupted their Thanksgiving to get them to Boston. This year I am thankful for what they did last year.

After they left Jane and I shared a tiny Thanksgiving dinner: cream of chicken soup for her, pumpkin soup for me. I am thankful for that last Thanksgiving dinner--the happiest of our lives.

I am thankful too for the doctors and nurses and aids that got us through those weeks in the hospital. And I am thankful for my little brother who got on the first plane he could catch from the conference he was at to be with me after Jane died--and talked me into going out west for Christmas. And I am thankful for my other brother who came out the day before the funeral without telling me he was coming until he was leaving the airport in Boston.

I am thankful for all the friends who have gone out of their way to make sure I am ok and forcing me to get out the door.

And finally, I am thankful for all of you.

Peace,

Harry

[mfh]

Dear Harry,

What a lovely post. Holidays are indeed difficult. How well I remember Bill's last Christmas. It is fresh in my heart and mind as are your memories of last Thanksgiving with Jane. This is my second Thanksgiving/Christmas without Bill and it is a little bit easier than last year. I guess I am learning to live with loss.

I share the gratitude you expressed....so many in my life have supported me during these past 20 months....so many on this forum who are always there...day or night with understanding and love.

Mostly I am grateful for the love and life Bill and I were blessed to share...such a treasure and a life-changing gift.

Peace to all of us and all who are struggling with loss and pain these days.

Mary mfh

[MartyT]

Beautiful, Harry ~ thank you so much for that lovely message ♥

Please see mine, here: A Thanksgiving Day Message, 2011

[nats]

I am also grateful and thankful for all of you, Wishing we all did not have to meet on this forum but in another way, I have found much wisdom here reading what you all share and knowing each one of us has faced this "Life Challenge" with the support of a group of people on the same level is indeed special.

I Wish all of my fellow grieving spouses and indiviuals the Happiest Holiday's possible, sometimes I feel guilty that I have found a new path on life as I see and read the pain some of you are still in, if I could take even a piece of that pain away I would in a heart beat as I find that helping others now takes a new role in my life, I was cautious at first posting about this new path but I share with you all as a way to express that hopes, dreams, and happiness may have been lost with one person but it is possible to move ahead and have those feelings again with another if we wish, when and if we are ready to do so.

Once again I wish the best to all of you and may you find the comfort you are seeking....

NATS

[dave s]

I woke up this am crying this was to have been our first Thanksgiving together in our new home.......but forced myself to remember the good that I have right now..... family and friends, who at times I would love to wring their necks! pets that are a nuisance, a beautifull garden, rose blooms that are the size of saucers, and the tears have stopped......also reminded and so thankfull for my friends on this site who have been my life line, Thankyou all......and hope that we all can make some positive memories with this new holiday season that we are presented. Dave

[mfh]

Not sure where to post this....a bit of a distraction...on our journey. This is all done by lights and software on the front of a building in Germany as people stand and watch. Enjoy! I could not resist sharing this....technology just fascinates me and puts me in a state of awe. A good distraction on Thanksgiving eve....after shedding a some tears today.

Mary mfh

When the video opens, make sure it starts at the beginning. Somehow, it seems to start a minute or too into it and you miss the setup...just drag the button to your left.

http://www.youtube.c...&vq=medium#t=74

[terp8r]

This is also my first holiday season since my Harv left me. I woke up during the night several times biting my lip, so hard it hurt like hell. We had thanksgiving Sunday with Harv's family and when I pulled up to my mother in law's house. I broke down sobbing. Then one of his uncles said the blessing and he thanked God for the blessings of this past year. It

took all I had not to scream- what freakin blessings?? But, I remembered our precious grandson was a blessing. I am thinking of you all as I know our hearts are all having moments of unbearable pain during this time. Love and peace to you all, Pam

[Queeniemary]

This is my second Thanksgiving without Mike, and the first that I have cooked a holiday meal since he died. My daughter and her family will be here, and her Grandmother. Wishing Mike was here, but he is not, and we are doing our best.

I am thankful that I had the years that I did with him. Thankful for my children and their families, and for my good friends who have been so supportive. I am very grateful for the people I have met on this site, who understand, and who are there to listen, and give support. Thank you all so very much.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Harry,

I know what you mean by the best Thanksgiving EVER. That was mine with Pauline last year. She knew she was failing, so she had me cook a turkey with Portuguese stuffing, like always with all the sides, and of course my homemade gravy. She also wanted a prime rib roast, and a ham. I cooked all of it for her. She only ate a little bit of everything, like a fork or two of each, and that was it. But it was the best EVER.

Today I am very thankful, for all my friends on here, and Donna & Greg, and all the other wondreful, people I have met after. I am VERY THANKFUL for starting nursing school on Monday. I am Thankful I can sing in my church choir, I am Thankful that I was accepted into the music ministry at church where in time I will be sining with the band on a live MIC. I am Thankful for my dear fried HARRY, who is the best, and helped me out so much when I needed it.

I to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I wish the best for each and everyone today, that you all can find some PEACE and COMFORT, without our loved ones by our side. This is the first year in 33 years, when a turkey and all the fixings, were not cooking in my home. I did make Pauline's cheese cake, and her Sweet Potatoes casserole, to take up to Greg and Donna's today, so Pauline will be with me today and forever.

God Bless

Dwayne

This is one of Pauline's monkey friends, she sent this to me today, to lift my spirit. I hope it does the same for you. Her name is Emily

[kayc]

My memories of Thanksgivings with George is how excited he always got about the food...he was the second of eleven kids and they didn't have enough food, so it always meant a lot to him. I also remember how he always helped me in the kitchen, carving the turkey, putting things on the table, mashing the potatoes, helping clear and clean dishes afterwards. After dinner when the kids would leave to go to their dad's, George and I would cuddle up on the couch, recuperating over too full tummies and just enjoy being with each other.

Reading some of your posts brings tears to my eyes...Dave, spending your first TG in your new home, I'm sorry he's not here to share that with you, but I hope you have an enjoyable TG anyway.

Pam and all of the others beginning their first holidays without their spouse, my heart goes out to you, I know it's hard, I'm praying for all of you.

I have my kids coming, my sons going to clean the chimney and chop some kindling and him and Bethany are spending the night and want to go get Christmas trees tomorrow. That's hard for me because I don't know if I'll be in this house next year, and I've lived here 34 years. My daughter and her husband are coming for dinner today. After dinner, when the kids go to their dad's, my neighbor is coming over for pie, I invited him for dinner as he's alone but he didn't want to intrude on family time. So that'll be my day.

I love each of you and my thoughts are with all of you in your individual homes today.

[dave s]

Today I am so gratefull that I had a decent day, Mike would be so proud of the work I put in to this dinner the table looked so nice, the food was good......then pic where taken, CANT BELIEVE how old I look now......this experience has done no favors for me........interesting when pic were taken of me and my dear friend ED, the pics turned out blurry, I jokingly said "IT must be Mike interfering with the pic", Ed then zoomed into the pic further............there as plain as day was man looking in the window!!!!.............No one I recognized, this man was obviously a shadow figure.....I announced " You are welcome here if you are a good spirit, if not please leave"......is this the rantings of a grief struck widower? If Ed had not seen it first maybe.......will show it to the neighbors tomorrow to see if it was the previous owner, who died.... Dave

[Lucia Abeytia]

Today is the third Thanksgiving without Ben, it was alot better than the other two..but still sad and I still miss him..My children and I sent ballons up to heaven with a message to him something we have done for all special occasions since he left us..we call the ones that were not able to be with us because of work and because some live out of state we sent them up at the same time from Az to Ga...I know he got them...Today I am thankful for all my family and friends for there love and support,and Thankful for all of you who listen to me when I am sad and feel all alone and you always have such kind words for me and understand this journey that I am on and don't want to be on but most of all I am Thankful for all the wonderful years that God gave me with Ben I have so many memories of our Holidays together..Today was the 1st time in 2yrs that I cooked anything for our Thanksgiving feast and baked an apple pie was one of his favorite pies and always told everyone I made the best apple pie!! My children all enjoyed it and remembered how he would go to the store and get me apples so I could bake him an apple pie...I hope that all of you have a Wonderful Holiday Season and that you remember all the wonderful times you had with your better half..May God Bless you all and may we all find peace and remember our spouses in happy times.

[Dwaynecg]

I had a GREAT day yesterday, up at Donna's and Greg's. I picked up Donna's mother and her friend, and took them up there. The food was fantastic. I ate so much, I thought for a moment I might be sick, but just a moment, until the deserts can out. Then I ate a piece of everything, Pauline's Sweet Potatoes souffle was a big hit. It was gong in no time. We all laughed, and had a great time. But now tears yesterday. Only in the morning, while I was cooking Pauline's dish before I let home. It was the first time in 33 years there was not a turkey cooking in our home. That also brought some tears, but my little dog Sugar was on my lap and washed away the tears. I was very thankful to be with great friends and their family yesterday. I hope everyone found peace and comfort no matter were you where yesterday.

God Bless

Dwayne

[mfh]

Thanksgiving Day started with two contractors in my studio at 7am...one finishing up the drywall and the other dropping off flooring which will be installed today. They were gone by 8am and suddenly silence descended. I had plans to go to a friend's around 5pm but because I did not know until Wednesday that they would be gone most of the day (last year I spent the whole day there) I did not plan for the day and ended up alone all day. I could have picked up the phone and called someone else who had invited me to dinner but I chose not to. I get tired of spending time with people just to avoid being alone and have conquered that one pretty well until it comes to holidays. I spent the day drawing (tried to paint but could not), thinking, caught a few minutes of the Packer game (it is contagious in Wisconsin even if one does not like football), and doing some on line Christmas shopping. The thinking part led me to look at one of the big questions that roams around in my heart and mind-"what do I want my life to look like now"? I have no answers yet but know my life must include meaningful and giving.

I get bored so easily with small talk, always have, (so did Bill) so I know that next Thanksgiving I will take care of me and others by checking out the soup kitchens or by having a potluck for some folks I truly enjoy and who might be alone also if there are some around. This adjustment in holidays is huge as Bill and I either went to be with my family when my mom was alive (she died 6 years ago and was the glue that held the family together) or volunteered at soup kitchens serving the homeless or planned a mini-vacation or dinner and a movie in Madison....we never stayed home alone nor did we have a pile of people over. (We are not great entertainers) Since none of those were options at late notice, I spent my first Thanksgiving ever by myself until 4:45pm. It led me to know that if I ever ever ever choose to do that again, it can only be by choice not by poor planning. It was not fun to say the least.

My brother announced that he is coming for Christmas if the roads are clear. (red flag to have a back up plan). He has had no clue what to do with me since Bill died. I mean no clue. He helped a lot before Bill died (he is great in a crisis but now the crisis is over in his mind), coming up for 5 days each month towards the end, and spelling me off a bit. So I am not sure how that will be. He just does not know what to say or do that feels good to me. We will go to my good friend's home for dinner in the afternoon. If there is football on, my brother will be glued to the set. He is a priest, a good man, who has no experience with intimate relationships. He is very good-hearted and kind-but at a loss with me. I tried unsuccessfully too many times to address it and know now I just have to accept who he is. His heart is in the right place.....so I HAVE to plan the day a bit better than I planned yesterday

I know these days are tough for all of us...a roller coaster ride within the big roller coast ride...each one a learning experience. I do get tired of learning sometimes. When I drove home last night from my friend's home, it was dark, and the town was alive with Christmas lights that seemed to appear suddenly or I have missed them. Main Street was lit up, though empty, as were so many of the homes. Christmas has arrived in small town USA...but not in my heart.

Peace to all of us as we walk this path,

Mary mfh

[nats]

Well the turkeys ate, the dressing gone and the pies are now pieces, I had an emotional yet fulfilling day and I'm very thankful for the "family" time...I was very teary eyed in the morning and have some tears today but I guess that's the way it's supposed to be...

I didn't make the shopping this mornning as I was exhusted and overslept, also feeling somewhat depressed today but I'm headed out now to pick up lights and poinsetta's for the yard, I'm not going to let this depression dampen my day...We had a great dinner and I really enjoy Brenda's grandchildren they bring a smile to your face as they are so carefree, we ate, watched football, and had a nice afternoon/evening with plenty of memories shared both of Ruth and Glenn along with the new memories created during our celebration...well bound and determined to decorate today gotta get going, eveyone enjoy your day in what ever way it takes to find comfort...

NATS

[dave s]

Just got back from my neighbors, to show the pic of the image that I captured yesterday on the camera, apparently it appears to be the man who owned the house before me, apparently he loved the place so much that he would go and plant trees by himself while carrying an oxygen tank......guess he was checking on the place......hope he likes with all that I have added to it!

Something else happened here last night, my friend Ed, asked that I consider puting up a Xmas tree, it was something I didnt want, but he looked so excited about it.......and his mother didnt believe in Xmas, so while growing up he had none........I consented to it, it was actually fun putting up my modest tree.......and he did all the decorating! and he will have to take it down............this is a big step for me, now can I listen to the Xmas music? Dave

[nats]

Dave,

I love to hear positive energy and progress...I would say maybe on the Christmas music, I'm going into my second Christmas and Holidays since Ruth passed and I have had some near meltdowns unpacking "our" decorations as I'm preparing to decorate my new home, take it slow and I think you will find after a few songs things will settle with you, the emotions will likely never leave when you hear a special song but from reading your posts you will adapt...keep moving forward...

NATS

[pmpupdamike]

I am little late, on wishing Everyone wonderful Thanksgiving wishes and hoping that everyone continues on thier road towards peace. Reading all of your replies, I can't help but to sense the life force, that emnates from all of you, even in your grief. I think, all of you, do your S/O's very proud, by keeping such love alive. In all honesty, I have been staying away from the board, because, I have not been in the sharing mood, despite the holidays's emphasis on sharing, love and peace. I think I am a little stuck, but reading your stories, have really helped me, inch towards reconcilation, with my own loss. Thank you. It is your self-lessness that I am thankful for.

[mfh]

From Facebook- Transcending Loss

"You made it through the holiday weekend. You might be feeling some relief that it's over. And yet, it's also typical to feel a let down of energy, almost a crashing sort of feeling. All that anticipation anxiety can leave you feeling exhausted and depressed. Whatever you're feeling, let it be and know that it will shift and change. Focus on the feelings for just today and give yourself permission to be with 'what is'."