Looking For The Positives

[kayc]

I wondered, I have some organic raw sugar and some honey...have been afraid to use the raw sugar because of my Diabetes, but honey takes longer to process in the body so it doesn't give the wild swings. Am doing much better at managing my blood sugar, before, even with medicine, it was hard to get it down. No white flour for me either!

I didn't get a harvest from my apple trees this summer, I think it was the lack of honey bees, although they used to be in abundance. We need to figure out something because we can't afford to lose any more of their population!

I sympathize with your SIL, I know how hard it can be with an uncooperative parent.

[feralfae]

Harry,

I have watched how my goals have shifted and modified since Doug's death. It has been almost three years now, and I am still slowly, gradually, clearing out his things from our room,from the house, and from my life. Our big plans to move to SE Alaska, go to Nepal, and others, have all been retired or shifted. I might still go to Nepal. But life is so extremely different now, and I am still finding my way into new goals and plans. These three years, however, I have finished most of the landscaping, had the new roof and ventilation system put on the house, the house has been sanded and stained, and the kitchen remodel has been finished. There is still a lot to do, but I feel fairly satisfied with what has been done.

I have closed the foundation office, and everyone who is still working has a home office now. I miss the social life we had, and am trying to slowly re-integrate myself into the social structure of the community, but slowly as I continue to heal.

I am envious and impressed with your long-term goals and planning. Right now, my plans are to finish sorting and selling and giving away things, and I hope to have the house on the market by next year. and although I am still working with some clients, I am hoping to get back to the studio a lot more this year. I need to completely re-do my will, and reconfigure the foundation for an easier transition. SO, I guess we are both setting forth some goals for this year, even if not actual resolutions.

I think we are doing pretty well with these adjustments in our life, and we will carry on, one day at a time, building a new life and manifesting our plans and dreams. Thank you for your thoughtful recounting of your process and plans.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Another quiet day yesterday. I did some writing, some reading, some walking and some thinking. I got up this morning a little earlier than usual to get my walk in early. We have some snow arriving tonight that will turn to rain tomorrow. Then we go in the deep freeze next week. Normally, I leave the decorations outside on until January 6, but given the weather forecast, I want to take all of that down today before it freezes in place until spring.

That means doing some work on the basement to recreate the space they normally live in that has filled up with other stuff during the cellar cleaning process I'd hoped to finish up this week. Ah well...

I reframed a piece of artwork that hung in my classroom for years and moved it into the bedroom, where it works very nicely. It was in a box of stuff that has been sitting downstairs since I retired. An artist gave it to me back in 1974. I've no idea what became of him. He simply vanished one day. He'd been living on a tug boat. Then, it was as though he never existed.

I walked about five miles in an hour this morning. My knee seems to be close to fully healed. It gives me an occasional twinge when I'm sitting or moving around the house, but seems fully satisfied to let me walk at a good clip in relatively straight lines. It no longer swells when I walk on it, nor does it get stiff afterward any more than the other one does. I have a couple of 5K walks on the docket in April. Those will give me a better idea of where things are.

If I'm going to get the things done as need doing today, I'd best be getting to them.

Peace,

Harry

[Queeniemary]

Very lazy day here in the Ozarks. Grandchildren are with their Dad this weekend, Daughter is getting her clothes ready for a trip. She is going to be working in the Memphis office of Seaport next week, as they are short handed, she is leaving tomorrow. My house going to be quiet next week. We played skip-bo last night, then daughter and I watched more of our series we are watching on Netflix...called Leverage, staring Timothy Hutton. We have just finished 1st season, 4 more to go. Really good show. I napped while daughter took her Grandmother to town, sitting here warm and toasty, reading also. Perfect Saturday. Last of the holiday parties tomorrow, a 12th night party (two days early) at our friends who live near Peel, AR (out in the boonies). Looking forward to some down time after all the holidays.

Wish I were as goal oriented as you, Harry....I have good intentions, meant to work a little in my basement today, but alas...not happening. Very glad your knee is doing so well.

QMary

[KarenK]

I suppose I am still floundering around without a positive direction resting erratically, spending money at the casino that I should save for the future, but then I think, "What future?". Sometimes I feel like my life no longer means anything, that I am just taking up space. Never so in the past, but now it is hard for me to go out and make friends as I have this constant cloud of sadness hovering over me which is not conducive for making a good impression. I have yet to make an appearance at any of the functions of the widows over 50 social group that I joined. Somehow I have lost my self confidence.

On a positive note, I made a hotel reservation for the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show in February for my son and myself. It is very impressive and he has never been able to go. Ron and I went for several years and I was blown away the first time with dealers in almost every hotel room in the city, plus huge tents and the Kino Sports Complex. Robert wants to get a meteorite and I usually buy a few bead strands(like I need more beads). I'm hoping the fellows from Meteorite Men will again be there as we have met before. AT least it is something for me to look forward to, I guess.

Hoping this year will be a better one for all of us.

Harry, I so admire your ability to forge ahead.

Love,

Karen

[feralfae]

Dear Karen,

So glad you are going to the Gem and Mineral Show. What fun!

Karen, I think losing our self confidence is, I think, a part of losing our Soulmate. Who we have been is not who we are any more. Our best and brightest mirror is gone. And you have had loss on top of loss, both very close ones, both heart-breaking.

Gently give yourself some room. It took a while for me to have enough self confidence to feel that I had anything to add to social situations, and I still often feel that I am an imposition or just in the way. That is a new feeling for me, something since Doug died.

I think when it is time, you will know. I think right now, you are doing what you need to do to feel safe, to let the sadness heal, and to give yourself over to grief when you need to do so. You deserve so much compassion and understanding. You might find it in the group, or you might see if you can find a grief counselor either on line or through a NFP.

Meanwhile, come here and let us hold you and help to carry your heavy grief. You can come so far, done so much, endured a lot, and you are still slowly finding your way, getting in touch with the new you, and finding ways to make little steps in your life.

I am so glad you are going to the Gem and Mineral show. I know it will be a big treat for you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Karen, this all takes time. Jane is gone four years and 25 days and I am still working through things. Part of the reason I am working in the basement is I have not been able to face what I've stored down there since Jane's death. Today, I cleared the top of her potting bench. Two weeks ago, I worked on her crafting bench--and could not finish it. Be patient with yourself.

I spent the morning doing laundry and working in the cellar. I spent much of yesterday down there as well. I made some progress on my workbench area and the garden storage area, as well as working on Jane'd potting bench. I found the rooting powder I've been looking for since spring, 2011. It was hiding in plain sight.

I also took down the outside Christmas lights before the snow arrived. It has gone over to rain this morning, which largely washed the snow away here. Temps are rising this morning, but Thursday's forecast high is 12F. By morning it is supposed to be below freezing and is likely to stay there for the next couple of weeks

I went out yesterday afternoon to look for a couple of frames. I found nothing I could live with at a price I was willing to pay, but did find a new quilted bedspread I rather liked. I've been looking for something to change the look of things in the winter in the bedroom and this seems to fit the bill.

Jan and Mary, I envy you your children and grandchildren sometimes.

Chores, laundry and writing await. Best get back to them.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

Harry, children and grandchildren can be a blessing but can also cause grief I'm glad you got your decorations down, I do so too last night and was delighted at how effortless it was when taken a little at a time, no hurry. Last year I bought a fake tree for which I was very thankful for this year. Never thought I'd have one but it was so much easier to deal with by myself!

I'm glad you found a new quilt you like. I put the flannel sheets on the bed and a quilt I bought last year for when the kids came, I was delighted with how well it goes with my valance. Funny how such little things can lift our spirits!

Missing Arlie very much...

[Queeniemary]

Kay is right Harry, children and grandchildren are a blessing, but can also cause concern. No matter how old your children/grandchildren become, you are always worrying about them.

My house is quiet this morning. My daughter flew to Memphis yesterday to work out of the Memphis Seaport terminal for a week. Her oldest daughter is at her Dad's, but will probably be here tonight. I

I had a lovely time with friends last night, in the boonies. My friends live about 45 minutes from my house, in the "boonies". My friend Madeleine had at least 15 types of finger foods....and margaritas, everything very good. Our young friend Jamie drove us. Home by 9:30, in bed by 10:30. Such an exciting life I lead.

Very cold here this morning, 13. Kay, I think I will get my flannel sheets out, and onto the bed. I am trying to pick the best day to make the 4 hour round trip to Melbourne to see my sister in the nursing home this week. None of the days looks very warm, but Thursday shows sunshine all day, so that may be the best day. My sister is fading. Any progress she had made seems to slowly be moving the other way. I am told by my niece that she her voice is very weak, and is either asleep, or just with her eyes closed, not responding much, most of the time. She will probably make an effort and rally when I am there. I dread seeing her this way, but I feel very strongly that I need to go and see her. I am afraid all of us have given up hope of any real improvement in her situation.

QMary

[kayc]

QMary,

I'm usually early to bed as well. I wake up in the night and don't always get back to sleep or it can take a while. Getting older!

I'm glad you had a good time last night...you need it for all you are going through. I'm sorry your sister isn't more responsive, that must be discouraging indeed! I hope you have a good visit with her when you go.

I'm so sorry you're all getting such cold weather! We had it last week but I'm hoping it misses us this time. I don't like that Arctic air, not one little bit!

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry about your sister, QMary. She remains in my thoughts and prayers, and so do you . . . ♥

[Queeniemary]

Thank you so much Marty, I appreciate the prayers from you and the others also.

I do have some positives today. I have started on my healthy eating, which means cutting out snacks and eating regular meals...it is 3:20, and so far, so good. I am not trying to diet, just not snack, and cutting back to one small glass wine at evening meal. I went to my Tai Chi class today, and then went to Curves. I swept up about a pound of dog hair, and ran some errands in town...all in all a very productive day, and most of this was done before 12:30pm. Been also reading. Granddaughter will be home after while, and we will probably watch Netflix...school starts back tomorrow.

I got in a conversation with one of the instructors at Curves today. I went about 11:30, which is much later than I normally go, and I had not met her before. Somehow we got to talking about death, I was telling her about Mike's death. She told me she had divorced her husband in Feb. 2013, she just could not live with the problems he had any longer, although she still loved him. He committed suicide in Aug. 2013. We talked about how you never really get over a loved ones death. She talked about how her daughter's have blamed her for his death. He had threatened suicide, but her Counselor told her that most who threatened did not follow through, but that next time to call the police. She did, but this last time, he did not tell her, he just did it. He was in his garage from Saturday until Tuesday before he was discovered. He used carbon monoxide from his Harley. So sad, her girls blame her, not her fault. The world is full of people with heavy hearts.

QMary

[MartyT]

So sad, but so very true, dear QMary ~ indeed the world is full of people with heavy hearts, and everyone has a story. How lovely of you to be there to listen to this person's especially heartbreaking one. I hope she gets some support to help her carry the load of guilt her girls are trying to place on her undeserving shoulders. Not fair. Not at all . . .

[kayc]

QMary, I am so sorry for your friend. Her story is identical to someone here years ago, I wish I could remember her name. She'd remained friends with her XH and when he commit suicide it was very hard on her. In her case, they broke up because he was gay, and he got a partner and she actually became friends with him after her XH's death. Most did not understand, but I do, you don't just stop loving someone because things didn't work out for whatever reason.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

QMary, I am very sorry to read about your sister. I wish there were something any of us could do to make that hurt better. I won't say anything about the suicide. Marty has said all that I would say.

Today went sideways from the start. I had planned to write a piece on Walking with Jane's awareness goals for 2015, but Stuart Scott's death grabbed my attention instead. For a while it appeared he had NET cancer--and that the media were, again, getting it wrong. It now appears he had something even more rare. I wrote a piece this morning that took off--and then spent the day correcting it as more information came to light.

That information really did not change the central thrust of the piece--that rare diseases are often misdiagnosed because doctors don't know about them and that we need to do more to educate both doctors and the general public about the so-called zebras. But I felt like I screwed up and that today's huge view numbers should not really count.

I have the goals' piece ready to go for tomorrow. It is the first of three parts on the subject and admits I need more help. I've realized I just can't keep up by myself with everything I have set in motion. It is all necessary stuff, but more than I can realistically handle. There just are not enough hours in the day.

I did my grocery shopping today ahead of the oncoming snow followed by arctic temps that arrive tomorrow and continue through the week. I'm with Kay on the cold weather. My flannel sheets have been on since early November.

Tomorrow is my monthly lunch with the retirees. We are going to a place that specializes in comfort food. We'll see if my efforts to eat healthy survive the experience.

I'm maundering--my word for nattering, Fae. Time to get some sleep. I have to go walk tomorrow morning.

Peace,

Harry

[HAP]

Dear friends,

It's certainly cold in southern New England today, though nothing like what Mary is seeing in Wisconsin. Temperatures will continue to drop through Thursday, when the current forecast says we will struggle to reach double digits--and the wind chill will be well below 0. But it is warm here in the study and I expect I will spend much of the next few days here in my rocking chair, drinking tea and writing on a range of subjects. I'll likely do some reading as well.

But I will venture out every morning to take a walk at a local mall, as I did today. I also had my monthly lunch with the other retired teachers at a cute little restaurant owned by a former student and his family. I had some nice eggplant and now feel I will not need to eat for the rest of the week. My plan is to make my Tuesday night drive to the pub to listen to some music and drink a little beer. But we'll see how the weather looks first.

People in southern New England go crazy when they see a snowflake--or even if they are told there will be a snowflake in the air. I went to buy groceries yesterday afternoon, forgetting there were snow flurries in today's forecast. The supermarket was packed with people buying bread and milk. My drive to lunch today was plagued with people "driving" as though we were in the midst of a blizzard. I'm from "away" so this sudden deterioration in driving skills makes me a bit crazy. I don't know what people would do if they had regular substantial snowfalls to deal with. I don't mind driving in the kind of snow we generally get here. It's the other drivers that keep me off the road.

I'm working on a series of pieces on Walking with Jane's goals and plans for the coming year this week. It's not exciting writing but it is necessary. I really do believe the dictum that "those who fail to plan, plan to fail." Things written down and shared are more likely to happen than things that remain visions in the mind and nothing more. I wrote about 1500 words last night on raising awareness about NET cancer and what steps we will take to make that happen this year. This afternoon, I'll start drafting the piece on financial goals for the year. That piece will likely run even longer, and I may have to split it into two pieces when I post it.

When I was out walking this morning I met a woman who runs an exercise place for children in the mall. I use trekking poles any time I am training and she thought they were a great idea. She told me about a new type of shoe that is supposed to reduce the amount of pressure on the knees. It was designed for people who have had reconstructive knee surgery. I am not there yet, but the shoes might help me delay that inevitable moment for a while longer. Unfortunately, I'd probably have to have them specially made because of how long and narrow my feet are.

We had a nice conversation, but she had a group coming in shortly and I was in the midst of my cool-down lap--which I have to do or I get very stiff. One of the most difficult things for me since Jane's death is getting to talk with people. My father, who was in many ways even more socially isolated than I am after my mother died, would strike up extended conversations with wait-staff, people running cash registers, receptionists--even people he encountered in waiting rooms. I find myself doing similar things--albeit not as drawn out as his conversations were. And I count any of those conversations as positive things simply because they alleviate that social isolation--even if in a very small way.

Speaking of which, I need to go call an old friend from Ohio who sent me a piece on the new cancer center at Ohio State. It sounds impressive. And I think I know some people in Ohio who might have an interest in helping them get a NET cancer program further off the ground than it is now. I think that's somewhere in the plans for the coming year.

Peace,

Harry

[enna]

I am praying for all those who are dealing with illnesses of family members or themselves.

“And I count any of those conversations as positive things simply because they alleviate that social isolation--even if in a very small way.” Harry

This struck a cord with me because that is one of the hardest things for me to do. It is much more comforting to live in that “social isolation” but not good for our psychic. I make myself engage in conversation just so I have some kind of interaction with other people. E-mailing and other social media contact is not the same as face-to-face dialog.

My positive today is that I have been four days now without any pain medicine for my back. I take only one ibuprofen daily for the inflammation. The physical therapy seems to be working and keeping me busy ~ three sessions a week and home exercises twice a day. I’m hoping when I do meet with the neurosurgeon on the 19^th he will tell me to continue PT. I do have a few issues with the disc bulges that are near the nerves but I am hoping to correct them with therapy.

One other positive today ~ when I saw the oral dental surgeon who will put the implant in he said I was ready for the next step ~ the bone graph has healed. After the implant is in it will take another three months to heal and then I’ll be smiling with a new tooth once the final cap is placed!

Oh, did I tell you that our temperatures all this week are going to be in the 70s. I just love Arizona. Come visit our beautiful state anytime.

Anne

[Queeniemary]

Oh, Anne, your positives are just really great....I will be anxious to hear what the surgeon says on the 19th!! Then you made me so jealous with your 70 degrees temperatures.....we are supposed to get down to 5 tomorrow night!!! I wish I could come and visit with you and my sis in Prescott!!! I may have to rethink my location about this time next year for a couple of months.

I am warm and toasty however, inside, planning to curl up in my recliner, watch a little TV and read. I did not go to Curves today, but will go tomorrow. I have a friend I used to work with coming for lunch tomorrow. She is picking us up a pizza on the way.

Harry, it is funny how excited when people get when expecting snow....the local Wal-Mart is a mad house when the weatherman says even flurries. You impress and amaze me Harry, you are so goal oriented. I so wish I could be that way. I honestly think you have to be born that way. It seems that you have things well underway planning for things in this new year for "Walking with Jane". I am very happy for you.

QMary

[kayc]

Last week it was down to 15 and today it is 60 (this AFTER I built a fire...I had to open the door!). The weather is crazy abnormal anymore...I'm use to snow this time of year, it's all melted now. I am NOT complaining though! I am sorry for those in the midwest and eastern states getting the arctic air, I don't like it much below 30s.

Enjoying having my boy (Arlie) home...I took him to play with Sammy a few minutes ago and picked up his dogfood, doesn't look like he ate much while he was gone (ten days). He is just laying here smiling big smiles!

Harry, I agree, to not plan is to plan to fail. I come from a long line of planners...sometimes to a fault! I have always been very thankful we all got that trait from my parents...esp. my mom.

QMary...a pizza sounds great! (Something I can't have for a very long time.) Oatmeal and chicken soup and fruit and spinach for me.

[MartyT]

Everyone sounds so upbeat compared to previous times, and for that I am grateful.

Kay, I"m so glad your boy is back home with you where he belongs ~ and of course he's smiling big smiles now!

Anne, my dear, I so hope your PT regimen is sufficient to ward off any spinal surgery ~ and the same for you too, Harry, with your knee. I've had surgery on both, and it's not pleasant! I'm sure QMary can attest to the knee rehab ~ and I simply cannot imagine what that was like for her in the wake of her husband's death.

You all are such an inspiration for the rest of us! ♥

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Great night listening to blues by a very talented musician who deserves a much larger audience than he gets. Unfortunately, that meant I didn't get in last night until close to 1 a.m., which has thrown off my day from one end to the other.

I also got a call this morning from my Ohio friend who was not available when I called yesterday. We had a good visit--getting caught up on what has happened in both our lives the last few weeks.

One of my former students has been working on putting a new arts magazine together for the last few months. They announced officially that they are moving from concept phase to reality today. It will cover the various arts in New England and come out 10 times a year. My student/friend will be editor-in-chief--though that announcement has not yet been officially made.

I went for my walk this morning despite getting a late start. I am keeping a better pace very day and my legs have better definition--but I have yet to see anything that looks like weight loss. Sigh. I'd like to drop 20 pounds by June--and another 10 by the end of the walk season in late October. That last 10 would not be necessary if I hadn't messed up my knee and had to take two months off from walking.

QM, I don't know that goal-setting is something one is born with. I trace my devotion to it to my Grandfather teaching me to do it when I was five--and doing the follow-up to make sure I was keeping it up thereafter. As a successful director, you have to be pretty good at goal-setting and planning--you just aren't obsessive about it. I taught mini-courses in it at the beginning of every school year with my classes. A couple kids have since told me it was the most important thing they ever learned in school because it made everything else suddenly possible. I'd like to take that show on the road. People tell me I could make a good living doing seminars on it.

Stay warm, everyone.

Peace,

Harry

[feralfae]

Dear Harry,

Thank you for your wonderful, peaceful, and perhaps quotidian reports of your days. To me, your reports are saying "Life goes on." and I am comforted by that sense of living the days in peace and harmony with the world. Thank you for your warm and inviting writing as well.

Maundering, indeed not.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[shalady]

I too am comforted as I read how far you are coming. I know how hard it can be sometimes to get up and face another day. I am having some rough days but you continue to inspire me to try to find something positive each day. Thank you for sharing.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

My legs are finally getting close to where I want them to be at this stage. Today was the first day that my left leg hasn't tightened up unpleasantly at some point during the walk. This is normal at the beginning of training for me.

I took down the Christmas tree and most of the indoor Christmas decorations today. The furniture is rearranged. The candles are still in the window and the poinsettias will stay in the window until they stop putting out red leaves. The project was emotionally easier than I expected, but physically tiring, in part because the living room, dining room and kitchen struggled to stay in the mid-60s today.

My FIL seems to be behaving himself, which is a load off my SIL's mind. They are working to get him a hospital bed for his bedroom, which will make it easier for him to get up.

Otherwise, it's been a quiet day here. Quiet days that don't end up turning depressing are a good thing.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

It felt good to me too to get the decorations/tree put away until next year.

I had a positive today...I called the doctor to find out why they didn't ask for a copay (I hadn't noticed until I got home yesterday) and they said the follow up visit was included with the surgery.