Our Pets- Consolers (Four Legged, Two Legged, Fur, Finned)

[mfh]

I know Anne. Not a great day to be gone all day but no day is good.

Yes, Kay, Bentley was tired. He sleeps a lot as he is now at my feet, but the second I close this laptop...he will be up and ready to go wherever my feet are taking me. I have tested this and I can close this laptop without making a sound..not one sound...and he hears it or senses.

[kayc]

Amazing, aren't they? So in tune to everything about us!

Anne, waiting with you...

[MartyT]

And praying . . . ♥

[kayc]

Yes!

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

I'll be watching for the Benji report as well.

Sasha is still missing Susan, and is curled up by the front door, not very happy. She ate a little this morning, had her pills in canned food balls, and had some water, but she is lethargic and sad. Her doggie daddy said she usually takes two days to pull out of missing Susan, so tomorrow should be better.

I am here in the green light of the birch forest, thinking about Anne and Benji, and praying that all the reports are good, and the incident was an isolated anomaly.

It is heavenly here in this place.

Much Love, and Anne, you and Benji are both in my prayers today.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Poor Sasha. Does she like to go for walks? It's so hard that we can't explain to animals what's going on.

[mfh]

Well, this was an interesting day. I just got back from taking Bentley to the nursing home and my mentor for the local organization, DOC, was with me. At the PP training which they host, there was pressure to join the local unrelated organization. so I did. Things are getting clear. VERY clear. I decided when I saw Bentley's response to a new building and people, that today I would just walk the halls with him...something I had already planned to do because I know this dog. So for 50 minutes we walked halls chatting with staff mostly and a couple of residents, as most were still at lunch...longer than my mentor thought they would be when she scheduled this. We went to the assisted living section mostly. It is a lovely building, clean, friendly, small.

I informed my mentor today that I would be bringing him to the nursing home on my own on for a while over the next couple of weeks and just walk the halls as we did today.

Response; be sure you do NOT put his vest on because until DOC approves you, you can not use his vest.

Me (very kindly and tactfully): According to Pet Partners I can do what I want, take him wherever I want and he can wear his vest.

Her (getting nervous): Well, you are also a member of DOC and until we finish mentoring he is not official.

Me: (starting to feel combative-very unusual for me. Maybe frustrated is a better word. ) Well, he is not wearing a DOC vest. He is wearing a PP vest.

Silence.

Later: we are preparing to leave and I wanted to talk to Mark, owner, and discuss my plan and check that he is ok with it which I KNOW he is. Dogs are in and out of there all the time. I asked mentor to hold Bentley's leash so I could talk to Mark.

Mentor: I can't hold it. If I do the insurance does not cover. You can not let go of the leash. You have to take him with you. (The straw that broke the camel's back)

As it turns out Mark was on the phone.

Mentor: More about rules and I finally said that I may cancel my membership in DOC and just operate under PP on my own which is totally "legal".

I can't recall the response but out at the car...more rules and a suggestion that I wait to fall when it is not so hot.. She is nice...even offered to drive to Chicago if I need company for my surgery. She drives a lot transporting dogs. (I guess she would transport me )

But she is OCD on rules. I just do not need this.

Sooooo, I am going to see Mark tomorrow and let him know my plan and check with him that he is ok. If not, there is another nursing home down the road that I KNOW will be ok but I am sure Mark will also. I will not sign in or out or wear the %&*($ vest or anything so DOC mentor does not get nutso. I will just walk Bentley up and down the halls chatting with whoever...gentle and calm. He was fine with the people he met just a bit exuberant about getting close to them...loves to be petted and touched. (A Golden trait and a Hunt family trait..what can I say!) He was clearly agitated today beside being friendly and exuberant (exuberant and agitated are a fine line with him sometimes) and I am certain he sensed my frustration even as I remained very cool on the outside but also he was in a new place and his response was jsut what I predicted. After 25 minutes at home he settled down. Out like a light now. It is hot here today....84...(I know, Anne, that is nothing compared to 106 ) I told my mentor after I walk him up and down 5 or 6 times, if he is still not settled down and this looks stressful...we are done.

She tried to tell me to do give it a bigger chance. (Mixed message) but I think she finally got the picture that I was going to do exactly what was best for Bentley and for me using my judgment not hers. This was NOT fun. The people he saw he loved. They loved him. But the mentor is more concerned that I am not turning him around so Bentley is NOT facing the people (DUH!!!) in case they are afraid. The people we approached today, approached us first, and went right for his head and he was just fine with that but I have this voice being whispered in my ear...to turn his head away. Just try doing that when someone is petting his head, face, neck and Bentley is loving it.

Clearly I am canceling my membership in this group but I will wait...a couple of weeks and just tell them that I prefer to work on my own. I learned yesterday that this mentor asked my groomer if she thought Bentley would do ok. My groomer!!! who happens to be a good friend but of course my mentor did not know that. I contacted my friend who is not getting her dog registered but takes him to two nursing homes where she has friends and then hangs around in the lobby with the residents....no rules except common sense and no insurance. I happen to have insurance on Bentley because I have a home office for therapy and my insurance company suggested an coverage policy..as they do for all home businesses where there is any dog. I have a LOT of common sense..even as a kid I had that. This mentor apparently thinks if I had a brain, I would be on the floor playing with it. Awgh Very frustrating time ONLY because of the mentor. Bentley acted exactly as I expected. I know this is not a big deal in the big picture but I have put a ton of energy and training and emotion into this. It was something Bill looked forward to doing as his mom laid in a nursing home with Alzheimer's for 7 years....and so for me it IS a big deal. And I know that all of you understand that. I need to cool down. Time to sit quietly and meditate. Thanks for reading this book. I just looked at its length and needed to vent and I apoligize for its length. Bill is not here to listen.... Bentley spent much of his time here at home with Bill and me and it is only since Bill died that I have been able to expose him to crowds, new places...and being the sensitive Golden he is it takes him time to adjust to that.

Peace,

Mary

[kayc]

Bill may not be here to listen right now, but I am. I'm sorry, Mary, I know it had to be frustrating...just as I felt a couple of days ago with the Dementia Care place, only I don't have countless hours invested in that like you do with Bentley's training.

I think your waiting a couple of weeks is good, and it does sound like this would not be a good person to work with. The important thing is you and Bentley. And as long as you can fulfill the purpose you set out to (letting him visit with people in a nursing home), what does it matter which program or facility? I know if I was in a nursing home, it would mean the world to me to get to see and pet a dog! I did prison ministry for years, and I know that was one of the things the inmates really missed about the outside world...dogs and getting to see the stars (too many floodlights).

So proud of Bentley! He did well and with a lot of strangers. Something Arlie could not do...he acts too Schizoid. And you held your ground with her, so proud of you too!

[mfh]

Kay, thank you. This has been a hard day and I know it is in part because I know how sheltered Bentley was with Bill sick. When I was with Bill which was almost all the time, Bentley was also. When i did get out and not often, i left him with Bill. He hardly got walked towards the end because I could not leave Bill unattended and he could no longer walk far...around the house was about it. This man who hiked mountains at 11,000 feet with me in his late 60s and early 70s.... Bentley paid a price by not being normally exposed to whatever. Also my friend who trains dogs told me the Goldens more and more often are anxious because of all the inbreeding. Bentley is only anxious in new situations...otherwise he is perfectly calm.

Calmed down some and will make some scones. The Amish gave me a slew of rhubarb so will make rhubarb and strawberry scones and take some to my friend who just got home after 5 weeks with the kids/grands. Too hot to walk Bentley until later this evening.

Thanks, Kay. At times like this I really miss Bill...thanks for jumping in. Mary

[kayc]

A friend just gave me some rhubarb too...I plan on making my son a Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie this weekend.

84 is hot to me...being raised in Oregon, I prefer the 70s. There was a poll on the radio the other day, it said men prefer 77 and women 73...nobody mentioned 80-100!

Arlie is perfectly calm too...until anything stimulates him! Then he's all wild eyed and nuts. I always wondered if he had a touch of wolf in him.

[mfh]

I never got the rhubarb/strawberry scones made. Ran out of zip. Slept some. My energy is so low.

Got an email from the mentor...reminding me of all the rules, when to use the *(^(&^% vest, about baths within 24 hours of a visit for PP or DOC and then telling me how wonderful I am with the people and that when Bentley and I have more confidence we will make a good team. Awgh!!! We ARE a good team...right now. And the she said to remember to hold his head away from people….awgh!!!!

I told her I will get back to her and probably will not continue my membership in this organization and work on my own at my own convenience if it does not stress Bentley. Preparing the way.... Now I can laugh at all of it. But when I got home i was crying.

I also got an email with the current version of the liability insurance for Pet Partners. Do they think I would take a dog to see elderly and frail people if I thought he would hurt them? I know we live in a law suit crazy culture but I will not participate in that fear mentality. I have enough fear of my own to deal with.

M

[MartyT]

Mary, my dear, has it occurred to you that this "mentor" may be terribly intimidated by you, by your experience and training, by your beautiful Bentley, by your own self-confidence and all the rest? She may not even be aware of it on a conscious level ~ but that's what it looks like to me. People this rule-bound may be coming from a place of insecurity, and they use their knowledge of and adherence to "the rules" to make them feel superior and in control. You are wise to follow your own common sense and good instincts here. Maybe this all needed to happen so you could feel even more certain of the path you've decided to take. ♥

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

I am so very proud of you and Bentley for following and living from your heart.

Good for you.

This has been a stressful time of shifting expectations/mixed messages/people trying to control you, of all people! and also caring for and being very alert with Bentley to make sure he does not feel too stressed.

I am so very happy you are doing what is best for you two.

Much love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Ha! And Marty brought up a very salient point, and a good one. Too true.

Sasha and I have been for five walks, she is now guarding me, and she has eaten, had more water, and seems more relaxed after a couple of huge sighs when we came in from our last walk, as if to say, "Okay, Susan has gone with her guitar to sing for people, and I am stuck with this one, so I might as well make the best of it and humor her and keep her happy. SIGH at least she gives me little treats sometimes. SIGH. "

We are doing all right. She does not like the mosquitoes, either.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Talk of rhubarb pie has made me hungry! As a child it grew wild all near our home in IA. I can still smell the sweetness of the rhubarb cooking. Mom would cook it with lots of sugar and we would put it on our cereals and even ice cream. I happened to love the taste - spoonsful right into my mouth was how I really liked it and while it was still warm.

Mary, the emotions were obvious with your trip to the nursing home. I agree with Marty, I have worked with people who have been so 'rule' bound that it made it impossible to be around them. You will do what is in your heart for what is best for you and Bentley. I loved the conversations back and forth when you were with the mentor! I had to laugh.

It has been almost eleven hours and no Benji yet!

I'll post when I have him safe at home.

[mfh]

Mary, my dear, has it occurred to you that this "mentor" may be terribly intimidated by you, by your experience and training, by your beautiful Bentley, by your own self-confidence and all the rest? She may not even be aware of it on a conscious level ~ but that's what it looks like to me. People this rule-bound may be coming from a place of insecurity, and they use their knowledge of and adherence to "the rules" to make them feel superior and in control. You are wise to follow your own common sense and good instincts here. Maybe this all needed to happen so you could feel even more certain of the path you've decided to take. ♥

Oh, Marty. I never thought of that. I do know rule bound people are often coming from fear and insecurity, of course and rules empower them but i just have a hard time thinking that someone is intimidated by me. I should know better after the zillions of times people have said, when introduced to me and learn I am a therapist, "I hope you don't analyze me." or something like that. I am sure you have run into this also. But you may very well be right. My hesitation in thinking this is the whole explanation is that the training workshop I took in December, 9 hours of training in a classroom, was my first clue that these organization (both of them) are incredibly rule bound. I was shocked by the compulsivity of the instructor. I have to take a 4 hour ethics class every two years for my LCSW license and we all hate the class because once again it is all fear based and we come out of it feeling overwhelmed with that negative energy. The rule book for PP and DOC is well over 100 pages maybe more. I was just looking at it today. I bet it is 150. My groomer said the one they use for the Humane Society evaluations of dogs (not people) is 4 pages. So this gal may very well be intimidated by me but on the whole, these organizations are rule bound to the point that many people drop out once they learn this. And some learn ahead of time and never do it as my friend did. I talked to the director of volunteers at a Madison Hospital last fall and he said the rules are prohibitive and he has had many people quit or never start because of them. And they are for the most part liability based i.e.insurance liability. I came out of the workshop (as did the other participants) overwhelmed that day and that was my first red flag. My groomer told me yesterday, that she tried to warn me last year and in hindsight I remember her doing that. So live and learn. Too bad something so fun and helpful and compassionate is so ruled by fear of law suits. Mentor said the AGrace Hospice program fell apart because it was not rule bound enough. (???) When I told the gal I might get a list of people who are home bound she said that Pet Partners (Delta) does not allow us to do that because of the lawsuits. Patients' families accusing the Pet Partner of any variety of things...stealing, abuse that a family member inflicted...etc.

I guess this is the end of my road with them but not the end of my road on my own. Most likely I will just talk to Mark and see how he feels about my visiting as a "lay person" I am almost positive he will be fine with it. Also another nursing home that I like. People bring their dogs there all the time. I will cross that bridge later. Thank so much for the idea and I am sure you are right, at least in part...possibly a huge part. It appears that the organizations are, however, quite insecure and fear based.

Life!!

Thanks, Marty

Mary

[mfh]

Ha! And Marty brought up a very salient point, and a good one. Too true.

Sasha and I have been for five walks, she is now guarding me, and she has eaten, had more water, and seems more relaxed after a couple of huge sighs when we came in from our last walk, as if to say, "Okay, Susan has gone with her guitar to sing for people, and I am stuck with this one, so I might as well make the best of it and humor her and keep her happy. SIGH at least she gives me little treats sometimes. SIGH. "

We are doing all right. She does not like the mosquitoes, either.

Tell Sasha, she is not alone in her dislike of mosquitoes. I am so glad she is relaxing....eating...drinking and protecting you. Thanks, fae. Mary

[mfh]

Poor Benji...all those tests....please let us know when he is released....Mary

[enna]

The Longest Day!

After rising at 5:30 am (well, really up since 1:30 am – worried mom!) I took Benji over to the circle for forty minutes to play and take care of business before we went to the vet. He was fasting!!! Poor little thing – he kept looking at me and I’m sure wondering why I wasn’t feeding him!

We arrived at the vet’s at 7:00 am for the tests that were scheduled for him because of the seizure he had last week. The first blood tests were negative. Since no toxic results were found the vet said that there were a few other tests he wanted to do just to make sure he was not missing anything like Cushing’s disease (tumors), or hypothyroidism. I knew that we humans could get Cushing’s but did not know it was also possible for dogs to get the disease.

Benji would be at the vet hospital all day! It has been ten hours now and I am a wreck!!

How did I fill my day? I came home and meditated. Fell asleep for a time. I had a manicure (not enough time for a massage today because they couldn’t fit me in). I had only one piece of chocolate (dark). Went shopping and bought a new Keurig coffee maker. I love this machine because every cup of coffee is fresh. It makes iced beverages also and with the summer months it will be used. Worked on the mural that I’m making using some of Jim’s ties as the focal point. Took another nap. Read two books – without any doggy toys pushed onto my leg – I missed that! If you ever get a chance read Lessons for the Living: Stories of Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Courage at the End of Life by Stan Goldberg. It’s been around for a while and I thought it was insightful and warm. Wow! Two meditations today and it’s only a little after five pm here. Now I’m pacing the floors waiting for the telephone to ring. Started the wash – towels and some fine wash things. Loaded the dishwasher. I usually only run it once or twice a week now. Cleaned the windows in the car – dog licks are gone! I watered some plants – darn it’s hot out today – 109 degrees on my patio. Why doesn’t the phone ring? I won’t post this until I have Benji safe at home.

Vet called at 6:30 pm and said that Benji was ready to be picked up – eleven and one half hours – longest I’ve been away from him. No test results for one to three days.

So we wait. Anne

[mfh]

I swear, Anne...waiting is what you have done so much of lately. Waiting for doctors, waiting for test results, waiting to see if meds work, waiting for Benji test results...on and on it goes. I am just so sorry you must wait some more. I hope he gets those to you in one day. I can't imagine why they needed him there for almost 12 hours but who am I to question. I bet Benji is exhausted. And i know you are.

Life is a classroom and this year you have a tough teacher. A couple of them. You are grace under fire, my friend. Grace under fire.

Mary

[MartyT]

And we are waiting with you, Anne. Give Benji a "welcome home" hug for all of us ♥

[feralfae]

Waiting for the Benji report here as well. Will check back later.

fae

[kayc]

Mary, I had thought of that as well, and I think Marty has a good point.

fae, sounds like you're taking wonderful care of Sasha! And all of the exercise too!

Anne, That is a long time to wait and I'm glad you have Benji home with you now...we will all be waiting to hear the results...I hope it's tomorrow so you don't have to wait until Monday.

[enna]

After I read your post with the conversation you had with your 'mentor' after visiting the nursing home, I found this quote that says it, Mary...

You do 'stand up' for what you believe. Benji NEVER tires of ((hugs)). He is 'needy' like his mommy!

[mfh]

Anne, I like that quote. I spent some time this morning wrestling with this whole therapy dog thing and attached is what I came up with. I think it contains pieces that relate to the struggles others might have with other things.

Daring Greatly.pdf

Mary