One Week Ago Today

[Jeffrey]

My beautiful wife Carmen, died a week ago today. She was 42 years old. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and I miss her dearly. I found her and called 911 but it was too late. I am totally heartbroken and lost. I'm trying to remember the good times. We used to like to watch scary movies together and cuddle. Her funeral was just 3 days ago. Time is crawling by as I watch the clock. My kids stayed with me a week but went home last night. I ask for prayer from anyone who'll give it. I pray that God will bless me and give me strength during this terrible time. I have our dog at least. I just hurt so badly that it feels like the pain will never go away. I love you Carmen.

[Guest]

I'm so sorry Jeffrey. You've found the right place to chat. I'll pray for you right now.

However you feel, no matter the subject, you can say it here. It's safe.

The first day after everyone else has gone home was such a hard day for us after loosing our son. Oh the unbearable silence. It was empty nest syndrome, loss of a child, and the ptsd of suicide, all in one moment. It does get better, but it's a slow process. Take it easy on yourself and do just the basics right now. Eat, sleep, remember, pray, feed the dog, and repeat.

May God bless you with peace in this difficult time.

[LadyCarrie]

Dear Jeffery,

I am truly sorry for your loss, and that you are hurting so deeply. I will pray for you right now, and I will add you to our prayer list. I pray God will give you strength to endure, that He will sustain you, that He will give you at least one person who will be near you physically to support and comfort you, and that He will meet all your needs. May you find comfort and peace underneath the shelter of His "wings."

I'm sorry for the reason you are here, yet I'm glad you found your way to our forum, and to the caring people here. You are safe here to share your heart and mind. You will be understood and cared for.

I am glad you have a dog to love and to be loved by. I believe God sometimes gives us a dog for this very purpose. Some dogs understand much more than they're given credit for. Just the right dog can be a best, and most faithful, friend. Some of us on the forum find much comfort from our dogs (and it's all right to talk to/with them; they're the most agreeable of people).

Blessings,

Carrie

[Dew's Girl]

Jeffrey,

I know that this is an incredibly hard time right now. I remember the first weeks after my husband was gone. As you said, the clock seemed to be in slow motion. I had heard people say take it one day at a time, but I was struggling to take it one minute at a time. I remember thinking, oh good, that took 15 minutes... only 9 hours and 45 minutes before I can go to sleep again. Every 5 minutes I made it through felt like a struggle.

I hope it helps you to know, that for me at least, that sense of time standing still went away after a couple of weeks. I think that keeping hold of the good memories is a wonderful idea. I was so concerned that those crazy minutes from the time of the 911 call until they told me he was gone would be the most vivid memory of him. But I am happy to tell you that, for me, all of the wonderful, laughing memories overshadow that one horrible one.

-Amy

[enna]

I read about the loss of your Carmen and my heart is sad for you, Jeffery. You have found a forum who will listen to you and walk with you on this grief journey you are just beginning.

It is so important that you take care of yourself because physical illness following the death of a spouse is quite common.

Please eat nourishing meals even though you do not feel like eating. Get out in the fresh air and if you can't sleep through a night then take naps.

You are early in your grief and will find that if you allow yourself to be where you are this deep pain will subside to a bearable amount.

When you are up to it and if you want to please share more about you and your Carmen. Do you have pictures to share?

There are so many dog lovers that I know I'd like to see a picture of your dog.

I understand about TIME ~ there was a short time in my early grief (almost three years ago) that I had to hide clocks. I stopped wearing a watch and did not wind the Grandfather clock for well over a year.

It always saddens me to see so many new members here. I am so glad that this is a safe and caring place for all of us.

Anne

[jame57]

Jeffrey,

So very sorry for your loss. As others have said you're among friends here. You are in my prayers.

[kayc]

Jeffrey,

I am so sorry you lost your Carmen. It's the hardest thing in the world, I am glad you have a dog to keep you company. 42 just seems way too young. Mitch lost his wife a short time ago, she was just 45. It's hard to wrap your head around it. We will be here to go through this journey with you if you want us to. I hope you will continue to come here and post your feelings, it helps. Don't forget to breathe, eat something, drink some water, and stay in touch with your doctor. I'm sorry your kids have had to go back to their lives.

[JHCP]

Jeffrey, I too am in the early stages of grief. It gets easier, then it gets harder, and all of a sudden easier again. The grief I feel comes in waves...which are broken up by time spent around friends and loved ones. After the first week people stopped coming by and staying here with me too. It is good you had that support from your family for the first week! I know as soon as my friends and family stopped coming, the reality of the situation hit me so hard! Stay strong! I am praying for your continued strength and healing! I am sorry for your loss Jeffrey! May God be with you right now providing comfort and strength. Amen.

[Queeniemary]

Jeffrey, I am so very sorry for your loss. As others have said you are in very early days of this grief journey. Take care of yourself, and when you feel like it, share your story with Carmen. It helps to type it out. As Anne said, taking care of basics, eating right, trying to get enough sleep are real important right now. Grief is hard work, and it will completely take over your life. You cannot rush grief, and we all travel the grief path at different paces. I am glad you have your dog. When my husband died 5 years ago in January, 2010, I had our two Corgi girls to take care of, and they helped keep me doing things. I lost my Faith this past August, but still have Sassy, and she is my constant companion. Coming here was a good move on your part.....people here listen without judgment, you can rant and rave, say whatever you need to say, and we will understand. Our moderator Marty will have many helpful links for you as you travel this road, and her compassion is endless. Many of us have been on this forum for years. As I said, my Mike died just over 5 years ago. I miss him still, always will, but I am living my life. A different life than planned before his death, but that is the job of the living....to go on living to our best ability I think. Not easy, many hiccups along the way, but although you do not feel that way now, you will survive. You will grieve forever, but the raw disbelieving grief that you are going through right now will slowly, eventually become something you can cope with. Praying for you Jeffrey.

QMary

[iPraiseHim]

Jeffrey, I am praying that God will give you what you need to cope during this difficult time. I found my wife dead 61 days ago. It was so unexpected. I'm thankful I found this safe haven of love and support of friends who care. I was thrust into this when God called my wife home. I pray you will learn to take care of yourself, get plenty of rest, moderate food plan, and share with us ( when you are ready) about your precious wife. Breath. Move. Rest. Repeat. Shalom.

[Jeffrey]

I've had people visiting me almost everyday. I'm especially glad my friend Jeff, my son Jeff and my daughter Elaine have been coming over. It's been very hard though. Please keep me in prayer. Thanks.

[mittam99]

Jeffrey, I'm so glad you have people in your life that are supportive of you. That's wonderful.

[kayc]

Jeffrey, you've got it! I'm glad you have people there with you, that means a lot.

[Guest]

Consider yourself blessed with friends and family that will do that for you. They are rare and worth their weight in gold.

[Jeffrey]

I just wish I had done so many things with her. She was pretty much bed ridden. We would sit together all day and talk and watch some tv. I treasure those days of just her and I being alone together. I know she loved me, she said it all the time. I was there for her. I just wish I was able to do more for her. We used to like to watch scary movies together. She liked to watch Mike and Molly too. We were watching them a lot those last few days. I'm sorry if I'm rambling on. In my living room I've set up a memorial to her. I have some pictures of her and my keepsake urn there. I'm not sure how most people here think of that but it gives me comfort. Today I'm going to see my therapist and talk about what happened. I bet I'll cry. Her son has been here picking up some of her belongings. I don't really mind too much. It's mostly stuff about him and his brother. He tells me if there's anything I want to just ask. I'm trying to cope. Yesterday I was so lonely. At 2pm I heard a vehicle pull in my driveway... It was my kids. I was so happy to see them. They spent last night over. I'll miss them when they go home today though. Having Carmen gone is a hurt that I thought I would never have. I miss her so much. There are times during the day when I forget that she's gone. I almost ask out loud if she needs anything. Well, I'll sign off for now. Thanks for listening.

[MartyT]

Jeffrey, my dear, you are NOT "rambling on" and there is no need to apologize for sharing what is in your heart and on your mind. That's what this site is here for.

And as for setting up a memorial for your beloved in your living room, I assure you that everyone here would understand and support you in that. We often say that whatever brings you comfort may differ from what brings comfort to someone else, but that's okay. You need to do what brings YOU comfort. Don't let anyone else tell you what that will be; you will discover it for yourself as you go along. (You might appreciate this article: Healing Rituals Help a Grieving Family.) ♥

[kayc]

Do what brings you comfort, it doesn't matter what others think about it, they haven't lost their mate, you have. You aren't rambling. I'm glad you had your kids home for a night. I'm also glad you'll see your therapist today, I hope it helps.

[Jeffrey]

That article was very nice. Thank you for linking it. I got back from my therapist where I spoke from the heart and cried. The hour slipped away. I'll see her again in a couple of weeks.

[MartyT]

♥

[Jeffrey]

I'm alone today. I have a doctors appointment today and then I'm back here alone all day. I do have things to do later this week, but today is a lonely day. I ask for prayer today that I can make it through today alone. I miss Carmen very much and I'm struggling. I hate being alone.

[Guest]

I just prayed for you Jeffrey.

[MartyT]

Yes. ♥

[kayc]

I just saw your post...how did it go today? Thinking of you...

[Jeffrey]

It's been a month that Carmen passed away yesterday. It was a very hard day. I cried a lot. I talked with Carmen's mother yesterday. It was hard for her too, she didn't go to work yesterday. I'm feeling alone. I've had visitors for much of the past month but days like today I am alone. I just pray that God helps me be strong and survive this. This is the single hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I've lost my parents, grandparents, a brother but nothing has ever hurt like this has. I am totally lost. Please pray for me.

[kayc]

Jeffrey, I will hold you up in prayer. I know of nothing harder than losing a beloved spouse because you're not only missing the person, the relationship, but it affects you on every avenue of your being, the second hardest being a child...but then a person really can't rate an order of importance in loss, because to some their pet is their every day beloved companion and ever willing friend with unconditional love...to some it is a sibling, to others a friend of their choosing with whom they shared all. I guess that's why we can't compare losses. What's important is realizing to each of us, our loss is the most significant and dwarfs all other losses or hard things we've been through. At least, that's how it's been with me.