R.Everit55 Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 hi friends. Thank you to all who sent thoughts and prayers to me. I'm just out of ICU since yesterday. I had a heart attack. Then in hospital had a second. I don't remember much. My heart apparently stopped and ended up having open heart surgery. A double bypass. I'm still exhausted from it all. I should be napping but I can't. I was told today going through such a physically traumatic event will not help my depression. And it's normal. I miss my beautiful wife more than I can say. She'd not leave my side. I never imagined I'd get this ill nine and a half months after her passing. I have our wonderful son here often. I think I scared him to pieces along with my grandsons. He told me he was terrified of losing his father after just losing his mother and his twin girls. I will fight as long and whatever it takes to not leave my little family. I have a new grand baby on the way in June and I intend to be here for that miracle. I'm on a lot of new meds for my heart and on pain meds still post op. I'm still so foggy and out of it. But wanted to thank everyone for you r prayer.Special thanks to KayC for keeping in touch with my son. He expressed heartfelt thanks as your words calmed his terrified heart. I think my beautiful wife is my guardian angel and has pulled me through from heaven I have a long road to recovery and healing including my grief journey blessings to all. LoveButch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 So good to hear from you, Butch! You are in our hearts and prayers.We miss you! Get well soon so you can come back to us!♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Butch, I know it was hard to fight. I find myself thinking it would be so easy to let go. I have mentioned that I used to read the romantic tragedies of people married so long and dying within hours of each other. I noticed he did not say much. Finally, after reading a few he let me know he thought it was up to the one left to go on with their life. My son told me last night, we could not lose you too Mama. And, I see what Billy meant. We have to go on for the ones that are left. Even if they are grown with families of their own. Sometimes I feel my worth was only being his partner, his wife, his best friend. Going on with a life without him seems unthinkable, but he always was smarter than I was. You made it through, you could have given up but you made it through for your son and your grandchildren. It has not been two weeks for me, sometimes I forget I have to carry on and just want to dissolve into the atmosphere. Our 54 years together gave us two children/grown now, three grandchildren and three great grandchildren. It is hard for me to carry on without him, but I have to, just as he would have had to carry on without me. I wish you the best of health now, and like me, we have to learn to take care of ourselves. Our mates cannot do that anymore, it is up to us to carry on for the family that we made together, just as your family that you and your wife made together. Feel better my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harleyquinn Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 I am so sorry for all you went through. I can't even imagine the physical and mental toll that took on you, along with everything else.I hope your recovery is a smooth one and i have no doubt your wife saw you through it all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Oh my dear Butch,Your Mary has never left your side and I believe it's her looking after you that has you still here, fighting, even when you don't feel like it. Knowing you have your son and his family to fight for...Your Mary has all eternity to wait for you and to her time has no measure any more...she can and will wait. She knows you have work here left to do.I, for one, am very glad you are with us. You and your family are so special, you deserve so much and I want to see some happiness come your way...soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Hi Butch,Thinking and praying for you. Edited November 4, 2015 by enna Something's crazy. I lost my original picture! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Welcome back...and good fighting....remember strong body, strong mind, and above all, strong Spirit.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Oh Butch, It is so very good to see you here, dear friend. Thank you for taking the time and energy to write to those of us who are watching and praying for you and your dear family. I know it was your darling Mary who held your heart while the doctors put you together, and Mary who, by her love, kept you with us. You have so much love to share, and now I think Mary's love flows through you out to those she loved as well. This is one of my own theories, but I find it seems to be so with Doug's spirit. I am smiling to see you here with us. I celebrate your endurance and your vision, and your beautiful courage. Yes, you have a lot of love left to flow through your heart and out into the world. I think that is why you are here. I am very happy to see you.*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Butch is limited to his phone/internet access right now so he can rest but will hopefully get to check in today. Rest my dear friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Butch! I had to read your post twice I was so thrilled! KayC has kept us up to date with what has happened thank goodness. Your beautiful wife is certainly your guardian angel, willing you on for your lovely family. Big big hugs and may you rest and recover quickly xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Blessings to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Kay, Thank you so very much for keeping us "in the loop." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 This is Butch's son Allen. I am posting on his behalf because he's having a tough time with new meds, pain and exhaustion. I think it best he not concentrate so much on anything but what he needs to do to be able to be well enough to come home. He's grateful beyond measure for all of you. My Dad is very tough and tries his very best to be strong and cover up his pain... Physical and emotional. He's struggling with being the "Weak" one at the moment. When I say weak I don't mean that badly. I just mean he's got a lot on his body and his heart. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't strong. He's my Dad, my one and only hero, aside from my Momma in heaven. And I will do anything to keep him here with me and my sons and new baby to come. I promised him when he comes home in the next week I will not withhold phone/internet from him. I need him to concentrate solely on one moment at a time in healing his physical battles. I am literally taking his phone from him when I leave daily. I read your words to him today. Thank you so much beyond measure. I believe he's still here in part because of friends he has in you all. Peace to you all,Allen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Allen, please tell him 'Be still and know that I am God' It will help him and you.My love to you all xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted October 29, 2015 Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Butch, Hang in there. We are praying for you to recover. Shalom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 29, 2015 Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Allen, I hope you know that we have no expectations, either of you or of your dad, to spend time giving us updates on a regular basis. You both need to concentrate on your family and getting your dad healthy. We all understand that. You already know that you, your dad and your wonderful family are in our thoughts and prayers, and that is where you will stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2015 Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Allen,We understand and respect your doing what is best for your dad. We all want him on the mend and in a good place, physically and emotionally. It'd be great if he could come home soon and have Little Man by his side! Praying for that little one, too...a new grandchild seems just what the doctor ordered! BTW, how are the boys doing? And Katie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2015 It's all a struggle. I feel so horrible and changed. I feel like I don't belong. I feel empty. I had a heart attack. Followed by a second in which my heart stopped. Was my Mary with me during those moments my heart stopped. I want to know. I want to remember. And was she with me when my heart was on bypass in surgery and not pumping on its own. I was thisclose to going to be with her, our daughters, and our granddaughters and her two brothers and our SIL. My wonderful son is staying very late tonight in hopes I will relax and be able to rest. If I behave and pass all tests by DRs I may be home next week. Butch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 31, 2015 Report Share Posted October 31, 2015 My dear Butch,You know the answer to the questions you are asking. Your Mary is with you in ways only you know. Those who are no longer here will always rest in your memory. Allen and the family do want you to rest and we are all praying that you will be back home soon. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 31, 2015 Report Share Posted October 31, 2015 My dear Butch,I believe Mary was with you, I believe she will be there to greet you when your time comes. Right now is not that time, I don't think your son could handle it, and it would be so painful to your grandsons and Little Man. Mary will be there waiting when your time here is done but you still have purpose to fill and life to live here.What about you feels changed? Your feeling horrible, do you mean physically or emotionally...or maybe both?It will be great when you can come home. I'm so glad you have family with you, it's not fun coming home to an empty house. Try to rest... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 31, 2015 Report Share Posted October 31, 2015 Billy told me he believed the one who survived should live. I told him over and over I could not live without him. The joke was on me. I have to learn to live without him. We have to learn to live for those that are left behind, just like we are left behind. We cannot fail them by willing ourselves to die. If we could, I think there would be no forum because we would have joined our loved one. I have to believe that. I must be here for a reason. My son said "Mama, we don't want to lose you too." Our children hurt also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2015 My son is a grown man married with four kids two on this earth two in heaven and one due June 2. Yet he has been telling me Dad you'll always be my Poppa and you belong with me. I know he's frightened and I can't stop it. My grandsons are too. They are only 10 and 7. Im still stuck in this hospital I want out. Butch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 2, 2015 Report Share Posted November 2, 2015 You'll be out soon, Butch, I believe that. Of course your son doesn't want to lose you, he's lost enough already. You're lucky to have such a good family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2015 Tried to post a video. It didn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 2, 2015 Report Share Posted November 2, 2015 I haven't even tried to make one yet (except inadvertently). So you're ahead of me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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