Dew's Girl Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 I had big plans to start this new year off by doing something. Trying to break out of this strangle-hold of grief. My first step, go on a short 4 day trip to a place Daniel always wanted to show me. I was scheduled to leave in the morning but as I started packing I felt so overwhelmed and upset that I gave up. I cancelled the trip. Sitting here now, feelings like a complete failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 NOT A FAILURE...just not quite ready. Amy, you are going through so much and if there is one thing I am learning is this grief cannot be rushed. If it could I'd be singing in the shower instead of crying. There will come a time when you will be able to travel to places unknown but for now just focus only on your triumphs, no matter how small they may seem. The fact that you are setting goals is a major triumph; I'm not there yet. Don't look at today as a failure. You will when you can and not before. Hug yourself and take pride in the fact you tried and that's more than many can say!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Brad took the words right out of my mouth. Perhaps the timing just isn't right yet. Fourteen month after Ron died, I buried my daughter in Kentucky. At one point I was determined to fly halfway back to Arizona, rent a car and drive the rest of the way just to visit some of the places in New Mexico and Colorado that Ron and I loved so much. I did not do it, partly because I was recovering from spending a week in a Kentucky hospital with fungal pneumonia and partly because I was afraid I just couldn't do it alone. For me, at the time it was probably the right decision. You will know when the time is right. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Oh my dear girl, you are NOT a failure! Give it more time, you'll get there yet. I wish I was there to give you a hug and eat chocolate with you. (it helps...ask Anne) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 15 hours ago, Brad said: NOT A FAILURE...just not quite ready. I came to back up everyone else in saying you are definitely not a failure and that a 4 day trip was just to big of a first step in all this. As pointed out, it's awesome that you want to move forward, but maybe try a day trip or just smaller adventures around town. The main thing is not to force yourself. Doing it when you are not ready can actually set you back 50 paces. It may sound corny, but when you are ready you'll know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 You're not failing; you're doing the best you can. I have canceled various trips (and things) because at the last minute I just could not do it on my own. Andre and I always took trips together. I feel so heart broken and scared (sometimes) without him next to me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 I was going to RV like we were planning. We used to RV and we were planning on doing it again. The new RV was on the pavement beside the house. The first week, that was what I was going to do. Then a fear hit me that if I went to the places we had been, the places we were going to go to, how could I see them without him. On a business trip to Albuquerque a few years ago my daughter went with me and Billy kept our grandchild, who was in school. Albuquerque was one of our favorite places and my daughter could not understand why I was hating it. Then a couple of years later, going there again, Billy, our daughter, our granddaughter and me too, we just had a wonderful time. The factor that would be missing this time is Billy. At this time it seems like the worse thought in the world, to visit somewhere that we had wanted to be together. I don't know if I will get the chance to travel again, and that used to be the thing I loved to do so much. Now it is not important. Maybe down the line, if the line stretches long enough. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Al and I were theater lovers. We were so fortunate that we lived in a good area to do that. In the 16+ years we were together we attended over 600 plays and concerts. Sometimes 3 a week. I never want to go to another theater, ever. Today I had to go to one of our favorites to exchange our last subscription tickets, so my daughter could use them. And free dinner tickets. As I was leaving, I was so sad thinking of all the terrific shows we saw and now it is over. Al was almost completely blind at the end so we had center seats 5 rows from the stage. Things just are not the same without our loved one with us. gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 1 hour ago, Gin said: In the 16+ years we were together we attended over 600 plays and concerts. Sometimes 3 a week. I never want to go to another theater, ever. I was thinking about something similar yesterday, and it depressed me that I have to wipe out things that made me happy, and this is what we were talking about such as finding things to help us carry on. My sister and I were shoppers, and there were malls and stores out of our way that I was looking forward to seeing once I got a car. When I get a car I know I won't go, no fun shopping alone. We love movies and I can barely finish one. I also loved going to the movies. I would go alone a lot anyway, but now I have no choice and I don't know if I will ever go see a movie in the theater again. We loved about 95% of the same things, so I got nothing left. What do I do with my life? I feel like this will keep me in despair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 George and I used to go camping every chance we got...I haven't been camping since he died! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 No more camping for me. Billy's name was Billy Ray. He used to tell me when I first met him that it was really William Raymond which meant "mighty protector." I believed him at first, and he always was that "mighty protector" until he wasn't anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 Amy, a little more recent...same thing 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 Dear Amy... Please do not use the word "fail". We are all working our way through this journey, feeling our way along and learning what works and what does not. Like you, I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things that will "show" me I am healing, that taking that step will prove to others I am trying and moving forward. No one else's opinion should matter. As I have been told and encouraged to believe that some days, getting up, going to work and doing my job is enough. Whatever you are able to do on any given day should be "enough". I am forever being told I am too hard on myself, and it is a lesson I am trying to learn to let the things I manage to do every day be enough. There is time to take bigger steps down the road. Please continue to be kind to yourself, Amy. As I will try and follow my own advice. But don't use the word fail. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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