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Looking For The Positives

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Several months ago we had a thread that lasted for two or three months where we each tried to give one thing that had happened that day that was positive.

I thought of that post as I was reading another thread earlier today where someone brought up that this was something they had done regularly in the past--and still tried to do today. It seems to me that it is very easy to get caught up in the awesome awfulness of grief. I do it all the time.

But seeing the positives and sharing them has a two-fold positive effect. First, we all need to remember that there are good things going on in the world every day that our grief makes it hard for us to see. The second is that in sharing those positives with others we increase the positive energy around us.

Grieving is a hard thing--we all know this. But things like Melina's owl can bring us all a moment of lightness--a moment of positive energy we can all build on.

So here is my positive moment for today, small as it is: I went up to Boston today to help a friend of mine set up a Facebook page for a scholastic journalism group that we are both on the board for. I walked her through the process and answered a couple of questions on accessing the demographics for her husband's page for another non-profit he works with. I decided that instead of jumping on the Mass. Pike I would take the scenic route home and see what has changed since I last drove those roads regularly.

About ten minutes down the road my cell phone went off. It was my friend. I had left my reading glasses behind when I left. Had I taken my usual route I would have been well on my way home--and stuck on a toll road to boot. As it was I was able to get back to their home pretty quickly--and avoided whatever unpleasantness was waiting for me on the route I had planned to take.

This is my small effort to get us all back in a habit that seemed good for us at the time.

What happened to you that lifted your spirits even for a fraction of a second today?

Peace,

Harry

Shared grief is diminished; shared joy is multiplied.

Spyder Robinson in The Callahan stories.

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Okay, this might be good for us. As you may know, yesterday I met an owl in the woods. Today...that's tough one. I suppose we can't include all the bad things that could have happened, but didn't? But that's not exactly joyful, just a relief - and there are lot of them.

I suppose it would have to be that I got paid today, unexpectedly, for some extra work I did, and I was therefore able to pay my house and car insurance.

And also my dog escaped, ran into traffic - but didn't get hit by a car. She's not very bright, but at least she's safe.

I haven't been able to consider positive things before now. It seemed unthinkable. But I need to get unstuck from all the negative thinking and fear which is dragging me down - and I'm desperate enough to try something new.

Melina

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Postive thing for today:

I got to spend a day with my sister in law, since it was a holiday and she was not working. We enjoyed a pedicure and manicure, a little shopping and lunch. It was a beautiful Florida day but mostly I am grateful that I got to spend a day with someone that I love and enjoy. Until I lost my spouse I took these kind of days for granted, but no longer. Thank you Judy for a wonderful day!!

I am blessed....

Becky

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Well...I actually cooked roasted veggies and chicken for myself for dinner. I eat well until it comes to dinner time...and then I am tired and it all falls apart. So I filled the refrigerator with good stuff and made myself cook a decent dinner. You do not want to know what i have been eating. Now to do it again tomorrow....and tomorrow and tomorrow. Dinner is also difficult as Bill and I usually cooked together....

Mary

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I took my dog out for a walk today and lifted my head to the warm sun shining on my face. Such a simple thing but it made me feel so good.

Mary Lou

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Great idea for a thread. Gail that site looks promsing, will definitely check out. Thx all

For today I am attending a (non-alcoholic) mardi gras event with a neighbor/friend who also lost their partner to cancer. Just getting out of the house for a bit and not being alone is positive.

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Dear friends,

Just after noon here and already three good things have come to me. The first I detail in a post called "Sunrise." The second is that I got an email from my niece that she wants to get out of Boston for a few days as she prepares for her medical boards at the end of March and wants to come hee to study for a few days. And the third is that, barring a meltdown of some kind, the walkingwithjane.org website will cross 7000 views sometime today.

Peace,

Harry

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Hi Harry,

Great on the website, niece, and sunrise. I visited your website today and am very impressed with it. Congratulations on all you are doing for those who might encounter this treacherous disease. I am glad your niece is coming...sounds like good company.

Peace

Mary

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I fixed breakfast for a friend. I haven't heard from my boss today. It isn't snowing. I ran into a friend at the store. I am enjoying being home with all of it's familiar sounds...

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Kay, I so understand about being home. I have learned I would rather be home alone than out there with someone I do not enjoy. Duh! I always knew that but like a lot of other "knowings" it got lost....took many lunches that left me empty before I stopped setting them up. Home feels best most times....not always but mostly. Balance!! Thanks on the painting. I just looked at one I did of a cardinal sitting on greens with berries...even got it printed for a Christmas card and never send the cards...oh, well.

Peace

Mary

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Harry, thank you for starting this particular thread again. I think it is time to try to be more positive. Mine for today is that both my Corgi girls had their annual exams, shots, and also each was bathed and groomed. They sure smell nice now! That is my positive. Also knowing I am taking care of their needs, while expensive to me, makes me feel happier.

(however, they are not particularly happy with me, I am sure)

Mary I got a good lesson today in wanting to be home rather than having coffee with a perfectly nice person, the friend of a friend. There was nothing wrong with Bernie, just with me. I just rather be here with my Corgi girls, reading.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Mary I totally understand your desire to be home. I think we are so raw that the world sometimes feels like it in invading or assaulting. I try to balance being with others with solitude. I have always loved solitude. Now I do not have someone to do nothing with. I miss that so much.

Mary

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My happiness today was after Bible Study this morning. A gentleman in the group asked me where I was "from", or rather where my hometown is. I answered that I really don't have a hometown. I was raised an Air Force Brat, so I grew up all over.

This comment lead to talking about my Dad, his career and stuff like that. Turns out this gentleman was in Vietnam a year after my Dad. It was fun to discuss stuff that only military related people understand.

My dad died 11 months before Dick's death. I was a total Daddy's girl. He wanted girls and got three boys and me. I really, really miss my dad. It seems that I have clumped their deaths together and sometimes have trouble dealing with the losses.

It was nice to talk about him for a while.

Anne

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Dear friends,

The website cruised through 7000 yesterday at some point like it was just another number.

I finally got back to the redecorating project I was supposed to have all finished by the end of January. I have the room that will eventually be my new bedroom boxed up. Now all i have to do is move the last of the furniture out, clean and patch the walls and get the painting done. Woof. Sounds like a lot, but the energy finally seems to be there to move forward again.

Peace,

Harry

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I started a project yesterday and will finish it up tomorrow. It is getting my Federal Taxes prepared. This is something my husband did for us, neighbors, and his mother. For some reason I have really been fretting about this. My husband repeatedly assured me that I could do this myself. But this first year after his death, the taxes are more complicated than they should be in the future. I was able to sit dry eyed with the tax preparer and have gathered the documents to take back tomorrow to finish my taxes. This is a really big deal for me.

Also, last week I had my attorney prepare a new will for me. My previous will had three dead people (my husband and my parents) listed on it.

This is a great thread.

Beth

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Harry, congrats on reaching the 7,000 mark on your site.

Beth,

you are motivating me to get going on the taxes. Bill and I used to do them together. He kept the books (as I hate it but we met twice a month so I knew exactly what was going on....) so when tax time came, we worked together on this dreaded project. Thanks to Quicken preparing the info for our accountant was not too bad. He kept meticulous records. Me...I am not so meticulous....it will take me all day...but you have nudged me to set a day aside...soon.

Mary

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Mary, here is a photo of my great nephew with my sisters' Golden Retriever.

Also, yesterday I ran across a website of a business that makes custom soft stuffed toys from childrens drawings. The business is exploding and they are looking for sewers to help out.

http://childsown.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/looking-for-crafty-people/

opps, wrong thread :blush:

Beth

post-14810-13299272566382_thumb.jpg

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What a delightful picture. Thank you for sharing it. And the idea of making children's drawing into stuffed critters is so neat. Thanks you, Mary

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I feel somewhat split in my personality. On one thread I'm in despair, and on this one I'm trying to come up with "Today's positive thing".

I was invited to attend a seminar at my new job today - where I'll be beginning on April 2nd. Everyone was very nice and welcoming, and they seemed genuinely happy to have me come and work with them.

And there was cake.

Melina

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Heavy Sign!!! :rolleyes: Here's my positive today!!!!

I am turning 65 April 15th. With the anticipation of this birthday has come the decision to be made about Medicare. It is almost impossible for me to tell you have much I have been looking forward to Medicare. Since moving to Colorado, I have been paying from $450.00 to the current $579.00 a month for Health Insurance with $5,000 deductible!!! My medical expenses for 2011 were over $14,000. Thank the good Lord I am a very healthy person whose only health problem is high blood pressure.

Today I met with a person, figured out all the Supplemental plans for Medicare. The decisions have been made, papers signed, no more stressing about Medicare.

This has been a really, really good day!!!

Anne

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Anne, I remember that day when I could terminate my private insurance which was then (7 years ago) about $600 a month and a $5,000 deductible...I am with AARP medigap and in Wisconsin we can join Senior Care for $30 a year as a placeholder for Medicare D since I have only one cheap medication and do not want a Medicare D premium. Congratulations and welcome to crone days.

Mary

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