Sharon3

Hi Lizz...I also lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack while he was sleeping next to me. We were on vacation in Mexico. I know the feeling of this is all a dream. There is not time to face reality. I remember going out months after and driving up to our house and his truck was not there and wondered where he was. When I instantly remembered I would be shaking with emotion. I get it...these are the worst days of your life and while I am still sad and go through weeks on end of complete saddness and maybe even depression and cry all day, I come out of it and try to live a life without him even though I don't know how. I know how you feel, and I can tell you that this site brought me comfort in a way that others couldn't because my feelings were validated here and I didn't feel like I was going crazy. I also had one on one counselling and would probably still be going except my counsellor quit working and i did not feel like starting over with a new one. My advise to you is get counselling, come often to this site, if only to read, eat well, push yourself to interact with others, and live for the day. I am so sorry for your loss.

I have been away from this site most of the summer. I have been travelling, one trip with my friend and one trip to a wedding and an extended stay with my son and daughter in law. I have missed coming here. I have really come to realize that this is the only place where people get it. I miss my husband so much. It may not be as raw as it was 16 months ago but the pain is there every day and I can travel whereever I want but I am travelling without him and coming home to an empty place and happiness is temporary. So thank you to everyone here for sharing and allowing me to know that what I feel is real and that I don't have to feel bad to be sad and cry and continue to feel so empty without him.

my husband did most of the cooking because he enjoyed it...I didn't ever particularly enjoy it.....tonight I went thru a drive thru....every once in a while I give myself a talking to and use my Geore Foreman grill..it is really good and fast for fish and chicken.....I throw out so much food..I find it hard to even shop for one, never mind cook it.......it sucks.

I lost my husband suddenly while we were on vacation so it is such a trigger to me. We loved going to Mexico and I don't know if I will ever be able to go back again. I just got back from a road trip with a girlfriend and while i can find some happiness in new places, it will never replace the joy I took for granted on all the vacations we took. Never would I have imagined that he would die suddenly while on vacation. But I feel the need to keep searching for my new life without him by my side, just in my mind and my heart....so we must keep pushing ourselves to these new experiences without them and hopefully one day we will be okay.

I had replied earlier about what i did but thought I would do it again for the new ones to this site. I put my house up for sale shortly aftermy husband's passing and had no choice but to go through his things. His clothes I donated to the Salvation Army except for some special items which I had made into a quilt. My son took his shoes and jackets. I cried over everything.....actually crying would be a soft word I actually sobbed until I couldn't breathe............It was the small treasures he kept tucked away in his drawer that were the most painful. I got 2 small tote boxes and only kept things that would fit in them, his favourite hat, Father's Day cards and pictures he loved. He was also a carpenter, so lots of tools that my son took and treasures. In the end it was done and I moved, which was the right thing for me but I will never forget the pain of going through his things. I have said manyh times the road to moving into my new condo brought me to my knees but I really like it here...I feel freedom to do as I please...just wish I had freedom from the pain of loosing my husband.

Abby I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. I am rateful, however, that you found this site as soon as you did, it will help you through your emotions, be a place to vent and a place to know you are not going crazy. I found this site on Xmas Eve when my husband had been gone 10 months to the day and would have loved to have found it sooner.......come often an d share your thoughts and feel what you feel....take care of yourself.

All I can really say is that grief is exhausting and some days I don't know how I will get through the day I am so tired....but I do and then comes the next day...........like Marty said...try to listen to your body because emotionally we are better equipped to handle the pain of grieving if we are physically sound.............It is true it gets harder when the reality sets in and the fog you have been wandering in starts to lift........it is a roller coaster ride we are on and you just have to ride with it with hope that one day you can get off and have peace and wonderful memories instead of this.

I always took my rings off at night and sometimes didn't wear them at all ....going to the gym etc. so it is not as though they were always on my fingers. So I continue in that vain...sometimes they are on, sometimes they are not and i don't know if it is my sub conscious working or not......I am not thinking of dating, yet like everyone here the thought of spending the rest of my life alone is terrifying as well.,...no one will every take the place of my husband and I am never going to look but you never know......If faced with the prospect I don't know what I would do....to each his own.,just do what makes you happy.

Wendy I am so sorry for the loss of your husband............we are all hear helping each other stand up and take one step in front of the other and live in the moment, not in the past and not in the future ............My heart goes out to you but come here often to have your feelings validated, no one else can do it except someone who has been through it.

Chrissie I am so sorry for your loss. ..and i agree with Korina, the coulda, shoulda, woulda are part of thia horrible thing called grieving. My Husband died suddenly from a heart attack and I was with him but it was so sudden and in his sleep that I didn't get to say goodbye or I love you.....and I never really knew how much I still loved him. I met him when I was 16 and have really loved him all my life but we take so many things for granted after so many years and my greatest wish is that he knows how much I love him. The horror of that night is not something I wish on anyone. I think we find a way to beat ourselves up no matter what happened and that is also part of it.........in time I think it lessens and in time I am hoping it disappears and we say "we did our best"......

I am sitting here wondering how to spent the rest of the day........I slept in..my neighbour invited me for coffee....i have been on the couch since..now my sister has invited me to dinner with her kids and family...haven't decided if I should nor not. My son is trying to fit me in but his wife's family have arranged a golf game and bbq..............My son is a father now, so how do I say I need to see you when he is already pulled in different directions. I saw him yesterday and said how sad I was for him and how my heart is broken for him to celebrate this day as a father without his own father......so I don't know what the rest of the day holds. I am so used to doing what other people want me to do I have a hard time making the right choice for myself....all I know is I miss my husband like crazy today because he loved being a Dad and a Grandfather.

As if we don't have enough to deal with.........family dynamics are so strong and I feel for your situation and the additional stress this is bringing to your life. I believe I was led to this site as well and I hope your situation with your family works its way through and that you, your brother and his family are able to have quality time to come in the months ahead.

That was awesome..I often think of my husband's hands.....big, strong, rough.........what a good exercise.

To me those little things are the thread of our life. And the little moments are what I miss most. Today I bought my husband's favourite cookies and had to freze some because he is not here to eat them. My husband was a great cook, and what I wouldn't give for a dish of his pasta right now...with him or course. Food can be one of the biggest triggers. We were in the middle of building a cottage and I have had to carry on without him. I was out buying the bathroom vanity today and sure could of used his opinion and help. I want to keep the integrity of his design and there are things I just didn't get to ask. I miss him so much as we all miss our spouse on this site.........

I totally get it Cheryl....I can't stop with the projects....It has been 15 months for me and I still chase the day away only to end up exhausted...........but the alternative is not that great either...which is to pull the covers up and do nothing.....I know how you feel and I can say it gets better but you still feel the pain and the loss but you will find moments and times of peace and even joy.....hang in there and try and find your way like the rest of us....that is what I am finding the most difficulty with, not knowing how my life will be without my husband..finding my new life.

Father's Day is just a week away and I can feel my anxiety and sadness creeping up. I think of my husband every day and the life that was unfinished but I don't think every day about my son every day loosing his father. I can remember my son saying to his Dad...what can I get you Dad for Father's Day or Xmas or whatever the occasion was. The answer was always the same..."I don't need anything...just some time with my son is gift enough"...and that time ran out and I am so sad for my son because fathers and sons don't always say what is in their heart but it was clear they had a deep love and respect for each other. My husband died suddenly from a heart attack and we never got to say goodbye or I love you. I made a DVD with music for my son for Father's Day of all the pictures I could find of them together and will give it to my son with tears on Father's day. It was the toughest thing I have made so far but I know my son will treasure it..................but these special occasions and the days leading to them can make you crazy....like today, just the anticipation of it.

Yes nighttime is the worst.........I too never went to our bed....I slept on the couch then I changed all the bedding, that still didn't work so I changed the room around...and finally went to bed after many, many months. My husband died in bed..not ours but while we were on vacation in Mexico and I think the bed has horrible triggers for me. I too watch mindless tv and eat junk food while I am doing it...I still find it hard to escape into a book, even though I loved reading. I still take an anti anxiety pill at night because it is the only way for me to get thru it . I have started making a dvd for my son for father's day. I have gone through all the photos of them and scanning them and picking music and I think it is making me crazy but I know I will end up with a memory for my son that I know he will love. It seems I always need a project in memory of my husband. When I made a book for my little granddaughter for Xmas ...I said to everyone I wonder what my next project will be and I found it. I pray for all of us ...I find strength in all of you.

It is 15 months for me and I met an acquaintance for lunch yesterday...she is 8 years since her husband passed away (I used to work with him). and she still cried over lunch. It makes me think of the song "How Can you Mend a Broken Heart"...you can't. My Granddaughter saw me crying and having a meltdown on my Birthday....she is just under 2 and she said "Grandma has a boo boo"..........Little ones are so pure and such a blessing. I feel so grateful when I am with her yet sad because her Grandpa isn't with her as I am sure you must feel Korina with your little daughter.

I will definitely pray for this family and that they find the strength to get through this. My Father was a Police Officer and my son is a Police Officer and I live with the worry of this world we live in and those that do their best to keep us safe by putting their life on the line every day....

When I hear things like this it makes me somewhat okay that I have not heard from my husband's family since they left my house on Xmas Eve. I don't think you owe anyone explanations. You say what you are comfortable saying but you are not crazy. We learned a lot of horrible lessons through the loss of our beloved spouses and noone can know that specific pain except us. The only one you are accountable to is you and your husband and he would know that you do not need this. To me its like saying you have to go to Church in order to be a Christian. When people are unable to attend the service there are other ways of paying their respects and it doesn't mean flying to them and holding a service so they can feel good. As my Counsellor would say...... Don't waste your energy on this..... Take care..Sharon

It has been 15 months for me as well on the 24th of May and I too have those horrible heart breaking moments when you wonder if you will acually survive what live has dealt. Thanks Marty for the link...it really articulates that wave that almost sneaks up on you when you let your guard down to try and find your path....there it comes to remind you of your broken heart.

well my story is a little different. I used to do most of the the yard work. Mind you if something wasn't working properly he would always fix it and he would dig the gardens. One of my bigest moments came a few weeks back when I decided to cook for my family. We always cooked together because my husband loved to cook. I was cooking a turkey and I had never cleaned a turkey in my life. Johnny always did it for me because for some unknown reason it grossed me out digging around the inside of the turkey to get some unknown bags or whatever out. I remember him lifting the wings out and chasing me around the house when we were young. But I had to do it and I know he would be proud of me but I missed him terrible that day. and only we know the emptiness of doing something that triggers happy days with our spouse and for the simple things of ife we counted on them for.

Lucia how proud you must be. My granddaughter will be two in a month and she looks so much like my husband and she always wants to sleep with his picture.....this can not be a coincidence. I keep talking about her Grandfather to keep him alive in her mind and she has a picture of the two of them in her room. I made a book for her of the 8 months he was with her. How roud would I be for her to carry some of him with her one day....Lucky you. no one can take our memories..they are in our heart but our heats are broken.

Bill I am very sorry for your loss and if there was magic fix, believe me we would have all done it. I do believe counselling, however, can help as this site can help...but it doesn't take away the pain. One comment you made about your sons ....don't be so sure they are handling this. I think our children put on a brave front for us but feel the pain of the loss of their parent. They are your closest link to your wife and if you are comfortable with it I would urge you to talk to them as well and allow them to cry and allow them to see the strength in your tear.s. Tears are a badge of love and are actually a strength in my eyes because it takes a strong person to show their vulnerability. You are in my thoughts..........Sharon.

Sometimes you come to this post and something just hits you ......................tonight it was "the price we are paying for loving someone".........how true....I too would not have missed the deep and lasting love even if knew I would loose him too soon and have such pain and saddness. Thanks for yet another lesson