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Hello All, Positive's for the past week have been many... I'm thankful for another week of living... I'm thankful I've been blessed with good health... I'm thankful I have close friends, only a few but very real... I'm thankful to read good positives from my fellow grieving spouses, we are indeed healing... NATS

Hello My Friends, I've been working all weekend and just catching up a little this is a great healing/sharing thread so here's a portion of things I've learned...I will update as I know more will come to mind as the thought process is remembering... I've learned to take control of my life, for the first time accepting the things I can not change. I've learned to Love again and be Loved again, this is a different kind of Love than any I have ever felt not sure why but then why question why when we are happy. I've learned and taught myself I will control my grief it will not control me. I've learned my wife taught me so much about life I never knew until she was gone. I've learned to Love my wife in new way not focusing on the fact she is not with me, she is spoken about daily and still very much alive in my mind, body, and soul. I've learned God is always with me, when I don't feel the presence I seek it. I've learned to enjoy life in a new way helping others, being more receptive to others feelings and needs. We learn much each day sometings we thought were not possible are there we just must seek them.... NATS

Dwayne, Happy anniversary to you and Pauline... something you will always share and can ever be taken away... May God Be With You todays and always.. NATS

Hello Earl, I feel your pain, loss, and emptiness among all the other emotions that go with grieving as my wife Ruth passed 2/14/10...the first months are very hard, at times seeming unbearable, take it easy and slow, day by day, as you discover the new you and normal you will discover your wife is still with you just not on earth, with what you have in your heart you can build the new you and normal doing as she would want...you have a great support system 10 times what I had but you are so correct they do not understand and hopefully they will never really have to, but as life has it some will some won't...you have joined a place where you can find answers, vent, share, and express yourself as we are all on the same journey and we do "understand"...come as often as needed we have a great group of people here always listening...here is a quote that has helped me, harsh but true....... May God Bless and Guide You.... NATS " If you truly want to grow as a person and learn, you should realize that the universe has enrolled you in the graduate program of life, called loss". -- Elisabeth Kübler-

Becky, Patience is your answer, it is hard to find on this journey but somehow we must be patient and get thru all the obstacles on this road of grief...the one year mark for most is a turn in the road, but we are all different, I know you want some normal but you have to discover the new normal, the fact you have thoughts is positive energy which is good, try small tasks/goals/idea's not taking on more than you can feel comfortable with...the second most important thing I have discovered is attitude, I have chosen to control my grief instead of the grief controlling me, I'm not sure if this is healthy or the repercussions in the long run but it's working, as I am learning to love Ruth in a new way, she is still very much alive in daily conversations, the presence of her spirit, and the warmth I feel when I seek comfort, even in my new relationship with Brenda we both speak of our spouses without reservation, remembering both the good and bad memories...when we reach a point of acceptance is also when things start to return to a normal, this is what I feel keeps many people at bay for extended periods of time in grief, they understand they are gone but they just don't fully accept it...I am surly no expert by no means but I do know what has worked for me and if sharing that will help a fellow grieving soul then I have completed something I was interned to do, so continue to have your thoughts and take your time I'm pretty sure you'll get there, and while your headed that way we'll all be right beside you or behind you trying to make it our way as well... May God Guide Your Way... NATS

Dave, I know how you feel, but would one more day be enough??? I think not as we would want more I know I would, so with that being the case I make sure I spend each day still telling Ruth "Good Morning, I Love You Babe" every single day as I walk by her Urn and in the evening I tell her "goodnight sweetheart"...some days I feel she is next to me and that's very emotional but comforting as well...trust me my friend you will reach a turn in the road soon one day and you will love Mike in a new way, when you make that turn things will be more comforting.... NATS

Carol, I was spoiled, most men are, we really don't have a full concept of what our spouses have contributed to our day to day life until they are gone, not a fun way to discover what they did...thanks for the comment on survival mode, Ruth taught me much and I am just doing as she would continuing on with her ways and developing my own, it does help a great deal having another woman in my life to guide me, Brenda has been a God send and a push for me, something most men need as we are not good housekeepers...I'm thankful both my sons from my first marriage do have a concept as to household chores we tried to bring them up with the understanding of what needed to be done to maintain a home...but Ruth did indeed spoil me... .... Deb, Yes, I have done that as well and it's so upsetting, just as missing a red T shirt and leaving it in with the light colors only to find you now have a nice new color of "pink" to the light load ...yeah the dusting is such a mystery, where does all that dust come from??...it's funny how it builds up so fast...I have not set the curio cabinet yet as I have not found the right spot yet, maybe that's a sign because that's an area that takes some time to dust with all the little trinkits and items, good thing it's enclosed the dust can't get in as fast, I will be setting it soon I have it in spot now I kinda like and allows me to enjoy all of Ruth's special pieces, one thing I did before I moved was take pictures of each shelf so I can get it set just the way she had it... Kayc, I know the well issue oh so good, our old home had a well, I did not know much about them when we met and I moved in with Ruth, she had called plumbers before I was around and I insisted we do the repairs ourself, we both learned all about wells, pumps, pressure gauges, and bladder tanks together it was a frustrating experience but we just laughed as we did the repairs, much the way we did when we did many day to day activites, I miss those days very much but they remain etched in my mind and will never be forgotten...If I can help in any way with yours just ask I'll sure give you the best answer I can... May God Bless You All... NATS

Ladies, This is an interesting thread, you are all doing great...now from the male side of Honey Do's...I am having to learn and Iron all my slacks and shirts, Ruth insisted they always had a fresh press, the cleaning us men take for granted (dusting, sweeping, washing dishes, etc.) having moved into a new home I now know how hard it is now to keep things clean and I may be a little OCD because the house is new...the laundry I have mastered except sometimes get lazy and leave a few things in the basket then I hear Ruth tell me to put that away in the dresser as it belongs ...I also have conquered several tasks and important things since she joined God, I feel proud as that is what she would have wanted...I am thankful I have Brenda to guide me from the womens angle and point of view, it's a lot what we have taken for granted our spouse's contributed until our spouse is not there to do it...I am so happy all is going well with you all, I now do several things for Brenda her husband did but she is very independent and tackling things much as you are all doing, that's some very positive energy....keep forging ahead...and may God guide you all... NATS

Hello My friends, It's been a while since I've posted here and wanted to say it's so good to see and hear all these words of wisdom and facts brought to the front by many of you, we are really healing as a group when you read these posts...I'm so thankful and blessed that I have been able to progress with my life during such a painful time...I am also thankful I found this site about a month after Ruth's passing reading and understanding all the different journey's we are on has been a great help with the healing of my grief...kinda like the story of the boy who had no shoes and was sad until he saw the boy who had no feet...May God Bless and Guide Us All... NATS

Brian, Great news, both our Ruth's must be pleased with big smiles on there beautiful angel faces, I also am moving forward as well sometimes at a pace I would have never imagined 18 months ago, I must admit that God, Ruth and Brenda have been my driving force, I feel so blessed that God brought Brenda and I together...this bond is so different and the closeness is remarkable, Brenda just passed the 2 year mark on her husband passing and the day of the anniversary I felt her grief as well even not being with her as she decided to spend the evening alone, we did speak on the phone which was comforting...I'm glad you are on such a positive path, we all still have many things to do before we are called home so we really need to enjoy the short time left...keep moving and may God and your angel Ruth be your guide... NATS

Hi Wishful, I want you to know we all feel your pain and sorrow, my wife Ruth joined God on Valentines day 2010... Your feelings at this point are as we call it "raw" and it will take some days for it to pass, take things at your pace, I'm sure that is easier said than done with a small child but "mothers" are strong people God made them very special...you are not alone during this journey we all understand the up's and down's of this grief and your emptiness, coming here is a good place for answers we have many wise people here from all ages, all with different stories but the outcome the same, we lost our spouse, I'm a very positive person and have strong faith and truely beieve everything happens is part of God's master plan, while we don't always like the plan we have no control, with that being the case I follow and accept the things I can not change and change the the things I can to make myself comfortable and happy...you have a very big task at hand raising a child by youself but follow your heart, seek answers, let you instinct guide you and you will succeed...I will say a special prayer for you and your God given gift, keep in touch and remember we are all here for you...may God Bless... NATS

Dwayne, I am inspired by your faith we have much in common...your positive attitude is full fulling... you are one of the few individuals learning early what this is all about...a plan, one we have no control over as we are just the messengers...we are of the chosen few as it happens eventually it just happened to us sooner...but I have found that God is stronger in my life now as Ruth and I had developed a very closeness in our faith...I find and feel God has brought Brenda and I together for a reason but we will not question just follow...I have thoughts on a post concerning the aspect of God and afterlife I just can not get it flowing... NATS

Hello Mary, Good to hear from you...I know what you mean about working on me, I also have been working on me, sometimes the forum works the opposite and brings me down instead of helping so I have some voids...glad to hear you are feeling better, follow what the Dr's tell you so you get better and stay that way...anxious to hear more about "clarity"...well take care, you and everyone else at Hospice of the Valley are in my prayers nightly as well as the grieving souls everywhere... NATS

Hello Everyone, I am at 18 months and I feel the progress is farther along than I anticipated but then again I am approaching this grief thing with a mindset I am going to control it, it's not going to control me, 85-90% of the time I win but I have my moments for sure...it helps that I have developed a new relationship with a someone who has also lost a spouse because we have much in common and a great support system supporting each other, she is at her 2 year mark in August...we have chosen to continue living and doing everything we always wanted to do and have a bucket list, and both very aware one of us will go down this road again!...that's scary indeed but not worth giving up on life and all the good times and memories that are built in a relationship...so yes it is indeed different for all of us and we will know what's proper for us when the time is right... NATS

Pam, Hello, I am hearing your story and you are indeed taking some turns in your journey, keep a positive outlook as much as you can at a time like this, the new grand baby gives new meaning to your life, I'm sure your angel Harv would want you to continue to forge ahead much as my Ruth did/does...I feel your pain, sorrow, and loss but as each day goes by you will learn to love Harv in a new way, and always remember he's only a prayer away... May God Bless NATS

Dwayne, You must listen...Pauline is saying I Love Each day with momories!...as we journey farther down this path you will understand it more...I hear Ruth at times still asking me like she did when she was on earth "You Know Who Loves You?" and I would respond "my babe does" and at times I'm standing by her Urn and memorial in the family room sobbing as I miss her, when I tell her "I miss you so much" I hear "I miss you to"...maybe it's longing for her, maybe it's the intense emptiness without her, maybe it's my imagination, but I feel it's my angel Ruth, I enjoy it and it comforts me that's really all that matters...but back to your observation about saying I love you, I here so many couples say the words but they sound so "routine" and lack meaning it sounds like they are just going thru the motions...I am in a new relationshhip and have fallen in love again, I never ever miss telling Brenda every chance I get just as I did Ruth how much I love her, sincerely taking the time is so important you are so correct... NATS

Dwayne, I am happy you are feeling some positive energy in this journey...and thank you for your offer I will remember, I extend the same to you my brother in God, it's this kind of bond, helping and supporting the world needs more of but the pace of life has taken these special times away, it's just a shame we all had to meet under these conditions, or is it??...our God creator knows the plan we are just his children going for the ride, it's apparent God's in control as none of would have ever chosen to take this journey....so I follow my heart as God leads the way and Ruth my angel gives me sutle little nudges...take care my friend... NATS

Dwayne you wrote...."I am fine and my blood pressure was 100 over 58. The nurse could not believe how calm I was after the accident. I just want to know when all of this will end. On the bright side, when they woke me up in recovery, I was dreaming about Pauline, she was healthy and happy. So I know she was with me the whole time watching over me. I felt so good it is hard to put into words".Maybe like knowing you are touched by your own angel? Being protected by our own Saint? Knowing our spouses have only left earth?...Yes, Dwayne I can relate, not on the health aspect but with many of the same emotions concerning different aspects of life since Ruth left...we are blessed to have those moments and feelings some never feel that...that is one part of the whole loss and grieving process I'm starting to understand, Ruth is still with me in many ways and will never leave me...the same goes for you and your Angel Pauline... NATS

Mary, I wish you well, being sick on top of this journey must be indeed challenging, keep us updated as you can regarding how you are doing....I pray you are well soon... NATS

Cheryl, This is positive energy I'm happy to hear you have discovered, I myself can go days without crying and then some days the tears just flow but it's OK, now most of the time they are happy tears of remembering happy times with Ruth, and I still get the "missing her" tears but I have fully accepted they will always be present...and even in my new relationship I am finding I feel some of Brenda's grief as she does mine as well, and we both cry as needed, as we are truely traveling down the same road, we are just riding together.... NATS

Hello All, I'm thankful for a very good weekend I had, went to the beach and enjoyed the beauty of the sounds, waves, and sights of one of most peaceful place's I've become to notice....after the day on the beach had some good seafood and relaxed....on a crazy schedule work tomorrow then another day off, it will be catch up and relax day.... NATS

Becky, I think Forward myself, I find great pleasure in helping others, I feel that is part of my mission, I have learned much from/on my journey and if I can help, share or comfort someone I'm first in line... NATS

Hello Mary, I sure can relate to your feelings and frustration, even as I move forward with such positive energy some days I have to kick myself into gear as one of those waves hits me from behind and knocks be down, but I get up, dry myself off and move on sometimes at a slower pace but I do...I have one of those jobs in Retail where I see a lot of unhappy people and the amount of couples that seem to be in total misery causes me to just shake my head, I wish this on no one but if they could spend 5 minutes in our shoes I'm positive they would have an attitude change...keep your head up, this is a new day, try and find a comfort zone and let yesterday pass.... NATS

Hello All, I am thankful for another week and the start of a new one....I have been having some good times laughing and smiling again it feels good...I am truely grateful and blessed...my sweet Ruth is happy I'm sure with all I have accomplished this last year and a half... NATS

PBJB, I have been following and decided to comment...I truely believe in our spirit lives on after physical death of our bodies, this for me has been reinforced by my contact with Ruth my wife, I have had the touching of an angel in her, my faith is strong and I refuse to let this grief control me, along with God's and her spirit I am continuing on with my purpose, we all question many things we can not control and it changes our lives but we must adapt as our mission is not complete, many of us never even consider that being here for all of us is part of that mission as we are all helping each other! Each of us will take our paths where ever they may lead and as we do the hurt will change but we must want to find the answers we seek before we can continue...may you find the answers you seek... NATS