enna

Dear Marita, When you come here you are not complaining ~ you are sharing your pain with those of us who do understand. Grief has no agenda and we are here to listen. If you need a "mental vacation" ~ take it. Sometimes we do need to just leave everything and spend some time with ourselves. There is nothing wrong with a glass of wine. My favorite is a good cabernet. My Jim and I used to sit on our patio in the evening and watch the stars. I miss that. I still enjoy my cabernet. This grief takes a toll on us. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who is looking back at me. I am learning how to listen for that is one thing I can do because I sure as heck don't know how someone else is feeling. This is a good place to be because those who come here sure do know how it is. Anne

This is an excellent article, Ana. Thank you for finding it. Grief sure is not pleasurable! I have shared it with many I know. Anne

There is something you can do when someone is grieving. https://themighty.com/2016/12/what-to-say-to-someone-whos-grieving/

A pdf resource sent out by Peggy Haymes from her webinar 'If I Love Jesus Why Do I Need Xanax?' More concise than my notes and worth the read and even a download. Jesus-and-Xanax-2.0.pdf

Great picture you two. Follow your dreams, George. I love your plane, Steve. Anne

Dear Martha Jane, I am not a new widow but I do want you to know how very sorry I am for the loss of your husband of 57 years. The journey of those last weeks must have been so difficult for you and your children. I cannot imagine your emotions during that time. You are doing what so many of us did those first months ~ sitting in a numb state not knowing what day it is or if we ate anything or even if we showered. This is normal when we are in the early stages of our grief. You need time to digest what has happened. There is no time limit for you right now. What you are doing is what you need to do. Your story just hurt me and I am so sorry for what you went through. I experienced some of what you described with my husband as he went through his last few weeks of life. He did not have the medical conditions you shared and I was so fortunate to have Hospice of the Valley in Arizona to help me. You will find people here who will wrap their arms around you and be here for you. Others will share their stories with you and assure you that you are not alone. Anne

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale I think when one loses someone they love (be it human or animal) they change. They are not the same. They will never be the same. How could they be? I don’t think it’s only because of a loss. I think it is because we are living beings and anything living, changes second by second by minute by minute, etc. So, when someone makes a comment about change it’s important for us to remember that change brings about growth. We only have to open our hearts and listen. Anyway, that’s what I think.

Yes.

The replay of Peggy Haymes' webinar If I Love Jesus Why Do I Need Xanax? will replay on January 19, at 2:00 PM EST. See the January 2nd link that Marty posted for free registration. I hope it works. I can't put the URL up because it shows my email!

Oh, Kay, I so agree with you about not being able to read the graphic above about the Two-Track Model of Bereavement. I added the original link above. Here is an article that is not new but very real to me. Loneliness is very real in widowhood. http://www.opentohope.com/lonely-not-powerful-enough-word-to-describe-widowhood/

Yes, Kay, I too find this thread very helpful. Here is a video on mindfulness that I found very interesting by Dr. Dan Siegel... http://allthingsmindful.org/free-keynote-dan-siegel?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=content_ads_dan&utm_medium=cpc

Here is the original post, Kay. I hope it makes reading easier. I couldn't read the graphic either!

http://widowersgrief.blogspot.com/2017/01/griefs-coloring-book.html

Webinar – if I love Jesus why do I need Xanax? by Peggy Haymes posted above by Marty on January 2 My notes – The slides are ready and well worth reading them over reading my notes. This is a pdf resource sent out by Peggy Haymes from her webinar 'If I Love Jesus Why Do I Need Xanax?' Jesus-and-Xanax-2.0.pdf

A meditation I come back to often. . .

Thank you, Harry, for sharing your words here. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Thanks for the link above, Marty, from Belleruth Naparstek. I find comfort in her words. We have been going through some troubling times and it is good to read what others have to say. For me, I find it hard to stay in the present moment because my mind seems to want to jump into the future! Worrying about the future will get me nowhere but it doesn't stop me from being concerned about my daughter and grandchildren. I wish there was a crystal ball that would show me that my family will be alright. I believe that my faith will have to step in here at some point.

Dear Butch, Tomorrow is the two-year mark without your Mary. I know your heart is hurting and I know that you have been deeply concerned with what has been going on with your family. You have been asked to carry many burdens that most of us may never understand. I want you to know that as a member of this forum for over five years you will not carry this sadness alone. We are here for you. Not to take this sadness from you but to let you know that you, my friend, are not alone. There are many who have been on this journey for a long time and others whose deep pain is too awful to even express right now. I go back with you from the time our Shannon died and I’m with you as your grandchild, Noah, is recovering from his traumatic brain injury from his bicycle accident. I know your Mary is with you. I know she helps you as you care for Caleb and Gracie as your son and daughter-in-law spend time with Noah. I am so happy that Noah will be coming home with around-the-clock nursing staff. I believe that your Mary has a very special part in this ~ healing takes all forms. Please take some time to yourself to remember your beloved Mary. Those of us here know all too well what it means to have our spouses somewhere where we are not ~ yet.