enna

I am closing this chapter of my journey. I so appreciate those who supported me and I will keep the posts open for anyone who may want to read them.

Yes, thank you, Steve, for putting into words what is often hard to do as we move through our grief. My idea is rather simple but I share it here ~ I like what you said about the tools we use as we mourn, Steve. I have found that the tools change as our grief does. I’ve also learned that we each move through our grief as we know how and not as someone directs us to. I have also learned that our grief will always be a part of us. How could it not? Whatever the definition we use depends on where we are in our grief. To me, the tools change as my grief changes. I have recently watched my youngest granddaughter eating her cheerios. Her little hands are her utensils as she reaches for whatever it is on her tray. As she gets older she will use a spoon or fork to eat. The tools change. It is the same when we are in grief. We start out reaching for whatever device will help us at the moment and as we do the work of grief we move on to other instruments. I guess the bottom line for me is that I’ll always be grieving but the tools I use change over the years. And as Marty says each tool box is unique.

I am so celebrating with you, Laura. How perfect this came around Father's Day. I believe your dad is walking right beside you.

It's so good to wake up to some positive news. Good for you Kay and Gin and everyone else who brings us good news during these rough times. I'm with Marg when it comes to seeing all the pictures we share. Let's all have a good weekend.

Listening...

As I continue to move forward on my journey I am taking another 'At-Home-Retreat' day ~ this is an opportunity for me to do something for me. I have been planning this for a few weeks now and decided that Thursday, the 15th will be the day I set aside the entire day to renew my soul. If interested in learning about my 'At-Home-Retreat' I have attached a PDF that I will be following. I am five years into my grief journey and I have found myself going down many different paths. It did not happen in the beginning but it is now. What seemed a dark and despairing time, in the beginning, is opening new hope for me today. The one thing that we learn on this grief journey is that it takes work. There is hope after loss. We are strong and resilient. Those early in their grief do not want to hear this right now but later you might want to know that after a storm comes a rainbow. I still journal today and always find something someone has written to encourage me to live the fullest I know how. AIL-Day-Long-Meditation-Retreats-At-Home-v1.0-1.pdf

This touched my soul tonight... THE SPIRIT OF THE HEAVENS by Joyce Marie SheldonI am both the sound and the silenceI live in the roar of the ocean And the serenity of the placid lake I am the wisdom of the past And the hope of the future I am connected to all But stand alone and apart I am the music and the mindfulness I feel the pain of the lonely And the hunger of the poor I am the darkness of the night And the light of the dawn I am the cold of the winter And the warmth of the spring I am the breeze of the mountains And the dryness of the plains I am the breath of the newborn And the sighs of the dying I am the troubled and the carefree I am those who live with gold And those who live with need I am both the strong and the weak The hungry and the nourished I am those who walk alone And those who walk with many I am the words of a song And the movement of a dance I am the drummer The singer And player of the harp I am both the stranger and the friend Both the lover and the liar I am all men I am you I am Me I am everyone I AM

Your heart breaks. Again. Even though you didn’t know it could. It didn’t break in a new place but on top of the old break. A break on top of a crack. Which can no longer be contained. Your heart breaks into billions of pieces. Scattered everywhere. The pieces are small, tiny. Never to be back together again. When a heartbreak happens inside a heart that has not had time to heal from the previous break it hurts like hell. It hurts like birth does. It twists and moves like a tornado. The floor can’t even feel good. But you lay there. Waiting for the twists to stop. For this new break to go away. But it hurts too much for it to be denied. You dance with it. On the floor. With some wine. Vodka. And some junk food even. But let’s find a new way to mend, shall we? I am going to show you something. When the pieces are scattered so far away from each other your heart is no longer just a heart. It is a heart of a God. Have you ever spent time thinking about the heart of a God? It knows the worst pain. It knows pain from many lifetimes. It roars in the darkness from the memory of all the heartbreaks. And when it roars its sound brings back all the scattered pieces. Hovering in mid-air about to start the mending process. When all the pieces remember how to come back together, they do so in unison. They find their way back to their place. And the heart is back together again. This heart is not your typical heart. This heart can take a lot of dismantling and mending. Infinite amounts. It’s unbreakable. This is the heart you have inside of you now. It may feel like it is made of steel but it isn’t. It’s made of love. It’s made of all the love you felt and lost. It is made of pure roar. And the time will come when your heart will love again. But this time you will remember that nothing can break you. Dismantle you. Destroy you. And wine, vodka, and junk food can’t put you together. Because you have the heart of a God roaring inside your chest looking for love. Many times. For infinity. For all the loves it's lost and all the loves still to loseWith a roaring heart, Christina

You know me and chocolate, Marty. I can never get enough of it. I do like other desserts but chocolate stands alone.

Oh, I agree with what Marty is saying, Butch. Remember those trips you took to Florida? You stepped away to give yourself a chance to breathe. I cannot imagine how your heart is aching. You need to take care of your heart. We hear so often how important it is to care for ourselves first so we are better able to care for others. We continue to be here for you. Anne

Summertime Volunteering A little background so others understand – we have a volunteer organization here in my community that checks in on those who fill out a card saying that they are alone and would welcome visitors. If you wish to visit someone you find out what their number is and give them a call to set up a visit. I will always be mourning the loss of my beloved Jim and as I do I enter into yet another part of my journey. This summer I have decided to spend some time with a few of the people who live in my community by visiting them for an hour and a half. I chose this time because spending more time with them could tire them out. My first visit was with an eighty-eight-year young lady who has lived on her own for several years. She has no close relative here and most of the time she eats by herself even though she does get out and about occasionally to play cards and go out for lunch with friends. She no longer drives and has some health issues. I decided to bring lunch for this visit. It was a delightful time and from the beginning, we had no trouble finding things to talk about. With our summer temperatures getting into the 100s most of us stay indoors. Our visit was a success and we agreed on another visit. The value of this visit for me is reaching out to someone. It would be so easy to isolate myself in my home where I feel most comfortable. I need to make those choices and by doing it I feel much more satisfied with my life as it is today. When I returned to my home I felt good. My next visit will be with an elderly man who lost his wife a few years back. He says it is hard for him to socialize so ends up alone most days. He likes late morning visits so I will bring a homemade coffeecake and I’m sure we will have things to talk about. I am going to try to do these visits four times a month this summer – twice with each person if they want a second visit during the month. In July I plan on taking my neighbor to lunch at a close by restaurant. We have been doing this for a few years now. She is a sweet lady and is getting frail. Her husband is still living but she likes getting out with just the girls. She has battled cancer and won but it left her very weak for her tiny frame ~ she doesn’t weigh 95lbs but she is a feisty 86 years young. We laugh and eat too much and always have dessert. My granddaughter is walking now.

Thinking of both of you.

Your farewell letter to Maui is beautiful yet sad, Patty. I want to be one of the first to welcome you to our Phoenix area. I will be one of the first ones to bring my friends to your new location. As you deal with the sadness of leaving Maui know that there will be those of us here who are waiting to welcome you with open arms. Anne

A gentle reminder to all of us that what we have here on this forum is indeed unique ~ we continue to have a safe place to come to express our grief and receive the support that each one of us deserves. The feedback is solid and comes from the heart. Those of us who have participated in more than one of the threads know how important it is to know that no matter what our grief is at any given moment there is a safe and secure place for us to express our deepest sorrows. This forum is unique in that it is monitored by an expert in grief counseling and continues to do so without any ads. Please remember to push that donate button and give whatever you are able to give so that we can continue to keep this forum alive. This has and will continue to be a free forum for those who come here but it is also important to know that anything worthwhile has a cost. As a member of this forum for five years, I can tell you that the journey I have been on with the loss of so many who have touched my life gives me the strength I have needed to carry on. Not only do we have the support of a certified grief counselor but we also have the unique privilege of getting to know some pretty awesome people. We may feel alone when we first come here but after awhile we learn that we are among kindred spirits. The genuine care and love here are beyond words. The people who are here are the most caring and sensitive people I know. Thank you for any monetary support you are able to give. People from across our world have found their way here and it would be nice to continue to offer them a safe and caring place to come as they grieve the loss of a loved one. Sending love, Anne

My heart is heavy this morning. My grand dog, Fred, died late yesterday afternoon. My heart is broken. I have no words right now only tears.

Yes, dear Steve, tomorrow is tomorrow. Thank you for understanding. I do have so many days of joy and good memories. Those we have loved will always be with us.

Thank you to all those who remembered my Jim today. It was one of the hardest days I've had to go through ~ after five years you would think this is not so! Those of us who have lost loved ones will never forget them.

Being Grateful ~ nature ~ beauty ~ gratitude

Remembering May 25, 2012 Dear Self, WOW! I am still here. Proof that survival is possible after a great loss. Today marks five years since my beloved Jim died in my arms after a five-year battle with that dreadful disease called Alzheimer. Those first years were filled with doubt that I’d make it but never giving up erased the doubt and turned it into hope. Yes, today I have hope that I will continue to find good reasons to wake up every morning and be grateful to be alive. Alive to see the beauty in nature, alive to smell the flowers in my yard and smell the aromas coming from my kitchen, ears to hear birds active in the yard calling to each other as the sun rises and music to listen to that continues being a comfort to me. Touch has been my greatest comfort along this path. There is nothing better than hugging your children, grandchildren, and friends. I believe we can survive anything if we are able to touch. I did not always feel this way but today I do and that is enough for me. I believe that I am where I am today because of my determination to not allow grief to stop me from living a full life. This is what Jim would have wanted and because my love for him remains ever constant I make the choice to live fully. I share the video below with you because I believe that being grateful gives us the courage to carry on when we don’t think we can. Being Grateful

I believe what Marty says, Marg. So...

I am sure these ideas have been expressed somewhere on the forum but this is too good not to share. https://tealashes.com/2017/03/30/how-to-help-after-a-death/

It is not about how much we can do in a day.