enna

It really is one day at a time.

Oh, my dear one, you are so very raw in the loss of your dad. I am so sorry you did not have a chance to say good-bye to him. I know it must be so overwhelming for you to have to take care of the paperwork. You will have time to do the grieving you need to do when things settle. I can only imagine how very much you want to talk with your dad right now. Talk to him even though it is not how you want to talk to him. Later, when all the paperwork is over you will have time to grieve the way you need to. I hold you in my heart as you go through this painful time. Lean on us. We will be here for you. Later, you might want to find a good grief counselor to help you through this. How could you not be confused about what you are feeling. Anne

Hi Janka, Memories are always with us, aren't they? I love the video. Thank you for sharing this. Anne

12 posts for Mother's Day grief https://whatsyourgrief.com/12-posts-for-mothers-day-grief/?utm_content=bufferf83ff&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Thank you for your kind words, Marty. And Happy Mother's Day to you. I continue to appreciate all that you do here on our forum. You inspire me.

My Reflection on Mother’s Day 2017 Skipping all the commercialism of the day I’ve been reflecting on how my daughter is living the whole idea of Mother. From the time she was a little person, she showed a natural desire to give her little heart to caring for others. From her dolls and stuffed animals to our sweet brother/sister kittens she played for hours nurturing them as tenderly as a little one can. Tea parties, putting everyone to bed to reading stories she looked after them as her own. Her daddy spent more time listening to her stories about her day and drinking more water (in teacups) than was probably healthy for him. As a preschooler, she set up a school in her bedroom and spent time reading to her dolls and stuffed animals than any other child I knew. Even Smoky & Mickey sat listening to her as if they understood what she was saying. When her little friends visited she always took on the role of mom or teacher. Not to forget, she was also able to hold her own as she played football with all the boys in the neighborhood and no one could beat her in track & field activities. She is so smart. Listing all her accomplishments would only cause her to blush so this isn’t the place for that. As she grew up, she continued to show a nurturing ability and on the day she married and had my first grandchild I just knew she’d be the best mother she could be. She continues to be a super mommy to my now three grandchildren. They are thoughtful and loving just as she is and will no doubt be for the rest of their lives. I love my only daughter ~ my only child. I am so blessed to see her continue that quality of nurturing. Yes, I went through some trying times during her teenage years but we made it through together and today I am proud to be not only her mother but also her friend. Changes continue in my life and I am grateful for them all. What a journey I have been on. Somehow I know that her daddy is so proud of her.

Like others have said I am so glad Steve is supporting you during this trying time. I cannot imagine how you must be struggling. Hugs.

I love the fact that strong women can act on what is right for themselves. You are doing just that, Maryann. It is good to realize that if we keep our hearts open we will find what is right for us. As you have said your Mark is and always will be with you. I am happy for you. I am happy that you are keeping your heart open to whatever will bring you happiness. Anne

It is May already and I find myself focusing on what I’ll do during the summer months this year. There are two things I’m thinking about ~ one is to have my group over to complete our end-of-life papers and have a guided meditation with the theme Living in the Now. I have found that Eckhart Tolle seems to be speaking to me more. He emphasizes the importance of the NOW. I also think we will postpone our monthly meetings until September when the weather is not so HOT and the snowbirds are back. The other activity I’m thinking about is doing some volunteering this summer right here in our community. I live in an active adult community and being a member of Kare Bears for over ten years here I know there are people who are alone and they do not have family near nor can they get out and about during the 100+ degree temperatures. People here can call our Kare Bear organization and ask for someone to visit them a few hours a week. I have in the past taken someone out to lunch just to get her/him out of the house. I don’t pay for their lunch but I drive. In early grief, you do not see that there is a future to your life after a significant loss. It is hard to focus on just the most routine things but later you start to reenter life. I share these things because I know how hard it is to even think about a future.

Thank you, Mary Ann. I have used the peanut butter idea when Fred used to like it. I'll be happy to turn Fred over to his mom and dad tomorrow. I love him and I'll miss him when he is back home. I have not heard of pill pockets. Tonight I try the cheeseburger he liked so much yesterday.

Hello dear AB3, I hear the hurt in your writing and I am so sorry that this is so right now. I know it is hard for you. You don’t have to be strong right now ~ it is all right for you to have these thoughts. You are very early in your grief. You are good enough just as you are and I understand that you may not think so but you are. I hope you will give yourself permission to be just where you are right now. You have nothing to prove to anyone. There is no way you can be used to how your life is right now for you have had dreams shattered. I think you are struggling with thinking that you need to be “moving forward” but believe me, you will when it is the right time. If you need to take some time from this caring place do so but don’t be away for too long. It helps for us to share our thoughts with each other. There is always someone listening. I am listening and I send you a hug. Anne ps ~ as Gin said it is a hard journey and for some of us it still is but it changes and you will change when you are ready. I hope you have a good grief counselor to help you through these tough days. Talking with someone who understands grief will help you sort out your thoughts.

Change comes in many forms. . . I have removed this post because my granddog, Fred passed away this afternoon. My heart is broken.

Stupid Things People Say About Grief. . . http://widowersgrief.blogspot.com/

Karen, You are in my thoughts. I cannot imagine the pain you are in. You are right ~ it does not get any easier. Anne

Oh, what a treasure Mary Oliver is. I think I have all her books and I love her poetry. I have followed her for years. I like it when I find something that she reads to us. I cannot name one favorite poem because there are so many. One of the books I purchased was her Dog Songs. I love this book. It came at a time that my sweet Benji, a rescued Schipperke-poodle suffered seizures and his heart became too weak. I hated that he was only with me for less than a year. I am working my way through Upstream. I have not found a book group here that wants to discuss it. I do understand about health issues, Carol Ann. I have recovered from congestive heart failure and now work hard to keep my heart failure in check. Ill health is one of the challenges we deal with especially when we have lost someone so dear to us. It is hard to focus on caring for ourselves when we really don’t have the desire to go on after someone we love dies. But self-care is what we have to do. I think caring for ourselves is one of the gifts we give ourselves. Your health issues are many. I am sorry that you have the challenges you do. My heart aches for the new grievers for I know that their journey is just beginning. If they are here on this forum then I believe they have a chance to get through whatever loss they are going through. We heal together, don’t we? Anne

I like the quotes that you have at the end of your posts, Carol Ann. Sharon Salzberg is a favorite of mine. I am sorry that you are having health issues. You are right to say that this is a caring place. I continue to find loving kindness here. You are in my prayers and I send you hugs. I am a big fan of group hugs. Anne

KathrynLrene, I am so very sorry that you are going through the loss of your mom and so suddenly. You are in the very early time of grieving. It is understandable that you are in shock. You must allow yourself time to make sense of this loss yourself before you can support your dad, your brother, or your sister. I think that just being near those you love is enough for right now. Perhaps later you will be able to share what you are thinking with your family. Fear and anxiety are normal during this time. So many thoughts must be running around in your mind. Many people do try to express their condolences and often it may seem like they don’t care but actually they just may not know what to say. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Reading about parent loss might help as will seeking a good grief counselor to help you sort out all the feelings you are experiencing. Finding this place will offer listening ears and we assure you that we will be right here with you. Sending hugs to you during this most difficult time. Anne

Not sure where to post this one...I find myself changing almost daily. About our grief healing discussion groups website: As a member for only a few short years (2012 - 2017) I’d like to express what this site has meant to me as a grieving spouse along with the loss of family members, friends, and a very sweet Schipperke-poodle named Benji. We have heard that our grief is ours to carry but we never have to carry it alone. This has been true for me as well as for others who come to this safe and caring place. It has amazed me that even in our own grief we reach out to others to offer our support and love. I think we do not realize how important kind words are to those who are grieving but when someone reaches out to another person with kindness it somehow makes our sadness not so painful. To this day I get emotional when a complete stranger reaches out with kind words. I have found from the beginning many resources here that have helped me navigate the losses I personally experienced. I have gone from grieving (silent grief) to mourning (public grieving). What we do here is share our grief in a public setting and this is what I believe helps in our healing. There are other grief sites online but for me, this one provides many different threads that allow us to stay in one thread or move to others that address our specific needs. The resources provided are solid and checked for accuracy of information by a certified grief expert. We are fortunate to have someone who monitors this site so that it remains a safe place to come. My grief will always be mine and when I come here I receive the loving kindness that I deserve from both those who come here in grief and a moderator who gently guides us along this path that none of us have asked to be taking. I am sorry for the reason that brought you here but I am very glad that you have found this place. Some of us have been here for a while and others are new. We all bring our own pain but the one thing we have in common is the loving kindness each one of us has for the other.

If you haven't already tuned into Peggy Haymes' 30-day video challenges yet it is so worth the time. The video Marty mentioned above will direct you to them if you are interested. She is so down to earth and the free videos are available after the live broadcast. Her topics vary but each one is spot on. Just saying. . .

I believe writing (journaling) is a good tool to help us in our grief. DAILY MEDITATION Writing, Opening a Deep Well April 28 Photo courtesy of Judith Leckie Writing is not just jotting down ideas. Often we say: "I don't know what to write. I have no thoughts worth writing down." But much good writing emerges from the process of writing itself. As we simply sit down in front of a sheet of paper and start to express in words what is on our minds or in our hearts, new ideas emerge, ideas that can surprise us and lead us to inner places we hardly knew were there. One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.

Dear One, I am so very sorry that you have lost your soulmate. I love your picture with Brian. This is a journey that has no timetable. Remember to do only what is right for you. I understand about keeping possessions of our loved ones. We do with them what is right for each one of us. My beloved Jim died five years ago next month and I still have some of his things in drawers. There are items that I can't make decisions about even today. It is important to take care of yourself and it sounds like you are doing that. I hope you have someone to talk with if you feel the need. Your grief is very fresh so please take the time to do only what you feel is right at the time. The people who come here are caring and good listeners. I send you hugs. Anne

I am glad you are feeling more comfortable with your driving. I agree with you about pros and cons. I have struggled with "should I or shouldn't I" thoughts for a long while. When I do decide to do something that I would have shied away from after Jim died I am amazed how calm I become. I usually make a trip up to Sedona once a year during May ~ a place that Jim and I loved to spend time. The red rocks still take my breath away. I am thinking of driving up alone and spending a few days in reflection. This May will be five years since he has been gone. I hope you have your office back the way you like it. Keep 'DOIN' IT'

Oh Cookie, I’m so sorry you are dealing with the loss of your standard poodle, Ranger. For a pet lover, this is just devastating. You will see the light again but only when you are ready. My Schipperke - poodle, Benji, died a few years ago and I still miss him every day. Do you have a picture to share? Anne