KarenK

I can usually mention Ron or Debbie without tears now. After all, they've been gone for nearly 7 yrs. and 6 yrs. I decided to clean out some old stuff in the filing cabinet. I'm really good about keeping paperwork, maybe too good. I found an old folder marked "Report Cards". It was grade school stuff from Robert and Debbie. It took the wind right out of my sails seeing her name and remembering her as a little girl. I don't usually go there. It's so very sad and painful. I just broke down and cried.

Gwen, I posted during the night, but the website took a nosedive, so I'll try again. First things first.....Take a deep breath and relax(easier said, than done, right). You can and will handle the "what if's" if and when they occur. I'm sure the idea of returning home is scary. Ask your social worker, liason, etc. If they can arrange for someone to meet you there just to get settled in. You will most likely be tired. Make a grocery list now while you have time. One less thing to think of. Order online when you get home. Get that lock fixed. Get your girls home. Everything else, do at a pace you can handle. We are all pulling for you in this tug of war for life.

Gwen, I have not chimed in because I am just stunned(as you are) at this turn of events. I know what Kay is referring to, but cannot remember the name either. I have seen commercials for it. Perhaps your local Area Agency On Aging can be of help. They are supposed to help people stay in their homes with assistance. Are you working with a social worker? There has to someone out there to help you. Do not give up hope. Love ya, girl!

Dixiesdad, I'm so sorry you have lost precious Dixie. Often when we lose someone we love, our minds dwell on the "what if's" or "What more could I have done?" It sounds to me like you did everything possible for her, but her poor little body just said " Enough". Animals are very perceptive and I'm sure she knew you weren't trying to hurt her. Offering her paw may have been her way of saying goodbye. Perhaps she is with Joanie now. Who knows?

Mark, I'm so sorry that your beautiful Susie has been taken from you. Cancer is like a thief in the night taking our most precious. In 2013, it came for my husband of 40 years. A year later, it took my daughter. My life is forever changed. Although your soul is shattered, in time the pain will soften. Hopefully, only wonderful memories will remain. I have not had your faith in many years. I have lost too much. I envy you that. We will walk beside you on this journey through grief. It is long and treacherous, but not impossible. You are not alone.

Gwen, I remember having to ask my SIL to do my laundry for clean things when I was hospitalized in Ky. Embarrassing, as I didn't know him that well. Here he was grieving my daughter and having to help me. It was a very sad time filled with horrible memories. I did have a few visitors, my granddaughter and husband, grandson, ex and his wife, people from Debbie's church. That helped some, but I spent a lot of hours with tears running down my face while coughing my brains out. These people were basically strangers to me. I still felt so alone. I know part of it had to do with feeling so crappy. When I got out, I was on my own. I had refused their rehab offer, just wanted OUT. My SIL was working. I could slowly make it from the couch to the kitchen for soup and microwave dinners. Managed the stairs a few times for clean clothes, but slept on the couch downstairs with their little white terrier, Jack. Poor little guy kept looking for Debbie. In my heart, I was too. Enough about this. It's making me too sad. You are braver than I with a male aide. I might have showered with my clothes on. Funny how time changes us. I used to mow the lawn in my bikini. If I could do it now, it would probably be in sweats. lol When you go home, be prepared to move slower and take it easy. It took me many months to recover, but it left it's mark on me. You might consider having groceries and dog food delivered for a bit. Anything to make it easier on you. Were it not for my son, I would have been lost.

Gwen, So sorry you are in this lousy situation. At least they should provide a comfortable bed. Not an ideal place to try and recover. Hope you will be in the comfort of your own home very soon.

Gin, I'm so sorry for your loss and for what your poor brother is going through. I hope his daughters will be able to make living arrangements for him. I hope your son will take your advice and get proper care for his leg. Thinking of you.

Give me small peaks anyday. Well, not now,but way back when. Climbing so high that you need oxygen or free solo, I just don't get, but we're all different. We did have fun wilderness hiking or offroading to new places. Would probably still be offroading if I could afford the gas. How are you feeling, Gwen? Any improvement in the fluid situation or possibility of going home? Hope the snow is not too bad when you do leave.

I was perusing an article in the AARP newspaper which said that some scientists have determined that loneliness is now a disease which causes all sorts of maladies, both mental and physical. Duh! What was their first clue? I sure was in better health before Ron died. I probably took better care of myself. I had a reason to. My mental and physical energy have been zapped. Most days, my attitude is "Why bother". I don't think there is an instant fix for this "new" disease.

Gwen, I have been waiting for your update, hoping you were just busy resting. My heart hurts for you. You will ALWAYS matter. It took 8 days to diagnose my Aspergillus and forever to get any strength back. Maybe they have not given you enough time to heal or maybe it is time for a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Even with Aspergillus and COPD, I have never been put on oxygen. I have learned to live with the shortness of breath and dizziness. No more wilderness hiking for this girl. LOL I have never quit smoking which may get me in the end. I am not sure how you stay sane through all of this. I only know it is hell to get old and have to adapt to all these changes. I know you are horribly depressed, but I also know you have a strong will to live even if you do not feel it. You want to get back home and take care of your fur babies and your home. You can bet they miss you and wonder where you are. You are their Mom! Keeping you close to my heart. Love, Karen

Dogs are so funny. Our two know that when I remove my glasses, I'm either going to bed or to shower. They promptly trek down the hall into the bedroom and lay down. I call them my "shower guards".

Connor's Mom, I'm so very sorry. Your Connor looks so much like our Mickey that we had to let go when he was 14. Perhaps they have found each other in "Rainbow Heaven". He was my constant shadow. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. In time, I hope your pain will subside. Black Labs are such wonderful dogs.

Kay, I think it's priceless and very much "on the money" sometimes. Going from a productive person to feeling somewhat useless is a hard pill to swallow.

Kay, I'm so very sorry. Sometimes we just have to let them go. When Batman started going downhill, he would hide in various places and not come out when called. Then he started pooping next to the litter box instead of in it. I'm sure he was confused. I took him to the vet in the middle of the night as he was having trouble breathing and she said the kindest thing was to let him go. He was Ron's buddy. In the last photo I have of Ron(3 months before he died), they are together on the couch. So very sad. Thinking of you.........

Gwen, so sorry you are back in your favorite place...NOT...but glad they caught this early. Pneumonia is nothing to mess with! Glad you have your phone or tablet to talk to us. I know how lonely it must feel. I felt like I was on another planet when I was stuck in the hospital in Ky. Glad my SIL brought me his laptop to talk to you guys here. Kept me sane, sort of. Keep us posted. We love you.

Dee, I think you're right about Asian Pear. Sounds familiar. Time to drag out the old butterfly net and get that butterfly off that tree. Ooops! Ron grew up a coal miner's son in the W. Va. hills. Times were very hard and they hunted for survival. He loved to hunt and we always ate what was killed. No trophy hunting except for a HUGE set of elk antlers from one our son killed. He was a much better all around cook than I am. He enjoyed cooking and I don't. That being said Marg, I will try cooking apples. Already found a recipe online. What kind of apples do you use? For me Marg, talking about things like this is part of the healing process. It gives us a chance to remember our loved ones as they once were and maybe not shed a tear.

I have eaten deer, elk, javelina, and bear, none of which I would want a steady diet of. I could not bring myself to eat squirrel or dove, just too cute and tiny. Elk is the least wild tasting. Bear is greasy. I was married to a hunter. I wish I had teeth that could eat apples. Some of them sound very good. We used to get some kind of Japanese fruit that was like an Apple/Pear, sort of a brown color. Very good, but expensive. Would only buy a couple. Can't remember the name, but got them at Fry's(which is Kroeger).

Dearest Katie, It is nice to hear from you. No need to apologize for not posting. You are busy trying to live this "new" life you have been thrust into. I understand about leaving people behind. It's as if you are watching them recede in the rear view mirror all the while knowing you must continue forward. I hope one day soon you will be able to see the sunshine again. Peace to you.

Kay, carry a big purse and plop Kodie in it. It seems to be the fashionable thing to do. LOL

Ana, so sorry to hear about your father and all the stress you are having. And, Kay, your poor daughter. I hope this guy just gets on down the road. How very unfeeling he is. My Xmas went well. Just spent the day watching some really dumb movies on the free channel. Just another day in paradise. LOL My son got me this Kindle as I read so much. Will take a lot of getting used to as I do not even use a cell phone, much less a smartphone. Technology rules, I guess.

Kay, you quoted something I said on Sunday afternoon when we were discussing looking for a new companion. Just thought I'd let you know where you saw it.

Wishing peace for all of us during this holiday season. The guys, dogs and I will be having meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, and asparagus for Christmas. Not exactly traditional, but nothing is anymore.

Gwen, I've had a hard time adjusting to just being home all the time. My life consists of the grocery store, library, and Walmart. Every time I make a new piece of jewelry, I ask myself why. It's not like I'm going anywhere nice to wear it. It's just something to do to pass the time. Like you and Steve, Ron and I were always on the go. Not really far away trips, but always running off to New Mexico, Colorado, other parts of Arizona, and the cabin. We ate out most of the time. We'd do crazy things like seeing how many Goodwills or Big Lots we could hit in one day. Crazy, but fun for us. Maybe that's why I don't have friends. I'm too crazy for them. LOL Now, I go nowhere and it's really boring. I've never really been alone. Married at 16, a mother at 17, divorced and remarried at 25. I used to crave peace and quiet and time alone. Be careful what you wish for.

Kay, I sympathize. When our black lab, Mickey was a baby, his favorite thing was to chew the plaster on the edges of the walls. Go figure!