MartyT

Rosanne, dear ~ I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your father, and I can only imagine how difficult these past two years have been for you. At the same time, I'm pleased to know that you've found your way back here to us, because you know we won't let you travel this path alone . . .

Yousha, I too am pleased to learn of your plans to participate in a face-to-face support group ~ in addition to your membership in this warm and caring group, of course. Please know that it is never too late to do the work of mourning . . .

Gerald, dear, I am moved by the article you've shared and deeply sorry for your loss . I hope you'll spend some time reading some of the other posts in this forum, so you'll see that you are not alone in your grief and you'll learn that your thoughts and feelings are normal. When you feel ready to do so, please tell us more about your brother ~ what is special about him, the role you played in each other's lives and so on. You need to tell the details of your story, and we are more than willing to listen . . .

Elizabeth, dear ~ You may find the posts in this thread helpful: Not Sleeping, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2561

Dear Ones, I've just discovered a resource I want to share with you, courtesy of the blogger Fresh Widow (http://freshwidow.blogspot.com). She writes: Introducing My New (FREE) Product! The Widow Card! One night in my support group, S. said casually that he’d “left work early… I just pulled a widower card.” I thought about how often I’d done this in the months since LH died, but more about how I could make good use of some little advantage. All the handicaps I was living with… single (really, double) parenting, how impossible it was to go grocery shopping with a toddler, and how no one could see that anything was wrong. The side of me that is tempted to shoplift (but only cashmere or chocolate) was aroused. Read more here: http://freshwidow.blogspot.com/2009/01/int...duct-widow.html

Dear Ones, Please be aware of the following food recall from Nutro Products: Franklin, Tennessee (May 21, 2009) -- Today, Nutro Products announced a voluntary recall of select varieties of NUTRO® NATURAL CHOICE® COMPLETE CARE® Dry Cat Foods and NUTRO® MAX® Cat Dry Foods with "Best If Used By Dates" between May 12, 2010 and August 22, 2010. The cat food is being voluntarily recalled in the United States and ten additional countries. This recall is due to incorrect levels of zinc and potassium in our finished product resulting from a production error by a US-based premix supplier. Two mineral premixes were affected. One premix contained excessive levels of zinc and under-supplemented potassium. The second premix under-supplemented potassium. Both zinc and potassium are essential nutrients for cats and are added as nutritional supplements to NUTRO® dry cat food. This issue was identified during an audit of our documentation from the supplier. An extensive review confirmed that only these two premixes were affected. This recall does not affect any NUTRO® dog food products, wet dog or cat food, or dog and cat treats. Affected product was distributed to retail customers in all 50 states, as well as to customers in Canada, Mexico, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, and Israel. We are working with all of our distributors and retail customers, in both the US and internationally, to ensure that the recalled products are not on store shelves. These products should not be sold or distributed further. Consumers who have purchased affected product should immediately discontinue feeding the product to their cats, and switch to another product with a balanced nutritional profile. While we have received no consumer complaints related to this issue, cat owners should monitor their cat for symptoms, including a reduction in appetite or refusal of food, weight loss, vomiting or diarrhea. If your cat is experiencing health issues or is pregnant, please contact your veterinarian. Consumers who have purchased product affected by this voluntary recall should return it to their retailer for a full refund or exchange for another NUTRO® dry cat food product. Cat owners who have more questions about the recall should call 1-800-833-5330 between the hours 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM CST. Remember, this affects only NUTRO CAT food marked with the dates identified above. For more detailed product information, visit www.nutroproducts.com and click on "Dry Cat Food Voluntary Recall." Please direct any questions about the food to the 800# listed above.

If you've ever felt inclined to share your story ~ or to let Hospice of the Valley (HOV) know what you think of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups Web site ~ here is your opportunity to do so: From Hospice of the Valley's June 2009 ENews: Share Your Story Hospice of the Valley is about stories - stories of love, loss and healing. We would like to hear the story of you and your loved one's journey. A new interactive feature on our web site allows people in the community to tell us about their hospice experiences. Visit here to tell us yours: http://www.hov.org/submit_your_story.aspx

10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by Abel Keogh Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of guilt and betrayal for the person dating again. It can also bring out feelings of confusion and concern from friends, family, and those who were close to the deceased spouse. If you’ve lost a spouse and are looking to date again, here are 10 tips to make sure you’re able to successfully navigate the dating waters. Read on: http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-gr...ers-needs-edit/

Ideas for Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day Compiled by Kara L.C. Jones KotaPress Editor There are many bereaved parents who have contacted me over the last four years since my own son died. Many have found me through the MISS Foundation, some have been in touch after reading on our KotaPress website, others have approached me in person after a reading or presentation I’ve done along the way. But no matter what the circumstance, they have all told me that they are grateful for the idea that their parenthood continues after the death of their children. And in that vein, most are floored if they are remembered on Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day. Most are woefully ignored or neglected on these made-up-hallmark-holidays. And most suffer deeply from having their parenthood ignored on these flower-filled-chocolate-giving-serve-breakfast-in-bed days. With that in mind, I’m compiling the following list of ideas for partners, siblings, care givers, anyone-who-cares-about-the-well-being-of-the-bereaved-parent as a way to suggest what you might do to recognize the parenthood of ALL parents on Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. Read more here: http://kotapress.com/section_articles/holi...collabIdeas.htm

Shelley, dear ~ I cannot predict what will happen when you are reunited with Chelsea this weekend, but over the years I've had occasion to meet up with dogs I've had to relinquish for one reason or another, and every single one of them remembered me ~ no matter how long it had been since we'd been apart. Dogs are amazing creatures, and I don't think they ever forget the people who've loved them the most. Just get down to her eye level and begin talking to her, and I'm willing to bet that she will recognize you and shower you with puppy kisses. Go with a positive attitude and a heart filled with love, and I have a very strong feeling that Chelsea will know exactly who you are. Let us know how it goes, okay?

Yolanda, dear ~ I'm so sorry . . . My heart broke into little pieces as I read your touching and inspiring story ~ and thank you for sharing with us all those pictures of your precious little Princess. I've taken the liberty of adding a link to your blog on the Death of An Infant, Child or Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site. You'll find it here: Yolanda's Blog, Honoring Her Beautiful Princess D'Lon Grace, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-infant-c...-grandchild.htm

The Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember® was created as a symbolic way to show the love we carry for the children we mourn. Held on the final day of the national conference (August 9th this year) it starts at the host hotel of the conference. There is an air of excitement and anticipation as everyone gathers in preparation for the start of the Walk. Finally the Walk begins and people walk hand- in-hand meditating on a much different time in their lives. Since its inception in 2000, the Walk to Remember has taken on many distinctive facets. There is the main Walk to Remember where those attending the conference join with local bereaved families and others who fly in from across the country just for the Walk. As many as 1400 participate. Some go the full distance while others only walk a short way knowing that in participating, they are remembering. Special Walk to Remember T-shirts are given to all who register, as well as walk bibs where the names of the children being remembered can be written. In conjunction with the main walk, people across the country send in the names of the children for whom they grieve to be carried in the walk. These are printed on sheets of paper and carried by volunteers. More than 10,000 names are estimated to have been carried by those participating in a single Walk to Remember. The Walk to Remember is also used as a major fundraiser to help support the work of The Compassionate Friends. Others may participate in the Friends Asking Friends® virtual walk fundraiser where individuals, teams, and chapters register online and, using e-mail and other methods, raise monies that support the programs of The Compassionate Friends both on a national and chapter level. As much as $80,000 has been raised through the Friends Asking Friends program, which continues to grow every year as more and more participate. And finally, concurrent walks are held by Compassionate Friends chapters in many communities across the country. These are organized by the local chapters and can number as high as three or four hundred participants. For further information, visit the Walk to Remember page of the Compassionate Friends Web site.

Thanks to our friend Sandy Goodman, over the weekend I was notified of the following radio program, which I've just now had a chance to review. I now want to share it with any of you who may be interested. It's a nice opportunity to "meet" Allison Dubois (the inspiration behind NBC's hit show, MEDIUM) as she discusses her beliefs and experiences regarding after-death communication, life after death, and grief and loss. She is interviewed during the first 20 minutes of the program: Join Us for an interview with Allison Dubois on The Psychic and The Doc Radio Show Mrs. Dubois talks about her life as a medium, shares her experiences of communicating with the other side, and discusses her upcoming events and activities. From solving homicide cases in the District Attorney's office to touching the lives of families suffering from grief, she has a unique experience that will surely touch the heart and soul of radio listeners. Please join Mary Jo and her son Brett (the psychic and the doc) as they visit with Allison, online at www.thepsychicandthedoc.com

Dear Boo and ELHG, Just so you know, I've placed links to your blogs (Boo's Journey through Widowhood and My Widow's Walk) on the Death of a Spouse or Partner page of my Grief Healing Web site, and you'll find them listed here: http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-spouse-partner.htm

Dear Raki's Mom, I'm so sorry to learn of your baby's serious illness, and I certainly appreciate your concerns. Rest assured that we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers as you find your way through the difficult days ahead. I'm hoping you'll find the following articles helpful: Anticipatory Grief, http://www.griefhealing.com/article-anticipatory-grief.htm Thinking It Through: Exploring Questions about Euthanasia, http://www.griefhealing.com/article-explor...-euthanasia.htm See also the resources listed on this page of my Grief Healing Web site: Animal Hospice, http://www.griefhealing.com/animal-hospice.htm

Michelle, dear, Special days like this are difficult for all of us ~ but sometimes it helps to plan ahead just how we intend to manage them. Even if you don't plan anything at all, that is okay, too, as long as it's intentional on your part ~ just don't make the mistake of letting an anniversary day sneak up on you, by waiting until the day arrives to decide what you're going to do with it. There are lots of articles with very creative ideas "out there" ~ and below you'll find links to some of them: Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine's Day, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=2886 Coping with Holidays and Other Celebration Days, http://www.griefhealing.com/coping-with-ho...ys-articles.htm

Oh Mel, I'm so sorry we missed your birthday on Monday. Please accept our belated but sincere best wishes ~ and know that we're all still here to welcome you home.

Welcome home, Boo!

Hi Cricket, As Leeann said, this topic has come up many times in our forums, and I hope you'll find the following helpful: Posted by: Nathans_sister Mar 24 2008, 01:12 PM in Loss of a Sibling or Twin _ Did We Make The Right Choice? Here is what happened to my brother: On the last day of school he has gone over to a friend's house with his girlfriend and rode back with his girlfriend on the bike handle's. He came into the house and asked my dad to get some of his pain pills (my little brother's prescription pain pills) and told my dad to wake him up when dinner was ready. We knew that my little brother was hurting really bad by the look in his eyes. My little brother was not one to admit to pain. He was a healthy young man. He took weight lifting, lifetime sports, and autobody for his senior year. He was training with a marine recruiter (my little brother was the only one able to keep up with the marine recruiter, out of eight guys; they ran 5 miles stopping every quarter mile to do exercises). All he had to do was lose 25 pounds to be able to join the marines. My little brother was mainly muscle. When we went to wake him up we noticed that he would exhale and not breathe back in for 14 seconds. We just thought that he was congested up so we took turns sitting with him; we would count to 14 seconds then jar him to get him to breathe. This was about 6pm, and we couldn't get him to wake up no matter how hard we jarred him. Finally about midnight we couldn't get him to breathe so we called for ambulance, they took him to the hospital when we got there they were working on him and told us that they had to restart his heart a couple of times on the way to the hospital which is about 5 minutes away. About 1 in the morning the hospital tells us that they have to send him to Springfield, MO by helicopter. When we got to Springfield (we had to drive 2 hours) they told us that he might be brain dead, and that they had to restarted his heart several times. Finally he was admitted to the ICU. They had a respirator breathing for him. We sat with him as long as we were allowed. They told that they were going to do brain function tests a couple of times a day. The first one showed that he had brain function, the second one showed that his brain function had decreased some and that his brain was swelling. About that time the nurses started hounding my family about Organ Donation. I remember I got so angry because he was not dead and thinking that he could still recover, that miracles happen everyday. On Friday morning May 25 about 10 am the doctor had my family gather together and told all of us that my little brother was declared legally brain dead at 9:19 am and then told us that if we didn't do organ donation that his brain would swell and push down his spinal cord causing a massive heart attack. The nurses showed us where Nathan had signed up for organ donation at the national register in November. He never told us. After he was declared brain dead and organ donation was to be done it seemed like the nurses and doctors were doing more to keep his organs good then before he was declared brain dead. The head of the organ donor program asked my family to come into a little room, he had a piece of paper and started asking us which organs to use, could they use his tissues, his eyes, his bones and I remember thinking the doctors just told us that Nathan was gone and here these vultures were wanting to take pieces of him. One of the things I still can't wrap my mind around is that after he was declared brain dead I was sitting at his bedside and it looked like he was breathing and he felt warm to the touch. I know that it was because of the machines but it still looked like he was just sleeping. So my question is did we make the right choice? Posted by: MartyT Mar 24 2008, 04:07 PM Dear Sister, I wonder what responses you would get if you asked that same question of the people who were the recipients of your brother’s organs. I’m sure that, from their perspective and that of their family members, you certainly did “make the right choice.” I can think of no greater gift than that of organ donation, especially considering the tragic circumstances under which this precious gift was given by you and your family. I simply cannot imagine what it must have been like for you and your family to have found yourselves in the position you describe, and I certainly can understand why, months later, you are still questioning the wisdom of the god-like decision you all were required to make. I think it's only natural to question such awesome decisions. Nevertheless, as I read your tragic story, it seems to me that you were honoring your brother’s wishes as you all understood them to be, and you did exactly what he would have wanted you to do. Without excusing any insensitivity on the part of the organ donation staff, I also have to believe that the people involved in your brother’s case were legally, ethically and morally bound to adhere to a very strict protocol in making certain that your brother was dead before they harvested any organs and tissues from his body. I can only hope that, as you come to terms with this, you will give yourself the credit you deserve, and find some comfort in knowing that you helped your brother in this most selfless act of unmeasurable generosity. I am reminded of this beautiful poem by Robert N. Test: To Remember Me The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped. When that day comes, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives. Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or the love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk. If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man. Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever. You might also find these resources informative and helpful: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/organ-donation/FL00077 http://www.donatelife.net/StoriesOfHope/ http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/health/jan-...rgan_donor.html http://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/editoria...andonation.html http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-gr...-of-child-loss/ http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=24722

Phyllis, dear ~ you feel as if you've been hit by a tidal wave because that's exactly what has happened to you ~ and sometimes, all you can do is keep your head above the water and stay afloat. You can't be paddling all the time ~ sometimes it's enough just to ride the wave . . .

And we send our love back to you, dear Teny ~ our precious friend from far away. You are one of the reasons this is such a special place to be . . .

We wish you a safe journey, Mel ~ and let us know when you arrive . . .

Kath, dear, I'm so glad to learn that you had such a lovely birthday ~ and when you go to bed tonight, I wish you roses on your pillow.

Dear Susannah, I'm so very sorry to learn of the death of your beloved son, and I cannot begin to imagine the depth of your pain. I hope you will let the caring, compassionate people you'll find here wrap you in their embrace, and know that we will hold you in gentle thought and prayer, as you find your way through this most difficult journey of grief. You ask, "why don't I cry?" and I was reminded of an article that appeared on the Open to Hope Foundation Web site. It's written by Bob Baugher ~ a wonderful author who, among other things, is a Psychology Instructor at Highline Community College in Des Moines, Washington where he teaches courses in Psychology and Death Education. The article is entitled, Mother Whose Daughter Died: Why Can't I Cry?. Just click on the title and you'll go right to it.

Oh John, it's perfect, isn't it? The quotations you've chosen are wonderful . . .