kayc

I don't chew gum but that might be worth a try. Brad, have you tried playing other catchy songs to get it out of your head? Of course, then you'd be stuck with them... I'm sorry the cactus set you off yesterday. Even after all this time, a trigger can affect me, but most of the time it's not as bad as it was in the early years. I maybe only sob a couple times a year now but when I do, it's a good one!

Actually it is, in 1 Corinthians 10, but it is regarding temptation so not applicable in this situation. In fact, in 2 Corinthians 1:8 Paul tells the Corinthians “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself” ! Therefore, when someone hands you the platitude that God does not give us more than we can bear, you can hand it right back to them and tell them it's a misapplication in its usage. Further, and I don't think I'm stretching it here, if God WERE to say something like that to us, it would be to point us to HIM for strength and undergirding, not leave us hanging on our own in our despair.

My sister said Patty's death was in the paper two days ago, don't know how I missed it but I'll have to go back and find it.

I would say unless it's something that has been ongoing, it's situational and it takes time and grief work to get through it. I have felt low grade depression since my husband died 11 years ago and the doctor offered me antidepressants too, but like I told him, it's not going to change anything, it won't bring George back. I just work with it,, try to have things to look forward to, walk twice a day, eat healthy, in other words, do what I need to do to give myself the best possible outcome. As for the hormones, I didn't take Estrogen either because of the possible side effects, and I had no problem going through menopause. I was going through a divorce at the time so hardly noticed menopause!

Mitch, I didn't realize Patty Duke had died, I hadn't turned on the t.v. yet and my internet has been down all day, just got it back before dinner. I can understand how you feel about the toothbrush, although by now, in my journey, pretty much everything has been disturbed. It's all of those little things along the way, and they're hard to go through.

I think it helps to address whatever discussion you're having with them by saying, "I just can't (fill in the blank) right now. Perhaps in time, but just not now."

Music was a very big part of George and my relationship. We had so many "our songs"! It's still extremely hard for me to hear them. I rarely get out our wedding CD my son made for us, it was filled with our songs. Music is a very strong connection to the heart chords.

Yeah, I got that, Margaret. I was agreeing with you.

Are you getting rid of it totally or just moving it to a different room?

Margaret, I'd only be concerned if she's diabetic or has cancer. It was hard to get my mom to eat a tiny bite of food, but she'd drink stuff, so we got her Ensure. I had to call a halt to the dementia care facility feeding her milkshakes. I went round and round with them until she went to the hospital and the doctors wanted to know why her blood sugar was sky high (she was diabetic). I told them and somehow they got through to the dementia care facility and they said I had to bring in the ensure, they couldn't provide it. ??? But they could provide three meals a day for her that got thrown away? This is the bad side of institutions, no common sense. About your missing Billy more than others miss their spouse...I think ALL of us consider our loss the greatest because to US it is!

It's a good thing they don't realize some things but what a beautiful outfit!

George, I'm so glad you're feeling better and more energy! You must have stumbled on something really good!

Maryann, Happy Birthday! I started out older than George, but it hits me that I now look way older than we did when he died. That hits me when I look at our pictures.

Gwen, When George died I started sleeping in the recliner as the bed is just an empty reminder...so maybe you're doing the right thing by making it something different just for you.

Mitch, BEAUTIFUL picture of Tammy! I can see all that you love in her, in her beautiful smile and eyes.

Deniz, I'm sorry you lost your GF and on top of everything else you're going through, feel a disconnect with your friends. That's not uncommon in grief, our basis for relating to them is totally changed. As you say, you're still trying to figure yourself out. All I can say is, do what feels most comfortable for YOU. It's essential to put your needs first right now to aid yourself in healing, this has been quite a trauma. Those who care and understand will be around when you're ready. Those who aren't, well, there will be new friends that you can better relate to. It helps tremendously to get it off your chest by coming here and posting and knowing you are heard and understood. Even though our grief journeys are unique, there are a lot of commonalities too.

That must have been some nasty fall! You are doing as I like to do, using a hard spot from the past to remind yourself that you got through that...you'll get through this. I hope you enjoyed your day off today, fae!

My thoughts are with you tonight.

I am so sorry. Unfortunately, we can't always see everything, hindsight is easier, but we tried our best and gave our all, can't do much more than that.

You seem very articulate to me! I'm glad you have your faith, it does help.

I would have done the same thing...and handled it the same way.

Oh my, that is the hardest thing in the world to have to go through, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your husband feels it's a reflection on him, but it isn't, drugs can hit any family. It's not even a reflection on your son, the addiction is very strong. I have a sister and BIL with a gambling addiction. Addictions aren't common-sense based, they're urgency-driven. You are warning families here, and can continue to do so with anonymity and still respect your husband's decision. With it being the anniversary of finding out about his drug problem and approaching his birthday, I'm sure it's hitting you hard. It's good that you posted, I feel it helps me to voice my grief and what I went through. I'm sorry the grief support group isn't doing it for you. Have you gotten grief counseling? That's where I would start, they're trained to guide you through this. Meanwhile, it's okay to try different support groups until you find one you better click with.

I learned so much through my dementia journey with mom. It definitely pays to hang on to your sense of humor, you need it! Yet as hard as it was, I wish I could have her back, dementia and all. My mom had some loose screws to start with so it slipped up on us as well. Her mental illness made it difficult to recognize dementia when it started...until it got so pronounced there was no denying it! (Like forgetting to wear pants to the store).

I love it!

My mom had a couple of lucid moments in her Dementia. Example, my sisters hadn't been to see her much the last couple of years, and my mom was going fast. I called them and told them if they wanted to see her again, they'd better hurry. Even so, I had to practically force them, more for their sake than hers. Anyway, we walked in, and she was sitting up in her wheelchair, thrilled to be the center of attention, and entertaining us by singing Patsy Cline's "Crazy"! I didn't know she even knew it as she never sang or listened to anything but hymns. She rallied for that hour and that was the last time my sisters saw her. Of course she made a liar out of me, they never did see her when she was real bad, but that's okay, it was good they got to remember her like that. The next time I saw her she was like she was in a coma, her mouth open, not cognizant of anything, yet a couple of times she responded to me ever so slightly. I think she had one foot out the door, then she was gone.