kayc

He sounds like someone I wish I could have known.

Oh Patty, I'm sorry you had such a hard night! I remember those. I'm glad you have a therapist and counselor/friend to reach out to.

I think this is something for all of us to consider when posting...are we able to encourage and uplift each other in our posting & messages? What are we doing for ourselves to propel ourselves in our lives? Thought for today...

Oz, I hope he has a Harley with him where he is now and he can get on and go! I can feel his joy at riding!

Mitch, I think you should print and frame Maryann's post because it is what we all would like to say.

Ana, I am sorry you are feeling this way. But please understand you are dealing with compounded grief here...you are dealing with not only your BF's death, but being out of work, which in itself a difficult time to remain upbeat, and moving, any one of which would be more than enough to handle. Shortly after George died, I lost my job, my favorite job of my life, and it was the beginning of the recession. At that time they only gave us six months to find a job. With all my years' experience, I thought I'd have no problem getting a new job as I was willing to commute 100-120 miles/day to expand my area. Not so! It took me 5 1/2 months to get hired by the worst place I ever worked! I found it challenging to get the door slammed in my face every day and remain upbeat, so I started looking for work every other day and that day I would be hard at it for about 12 hours. On the other days I did check my email and respond to phone calls for interviews, but other than that, I took the day off to refresh myself. It isn't good to go into an interview looking downtrodden! It was way harder than any fulltime job I've ever had and I'd rather work any day than look for work, but I tried to look at it as an opportunity to try something new, the sky was the limit! Change doesn't come easy to me so I don't envy you moving. But then I've lived here for 39 years and have way too much "stuff" left from the days of when I had a family. I can't physically move the stuff without help and I don't have that, so I let it sit there. When I die my kids can deal with it and I have no doubt they'll do so in short order, they have more resources than I do and are much younger to tackle it with, esp. since they will have the incentive of being able to sell the place. Grief is ever evolving, it doesn't stay the same. I've found it to be very much like three steps forward, two steps backward, so overall it's moving in a progressive fashion, but when you're in the two steps backward phase, it can feel very much like it's getting worse. You may be in that place right now. Try not to compare it to anything, which is useless, but keep tackling today by putting one foot in front of the other and keeping going...that's the only way I know through this. My heart goes out to you, I know this is a very hard time right now. Try not to worry about how long it's been since he died because your natural inclination will be to compare yourself to where you think you SHOULD be on this journey and the truth is, there is no one size fits all. You are where you are. It matters not where you are in the scheme of things, but what you do with it. And you ARE keeping on trying! What more can one do?! I give you kudos for your willingness to try, your efforts moving, looking for work, letting yourself grieve as you need to. A grief counselor would be of great value to you right now as they can lend a fresh perspective to you and guidance on what they see needs to be worked on.

Good luck with it, George! I know it takes a lot more effort to try to treat the cause than it does to just put a bandaid over the symptoms, which much of our Rxs do...unfortunately they open a can of worms that cause a whole lot of other maladies.

sadsis, I'm sorry for your loss as well. Yes, it's hard going to work and putting on a professional demeanor. That's why it's all the more important to be able to let down when you're off work and grieve. I hope you, too, will seek grief counseling, so you can have someone who is trained to guide you through your grief. It helps to journal, to have someone to talk to about your feelings, and of course, coming here is a good outlet as well.

George, your post about writing in your journal was good and sound advice for us all. About the diet/treatment, have you looked into the Hallelujah diet? It was started by a doctor that says she healed herself from cancer by juicing and most of the diet is raw. There is a lady in my church that has been on it for years and swears by it. You can google it and read about it on line. I hope you get the job you're trying for! Keep us posted...

Yes, I wish I was a rich widow instead of a poor starving one, but I try to do what I can, which is all any of us can do. I don't think anyone need apologize for what they can't do, just all of us do what we can.

Polly, You need to be able to tell your story, it's too much too keep bottled up inside. Your poor husband...and you too, went through so much! When someone falls for no apparent reason the first thing that comes to my mind is possibly cancer because that is what happened to my MIL. Doctors need to look for a reason for things. I wish you could have had a happy birthday. I also know the likelihood of that at this point is low...l cried myself to sleep my first birthday without George, it was such a stark contrast to our life together. We're here for you as you walk this journey.

This place saved my bacon, is it any wonder I want nothing more than to be there for others going through this? If nothing else, it lets what I've been through count for something good.

About the griefbursts...if it's of any consolation, yes they do get lesser in occurrence. I hope it helps you to know that. It takes a long time for our minds to fully comprehend all these changes, but once it does, it hits less often. They can and do still hit though, just with less frequency.

Looking at her precious little lips, shaped like rosebuds, and thinking about her holding her grampy's finger. She is a precious gift and we're all rooting for her!

I was just talking to Mitch about this very thing...I told him I always had in the back of my mind that someday I will lose my dog/. And yet, I enjoy each and every moment I have with him and appreciate him so much! It's about staying in the moment and trying not to worry about what may come someday, enjoying this moment fully. To do anything less is to lose some of the good of this moment, which you can never get back again. Someday I will lose my dog and I will have to deal with that loss then. It will hurt like hell, I will miss him more than I can say, but to let that stop me from enjoying any of today out of fear would be to severely limit my life, and I don't want to do that. We all know what we can handle and when we're ready, but I don't want fear to deprive me out of one ounce of joy!

Instead of thinking of yourself as failing at it, think of it as needing practice. Every time you start to go into the future, try bringing yourself back into today. It took me a little practice too!

Okay, here goes! And she's over thee pounds again!

Bill, I like how you say was/is, because it's a reminder that they still ARE! It's comforting knowing they're existing, just not like they once were in our lives, but our love continues, even death is not enough to separate us. Maryann, it's good to see how so many of you are beginning to adapt, even if that only means it isn't quite as painful all of the time.

I love my kids with all my heart and could never do anything to hurt them, but they aren't in my life much. It may be a force keeping me from checking out, but it definitely doesn't fill the void. I get more from my animals, they interact with me every day, I can cuddle with them, they keep me busy. My kids don't need me, so I envy you that, Wolfskat.

Also, try to give yourself something to look forward to, even if small. It helps.

And as I like to say, three steps forward, two steps backward is in an overal progressive fashion, so don't be unduly concerned about seemingly setbacks.

I don't think it's morbid at all to not only want to escape the pain we've been through, but also still be together. Makes sense to me!

It sounds like things are shaping up for you, Margaret. I wish you well in your new place.

I also am glad George wasn't the one left behind. As hard as it's been for me, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially him! And of course if we'd gone together it would have been really hard on the kids. One of the last things he made me promise to get a stress test, so I guess he wanted me to live, probably for the kids' sakes.

Oh Oz, I'm so sorry! It's so unfair! I'm sorry for what your brother went through and for how fast it went. It sounds like he lived a good life while he had the chance, and I'm glad he got to enjoy some of his retirement before this hit. He might have told you to deal with it and move on, but you're the one going through it, not him and he couldn't have known how hard it'd be to live without him. I hope you feel free to continue coming here and posting, sometimes it just really helps to let it out in a safe place and this is definitely a place you'll be heard and understood. I also hope you'll consider seeing a grief counselor.