kayc

T2, I hope the counseling helps. Your mom is really going through it, I hope she gets the needed relief soon. I'm glad you have help from the family.

This is Butch's granddaughter we're praying for, and no, no changes/updates as yet. She's hanging in there though.

You see, that's where I differ with some, I do not think there was some grand reason "why" George was taken from me. I do not think it's my fault, or his. I do not think it's fate. I think it just "is". Some are luckier than others. We knew each other 6 1/2 years, and we are soulmates, I never felt that way about anyone else, nor did he. We were meant to be together, but I don't feel in any sense of the world we were meant to be ripped apart or cut short. Same as some are born rich, some poor, some healthy, some sick, it's luck of the draw. I don't think any of us here deserved what we got. But oh thank God we got to know the one we love and at least got some time together!

That is very nice, Marty. My dad passed in 1982, and I still think of him, 34 years since.

It's been 1 1/2 years since my mom died and most of the time I'm okay but there are those times it hits, like her birthday, Mother's Day, holidays, or just sometimes I want to call her or go see her. I think those are the rest-of-my-life times.

For you George, Bizarro 3/26/16

Frank & Ernest 3/26/16

Mitch, you and I just didn't get good ones (grief counselors) but I wholeheartedly believe in the help they provide...had I been in a city with some to choose from, I would have found another one but I was unable to travel 100+ miles for one.

Nine months, in my perspective now, IS early days. It takes so long to even absorb what has happened, let alone figure out "what now". George and I were only married 3 years 8 months, after it took a lifetime to find each other, and it seemed like we just got our life put together, only to undo it all again?! Very unfair! I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him!

I think it's common in the earlier part of this journey to feel like we're waiting for them to come back or to wake up from a bad dream...now I feel like I'm waiting to be with him again. Meanwhile I live as best as I can but something is still missing...him.

Stephen, I'm sorry...I did read about it in the paper yesterday. 2 missing after plane goes down in Columbia River The Associated Press ASTORIA — A former county commissioner from Washington state is missing after his plane crashed while trying to help a woman scatter the ashes of her deceased husband. U.S. Coast Guard officials said the search for John McKibbin and a passenger was suspended Thursday afternoon. Crews searched for more than 12 hours on Wednesday and Thursday. McKibbin was last seen Wednesday afternoon when he and family friend Irene Mustain took off in an antique plane from Pearson Field in Vancouver, Wash., The Columbian newspaper reported. The U.S. Coast Guard soon got reports of a plane crashing in the Columbia River near Astoria. Deputies found oil in the water Thursday, Clatsop County Sheriff Tom Bergin said. Bergin confirmed the pilot was McKibbin, a former county commissioner in Clark County. McKibbin and Mustain were heading to the mouth of the Columbia River to scatter the ashes of the woman’s deceased husband, said George Welsh, a friend of McKibbin. McKibbin was flying a North American AT-6 aircraft, said Welsh. The twoseater aircraft, silver with red on its nose and tail, is frequently displayed at Pearson and has been flown to honor military veterans. McKibbin, 69, served two terms as a state representative before he was elected to the county commission in 1978 The Register Guard 3/25/16

Kevin, that is so true, and especially for those of us who have suffered loss and carry it with us the rest of our lives. It is desirable to find and appreciate joy at whatever level, sometime or sometimes in the life we have left, and thus it coexists. For me that joy exists in my animals and in my granddaughter, in my sisters and kids, even though I don't see them as often as I'd like. To me, joy is in seeing elk and deer. Lately I've been able to see a lot of young calves running and playing, and they are adorable! I love nature and getting to see wild turkeys, rabbits, etc. is special to me. I love the sunrise and seeing the trees silhouetted dark against the backdrop of the sky. This is what feeds my soul...nature and animals. George and I were alike in this way and enjoyed sharing nature together.

I know, I'm sorry...it feels like too much, doesn't it. If you want to talk about it, I'm here...

joie de vi·vre ˌZHwä də ˈvēvrə/ noun exuberant enjoyment of life.

Very beautiful! Reminds me of my Whippet, Lucky who passed November 19, 2008. There was a Greyhound Rescue just down the street from me for many years. They're beautiful, wonderful dogs. I like your name for him!

George knew and shared what I felt about family, holidays, traditions, gatherings. He came from a big family (11 kids) and we loved and valued the kids coming home for the holidays. Of course, as they get older they marry and have their own traditions, as they should. But I was ill prepared for being left totally alone holiday after holiday. My daughter lives an hour away and only comes here at Christmas and has not invited me to her place in 16 years. My son used to come here but no longer does and hasn't invited me for the holidays in a long time, he is 2 1/2 hours from here. It's a stark contrast to the life I used to have, that's all I was saying...I miss it.

I guess I think some things are fate but not others. I think George and I were meant to be together. But I do not think his dying was "meant to be". We have free will and we choose what to eat, how we exercise, whether or not we smoke or drink and as such are able to affect our outcomes to some degree. But on the other hand, we're dealt different hands and we can only play the one we get the best we can...genetics factors in and perhaps luck does too. I don't think there's any great reason George "had to die", in fact, I don't think he "had" to at all! I think if the doctor would have sent him to a cardiologist when he first complained of symptoms instead of playing God and thinking he knew everything (obviously he didn't) that perhaps George would still be here with me. I don't worry unduly about what could have been, I've long ago accepted what is, but neither do I think that fate willed him to die when he did. Just my 2 cents for the 2 cents it's worth!

Brad, I had to laugh because I didn't expect that and because I can relate!

RR, You say you're doing all of that and it doesn't seem to be helping. I suggest to you that just perhaps it's because you ARE going through the grieving process and there's no way around it, but straight through it, pain and all. We can't circumvent the pain or tears, but we do get through it...eventually. Hold onto that hope. Joy is coming, we just don't know how long it'll take getting there, but be sure and keep your eye out for it so you see it when it arrives! (((hugs)))

Oh Hon, my heart just goes out to you, because I know under the circumstances I would surely be feeling the same way, my dog also has separation anxiety and his anxiety comes out at the vets, esp. when they're doing something weird to him that he doesn't understand (which is most of the time he goes to a vet), he does fine with his shots. It's hard saying what would have been, could have been, because it wasn't. That said, I think as sick as your dog was, you did the right thing taking and leaving him in the care of those trained to deal with these things, yet I also realize that you would have preferred to spend his last two day/nights with him, had you only known they'd be his last. Marty's suggestion of writing to Kura is a good one. I think Kura knew you loved him and wanted the best for him and knew that you left him there to get help for him. My dog has been intuitive about knowing these things, it's part of the intuition built with the trust bond between "mom & dog". I also hope, when you are able, that you schedule some time with the vet to air your concerns and so they can explain their decisions to you. If their response sounds lame, you might consider reporting the situation to the veterinary board in charge of licensing. No one wants anyone to go through what they've experienced if it can be helped. Do not worry about the length of your posts, you have a lot on your heart and mind and that's what we're here for, to listen and hear you.

I want to add, too, that I think now is not the time to worry about what will become of your marriage. It's hard to make good decisions when you're steeped in grief, I hope you can leave that an open question for tomorrow, not today, and know it will work itself out one way or another. There is much that needs to be done to bridge the gap, that is for sure, and I don't see that happening without professional grief support for the whole family. I hope you'll make an appt. today so that you can at least begin to have a glimmer of hope for working through this together. My best to you and your family.

Easter has always meant a lot to me, perhaps that's why I chose to ignore the one after George died. I am feeling like that again. My kids won't be coming here, nor have I been invited to their place, I really don't have the $ to spare for gas anyway. I can't afford to buy a ham & trimmings, all my grocery $ is going towards feeding my Arlie. It's day by day anymore. I know Easter isn't totally about family and food, or even get togethers, I know the religious meaning and for that I am truly grateful. However, it's hard to focus when your life seems so bereft of family ties and caring people. I don't understand how it's come to this. I used to have a family to take care of. I remember having the whole family for Easter, all of the talk and laughter and everyone eating, cooking until I'm exhausted. Where did it all go?

Ana, I'm also so sorry you have to move. I know it surely feels like one more hurdle instead of the opportunity which you seek. I hope you find a job soon to at least put your mind to rest about your monetary situation. I'm glad you'll be with your brother.

Oh so true.

grandmajess, I read your story and I'm in tears. I am so sorry you lost your baby granddaughter, sorry for you, your daughter, your children. I don't know what's going on with your husband, but I hope you can get some family grief counseling. It sounds like it'd take a professional to get through to him, I do know everyone handles grief differently and for him it sounds like he thinks life should go on "business as usual". Some do respond like that, I know it feels unfeeling. I hope professional help will help bridge the gap between you. I'm glad you and your daughter were able to get away and I'm sure she will always remember it. I hope she is able to lay her doubts and feelings of guilt to rest. Sometimes we feel guilt when we have nothing to feel guilt about, perhaps we just don't have any answers so our minds search everywhere for any possibilities. Perhaps once the death certificate is final she will stop blaming herself. I know things like leasing a car seem trivial when you're in the middle of life altering events, it's hard to care about mundane things like that when your life has forever become "before and after" this event. Your little grandbaby was loved more than any words can say. The baby's father isn't deserving of any words or assessment, he's a non-person in this child's life. That someone would try to capitalize on a baby's death when they weren't even in their life is beyond comprehension. Karma will come visit him, I'm sure, he's not worthy your second thought. My heartfelt prayers go out to you, your daughter, and family. I do hope you'll feel free to continue coming here and posting as you feel the need.