I found her...

[Frussell918]

Not sure where to begin. Two and a half months ago everything changed.

I kissed her on the forehead, told her I love you and said I will see you in the morning.

Her alarm went off, she had a procedure 2 weeks earlier and had to sleep in a recliner. I lis tend for her to turn off the alarm aND it kept going. Not out of the ordinary, sometimes she would sleep through it.

I waited for about 6 minutes 5:41 am and got up. My first thought was I'm losing 20 minutes of sleep. She was always up before me.

I walked into the living room and said Deb, no answer. I turned on the light, and tried to wake her, no response.  I called me 19 year old daughter, who was sleeping and told her to call 911. I placed my wife on the floor and started CPR, nothing. I knew she was gone.

Eregency personnel showed up, tookus to the hospital where they pronounced her. 

I feel like I am the only that is in this situation. I'm not sure how I can related this to anyone. She is a 6 year breast cancer survivor, why did this happen?

I feel like I'm complaining when I talk about this or even write about it like I am right now.

I love her more than words can say. We talked everyday for 25 years. Never missed a day and it is so hard.

My apologies for rambling, especially after not knowing where to start. 

[MartyT]

My friend, no apologies are needed. I assure you that you are not the only one that is in this situation, and you're most certainly NOT "complaining" when you talk about this. I am so very sorry to learn of the sudden, unexpected death of your beloved ~ and grateful that you have found your way to this warm and caring place. We welcome you with open arms and caring hearts. 

[Brad]

Frussell - I am so sorry for what you are going through.  My wife of thirty-seven years died on July 29, 2015 after a seventeen month battle with lung cancer.  Ten weeks is such a short time and yet I'm certain for you and your daughter it feels like a life time ago.  Trust me, you are not complaining.  The most important person of your life is no longer by your side.  You spent twenty-five years together.  If you haven't already, you may want to find a good grief counselor.  You are also making huge strides by finding your way here.  I hope you find the compassion, love and support I have found.  This journey you are on is a continual struggle and you will soon discover that you are definitely not alone.  Everyone here has lost someone very important to them.  Welcome to the forum and again, I am so sorry you have reason to be here.

[kayc]

Frussell,

I am so sorry, we know that all too well, those moments tend to haunt us as they are indelibly etched in our brains.  Those early days of shock we will never forget, it's the hardest thing I've had to process in my life!

Yes, as Brad has said, it would be well worth finding a good grief counselor, someone who can help your find your way through this maze of grief, for when we enter it, we haven't a clue how to do this or where to start.

I'm glad you have a daughter.  I'm also glad you found this place.  I've been here since right after my husband died, it has been my saving grace.  It helps to express yourself, to know you are not alone, that there are others who've traversed this path.  Your journey will be unique, but it will also bear many similarities to our experiences.  We welcome you and hope you will come back as often as you feel the need.

[Marie Lee]

Frussell...I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Deb....many hugs to you and your family.

We are all grieving, and miss our loved ones very much...you have many friends here.

Sometimes the pain can feel like it takes my breath away as I try to figure out how to go on without Kev..I lost him in June;

November 12, will be 5 months. In someways it seems like yesterday and then other times,a lifetime ago, so much is changing...

 

Prayers-

Take care, Marie

[R.Everit55]

Frussell I'm so very sorry for the loss of your wife.  You've found a great compassionate place to lay your heart out.  We've all our the loves of our lives.  You are not alone.  I'm sending prayers for peace to you.  

Butch

[Margm]

You started exactly where you needed to.  You said exactly what you were supposed to say.  I always feel my Billy led me to this place after only three days.  I can remember being in shock at the hospital.  I was not going to let him die.  I was going to have a miracle.  Somehow or other, at 7:30 a.m. on October 17, 2015, I stopped playing God.  I learned I was not in control and now over a year later, I am still not in control.  But, I did learn to not scream into pillows so no one would hear me.  That just hurt my head.  My heart hurt enough, and I tried the screaming twice.  Neither time did it bring him back.  I cried until I could not breathe, and what a peaceful feeling that not breathing was, but I did finally breathe.  There are no set patterns.  There are no rules.  They are gone and we cannot bring them back.  But, they are us and we are them, so even if we cannot see them, we carry them with  us.  I still talk to Billy all the time.  I do it more now when there are not people around.  I think I might put that thing on that looks like I am talking into a phone that is not hand held.  So many things, so many times we want to tell them something.  Well, I still tell that shaggy haired, shaggy bearded lanky old man of mine, I still tell him everything.  I think he is happy I learned to quit fussing with our daughter.  I wish he could have seen it a few years ago instead of waiting this long.  

So, you go ahead, come on here, and you ramble all you want to.  This is the only place that has kept me sane and that is up for grabs too.  But, that was what Billy liked, he liked me being crazy and I am not going to change.  You really don't even have to make much sense, I know I very seldom do.  

I cannot say welcome, because that is not really appropriate.  But, you will find we all are in different stages of pain, sometimes worse than other times.  You are understood here.

[Frussell918]

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm glad I found you.

[Gin]

Frussell,

So sorry you had to go thru all that.  Glad you found us and know you will benefit from all the kindness and understanding from all the folks here.

Gin

 

[rdownes]

Frussel, I feel your pain I lost my husband of 26 years in May it is a life none of us expected or asked for yet here we are without our other half feeling lonely,empty not knowing how we are going to go on, some days the pain is just so overwhelming to be honest we will never know why it was their time to go that is one question we will never get an answer to, honestly knowing why would not ease the pain they would still be gone, you are in no way complaining when you share you thoughts, feelings or talk about your Deb, we all understand what you are feeling everyone is going through this grief journey it is very hard, you will find nothing but open arms and hearts here we all would no wish anyone to feel this pain sometimes it feels like a living nightmare but we are all trying to find our sense of comfort and peace it will be a long hard road but I feel that in the end with their love in our hearts we will find our way. Take it slow one breath at a time if need be and know you are never alone hugs..  Robin

[iPraiseHim]

15 hours ago, Frussell918 said:

Not sure where to begin. Two and a half months ago everything changed.

I kissed her on the forehead, told her I love you and said I will see you in the morning.

......

I walked into the living room .....

I feel like I am the only that is in this situation. I'm not sure how I can relate this to anyone. ...

I love her more than words can say. We talked everyday for 25 years. Never missed a day and it is so hard.

My apologies for rambling, especially after not knowing where to start. 

Oh, I remember that fateful day, February 16, 2015.  My wife also slept in the living room.  I attended to her that morning before I left home to work for the day.  When I came home , I found her lifeless body in the living room.  I was in such complete and utter shock.  I felt like I was the only that went through this type of situation. We were together and inseparable for almost 26 years.  I searched the internet for several weeks until I came upon this group of loving and caring people.  I thought I was crazy and alone.  Your sharing here helps you in sharing your story of the wonderful love you both shared.  It helped me to get the thoughts out of my head and shared here or in a journal I write to my wife that I continue to this day. 

Marty T, has some great resources and the people on here share what works for them.  We grieve deeply because we love deeply and grief is another expression of love. As you are able, please continue to share, learn, and grow with us.  This sanctuary is special in that it allows each of us to share our concerns, cares, feelings, and grief in a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere. Welcome to our group that none of us volunteered for and yet helps each of us as we traverse this pathway of grief and learn how to breathe, live, move, and grow.  - Shalom,  George 

[Marie Lee]

Journaling helps me too...

hugs- 

Marie

[Widowedbysuicide]

I'm sorry for your loss.  I know the devastation of losing a life long love too.  It is 10 months since my husband died.

Welcome to the greatest group of people ever.  There are no wrong ways to start on here.  You are what is important, not your ability to write on here in a particular style or order.  We all have been where you are and recognize how difficult the beginning is.  There are no judgements here.  This is a safe place to come to work through things, ask questions, and read what others have experienced.  I welcome you with genuine care and at the same time with great sadness for you because of the loss of your wife.

Marita