Mom

[Tachi]

It used to be that users had alot of control over the pc. I could go in and know which processes were needed, what I could turn off and what were viruses. Now my laptop runs about 1 of em and they have most of the control. They say they want to make it easier for the average user, which is good. But there is no way to minimize control. IF they could do this properly and be trusted then it would be ok. But i've read articles about them releasing unfinished things and forcing users without asking to test things out. Like the October update that was erasing people's pictures. I think corporately they have the attitude of they will do what they please.

When i got my present desktop in order to activate windows I had to provide the number from the sticker. But their bright idea was to hide the first half of it with a scratchoff covering. problem was it wasnt made properly and it immediately scratched right thru, no code, no activation. In searching google I found this was a widespread issue that Microsoft didn't think was their fault. basically everyone involved pointed at someone else and businesses and consumers were often left in the cold.

They did finally activate mine after I emailed two pics of the damaged sticker and my drivers license...which is a big no-no....and the lady did the remote help to activate it. No clue if I will get help if say I need to reinstall windows.  Too big for their britches and they forgot that the customer made them rich.

[kayc]

I bought refurbished computers and they didn't come with original disks, so I made start up disks according to their instructions.  When we upgraded to Windows 10 it said you could go back to 7 if you wanted, well guess what, they wiped it off my computer!  And the start up disk didn't work.  I paid for it, it was mine, and my way of looking at it, they stole it and breeched my trust in them, in what they say.  I had the sticker with the registration number so my son installed it for me, don't know where he got it and got my regis. number on it.  But these are the kinds of things I'm talking about.  Not the first time they've screwed up my computer with their updates.  Windows 10 they do the updates and don't let us turn it off.  I found a workaround for a year but then they managed a go-around to that.  They're update hogs.  I live in the country where there is no high speed internet, no unlimited data, I only get 10.3 GB/month, they can use that up in an hour!  It's $10 for another GB, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out at the rate they hog it, I'd be broke in no time!  So that's why I went back to 7.  A long time ago they said they were not going to continue updates for Windows 7, guess what, they're still doing it.  And I have to wonder if some of their screw ups are purposeful to force us into buying 10 so they can have complete control!  I don't trust them.  They're a big conglomerate and I'm not impressed with their "caring".  Customer Service anywhere seems to be a thing of the past.  If I had provided such treatment of my patients or clients over the years, I'd have been out of la job in a hurry!  But now, where is the customer service when it's my turn?  I get someone from India, no offense to them, but most of them are difficult to understand.  In the beginning they were quick tempered and impatient, but I've seen improvement in that at least.  A lot of the foreigners that handle customer service talk over the top of you and don't listen.  Not a good quality!  We get them for everything.  If Trump wants to improve something he can start there, make people hire at home, in our own country.  Yes it'd cost a lot more.  You don't think by now we'd be willing to pay for it?  And for that matter, sew our clothes at home.  Most of us have way more than we can use anyway, so if we had half our clothes and they cost more, it'd give people at home a job.  And if we had to call someone, we could understand them.  What has happened to our country in the last 100 years?!

You are so right, too big for their britches.  And the world is going by way of these big corporations now.  In Eugene, OR, they are promoting small businesses, ma and pa places.  I love it!

I think the job to have is that of a weather forecaster.  Where else can you give a guesstimate and be wrong most of the time and still keep your job?!
 

[iPraiseHim]

18 hours ago, Tachi said:

It used to be that users had alot of control over the pc. I could go in and know which processes were needed, what I could turn off and what were viruses. Now my laptop runs about 1 of em and they have most of the control. They say they want to make it easier for the average user, which is good. But there is no way to minimize control. IF they could do this properly and be trusted then it would be ok. But i've read articles about them releasing unfinished things and forcing users without asking to test things out. Like the October update that was erasing people's pictures. I think corporately they have the attitude of they will do what they please.

When i got my present desktop in order to activate windows I had to provide the number from the sticker. But their bright idea was to hide the first half of it with a scratchoff covering. problem was it wasnt made properly and it immediately scratched right thru, no code, no activation. In searching google I found this was a widespread issue that Microsoft didn't think was their fault. basically everyone involved pointed at someone else and businesses and consumers were often left in the cold.

They did finally activate mine after I emailed two pics of the damaged sticker and my drivers license...which is a big no-no....and the lady did the remote help to activate it. No clue if I will get help if say I need to reinstall windows.  Too big for their britches and they forgot that the customer made them rich.

There is a way for you to make a complete backup of the Windows 11.  I will research it and get back to you.  I've done it. Because now the Motherboards have the instructions embedded in them.  The whole system is designed to make jobs for computer techs so we can't do it ourselves.  Just like it is very difficult to perform your own car repairs. - George

 

[Tachi]

So so true. What we forget is that most of the larger companies that exist across borders aren't really American. they are global entities that only care for their own profits. They do what is needed to max the bottom line. That usually means presenting good customer service and all that jazz.  They care when its required by law and when the Board makes them make a 'show' for the sake of public image. 

When I worked at target years back one of my friends' wife was my asst mgr. he went to Okla City w/ her for meetings. he said they would read concerns and complaints from customers and make fun of them and laugh. I have seen way too much of this attitude over the years at many levels. Companies seem to not hire for character. We had the top exec of one employer of mine who kept getting DUIs and no one cared. 

One thing you might ask your son about because i'm not sure if they still do this but maybe they could send you the updates on a CD or little thumbdrive instead. My dad also has windows 7 as he really hates the new look starting with 8. Win8 looked like a cell or tablet and they got so many complaints they added the older desktop look back in 8.1.

When my dad got a new phone last week we needed to call support, very hard to understand. First call dad tried and hung up. So I called back, very hard to understand. She needed to talk with dad but he passed the phone to me and refused to talk to her, he just couldnt understand her. I explained it all but she said she still needed to talk to him so I hung up. Next call I got a guy and he spoke with only a hint of accent so all good. 

Customer service is funny. When the economy went down it was so so serious that we gave great service. For my old company it was supposed to be job1. In my dealings as a consumer and customer I am often shocked at how things are done and how bad I am treated. They should never feel like they can alienate a customer. It reflects their inability to do their job. Anyway, it will only get worse im afraid. Its getting to the point where when I have a bad experience I refuse to do business with that company. 

Well, we can hope for the best. take care of yourself. Hope you get to see the kids.

[kayc]

I think they need to check out their updates before rolling them out.  I don't want to update my laptop until after I get my PC back.  Perhaps waiting and updating a month or two after they've come out with it would help, give them chance to fix things, IDK.  They don't seem to address things or accept responsibility for themselves.

[Tachi]

Just thinking about you ldies and wanted to see how everyone is doing. Just trying to study, keep my dad going, and trying to get his estate finished up. Have an atty working on a Muniment of Title to free up the deed on the house so we can do a Ladybird deed. That way when Dad is gone the house will pass to me without probate. Thinking about the people/family up north...aweful weather.

[kayc]

We're about to get snow (Sunday on, every day) although they haven't said how much yet. 
I was horribly sick for two weeks, a real knock down virus, am glad to be past that!

Glad your studies are going okay and your dad too.  Take care of yourself!

[Tachi]

I apologise, not getting notifications, must be hitting my spam filter. Glad you're well, those are nothing to take lightly. Trying to get ready for the exam still. have a devil of a time remembering things. I understand the material but just dont retain well. just seem really distracted. Looking at ways to keep it in better....and get back to doing artwork. dad's hanging in there, we get along better but he still doesnt listen. It's like he always has to say the opposite and defend it to the death lol. 

Are you planning on doing any gardening? Miss my old one, 

take care

[kayc]

Nope, George was the gardener, when I lost him I tried to keep his plants alive, nope!  No green thumb. 

Good luck on your exam!

[Tachi]

Thanks, aiming at end of month, things just dont stick like they used to. The anniversary of mom passing is the 13th, going to try and be there for dad. he just doesnt seem to want any help or support at all. I dont think he cares for me very much. I'm trying to take what care of him i can and not interfere but i've noticed he will either totally ignore me when i say something hes not interested in or just dig in with the opposite of what i tell him. Just dont know that I can do anything to help. Maybe you folks understand it but i'm totally lost. Now he wants to have the funeral home post an obit for Mom in the paper. At the time he didnt because he didnt think anyone in town would remember her. I see so many things that would help him, but theres nothing I can do.

 

Plants....when I rented a house before moving home I did the yard and found i could grow things outside well. Inside plants were another matter, nothin doin. If you're planting outside place it so it gets the rising sun and is sheltered from mid day sun on. keep the roots mulched and cool. 

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Tachi said:

I dont think he cares for me very much.

It could be he just doesn't care for life very much...your mom passing away may have had a tremendous effect on him.  Grief is strange that way, it seems to affect our feelings but we little know what we are going through, not always good at communicating it effectively especially since we don't understand it all ourselves.  Maybe posting the obituary now is his way of paying tribute to her as the anniversary of her death arrives.

I wish you well for the end of this month then!  Good luck to you!

[Tachi]

I think you may be right.  At times he seems his old self and at times he just seems to not care. Is hard to explain but guess its his narcissism...he is king of the castle and center of the universe. Whatever he says is true because he said it. No matter what he does it isnt wrong and no matter how he acts he is never rude. If you tell him anything that he doesnt wish to hear he just acts like you're not even there.  He will not let me take care of him nor help him. he gets some crazy ideas that are wrong but he wont listen, because in order for him to be who he is his youngest son is seen as an idiot child. Yet I still do what I can to make him safe and try to keep him as happy as he can be. He has been somewhat this way for years but after his stroke got much worse. There were things he could have done after his stroke and things he could do now to feel better, but he doesnt listen. 

For the last week or so he has been complaining variously of weakness and soreness (he took a tumble) yet he wont go to the doctor. I may be a terrible son but i'm not having a huge fight trying to get him to go. He also hasnt been eating like he used to. The last few days he has been sleeping a few extra hours a day. Thats how Mom was the week before she passed. I know he has probably given up and doesnt care and i dont know how to help. He doesnt think he needs help. Everytime he naps or sleeps I fear he wont wake up. And I guess im selfish because not only will we lose him but his estate isnt ready yet and that would send my life into hell. Meaning trying to get a job in retail mgt at 61, which wont pay enough, and probably going broke waiting for probate and get everything settled. I can and yet cant really imagine how he feels. I think it would be much better for him if my brother and his wife were here instead of me. All I can do is the best I can. Thank you for listening.

 

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Tachi said:

At times he seems his old self and at times he just seems to not care.

Pretty much sums up ourselves after being kidnapped by grief.  If he truly is Narcissist, grief isn't helping.  When we're grieving, particularly in the earlier time (months/years) our feelings are center of our universe.  Grief hits us so hard we can't see anything else!  We don't know how to do our life without this person, not sure we even want to.

He needn't see you as an idiot child to resist your help...it's not necessarily as black and white as that although it sure may FEEL that way to you!  My sister is not a Narcissist but oh my she's headstrong and stubborn and I can offer great sound advice and she doesn't listen or consider anything I say even though in her best interests.  Yesterday she informed me she's not going to go walking any more, she doesn't think it's doing any good.  I asked her if she's sure she won't go backwards if she quits?  She said no.  I asked her to talk it over with her doctor, she said he doesn't know anything.  Okay, can't do much with that!  In a way it sounds like your dad is kind of the same way.  Lord knows I don't even want to think about the future and it's problems let alone probate!  Why the laws make everything so difficult I don't know!  

You are right in that all you can do is the best you can.  I hope you can at some point put your needs and considerations ahead of everyone else and do what is right for YOU...you're 61, you need to work and support yourself, so these are very real considerations as how can we live without income?!  I know it has to be beyond frustrating to try to talk to your dad about these things and get no response.  What would be the worst thing that would happen if you walked away from the estate and did nothing with it, but pursued your goals and looked after yourself?  Someone else would have to step up to the plate or the government could have it all and do it, or something, but no one can force you to handle it.  When you look at it that way, your "best" has to be good enough!  Just take care of yourself my friend, make sure you don't get lost yourself in all of this.  I feel the pressure you're under...

 

[Tachi]

 First of all, thank you. Seriously.

he has a important need to be in control. Early on he tried being a bully and telling me what to do. We set that straight. But he still tries at times to sneak that in lol. He i believe suffers dementia. He has to understand and dictate what everying means. I dont care except when it will cause harm and then i will respectfully and casually tell him truth. he will argue his misconception til hell freezes over. Anyway, you know how that goes. Its like someone is walking down the tracks and the train is coming but they wont listen when you tell em to get off the tracks.

 

I think all I can do is help correctly when he asks. The last stage of my life begins when he passes so this is a breather to re educate and improve my mind and physical shape.  I am trying to hold the line financially so that I have as much as i can for the transition. I am grateful he lets me stay here while I study. I dont think at this time i could make a living off what they pay lower retail mgt here. I would be working two jobs and not studying. I seem to have learning issues so is very frsutrating. I had decided i wont be sitting here trying to sell this home and going broke. If we can get the estate set up in time then when the time comes I will be able to sell the home etc, else i will be hoping my big bro agrees on selling the home (joint heirs). If he causes delays then I wont waste my money here but go ahead and find work and an apt and either bro can buy out my interest or the bank can foreclose, maybe out of that we get to split whats left, no idea how it works when the bank sells the home. My hope is just to survive and get back to artwork. Whatever happens it wont be fun and will probably be very painful. One must do what one must do. I dont think Life is about fun anymore. You get here and have to do the best you can. I will do my best. If it comes to it i'm walking away and my brother will deal with it from Cali. just need to find out if I do and the bank forecloses, since the house will sell for more than the mortgage do we get the excess.

Ok, book over, sorry. Thank you for the kind words of caring and take good care of yourself. 

[kayc]

Gosh if your dad doesn't remind me a bit of my mom!  She also had to be in control.  My mom was not only emotionally abusive but when I was young also verbally and physically abusive.  She couldn't get to me as easily when I was grown.  I learned to set boundaries and adhere to them and when she'd cut off her nose to spite her face she had to live with it.  I let her own her consequences and refused to accept her trying to make me a culprit.  I learned to be firm but give fresh starts, forgive but not be foolish about it.  My father was alcoholic so between my mom's mental issues and my dad's alcoholism, it was quite a background to overcome.  The books that helped me most (and lots of counseling) were Toxic Parents, Emotional Blackmail, Boundaries, and Adult Children of Alcoholics.  I'd high recommend the first three for you.  I read them in my 40s and it was a life changer.  It helped me learn to deal with and have a relationship with my mom.  It's odd but I never felt she really knew me because of her reactions.  

My mom was extremely paranoid and that colored her perceptions which in turn skewed her reactions.  When she got dementia they finally treated her paranoia (us kids were well aware of her paranoia but her doctor didn't see her enough to note it) and it helped greatly.  My mom was also a Narcissist, she had a lot of personality disorders, Skizoid, etc.  Dealing with her was a lifelong learning experience, I'm sure you can relate.  

We had to sell my mom's house to pay for her dementia care and it used almost everything up, my brother got the rest...my mom left everything to him in her will, us five girls didn't get even a memento.  My brother was wonderful to her and I don't resent him for it but it does hurt that she didn't think us girls worthy of anything when we'd been here all our lives for her in spite of her abuse.  I don't need her things, I have everything in my memory where no one can take it and I know someday when we meet again she will be made right and whole, the way God intended her to be, without the mental problems. Dealing with her has helped me hone my grace.

I have  a short simple e-book on dementia that helped me a lot in knowing how to deal with my mom when she got it.  If you're interested, you can message me your email address and I'll send it to you (it's pdf form)...I tried downloading it here but it didn't post.

[MartyT]

Please check the content of this post for me, Kay, and if your e-book on dementia is not listed, I'd appreciate your sending it to me as well: Caregiving and Grief in Alzheimer's and Dementia: Suggested Resources ❤️

[Tachi]

Thank you for your kindness. I have enough trouble and I cant imagine the strength you have. Will definitely do some reading so thanks for the suggestions. he had that fall a week ago and although it seems all he suffered were pulled and bruised muscles he is still sore and weak. I explain how sore muscles and all that work but he just totally ignores. Mom passed a year ago this coming saturday and he is thinking of her and at times seems very sad and lost. i can understand. He just wont let me help. Will be here if he needs me.

[kayc]

Tachi, I understand, I really do, like I said, your situation reminds me a bit of my situation with my mom...it seemed she fought everything good we ever tried to do for her and appreciated nothing.  It was very hard living with that.  Yet I loved her.  All I could do was set boundaries and adhere to them.  It didn't necessarily make the pain and frustration any less great, but it gave me a perimeter in which to operate.  It let her choices be hers.  You are a wonderful son!  It's easy to see that!  Your father may not see, perhaps he's in a fog of a sort in his mind, it affects how he operates, I get that, so it was with my mom too.  I just know that someday when I see my mom next, she will be sound, her mind will operate like it was meant to not like it did all her life, she will know her children love her and did their best by her...all will be well.

Perhaps that's a little Pollyanna-ish, but it's what consoles me.  You just keep being you, it'll all come out (as my mom used to say) in the wash. 

 

[Tachi]

True...I will do what I can without surrendering myself. As i'm finding out life is very hard at best. Just do the best we can. Thats the measure of a life and not wealth and fame. I suppose we are all in our own fog of sorts. his moreso I think. For what you've come through in life and ended up the person you are , well you're a good person.

Thank you 

[SonofASA]

Reading your post was so uncannily like my experience. My Mother was suffering from COPD and developed pneumonia. Unlike a half dozen times since her diagnosis in 2010, she lost this battle just as I was returning to the hospital with a night bag to stay with her overnight. She left us on 4-3-19 and my reasons for being back home are different but the intent to care for my parents is the same. My Father isn't after Mom's money but he's showing signs of dementia and is quite forgetful. I have a Sister and Brother who help keep an eye out for him and he knows enough that we truly love him and will do everything in our power to help him. If there's anything that has helped me in this process, it's the saying that goes: You never get over the loss of a loved one. You just get used to it."

Regards.

[Tachi]

I'm sorry for your loss. You're right in that we dont get over it. Has been a year and a week since Mom passed and i think of her all the time. It seems to me that in our society we dont prepare people for loss. Its going to happen, but we seem to ignore that and then people just gloss it over and expect you to hide it. Long ago we would live in a group, maybe a tribe, that would come together in such times and help each other. but now we are too modern, or so we think. We turn our backs on our humanity and the things we really need. It's good you have a bro and sis to help and make sure your dad knows he is loved and cared for. I think that's most important. The best thing we can do is not just to deal, but to honor. The little things that you keep in your life that are from them. The way they were will always be in your heart. My mom was the kindest loving soul. When i'm out and about I will have a smile and a good word for people, I notice that its mostly the older folks who arent afraid of this old stranger :)....Mom used to paint until her arthritis got too bad, and that was maybe 25 years ago. in cleaning out the kitchen cupboard I found her old brushes, they now sit in my closet. When I cook for me and dad anytime I use bell pepper I cut the top off and place it on the sink divider, because thats what mom always did. In case she is watching I want her to know that I am thinking of her and that i love her. 

I dont know if you have regrets...I seem to have so many from my life. Its hard to internalise things some times. But I know in my head that regrets are a trap and it doesnt matter anymore. Its difficult for the heart to accept that. Its hard to not open up and talk about life, maybe another time. But what I learned is that life is rough and its never about having a perfect life or avoidng trouble and tragedy. its about becoming a good strong person and living your life so you have better choices. To be able to handle the hard times when they come, for they will come. 

Thank you for the post...will be praying for you and the family. This is a good place with some wonderful people, if it helps reach out to them.

 

[Tachi]

I keep telling myself to stp caring and being drawn in. He plays this little game where if I say something no matter what he has to say the opposite. If its cloudy as can be and I say it looks like rain he says ;nope no rain today;. So I just say...the weatherman on the radio says rain later and its sprinkling, and he just keeps quiet. Things that he has absolutely no clue about that I have extensive experience with he will disagree and be very wrong, but he will argue it to the death. Just so he can be right and feel superior. I can no longer trust him and I have no respect left for him. Studying is taking longer than I had thought so i need this place to stay. he does treat me like an 8 year old. he expects that whatever he says will be taken as gospel and it is disrespectful to disagree/ tell the truth. That doesnt work with me. But ive learned that it does no good and try not to say anything when he is wrong unless it pertains to me. I wont suffer just to boost his narcissistic ego. But for some reason i still have compassion for him. Theres no way he could survive on his own. My next lesson is to not be caught off guard and just let him talk on and on and not try and help. I think the only reason he tells me about his woes is for the sympathy and so i can suggest an approach to solve...so he can tell me thats wrong. So lets short circuit the game and not offer help. Sad thing is that there are so many things he doesnt understand but acts like hes the authority. Or that he could do to help himself but wont.

A few weeks ago he had a sore back and took a hot shower and apparently his BP dropped and he fell. He had a badly injured vertebrae and the two next to it a bit less. So he had the vertoblasty (?) where they inflate the vertebrae and inject bone cement. They did three. When i went to get him the nurse showed me his dressing and explained his care. the dressing was on his lower back, clearly. Tonight he yet again made the statement that they worked on his upper spine and oops I corrected him. he cant stand to be corrected because he can never be wrong. Sadly he is wrong alot. And I reminded him the nurse showed me his dressing and it was clearly on his lower back. he argued to the death it was on his neck. 

This is what I dont get, does he think im a liar? Or that I am so stupid I dont know what I see. He has done this many times over the 4 years ive been here. I think he just has a badly messed up memory. I just dropped it because even if I showed him his doctors papers which lists the T11, T12, and L2 vertebrae (lower back) he would just say they made a mistake. because he cant be wrong. Tbh, this scares me. 

 

Today reminds me and I am determined and maybe this means im not a good person. But unless his madness affects me and my life I will say nothing. I will not suggest anything that may help him nor any ideas as far as a cause or solution to his issues. I must remain aware at all times so he doesnt lure me in and i can just keep my mouth shut and just say uh-huh and not play into the game. I guess i'm just a slow learner. But i believe this is the best compassion i can muster, dont feed the madness. he seems to think that he can say whatever he wants as rudely as he wants just because he is my dad. Trust me we went rounds on that one. he doesnt have Mom around to dominate so he still tries with me and he will never get there. 

Honestly i would be better just moving away. my compassion says he couldnt survive very long so im needed, but it would be the best for me. I just cant be me here or develop ino who i want to be. maybe thats my challenge, to develop anyway. I seem to stress at the falsehoods and stupidity. Sadly, I am not far enough along in IT to land a job I can live on. learning is proving to be very difficult. Guess i am stuck for awhile. It will be a huge...HUGE lol deal when i pass exam two and get on with education after that. 

Sorry for the ramble and thx for letting me vent. I see how I am now and was all my life and now that I understand how my dad is alot of things make sense. That feeling that you are and were never good enough. Thankfully ive started pulling past that. ive developed too strong a personality and a very strong aversion to bs and manipulation. I consider that I wont become who i am until hes gone. those times will be difficult, so be it. 

Aight, thanks again and take care everyone.

[Tachi]

Kay

You know, thats something that I think about. That we should take these things during this time alot less seriously. this time is brief and there are important tgings here and lost of distractions. yet not having trained in any discipline of the mind, heart, and spirit I find that something will just grab me against my will and I dont even notice til after. I dont like it, and its something I can work on. I seem to have a great weakness when someone confronts me with totally erroneous bs and wont understand the truth. When i can i walk away but no clue what to do when i cant. Not sure how to google that but I think its time to work on these things alot more.

 

Distracted sorry....I will see Mom in heaven, dad wont. dad has always made fun of Christians and faith. That makes alot more sense now because I think for him there is no God. To him its just a religion made by Man. He sees himself as all knowing and in a way its like he is his own god. It always made me wonder because it seemd when he didnt know about something he just came up with the cause and understanding and that was gospel, dont question it. I suggested tonight at dinner that since that problem with his back is fixed he move on to the next urgent issue and go see his doc. I am thankful for his back being fixed and that it wasnt worse. I think that God has me here to take care of my dad. It is a sore trial and im not strong nor wise. I consider that life doesnt get better, it just ends. I guess ive finally grown up.

Im done bugging you folks, thank you.

[Tachi]

On 4/8/2019 at 12:12 PM, MartyT said:

Please check the content of this post for me, Kay, and if your e-book on dementia is not listed, I'd appreciate your sending it to me as well: Caregiving and Grief in Alzheimer's and Dementia: Suggested Resources ❤️

In case i didnt say it Marty, thank you very much for the link to the resources, i will be reading through it. A good man once said that if we cannot change our circumstances then perhaps it is we who can change.

[kayc]

Tachi,

One of the things they mentioned in the book was not to argue with the person with dementia.  We enter their world.  I know, for you and me, we want to correct them, but I had to learn to not do that.  I remember clearly an instance when I was still able to take my mom out to eat, we were waiting there and she announced rather loudly that she is 400 years old!  It caught me off guard and I laughed.  Then I saw the hurt look in her eyes.  I gently said "You're 92 but sometimes we all feel like we're 400."  I felt so bad but it was an involuntary instinct to chuckle.  I tried really hard after that not to argue a point with her.  I entered her world, let her think what she wanted to think.  The only time I'd offer something different was to console her, like if she thought my dad no longer loved her (he'd been dead for many years), I'd remind her how deep their love had always been.  Other than that, she could think she was a queen and I wouldn't argue it.  I remember coming to the dementia care facility once and they broached me saying she thinks she's getting married, wants her wedding dress on.  I told them to dress her and tell her how beautiful she looks.  They looked puzzled.  I said, "You do realize this is a dementia care facility, right?"  They expected her to be normal...she wasn't.  Nor could she help it.

It doesn't really matter what your dad says or thinks.  Keep calm, remind yourself of the games he plays, if he's playing them.  It could be he's too far gone for such manipulation, perhaps it's a life long habit of his...at any rate, he's not likely to change at this point.  How sad for him, he's kind of his own worst enemy, isn't he?!

You are working towards a goal that will aid you in the future.  Along the way you are caring for your father.  It matters little that he appreciates it or recognizes it, you are doing it, that is enough in and of itself.  I remember how greatly my mom abused me growing up.  How she tried continually to manipulate us even as adults.  I learned to set boundaries and adhere to them.  Still I loved her.  There were times I had to limit our time together, I had to protect my kids from her.  But I showed love to her regardless of her behavior.  I just wouldn't let her get to me.  I know as well as anyone how difficult that was.  She was challenging.  I know your father is too.  We do what we do because it is the right thing to do, regardless of if they ever get it or not...chances are, they won't.

No one but the Father knows your dad's ultimate fate.  He continues to work on us throughout our lifetime.  My own father was saved at the end of his life, deathbed conversion, if you will.  Remember the story of the workmen?  That's how it is.  Perhaps your dad will make it too, one never knows...we keep praying.