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It's my birthday and I'm sad today


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70 years old today. It doesn't seem possible. When we were kids our grandfather used to tell me and my sisters how much faster life leaves you behind as you get older. Being kids, we didn't really understand it. But it is so very true. 

I woke up this morning feeling sad. And for a silly reason. Cookie used to make me a scratch German chocolate cake each year as my birthday cake. Everything from scratch, even the icing. She would get an early start and spend an entire morning making that little piece of heaven. She only had one reason for doing it. She knew I would enjoy it. And did I ever!  I am missing that today. I'm into my 4th year now without her, but every day I still miss her being here. I miss her companionship. I miss hearing her laugh. I even miss hearing her cry. I miss being able to kiss her and tell her I love her. 

"Grief is a bad moon, a sleeper wave. It's like having an inner combatant,

a saboteur who, at the slightest change in the sunlight, or at the first notes

of a jingle for a dog food commercial, will flick the memory switch,

bringing tears to your eyes."

Meghan O'Rourke

Oh well,

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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Darrel,

Just wanted to wish you a nice birthday. "Happy" almost seems like a slap in the face when you are feeling down. Yes, life has a way of creeping up on us and past us, it seems, without that special person to share it with anymore.

I often wonder how I got this old without noticing and have I accomplished anything worthwhile in this lifetime. I think we have all accomplished the most important thing in life. We loved and were loved by someone. Who could ask for more?

Hope your day is brighter.

Karen

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Darrel, we had food specialties for our birthdays too.   I made him quiche and he made me the best omelet.  All our senses are enbroiled in this mourning.  As Karen said, I won’t say happy, but I hope you get thru your birthday with the memories of that love.

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Darrel,

I know so much has changed for you, as it has for all of us...all of those traditions, and I wish more than anything that your Cookie could be there making you another scratch German Chocolate Cake.  (((hugs)))  I hope you had a good birthday.

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Darrel,

My beloved Michael was a wonderful cook and baker. Like a master chef without the formal training. He made so many delicious meals and desserts.

A simple trip to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich or the rattle of pots & pans is enough to trigger tears for me. The last thing he made for me before he died was his lasagna. I’ll never be able to eat lasagna again.

I hope you had a peaceful birthday, and that some small joy, or something to let you know your dear Cookie was with you.

Bless you.

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Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. My next trigger is coming up on March 7th. Our 44th wedding anniv. I still look upon it as an ongoing thing. I still wear my wedding band. It hasn't been off my finger since she put it there in 1975. I will be cremated with it on if that is possible. She still owns my heart and always will.

My love to everyone here.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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