My Sanity Needed Vents

[MartyT]

Wishing you a successful surgery tomorrow, Karen.

I had cataract surgery on both eyes a couple years ago ~ easiest surgery I've ever had, and I'm so glad I had it done!           I hope you'll feel the same about yours. Do keep us posted, and know that we are thinking of you ♥

[V. R.]

All the best for your surgery, Karen. I'm sure everything will be OK. 

Enza. 

[Gin]

Wishing you well, karen.  Thoughts and prayers for you.   Ginq

[Gwenivere]

Karon, you will be very much in my thoughts.  Feeling antsy is normal.  I’m so sick of medical stuff even having vitals done annoys me.  Feeling dizzy is awful.  That you have to wait so long into the day sucks.  Let us know how you do.

You are right, haven’t seen Dee here in a while.  Hopefully she checks in soon.  

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, KarenK said:

Wondering where our Dee is. Have not heard from her in a while.

Hi Karen:  I've been here checking in everyday just been trying to use the few remaining active brain cells and energy on pulling together years of paper work for filing my income tax for 2021.  The sale of my house last year was going to hit me pretty hard.  My son drove me into town to meet with my tax guy yesterday so now I'm able to think about something else.  I don't mind paying taxes, I just don't like how our government spends it. LOL

Karen, I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you get your cataract surgery.  Everyone I talk to who have had it were so happy to have it done.  In fact, yesterday my tax man related his 88 year old Mother had it and didn't have to wear glasses anymore.  Keeping positive thoughts   Maybe after cataract surgery your doctor can figure out the dizziness problem. Hugs, Dee

[KarenK]

Good to hear from you Dee. I guess the one saving grace of being poor is not having to file taxes. My only income is SS. I file a state return to get a refund for my real estate tax. I know tax laws constantly change, but it used to be if you were a certain age, you could sell one home and not take a hit. Glad you got things taken care of.

I know you're trailing me with your own surgery so wanted to keep you up to date. The pre op appt. was measuring eyes on 3 different machines and getting drops to use before and after surgery. Both eyes measured so will skip that part at the second pre op. I don't have any major eye problems so yours may be a bit different with your macular problem. Insurance covers everything except the drops(2 bottles @ $86 per bottle). Ouch!

I've learned to live with the dizziness. I just sit down or bend over until it passes. Since I rarely leave the house, it's not a big problem. Hope it doesn't happen at the surgery center as Robert can't go inside with me.

Will update you again when I can.

[scba]

2 hours ago, Gin said:

Wishing you well, karen.  Thoughts and prayers for you.   Ginq

Hi Gin. Hope you are doing well.

 

[Widow2015]

46 minutes ago, KarenK said:

Will update you again when I can.

Karen:  I will be eager to hear about your results.  I have an appointment on February 25 for my pre-opt and eye measurements then scheduled for first surgery on left eye, my bad eye on March 7, then March 21 for right eye.  March is not going to be a fun month with the eye appointments scheduled.   I'm just anxious to get it behind me so I can decide if I can continue to drive.  I hate being so dependent on others for my needs.  Sorry your drops aren't covered but know you are relieved your insurance covers surgery.   Good your son is available to take you to the appointment.   We can do this.  👍Dee

[Gwenivere]

I know someone who had to get drops for eye post op and they paid a fortune too.  It’s so outrageous what the med companies are allowed to charge.  I’m glad your surgery is covered.  I saw the bill for my first one and it was unbelievable.  Now they get to pay it again.  
 

Dee, I hope you will be able to drive.  That was a motivating factor for her eye surgery.  We want to keep that independence as long as possible.  
 

We're all pulling for you!  💕

[KarenK]

I lost my confidence to drive after my freaky double vision problem last year. It still crops up every so often. Have been watching the Olympics Figure Skating and notice if I don't look straight at the TV, I see double skaters when there is only one. I'm sure hoping these surgeries will correct that. Would have been nice to have corrected vision before the Olympics. I sure admire the tenacity and talent of all the athletes.

Am hoping I can drive again. Still have nowhere to go, but at least my son won't have to drive me places.

[kayc]

Karen, you're in my thoughts and prayers today.  For most, cataract surgery is amazing, my sister said it didn't help one eye but you never know if she's telling the truth or not, so who knows, she's inconsistent with her stories and exaggerates.  She has macular degeneration too and they can't do anything about hers in that eye.  Eye surgery heals so quickly, you'll want to protect your eyes from the light and may want to sleep afterwards but will likely feel fine in two days.  I hope you can eat soon after, hard to not eat until late afternoon!  I do intermittent fasting, don't eat until 1 or 2 pm, don't go past that time often.  I get up 3 or 4 am so that's a long time to wait!

I hope you get your driving back!  I had double vision years ago, had to go through eye therapy, it was very expensive and ins. wouldn't cover it.  It was simple exercises, picking up cheerios with pick up sticks, standing on a balance board while a ball tied to the ceiling went around my head, me watching it with peripheral vision.  Following a string to the doorknob with my eyes, back and forth.  Bringing my finger to my nose and following it with my eyes.  It worked.  I couldn't drive had I not gotten this.  The garage would jump around and I didn't know which one was real!

[kayc]

Wherever they are, wherever you are, sending this:

[Widow2015]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee, I hope you will be able to drive.  That was a motivating factor for her eye surgery.  We want to keep that independence as long as possible.  

Gwen: Thank you for your good wishes.  I can deeply and sincerely understand your fears of possibly being unable to remain independent.  My life has reached this point due to my age and fortunately as far as I know at this time,  my main restrictions on my life are my eyes.  I can't count my creaky bones and joints.  Your back issues create so much pain I should not even talk about my fears as my pains can be helped with 2 extra strength Tylenol and cataract surgery can't hold a candle to two back surgeries.  My heart breaks when I read what you have to face each day.  As others here on The Forum have said,  you are an inspiration.  Hugs, Dee  

[Gwenivere]

Everyone's challenges are just as valid. Tho I would sure like to drop this pain that keeps on giving.  My shower and trying to get comfortable back in bed felt like a PT session to me.  Think I was up and down 6 times trying to get comfortable. Still working on that.  Also have another walking session to do before I can change. Had my PCP appointment.  He’s a great guy.  Said it was OK to feel depressed, weak and defeated.  There’s too much pressure to be this textbook perfect patient that isn’t realistic.

Got some stuff from home, chocolate and a sweet card from Dee.  Heard I missed a good church dinner of pizza and pasta.  Either the food is getting worse here or I’m just tired of it.  Too many sauces and no really fresh stuff.  I asked for some raw carrots and they never came.  The apple I ordered was disgusting.  Food time is a big deal when your day is so boring.  Having to watch shows on time I had to get used to.  I’m glad I signed up with Netflix so I can watch some new stuff each day.  Plus I can pause it.  
 

Woke up thinking of Steve and love it til I realize he won’t actually be here.  Wondering what the heck I’m doing here.  How did this happen?  Why am I not waking in our bed?  I’m still torn up over the necklace that got lost at the hospital that was my 20 year anniversary gift.  Those are the little things that trip us up again and again. I’ve developed an old lady’s neck, but I miss the elegance and simplicity that was timeless on it.  💔
 

 

 

 

[KarenK]

Can barely see, but wanted to let everyone know that surgery went okay, I guess. Just a few twinges of pain during surgery. A million drops of different things in eye before, during, and after. Surgery around 3 and I was on my way home by 4:30. Eye still dilated 12 hours later. It takes forever for things like dilation and novocaine(for teeth) to clear my system. Very disorienting as I am seeing different colors through each eye. Right now everything is really blurry in both eyes. Blur may last several weeks in surgical eye. Have a post op appt. tomorrow. A downer that I can barely read my Kindle books as that's my constant activity. Other eye to be done in 2 weeks so will be sometime in April before I know how successful this is.

I'm so sorry about your necklace, Gwen. I don't remember you mentioning that before. Is there liability on the hospital or did they blow it off? I know monetary could never replace the sentimentality. With my mistrust of people, I removed all my credit cards and money from my wallet and wore no jewelry to the surgical center not knowing how loopy I would get there.

Glad you got a card and chocolate for Valentines. Guess I got a new eye for my "present".  lol

Take care

[kayc]

How does one ruin an apple!  Couldn't send you a carrot?  Bet they have some.  My sister hated rehab food, she didn't complain about hospital food, I would trust neither with my diabetes but what can you do in your situation!  I'm glad Dee remembered you!

Kodie and I took Peggy lunch, man have the prices gone up!  Second time we took her some this week, $40 total.  Used to get it for half that. and got more to boot!

Was it this hospital stay you lost the necklace?  I lost George's wedding band in the fire evacuation, fortunately found it, was so relieved!  Everything was a mess in emergency the packing.

[kayc]

Karen, so glad you came through okay and hope it has the desired effect.  My sister is the only one who didn't give rave reviews after cataract surgery, everyone else I know went off without a hitch with marked improvement and only took days to heal. 

Peggy's is complicated because she let her macular degeneration go for over five years w/o saying anything to anyone or getting treatment, plus with her dementia it's hard to tell how bad her eyes are or are not as she gives inconsistent answers, so can't put a lot of stock by it.  One eye she can't see out of.  She's stubborn and refuses bifocal and wanted far away vision but not near so she has a hard time reading.  I told her she doesn't drive or go sight seeing so why does she need far away, next time get near sighted vision in her glasses!  No common sense ever and the eye doctor couldn't tell her anything, Polly and I have to work on her over and over to get her to consider anything.  After a while you want to give up.

I wish you well with recovery and hope you can soon read your Kindle!  Peggy had ten eye appts in all, counting the one for glasses, yes, takes a while.  They said it's too late for her macular degeneration in the left eyes, it's if no use now.

[Widow2015]

8 hours ago, KarenK said:

Guess I got a new eye for my "present".  lol

Karen:  I love your sense of humor.   Without our partners our sense of humor is all we can fall back on to get through the day somedays.  At least you took that big first step to get through the first eye and now it is behind you.  The results according to so many who have experienced this surgery are very hopeful.   Since I have my eyes dilated so often with my macular deterioration treatments I know I will loose any clear vision on that day.   I liked reading how quickly the appointment took and you were on your way home.    

I know you found some comfort in having your son there waiting for you since your husband couldn't be with you.   Take care and hoping you have a good day.  Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

18 hours ago, kayc said:

Was it this hospital stay you lost the necklace? 

Yes.  It had fallen on the floor and I didn’t notice.  I had all my jewelry in a plastic bag in my hospital bag.  An aide found an earring under my bed so that is when I saw the the plastic bag had come open.  The other other earring was in there but not the necklace.  They had been into mop the floors.  I’m guessing it got caught in the swiffer pad and thrown away.  It was so thin and delicate.  Can’t really blame the hospital.  
 

An apple can be ruined when it has been cut up and seemed to be left in a bag for weeks.  I had to spit up the taste I took.  I’ll find out about raw carrots tonight if they send them up as I requested again.   
 

Every day brings a new, infuriating challenge.  Just wanted to check a deposit and my bank locked my account for too many login attempts on my first try.  That cost an hour  I have lost all patience with this craziness.  I’ve got a new nurse who has to see me take my meds.  I was struggling to get up and asked what she thought I was going to do with them.  It’s technically the law, but none of the others do that.  What am I going to do?  Sell them to someone?   
 

I have a bedsore from sleeping on my side.  Just hope the bandage holds overnight.  It’s not negligence.  The huge bloating and this are from the slouch.  I bought 2 larger pair of jeans a year ago just so I could button them.  Know I couldn’t now.
 

I was hostile so PT Did not have an easy patient.  I was fed up barely 3 hours into the day. 😡

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

An apple can be ruined when it has been cut up and seemed to be left in a bag for weeks.

Well that's true of anything, but I wouldn't think they'd feed you rotting food!!! 

I am so sorry about your necklace, I know what a scare it gave me for a couple of days to think I'd lost George's wedding band.  I know they aren't here anymore and no one really has use for it, BUT it symbolizes so much, and I remember the moment we exchanged vows and placed them on each others fingers...

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

my bank locked my account for too many login attempts on my first try.  That cost an hour

Can you call them next time this happens and have them immediately reset it?  With my hands like they are, sometimes I type it in wrong and it causes those kinds of problems as well...

They should have some foam "egg carton-like pads" to prevent sores or help them heal, we had them for mom (MIL) when she was bedridden.  She always said I was the only one who could adjust them right.  God I miss her...it's been 34 1/2 years now.

I hope you can order some elastic waist jeans that give, sometimes the fitted ones, in this situation, can slip down or bind.

Well hostile or not, they get paid to deal with it.  Always hoping for a better day for you.
@KarenKHoping the eyesight begins to clear up, miss you here and wondering how you're doing!

On a good note, I got my tax prep. ready and faxed to the tax person, took hours, poor Kodie was in here eight hours before I noticed he needed to pee!  I work like a maniac to get things done like that when I'm on a roll, and he was an angel.  Took him to play with Jazzy when I came to.  Brunch was so late, I barely ate any dinner.

[KarenK]

Before the cataract surgery, the doctor mentioned that I should see things a lot better afterward. I remember jokingly saying that I hoped I liked what I saw. It turned out not to be a joke. I have been blonde my whole life and still am through my "old" eye. In reality, through my "new" eye, I am completely gray! What a shock and a letdown. lol  Makes me wonder how long I've been this old woman!

[Gwenivere]

So you never got the ring back?  That would really hurt. I have Steve’s.  Too bulky for me to wear.  Not one to wear on a necklace that I lost anyway.  
 

The bank was crazy.  I had to reset my password so I could reset my password to what it was.  Left Tommy a message about Mel’s expenses and got a.notice for my surgical copay.  Another large amount of money gone 'poof'.

I went on another PT outing I hate.  I was told I need to do different things to appease my insurance who wanted to send me home last week.  So I sat in the activity room bored waiting on the therapists to come back and see if I can handle a longer walk.  I did.  As usual, it was harder than I expected.  
 

They changed my mattress for an air one which is thicker and adjustable for firmness.  I was told my insurance wants me out of here.  There is no way I could take care of myself at home well. I can’t even frigging stand up without feeling like I’ll fall without support!   It felt like a threat.  This all comes down to money.  I’m already running up a bill of copays being here longer than 21 days.  I’m trying to figure out what PT can do for me at home.  Walk up and down my hall?  There’s the stairs to the carport, but no driving yet. This is making me oxygen dependent by crushing my diaphragm.  I talk to the surgeon today which has me on edge.  It’s a gut feeling I’m not going to recover as I was hoping.  If I would have been thinking ahead, I would have had my tub replaced with a walk in while the house was empty.  That’s going to be a huge obstacle.  

Going to sleep and try and think of why I even bother staying here when it’s just easier for food, meds and places to go for human contact.  Then I think of 'home' and I don’t know what that means. The hose I live in was occupied by a busy happy family.  They are gone now.  Their stuff remains around, some is missing and little by little more lose meaning. They looked like fun people.  Cool stuff.  I bet they they thought about why they chose them for their home.  How things were used and talked about.  Who used that THE DUDE ABIDES mug?  What dates did they use those fancy crystal wine glasses?  They have linen napkins.  Their dresser has a rainbow votive holder.  The fridge is covered in magnets that are so cool.  Many souvenirs.  One person’s personal stuff is missing a lot.  Clothes and shoes.  There’s a gorgeous leather jacket in a closet and a note over the dryer not to dry a particular T shirt.  A basket full of dog toys well broken in with Melody's.  Pictures on the wall full of smiles.  Who were these people?  I want to be a part of that family.  

 

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Karen, my blonde is gone as I stopped streaking it.  I thought it would grow in the plain light brown.  It’s half gray if not more.  Didn’t factor in age.  Sounds like the surgery went well which is great news.  Did you say you get to ditch your glasses?  Or just progressives? Half done!  👍

[KarenK]

I've worn only cheap reading glasses for years. Used to wear driving glasses about 25 years ago. When they no longer worked, I just never bothered to get a stronger prescription. I couldn't see perfect, but good enough to get around without being dangerous. Over the years it just got worse especially with the cataracts. Near the end of March, the doctor will check my distance vision. I have a feeling I might still need glasses. It's hard to tell with only one good eye. I definitely see the tv better with the good eye. For sure, I will still need the reading glasses. I've never had progressives. I did try bifocals many years ago. They gave me such headaches that I couldn't wear them.

Your description of your happy family is so poignant. If only we could all go back in time and relive those happy times.

I hope your doctor will be able to keep you in rehab until you feel confident to leave. How is the situation going with Dee to possibly stay with you for a while?

[kayc]

Gwen, I found the ring two days after hunting for it.  Packing for evacuation and living on someone's couch for a week with no where to put your stuff wreaks havoc to any organization.

Karen, I'm assuming you can see better now?   I can't see w/o glasses, period, totally blind w/o them!  I've worn progressives since the 90s I think.  I love them, never had problems with them.  I wouldn't like bifocals/trifocals with a line on them, it'd drive me nuts.  I've also learned that Costco places vision in glasses on "the average person" not what you need.  I also found my eye doctor didn't charge any more than they did with all the add-ons and are a whole lot better!  Glasses can be spendy, depending on what you need, I have special prisms, trifocal progressives, want well made glasses that won't break.  I've found the material is so much better made than the old days, less likely to break.

Gwen, your description of "the family who lived here" is very poignant.  My home, too, is a remnant of days past replete with a family who lived here, pets gone by, so many memories, and I wonder why I hang onto all this stuff...most of what I need is in the kitchen, my PC, loveseat, tv & stereo, bathroom/laundry, I really don't use anything else, no use for the china, crystal, etc. I thought I had to have.  No need for most of my handbags, jewelry, etc.  I use the same old, same old.  Same clothes, same shoes.  When I die they can bulldoze everything and haul it off.  The kids won't want anything.  I don't blame them.  A lifetime of memories here, but they're my memories, no one else will have use for them.

Yesterday I made some soup and did the dishes, when I picked up my food processor bowl it slipped out of my hand and smashed on the marble floor...it lost.  Cost me $55 to order a new one.  Ninja makes them out of plastic, gone are the days of metal ones.  

Gwen, I wish you'd write a letter to your insurance telling them what you've told us.  But then they'd probably just want to put you in a home for the rest of your life.  Better to go home and find someone to help you with the basics while you heal.  Still praying to that end.  I would be elated if you could have your life back pre Covid.