Looking for Romance?

[Boho-Soul]

10 hours ago, scba said:

But I'm against the pervading cultural concept that being in a new relationship equals to rebuild your life. That's the motto attached to re-partnered widowed people.

I've never heard that cliché or motto before. I too don't agree that those who are widowed need to be in a new relationship to prove they have rebuilt their life after loss. That's like saying those who chose not to marry can't or don't have fulfilling lives. 

I'm still young, and I will and am rebuilding my life since the death of my husband. Of course it will be different than what I had dreamed, but I think that's part of acceptance with grieving, mourning and moving forward with life after loss. If I chose to be in a relationship again it'll be to share my new life that I have rebuilt myself, I won't get into a relationship to rebuild my life or to prove that I have. 

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Boho-Soul said:

I'm still young, and I will and am rebuilding my life since the death of my husband. Of course it will be different than what I had dreamed, but I think that's part of acceptance with grieving, mourning and moving forward with life after loss. If I chose to be in a relationship again it'll be to share my new life that I have rebuilt myself, I won't get into a relationship to rebuild my life or to prove that I have. 

I think that is about as clear as a person can be on how to rebuild a new life.  Of course, I would prefer to have my old life back, but I am elderly, and feel I would not change a thing if I could relive it again.  But, for someone young enough to rebuild their life, you seem to have the right attitude.  

[kayc]

16 hours ago, brat#2 said:

Today is Dale and mine 40th anniversary and I still am married to him in my mind, heart and soul.  I too have no desire to look for a new relationship as I'm still in a relationship with my love and soul mate, just hate that he's not here in person to share this day with me.  I miss him so..... Joyce

I  get it, Joyce, and thinking of you...

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Marg M said:

believe they are living their life now.

Or just nothing more to say.

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

I too don't agree that those who are widowed need to be in a new relationship to prove they have rebuilt their life after loss.

Exactly!  What the hell have I done the last 17 years if not building a life I could live?  Covid and culture did it's best to destroy it, but I'm still here!

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

I'm still young, and I will and am rebuilding my life since the death of my husband.

Yes.

[V. R.]

I wouldn't say I'm rebuilding my life, as I already built it with my husband. I am trying to  continue to live my life with my husband, but in a different way. He will always be with me, in mind and heart, just not physically. 

[KarenK]

Thinking of you today, Joyce. Next month will be 50 years for me. Still seems like yesterday.....

[kayc]

23 hours ago, V. R. said:

I am trying to  continue to live my life with my husband, but in a different way. He will always be with me, in mind and heart, just not physically. 

Reminds me of this:

Continuing beyond physical death
Continuing Bonds - WYG
Continuing Relationships
Continuing Bonds - rituals, world, body, life, beliefs, cause, time, person, human

 

[Margm]

I think it will take me more time than I have until tonight to catch up.  When I first signed up on, I think, October 20 or 21st, 2015, either I was a lot sharper, completely numb/dumb, or some other phenomenon.  I have had the same email for years.  Kelli gave me a new computer with a lot of bells and whistles that are beyond my brain dead life and it is taking time to get used to them.  In signing in, proving I was not a robot was hard.  (I might be one).  I am now Margm, but you know me as Marg (I think).  Will write more later.  Have to help my sister keep from being thrown out of her small apartment.  She failed inspection because she is on chemo and has not been feeling 100%.  We have someone coming in tomorrow to help her.  Really, with full moving boxes, it looked more like a hoarder's apartment than an acceptable one.  Sometimes old dogs do not want to learn new tricks.  (I sure don't, as proved by my lack of intelligence in signing back into this forum. ) I think we get complacent with the way things are right now and are afraid of any change.  Facing the day right now at noon, will read more on the forum tonight.  I've got to go to my sister's apartment.  She is sweet to me, but is rather churlish with anyone who tries to help her.  Will try to straighten myself out on here later.  

[Gwenivere]

You’ll always be Marg to me, lady.  Just so glad to see you back.  I sure know about hating change.  I hope things go well with your sister and your new computer.  I hate upgrades on mine .  It does enough to baffle my old brain as it is.  Unpacking moving boxes is tough.

[Margm]

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

You’ll always be Marg to me, lady.  Just so glad to see you back.  I sure know about hating change.

My daughter worked so hard to get it to where I would understand it.  After dark she said "I can tell your frustrated, so we will quit."  I'm back, and I have to keep looking because I figure I will screw things up.  Not even sure where I am because there is "old me" and then the "new old me" and I will just run with that.  Tomorrow this young lady (one of my daughter's friends) who works helping clean houses, she is going to come to help my sister.  I mean she has about 4-5 floor to ceiling bookcases and boxes of books to fill them up.  And, she has given half of them away.  Books:  I have always loved books.  I love the smell of them, the feel of a book.  But, in reality, moving into an RV, I gave them all away and when we moved back into a house again, I never collected them.  Everything I read is on the Kindle.  Reality hits hard some time.  

I do worry about you Gwen.  My granddaughter is given a list of counselors to pick another.  They all tell her "you have to learn to love yourself."  I do not know what has happened to our medical system.  And the doc gives antidepressants. Eventually you get into a mood that you can't even cry. Most of the time it seems they are fighting against us.  You are putting up such a terrific fight.  My sister has a week of chemo and on the 5th day she is better.  Then she has to undergo it all again.  We just really do not know what is going on.  All I can think of is "falling through the cracks" and they have not even told her if/or when she will have surgery.  I wish she was a fighter like you.  She is more of an "ignoring and it will go away" type person.  The stoma they gave her are old and do not last  as long, I don't know what they call them.  I do lose my cool with her.  Sometimes you have to fight for survival, and I know she is in pain.  I just wish she would fight instead of fighting it and running away.  I guess I better quit for now (if I am here at all).  I do see it.  

[kayc]

Margaret, did you contact Marty?  I know she responded to you about your issue... 

I hate to see you start over with a different username..

[Margm]

I did contact her.  I had already tried to sign in.  Actually just shut myself out.  I'm back in though, have this new email and almost feels like I've moved out of another zip code.  I am not sure what I'm doing, so will just keep going like I am.  Y'all know who I am.  Got to go try to help at my sisters now.  I have her a cell phone and all she has to do is put it in the cradle at night to charge it up.  She did not pay her bill for her internet/TV/home phone, so the cell is all she has.  Sometimes I feel as if I am in a foreign ocean and do not know how to maneuver these waters.  I was ill for so long, would wonder why Billy had to leave instead of me, and guess I know the reason.  

[kayc]

I see this userlink is being used for your old posts but somehow it looks different, glad you have it all together, it's me who is slow to sink in, ha!

[MartyT]

Just so you know, Marg, I did merge your accounts, so now all your posts appear with your newly chosen display name. You'll find your very first post in our forums here:  

 

[Margm]

I truly love you Marty.  Not just for your intelligence, but for your humanity, your help in time of trouble (and my stupidity), but I have to  admit something in this "run-on" sentence.  I have always wanted to see my first post and look/feel/examine my pain three days after Billy left.  I did not know how to find it.  Thank you so much for helping me with this forum, and I'm really never ashamed to admit to my fumbling through this life.  Thank you so much.  

[MartyT]

[MartyT]

Marg, my dear, you'll find all 197 pages of your posts listed on your Profile page, as "Everything posted by Margm": https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/profile/23422-margm/content/

To get there, click on the green circle with the "M" icon that appears on any of your posts (on the left side, just underneath your display name). That takes you to your profile page. Next, click on the "See their activity" icon that appears in the black strip at the top, on the right side ❤️

 

[Margm]

Thank you Marty.  I mainly wanted to open up to the way I felt right afterward.  I did that.  We were told in a church group that we needed to keep a notebook of our feelings.  It was a grief group for all grief.  I know Karen has lost a daughter.  In that group, there were women who had just lost children.  I cried deeply after each church group meeting.  My suffering was my own, their suffering seemed more than I could handle, so I quit going. I loved Billy for 54 years, well most of those 54 anyhow, we had some times like him telling me one time "I love you very much, but right now I don't like you."  I think that happens in every marriage.  I've forgiven myself of a lot of things, but I can't get rid of some things.  The notebook I started writing seven years ago, I put every page in my shredder.  I wish I could get rid of things as fast as that shredder did.  I think I got some relief from my bare naked feelings.  I needed that.  I am glad my notebook is gone.  Thank you all.

[KarenK]

Oh, what a great idea, Marg! There's so many parts of our married life that I'd run through that shredder. Save only the good parts. If only there were do overs, but there aren't so we have to learn to live with the whole of it, forgiving them and ourselves.

[kayc]

Yes, but you learned from the other experiences and you guys came through it all, to me that is the real test of a good marriage, and you still have some good memories to carry you!

6 hours ago, Margm said:

I am glad my notebook is gone. 

I did that too, years ago, it wasn't for someone else's eyes, I'd written my raw feelings following my loss of George.