azusaman Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 I have been really Pi$$ed of at God the last few days. I am a Christian who has made many mistakes and called on God's grace over my lifetime and He has given me many second chances. I really prayed that He would give my wife a second chance when she was in critical care as He has me over the years, but He didn't. I guess I don't see the whole picture this side of heaven but from a human perspective, I don't understand why she didn't get a second chance like I did over my life. Thanks for just letting me vent over this. I just let my friend Johnny Walker come over and give me some comfort. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ted I don't understand why God takes the good ones at such an early age. It isn't fair. I have been angry ever since my husband passed at the end of June. Around 2003 he decided to stop smoking and drinking and was enjoying life more that he ever had. Although he went on disability mid 2007 from vascular dementia he was living life to the fullest. He was basically retired because his memory was fine, he just had problems mentally processing certain things which led to him going on disability. He was not able to continue his job. He was working in the yard and on the house. We had the prettiest yard in the neighborhood. Then in September 2008 he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer. We really didn't realize we would only have nine months. I have many regrets and guilt of not knowing that he was as sick as he was. He didn't tell me much regarding how he was feeling. That might have been caused from the dementia, I don't know. He was only 61 and we should have had alot more time together. I was told that God had other plans for him and that is why he needed to take him Between you and me I think "God's" plan stinks. I had plans for us and now all I have is my memories. I am sure it is the same for you. I just take one day at a time and hope and pray that one day things will be better. I am so thankful that I now have my friends here to help me when I am struggling. Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ted, dear, I would never question your right to be angry at God, as that is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction in grief. I am, however, a bit concerned about your turning to alcohol for comfort in the midst of your sorrow. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and using it to drown your sorrow can bring you down even further than you are already. Please take a few moments to read the article I've just posted in The Latest News forum, Alcohol Not the Answer. I've put it there not just for you, but for everyone else who may be reading this . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ted, I don't know where my head is sometimes. I didn't realize that you were talking about drinking when you said "Johnny Walker", I'm not a drinker. I know you think that it may be the only thing that will make you feel better but alcohol is not the answer. It eases the pain temporarily but it will not make it go away. Please take care of yourself and we are here anytime for you. Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Hi everyone, From my vantage point, it is perfectly acceptable to be angry with God. If you read the Psalms, many are laments where the authors are upset with God and don't understand what is going on. I believe that God is large enough and loving enough to understand our anger. Personally, I don't believe that God took Brian away from me. I think it was an infection. We are human and we live in a imperfect world. I find God in the healing and I honestly believe that God is crying with each and everyone of us as we grieve our great losses. I also think that God comes to us in the form of angels who help us through our grief. A few days after Brian passed away there was knock on my door. It was my professor from when I attended community college several years ago -- she lives a few blocks away. She asked how I was doing and offered to go for a walk with me so I would have a chance to talk. I think that God sent her to me. And, I know that God has sent many other angels my way--the people who have made sure that I eat, sleep, and remember to breathe. I also feel that God works in our coming to this site so we can offer comfort and support to one another. During a service in church on Sunday, our Pastor spoke of God's gift of memory. While the fact that we can remember our times with our beloved holds pain and sorrow for us right now, when we are able to reconnect with the love we experienced, the gift of memory will allow us to retain that love in our hearts and in our souls. Hugs to you all as we walk this grief journey together. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Yes we do have our memories, but at this time being so new to this dreaded griefyness the memories just make me cry and hurt...I wonder when they won't hurt but comfort me...Right now, it is the ashes and clothes that I'm trying to wrap my heart around and let go...At the end of the month, I will be visiting my mom for awhile....I'm leaving it open ended for my return...we may get on eachothers nerves and I will be back before Christmas...it just depends...I have not gotten mad at God because my Bob drank too much, took pain medication and chewed tobacco...all that along with Prostrate cancer caused Kidney failure and he more or less killed himself...If I was to get mad at somebody, it would be him...but I'm not going there either...The good Lord has His will for my life and I will find out in time...in the meantime, I will cry everyday and try to heal...Love to you all..Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ted, It's okay to get mad at God, He's got big shoulders, He can take it. I don't know why He chooses like He does or why He doesn't involve Himself in our lives the way we think He should...I was praying for my husband when he died too...I've learned to accept it and have quit blaming and asking, but it took me a while. It is perfectly okay to feel angry, you have a lot to feel angry about. (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ted: I too, am (continue to be) angry at God. It is just so UNFAIR that he took Scott from me just when we had worked so hard to get Scott into treatment, and he was starting to combat the disease. The ONLY selfish comfort I can find is that he gave me the most precious gift in our daughter. I will never understand it. I, too, would advise caution re Johnny Walker. It was heartbreaking to see what alcohol did to my husband, how it made him increasingly depressed, and how he said it was the only thing that killed the pain. I never did really talk to him about the pain...I was just so frustrated. I wish with all my heart that I had the perspective then that I do now, and had been able to talk to him about it in a productive way. Alcohol does not kill or even dull pain, physical or emotional. It just prolongs it and makes it worse. Please try to care for yourself. I still find that just going out for a walk and getting some fresh air helps. And I like to munch on popcorn in front of the tube. And of course, the comfort of a kitty curled up on my lap, or purring rubbing my face is soothing. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Hi Ted, I think God does answer our prayers but it is not always the answer that we had prayed for.I like to think he sees the bigger picture and he knows what is best. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 My first thought while reading your posts, was, if you take the time to be angry at God, it means you at least are aware of who He is. That pleases me. He can handle it because he understands. And best of all, He'll still be there when the anger subsides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Ted: I too, am (continue to be) angry at God. It is just so UNFAIR that he took Scott from me just when we had worked so hard to get Scott into treatment, and he was starting to combat the disease. The ONLY selfish comfort I can find is that he gave me the most precious gift in our daughter. I will never understand it. I, too, would advise caution re Johnny Walker. It was heartbreaking to see what alcohol did to my husband, how it made him increasingly depressed, and how he said it was the only thing that killed the pain. I never did really talk to him about the pain...I was just so frustrated. I wish with all my heart that I had the perspective then that I do now, and had been able to talk to him about it in a productive way. Alcohol does not kill or even dull pain, physical or emotional. It just prolongs it and makes it worse. Please try to care for yourself. I still find that just going out for a walk and getting some fresh air helps. And I like to munch on popcorn in front of the tube. And of course, the comfort of a kitty curled up on my lap, or purring rubbing my face is soothing. Korina Korina, your statement about wishing you had the perspective then as you do now really hits home with me. I became so indifferent and distant because of my wife's alcoholism that I just wish I had a "do over". I don't want to go down that same path because I know how destructive it can be, but sometimes I feel really weak and give in. Like you, I do have two great cats I call "my boys" (Neo and Sam) that crawl in bed with me every night. I love your advice. Best, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 I really do feel your pain. God did not answer my plea to save her even though I promised to give up Parodi cigars when she was in ICU at the beginning. She really hated them. I also promised to really try to be more helpful, etc. God did hear my prayers, but decided I guess, that she had endured the effects of Polio from the age of 12, endured 35 years of an indifferent husband before he changed, and probably would have had to endure several years of rehab, with the likely prospect of spending the rest of her life in a wheelchair. So God brought her home to be with Him. I will always miss her, but am comforted by the above. I am not overly religious, I truly believe she's in Heaven. I also am a fan of our mutual friend, Johnny Walker, Black Label, but learned long ago that alchol may ease the pain at the beginning, but make me more despondent afterwards. Where about in AZ are you? Near Sun City West? Perhaps we could get together and talk. Tim, thanks for the advice. The JW Black does make me feel worse afterwards. I don't live too far from you...w. Bell rd. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonKoisMom Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Hi Ted, The title of your post caught my attention so I came into this section to read it. I'm reminded of 28yrs ago when my infant son, Noah died at 7wks old from SIDS(Crib Death). My Pastor came to our house and told me one of the most helpful things in all of my grief. He told me that I was going to get angry with God and that's ok. He understands because He lost His son too. I never thought it would happen but it did and thanks to those words spoken that day, I knew that I was no less a Christian or a bad person, I was just hurting. For me, it wasn't that I thought or ever have thought that God took either of my sons(I recently lost my oldest son, Jon. He was 37.)but that He could have prevented it from happening. Over time, I realized that if Noah had not died, I never would have had my two other children after him or my beautiful granddaughter. I've never lost a spouse, though I have very much grieved two of them not really being there for me in life. I know that no matter how much we know they are in a better place, it still hurts miserably. My prayers are with you. In His Love, Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 I have never been angry with God, but I have told him I just don't understand. Some talk about the fact that He doesn't answer their prayers to save their loved ones, but I think He does. It just isn't in the way we want. Tom had people all over the world praying for him and he still died. Looking back though I think God maybe made his road home a little easier. He usually didn't do well with being sick (even with a cold it was major), but he was a real trooper in his last battle. Pancreatic cancer can be very painful and yes, he had pain but not often and not long, so maybe that was the answer to all the prayers. He only had to endure all of this for a short 4 1/2 months and we didn't have to watch him waste away. Was that God's way of helping those left behind? We'll only know when we join Him in heaven. So sometimes the answers are staring us in the face and we can't see them. I really feel we have a loving God who is embracing each of us and understands our wonder of why He did what He did to us and our loved ones, but He loves each of us and knows we are human. He gave me almost 38 years with a wonderful caring man who loved me unconditionally. A man who gave me a wonderful loving life and two daughters. We were able to share a lot of things that some of you didn't have the opportunity to do and I will always be thankful for that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Ted, dear, I would never question your right to be angry at God, as that is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction in grief. I am, however, a bit concerned about your turning to alcohol for comfort in the midst of your sorrow. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and using it to drown your sorrow can bring you down even further than you are already. Please take a few moments to read the article I've just posted in The Latest News forum, Alcohol Not the Answer. I've put it there not just for you, but for everyone else who may be reading this . . . Thank you so much for that article MartyT. Very comprehensive article on using alcohol for comfort in the time of grief. I just need to keep being reminded of that. You're the greatest, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulaB. Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 After watching/experiencing Tom literally waste away from Esphogeal cancer for over a year and his living hell, I was praying to God to take him out of his pain and his misery. It's the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed in my life. "Give me the Mack truck"... I was so grateful when God took him. Tom is free! Free of pain, free of chemo and radiation, free of the feeding tube. He was skin and bones when he died. It was horrible. He couldn't walk, he couldn't eat, he just waited to die. He knew he was going to and he was very brave and I am forever grateful to have known him and shared life with him. And I am very grateful that Tom is at peace. Paula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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