Suzanne R. Posted July 13, 2010 Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 It is such a huge, heartwrenching, emotional turmoil that we all go through when we have already lost our loved one. To have the knowledge that someone we love dearly will be passing soon must be overwhelmingly sad. I have experienced both and I know that all of us are having a really difficult time with our own emotions and lonliness and despair. But I wonder how it must be for the person who knows they are going to be dieing, I can't even imagine, I haven't had that experience yet, but I think that must be a tremendous burden, especially those who aren't fortunate to have any faith and don't believe in a life after this one or if they believe in nothing, not God, or Heaven or the Judgement day. I can't even imagine what must be going through their minds. It's true that we are all on the same journey, but are on different levels because of where we stepped on to this journey. The reason I brought this up was for very personal reasons. I got the backlash just today from my eldest brother who is dieing of cancer who seems to me to be full of anger, hatred and lies, lies about my own son who I know is the farthest thing from the truth for what my brother believes it is ludicrous and pathetic, and I don't know why he would even think this. It's a long story but I don't even remember the last time my son spoke to him socially because we live in different states and this son is the most ethical, respectful, common sense-filled person I have ever known, he doesn't gossip and doesn't even listen to me when I tell him family things, he is so far removed from any of this, and my brother actually believes that my son is the one who told my sister that my brother is dieing which is what my brother didn't want her to know because he doesn't want her at his funeral. I don't know anything that is going on with my siblings because they have a history together as they are all older and always went on trips together. If you were to look in the dictionary my name would be under the word naive. I called him to ask him to consider forgiving to leave a legacy for his children and I think it's because of his fear of death that he's actually believing my son had anything to do with it. My brother who I always looked up to is dieing and because I'm so afraid of my own health will be put under stress that I can't call him and talk to him now. It's out of my hands. I must turn this over to God. I tried to do what I thought was the right thing and I'm just thinking to know your dieing must be worse than even losing a loved one. I think something snapped inside of his head because he really believes this about my son. So, I've been advised by someone I trust to just let it go. I try to get to the root of things and fix them, but she said don't tell my son, don't tell anyone, it will only make matters worse, but I just don't know how to let things go. I never really knew stress until now. I have my own issues with losing my husband that I'm dealing with. After my brother finished yelling at me, he hung up on me and now I am literally shaking and sobbing. So, he must be going through hell knowing that he is dieing. I feel sorry for myself just for what he put me through but I feel sorry for him as well. I would rather do something good instead of feeling sorry for someone but I just don't have that skill, I guess. I know now that I am not a mediator, I'm not a peacemaker, but I know in my heart I am not a troublemaker either, and I know only God can read my heart. I'm sorry to be long-winded but if I didn't share this I'm going to explode into a nervous breakdown. I pray for you all to have peace. And me too. God bless, Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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