HAP Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Folks, The water bottles for Walking with Jane arrived today. They look pretty good. My back seems to be healing nicely, albeit slowly. A former student I have not seen in 20 odd years wrote to me today and reminded me that not everyone gets 21 decent years together with anyone. And I finished the Walking with Jane page on Facebook. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Friends, Today I closed the book on my high school teaching career. In cleaning out my room I came across a collection of photographs from 20-25 years ago. Let's just say i laughed a lot. Then one of the younger teachers came in and looked at them as well--and she laughed just as hard as I had. And someone suggested that we try taking our Walking with Jane Tour to local farmer's markets. And I was only 200 yards from home when it started to rain here--which gave me just enough time to get home and close the windows before the deluge hit. we had over an inch in under an hour. Let's just say i think someone was looking out for me, because i had turned off the computer before going out instead of just putting it to sleep--and we lost power for exactly the amount of time that fries electronics if they are on at the time. Peace, Harry P.S. Remember folks it takes positive energy to maintain positive energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 Friends, Today was the seven month anniversary of Jane's death. Last Spring we planted some blue ballon flowers in the perennial bed. They bloomed--barely--in early October and Jane barely got to see them. I expected today to be awful, but when I went out on the deck this morning I could see that they had opened overnight. They were one of Jane's favorite types of flowers and i tried for years to get them to take--even weakly. And there they were this morning--weeks ahead of where i expected them to be. Seeing them reminded me of a walk I took with my Grandfather back in the 1970s. He was 83 at the time and felt he was in frail health. It is the only time I remember him seeming even marginally mortal. Much of the time i was there he talked about how he had provided for my Grandmother and set up a fund to continue buying his grandchildren's college text books. He talked about how he had deeded over the farm as a park. And then, one day, we were out for his daily walk. We came up the street toward his house and stopped in front of a little bare patch in the lawn. "I don't know that i will be here in the spring to fix that," he said. "But i have some seed in the garage in any case." When we put seed in the ground we do not know what will become of it--or if we will see it bear fruit. We already knew Jane was pretty sick when i set out those balloon flower plants. We knew too much by the time they blossomed. But today they took a day that was headed for a really bad place and made it somehow more bearable. I was sad she was not here to see them look like something other than a handful of scraggly blossoms. But they reminded me we are all constantly creating a future for those around us, even if we do not get to see the full fruits of our labors. The Walking with Jane page on Facebook, if i am reading the numbers correctly, is already generating more than 200 hits per day on the links to Dana-Farber and other sites dedicated to neuroendocrine cancer. And the site is only about three days old. That different kind of seed seems to be sprouting in some interesting ways. And it is bringing me word from people we have not heard from in years. Hope you have all had good things happen in your lives today. It seems like we are all facing more challenges than usual this past week or so. It is easy in these times to lose sight of the fact that there are small blessings in our lives every day. Especially in hard times, we need to celebrate the positive moments. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 Hello All, I am thankful for another week and the start of a new one....I have been having some good times laughing and smiling again it feels good...I am truely grateful and blessed...my sweet Ruth is happy I'm sure with all I have accomplished this last year and a half... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 Harry, congratulations on your retirement. So cool that you have things lined up to do in your retirement. I retired in May, and am managing to keep pretty busy. Your former student is right, you had 21 great years, and not everyone gets that. Mike and I were married just a few months shy of 20 years when he died. We had no children together, he never had any biological children at all, however my kids from a first marriage were very fond of Mike, and also grieved when he died. He used to laugh and say that he never had any children, but he had all these little kids calling him Grandpa. To all the grandkids, he was just Pawpaw Mike. Good luck with your retirement, I think you will do great. NATS, so glad you are feeling so positive. I also have been having some good times, and laughing and smiling again, it sure feels good. Still have those bad days also, but the good days help me get through the bad ones. Tammy you are just one of the most positive persons on this site. I love reading your posts. You may have your bad days, I know you do, but your positive attitude shines through. Not easy I know, but you always make me feel better reading your posts. Glad you had fun on your trip with the "crazy" teenagers, great picture. My positive for the week, I am working from home on membership drive for the arts council. I love to use "Publisher" and am making all the membership cards, and production vouchers for the membership drive. I like to do this sort of stuff, and time sure passes while I am doing it. Also going to try to go through some old papers..and declutter a little. Then, and please don't laugh at this old lady, I have been watching the first season of GLEE on Netflix, and am loving it, going to watch a little more. Love those singing dancing kids! Positive energy to us all Mary (Queeniemary) in hot dry Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Friends, Today has been amazing. As most of you know, i have been doing a lot of work raising money for cancer research. This afternoon I got a call from the local Relay for Life chair--who works in the office of Jane's primary care physician--asking me if i would serve on the organizing committee next year. Then, I posted an email to foundation that works on Jane's particular type of cancer. Less than an hour later I got a phone call from them asking me about joining their team for the Jimmy Fund Marathon Walk in September. All the money their team raises will go to funding research at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute on NEC. I had been in the process of signing up for the event when they called. They have also asked me to do some editing for them on a fundraising packet they are putting together later this month. they also want to go out to lunch so they can get to know me and pick my brain about some stuff. So I went back to putting together my website for the Marathon Walk. I had set a fundraising goal of $500. Before i could finish the website, people had already made $500 in donations. I also got the report on Walking with Jane traffic from Facebook. There were over 6000 hits on the page from the time I opened it late Wednesday night and Sunday when they closed out their record keeping for the week. A younger friend tells me that is a huge number of hits for a single week right at the beginning of things. Thank you, Mary, for your congratulations on my retirement. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 Friends, Busy days on this end of the woods. Tuesday I was elected co-chair of the organizing committee for the Greater Fall River Relay for Life. Don't know whether that is a positive development or not. We can only hope. Today, I finished the Walking with Jane page--at least for now: www.facebook.com/walkingwithjane. The page is open to everyone. You do not have to be on Facebook. Go take a look and tell me what you think. And please, folks, somebody else post something here. This is beginning to feel really lonely. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 15, 2011 Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 OK, my turn. I have not been very positive at all lately. In the midst of the pain, I just know there are good things. My flower garden is awesome and I am not a garden but friends planted things when Bill was sick and the perennials are now strong. Hibiscus the size of red plates...clematis climbing my wall and fern and hosta as healthy as can be. The hydrangea are tall than I am. I also had a new front porch installed before someone killed themselves on the old one... This is a start, eh? Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 When I got home today I had a voicemail - the quilt that I have been waiting 7 months for is finally finished and ready to be picked up. Not sure if I mentioned it, but about 6 months after Jeff died I finally worked up the nerve to clean out Jeff's dresser and closet. I donated probably 12 bags of clothes to the Salvation Army, but I couldn't part with his t-shirts. He had quite the collection, some reflected his hobbies, some his sense of humor (he loved to wear his Hooters t-shirt to chemo?!) I found the perfect solution, some were saved for me and our 4 girls to wear as nightshirts.....but the majority of them I decided to have made into a quilt. I also had some of my favorite photos of Jeff put on t-shirts so that they could be added to the quilt too. Well, the project ended up turning into 2 quilts - one for me, and one for Jeff's parents. I am fully prepared that these quilts are going to bring on all kinds of emotions, what better weekend to get the quilt back then the one year anniversary of his death. I am hoping to be able to go and pick them up tomorrow, if I can get a picture that does them justice, I will post them. Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 15, 2011 Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 Dear Tammy, Sounds wonderful. Where did you have it done? Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksbeachbum Posted July 15, 2011 Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 Tammy: That is a wonderful idea. I have not had the energy to clean out Randy's clothes yet, but you give me new strength and desire now. That is absolutely what I am going to do, a memorial quilt. Thank you. Blessings Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 15, 2011 Report Share Posted July 15, 2011 Dear Tammy, I cannot imagine going through Pauline's, clothes or anything yet. You are a brave soul I have much respect for you and the journey you have traveled so far sense the loss of Jeff. I can see your improvement in your grief. I have a long way to go. The last couple days I have had more tears than I have had for a couple weeks. My last hospice meeting a new Family was there. They got, and are still getting so much support from friends and family. I was there with no support. Only my 2 best friends Donna and Greg. Yesterday I took up Pauline's aluminum ramp I had in the basement for years. A friend of Greg's was there and helped me set it up for him . Greg was so happy and in tears, because he can now get out on his deck safely. We had a great time for about 3 hours, and yet my tears still fell down my face. I am glad for you, that you have come so far. I thought I had also, but only still at the begining. I think the quilt is great. I have quilts my grandmother made for me while my mother was bringing me into this world. I wish you and your girls all the happiness you could ever have. I know happiness is not the same with your true love and soul mate JEFF. God Bless you Tammy, you are and inspiration to me and others here who have just started our grief journey. Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Friends, Busy day here. But i got in my second run of the summer today--and my quads stayed loose afterwards--and stayed loose even after I mowed this afternoon. Two days ago they hurt like blazes. And honestly, they felt lousy when i left the house. But no pain tonight. And my back is slowly getting better. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Go Get em Harry, I wish I had my health and energy back I think I would join you. Maybe some day we could go to Colorado, I would take you on a hike I used to do as a kid. Beginning up so high on a clear day you can see Denver and the eastern plains of Colorado. Good luck Harry and God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hello All, I'm thankful for a very good weekend I had, went to the beach and enjoyed the beauty of the sounds, waves, and sights of one of most peaceful place's I've become to notice....after the day on the beach had some good seafood and relaxed....on a crazy schedule work tomorrow then another day off, it will be catch up and relax day.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted July 18, 2011 Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 Tammy, I have saved all of Mike's Hawaiian shirts to make a quilt. He loved those brightly colored shirts. I probably have 8 to 10 of them, and plan to have a quilt made of them. Just have not been able to do it quite yet. I wear one of the smaller ones occasionally. Love to see pictures of your quilts if you feel like attaching to a post. I am working on getting all the VHS tapes of plays that we have done over the years, copied to DVD. Mike did so many plays, and I love being able to watch him in them. One of my favorite is "Fiddler on the Roof". He was great in "If I were a rich man" I am having that one copied now, should have it in a day or two. Here we are, taking a step at a time. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Friends, Even in the darkness there is a light. I went to Jane's grave on Saturday. It was a beautiful day with not too much heat, no humidity to speak of, and barely a cloud in the sky. I sat down in front of the grave and just sat. Then I felt a couple drops of water. There was a big puffy cumulus and nothing else in the sky. But this soft rain--the rain I call the baptismal rain--began to fall. It did not last long--but it reminded me how blessed my life has been. Several of my former students from years ago have written me the last two days--almost as though they knew I needed cheering up. And two of my oldest friends have called within the last 24 hours--right on cue. And so many of you chimed in yesterday... Each time I find myself in need, there are dozens of hands there to help. Thank you all. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Friends, So I am clearing off the top of my desk where I have been piling paper and stuff for months. I turn to throw something away and this card comes off the desk and hits me in the leg. The card says:"When there are no words to soften the pain may your spirit be touched by the love that surrounds you and slowly...may the healing begin." Just a gentle reminder that sometimes when I thought I knew what my wife was thinking or feeling I was sometimes wrong. I put the card on the top of m desk where I can see it whenever I come into the room--right next to the card my wife wrote three years ago as a reminder to herself--and now to me--Thou shalt not whine--and the card i wrote for myself at the same time that says Welcome to Callahan's. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Last night I was reminded once again that you need to have a sense of humor. Last year, two weeks before Jeff died we decided to buy one of those 18 ft Easy Set pools and set it up in the backyard. We got it up and running with the plan that Jeff (who had an above ground pool at his house for 20 years)was the expert, so he would maintain it. Well...it soon became my job. I fought with cloudy water and then slime for a couple of weeks before I finally mastered the right amount of chemicals to prevent both. I had insisted that I was not putting the pool up this year, it was too much work. Well, it's been hot and the kids have bargained their way into me finally relenting. My brother (my go-to guy for everything these days!) was waiting for me in the driveway when I got home from work yesterday, ready to help me set up the pool...anxious to have it up so that his kids could go in it too. We raked out the spot in the yard to put it, we brought over the yard trailer over that had housed the pool since last year, and we started to unroll it. And then a mouse hopped out...and then another. After unrolling a little more, we discovered that those stupid mice had chewed holes through the whole pool!! So....I took a deep breath. Lots of things going through my mind, how Jeff had helped me last year, how much more work everything seemed to be now....and I just started laughing. I had to laugh. Who does this happen to? If I hadn't laughed, I'm sure I would have cried. My brother just stood there, not knowing what to say....poor guy probably thought I had finally lost my marbles. But I kept laughing. Then I told him to get in the car. We were going to buy another pool. So, that's what we did. We went and bought another pool, had it home and set up in an hour and by the time I went to bed last night it was almost full. I am sure my kids will be floating around in it when I get home. So today I am grateful for two things. I am still able to find the humor in things, it's how Jeff and I lived together, and it's how he would want me to live now. The second thing I am grateful for....my brother. He is always there when I need him and I truly appreciate that. Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Tammy, dear, right now I have to say that I am grateful to you for making me smile That story is delightful ~ and so are you ♥ (And look what I just read on the PsychCentral blog: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 I laughed too Marty, it was a good bright spot in my day. Thanks you Tammy, love your sense of humor. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 We were just discussing this very topic last night in our support group. How buried we all feel with tryig to keep our heads above water and then having to laugh in order not to cry. We heard many senarios from the group but I think you'rs in the best! Stay cool! Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 I have struggled over the last year to continue a relationship with my two step daughters. Not because we don't get along, but because between their schedules and my girls schedules....it's so hard to get everyone together at the same time. About 3 months after Jeff's death I gave up on planning things for all 5 of us and just decided that if some of us were free, we'd take advantage of that time and catch up with the other later. Well, last night after planning a pizza night with 3 out of the 4 girls we found out that the 4th's work schedule had changed and we would all be able to get together. Jeff and I were so blessed - 4 teenagers and all 4 of them always got along well. We couldn't have wished for a better relationship between them all....and it was evident last night when we got together. Lots of laughter....and it just felt really good to have them all with me again. I could be sad that I don't get to see them often, but instread I am just truly grateful that we were able to find them time and that we all enjoyed ourselves. Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 24, 2011 Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 Tammy, I think you are doing great. I got a laugh also. Glad to see the determination and you went and got a pool , put it together and the kids will have a blast for the rest of the summer. WAY TO GO GIRL. Laughter is good medicine in itself. Have a great time and enjoy the moment. God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 26, 2011 Report Share Posted July 26, 2011 The past two weeks+ have been pretty treacherous...home alone..too much time to think and feel....and pretty sick....but as of today I am back in the game...up and about, weak but feel human again, breakfast with a friend, spent 2 hours with my computer guy developing my new website (mentally exhausting and distracting), got charts ready for distribution of my publication and some volunteers to help get the 3,000 copies to 100 sites in 14 towns. Now I need to remember to take it slow as I buzz about to the sites I do...so I don't regress. My advice-don't get sick when you are grieving. It is just too much as many of you know too well. So easy to say not so easy to do when we are all so exhausted. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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