just one more hug Posted September 6, 2011 Report Share Posted September 6, 2011 Mary....Traces of You...Did you write that??? Oh how beautiful...tears well up and my breath catches in my throat but I have to read it again...and again. How we always found each other's hand..through trial and joy...speaks the real meaning of love....my heart thanks you for posting it.....Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Den's Gail Posted September 6, 2011 Report Share Posted September 6, 2011 Dear Mary, That is just beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us. I still have all of his clothes in his drawers and closets and pictures on the refrigerator too. So many things here he made and all of the cards and notes, everything is still here. And we always held hands, always. Our daughter's friends commented on it, even said wish their husbands did it. Forty three years together and it was still amazing. What I keep seeing in these posts is that we all had amazing relationships in a world where so many don't. It's hard for me to understand why ours had to end, but I know we're not supposed to make sense out of it in our life time, just have faith and trust. It's almost four years for me, coming up at Nov. 8th and in some ways I still haven't faced it. Yes,I know he's not coming back but I have to push him away because otherwise the pain is just still too unbearable. He's always here but when I really start to see him or look at his picture, I literally have to look away because it's still too hard for me to think of him disappearing into thin air. I don't quite understand it myself, it just is. I can so relate to robbing me of breath and stopping my heart. You can only understand it if you experience it. Again, thank you. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 6, 2011 Report Share Posted September 6, 2011 WOW Mary once again, youare such an awesome writer! Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 Dear Carol, Gail, Dave I am glad you appreciated my poem. Yes, I wrote it. I write a lot. Bill did also. Someday I will get the courage to post a couple of his. I think we are here because we all had close relationships. Someone said to me this week (when I said Bill and I were first in each other's lives) she said, "that would drive me crazy". Someone like that will not need support unless it is due to regret. We had great relationships and so our sorrow and sadness is profound and hence the need for support. I would not trade a moment. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted September 7, 2011 Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 Deb and Carol, I am glad you both enjoyed them, we are all on a rough journey, a journey with no map and our companion is not by our side as we know it but if we move ahead forward at whatever pace we so choose and find comfort in some way we have traveled far...T enjoy seeking these poems/writings as they are indeed comforting and they stimulate your thought process allowing you to really see the light so to speak...now that we have a thread dedicated to this I will continue to share the ones that touch me the most... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted September 7, 2011 Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 I choose to remember the good times in my life with Pauline. I can remember the last months, the last day, the last moment of her life. That is not what I choose to dwell on. So many people get caught in how the end was, and the terrible part leading to the death of their loved one. I choose a different path to follow. Follow the good you shared with your loved one. Let that light shine your way out of the darkness and into the light of the rest of your life. You will never forget their touch, the smells, the emotions you both shared along your way. Life will pass you by to quickly, if you choose to remember the bad endings all the time, and then when God calls for you your heart and soul will be filled with the pain and the hurt, that you have chosen to live in. I choose the light and happiness we once shared for many years of time together. DCG 9/7/2011 Rose Kennedy, once said: "Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them" God Bless, I choose to live my life through CHRIST, I know Pauline is with me always and forever. I will see you again MY LOVE. Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 7, 2011 Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 Dewayne I love the phrase by Rose Kennedy " Birds sing after a storm, Why shouldnt people feel free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them " Thks! Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 From Transcending Loss on Facebook: When a star dies in the heavens, its light continues to shine in the sky for millions of year. So it is with our loved ones. Their light is quite strong, shining down upon us. Let their starlight guide you through the darkness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Grief is a roller coaster. One day you feel a bit better, a bit more energetic and thenwham, you're rocketing into the abyss at light speed. This can happen hour tohour, day to day, week to week. Grief takes an enormous amount of energy andcan leave you exhausted. Don't try to resist the ride . . . be patient with yourself and know that the ups and downs will continue to come even as they eventually space more evenly apart. You are not alone on this roller coaster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks Mary for the recent posting, it helps me alot today......have stopped counting the days since he died, but the 9th of each month bothers me,only 4 months out, today...... and trying! Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl C Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 I think Mary has hit the nail squarely on the head....we're on a roller coaster. The only thing is, it's not a specific pattern. One day is just Ok, the next day is like it just happened and we're in a tailspin trying to figure it all out. I'm only 3 months, 5 days into this nightmare, but I know it will be with me forever. Some say time may make it easier, I don't believe that at all. The longer I go without the most important person on earth, the worse it gets. I'm not foolish enough to believe it will ever be better because my partner is gone forever. She and I did everything together, so everything I touch has her all over it. I baked 2 fruit cakes yesterday for Christmas (3 months out is the best time), and while she did not like fruit cake, she loved to see me do it because she knew it would cause some of the kids to be happier. I do thank everyone for being here (even though I'm sorry you have to be) because I think words from others enduring the same pain does help some. Hugs and love to all of you....Earl C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Hi Dave, Thinking of you today on your 4 month anniversary. Do something nice for YOURself. Earl, no one could have convinced me that it gets easier. It does. It will be 18 months soon. I still have waves coming in that knock me off my feet. I cry often and very easily....But my energy is a bit higher and I mostly sleep a bit better. I miss Bill more and more but I guess I am becoming more used to him being gone....though when I see a photo or reminder of him I feel the shock just jolt my entire being. I know none of this sounds like it is easier but somehow, in a wierd way, it is. Hard to explain. Hang in there you guys. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Earl C, Oh my friend in grief you have just began your journey and I remember those days so well and still have them...things change, trust me on this one I would not lead you astray BUT we must take things slow understanding the changes we are going thru...we need to focus on positive energy and thoughts to heal and survive, while that seems impossible it can happen...here is my Quote for the day which seems so fitting and what's really amazing is I selected it before even reading the thread I hope you can see some positve in this... NATS ---------------------------- They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. — William Penn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksbeachbum Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Dave: Thinking of you on the 4th month anniversary and hoping it will pass with gentleness. It will be the 5th month anniversary for me on Monday, the 12th. Another milestone. Seems like yesterday, yet seems like eternity. Blessings Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoneyImHome11 Posted September 12, 2011 Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 In Loving Memory of I.M.L. By Anita Levine, Babylon, N.Y. This poem is dedicated to the widows of the world Widowhood makes you know yourself. It reacquaints you with silence and loneliness. It floods your soul with despair. It strikes unexpectedly like a flashing comet. It creates dark corridors and solitary towers. Maybe someday the anguish of bereavement will slowly dissipate. Maybe someday newly gathered pebbles will form new boulders. Maybe someday new sandcastles will drip onto new beaches. Maybe someday cherished memories will remain deeply hidden. Maybe someday the hot crucible will shape new form and meaning. Maybe someday the deep, empty well will be transformed into a fountain. Maybe someday a mother-of-pearl shimmer will be found in life’s oyster. Maybe someday sunshine will glow from within. Until then, in steadfast watchfulness, live as a dedicated observer. Be appreciative of life in all its diminutive degrees. Strive to rise up and walk among titans. Nourish and guard your body and soul. Hang on… hang on… hang on… Until a new life gets itself born. ... I found this poem while searching "widowhood" Deb redesign08.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 From Transcending Loss on Facebook It takes enormous strength and courage to walk into the valley of the shadow of grief. Even as you are broken by your sorrow, you are whole in your brokenness. Tears, grieving, moving on day after day, bearing heartbreak, choosing life -- each of these experiences makes you stronger. You may feel weak as you crumble, but in truth, you are strong as you dare to touch the tender center of living and loving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 Hello My Friends, Having a bumpy ride this week, this has helped....grab a tissue... God Bless All NATS A shadow of joy flickered; it is me. I told you I wouldn't leave. My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart. I still love you. Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned. I am in the Light. In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~ these are the places I stay with you. My spirit rises every time you pray for me, but my energy comes closer to you. Love does not diminish; it grows stronger. I am the feather that finds you in the yard, the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind, I place our memories for you to see. We lived in our special way, a way that now has its focus changed. I still crave your understanding and long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul. I am in the Light. As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently. Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me. Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness. As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help. You should know that the fountain of youth does exist. My soul is now healthy. Your love sends me new found energy. I am adjusting to this new world. I am with you and I am in the Light. Please don't feel bad that you can't see me. I am with you wherever you go. I protect you, just as you protected me so many times. Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you. Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference. Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference. Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes. I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed. This can be done because I am in the Light. When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come. My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth. Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had when we were together in the physical sense. You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself. Life continues for both of us. I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light. -- Author Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 Well, those words, that message, did it. The tears are flowing and I am grateful for the thoughts this poem presents to all of us. Any reminder that Bill IS with me, feels comforting especially as I tread through this dark tunnel. Thank you for sharing that. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoneyImHome11 Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Keep your stash of poems coming our way Nats... I love what your poems have to say. I am posting this one on my Facebook page for others to read and on a cancer discussion board I still haunt. If my husband could talk to me these are the words I would want to hear from him, these are the words my heart has telling me already. Thank you. Deb redesign08.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Mary and Deb, I am thankful that what I share with my fellow grieving companions finds it's meaning into your hearts and provides some comfort, that is just another reminder to me that I must continue to travel this journey learning and sharing what I learn with my friends so that they may find the comfort and peace I am finding in my "new life"... I will indeed keep posting the quotes and poems as I seek them from many sources because they provide me with much comfort and a healing positive outlook on this journey... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Gentle Reminder: You'll find dozens of meaningful and comforting quotations I've collected over the years on these pages of my Grief Healing website: Comfort for Grieving Hearts and Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Gentle Reminder: You'll find dozens of meaningful and comforting quotations I've collected over the years on these pages of my Grief Healing website: Comfort for Grieving Hearts and Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers ♥ Thanks Again Marty.. I have found many there, what a wonderful collection...I have found many in several grief books as well...maybe you could explain why these comfort us so....♥ NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 I'm not sure I can explain why we find such pieces so comforting, my friend ~ I just know from experience that they do. Speaking for myself, I know how I feel when I'm reading an article or a book and a particular phrase, sentence or paragraph rings true to me, or strikes me in a certain way: sometimes touching my heart, sometimes bringing me to my knees, always filling me with admiration at the writer's ability to express a thought so well. Whenever this happens, I always feel a need to capture such quotations so I won't forget them or lose them ~ and these pages on my website give me a place to put them, a way to keep them all in one place. And because the site is there for everyone to see, I can share them with the world. Another wonder of the Internet! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Hi Nats, In regards to the quotes that touch our hearts, for me it means I am less alone i.e. someone else feels the same feeling I feel or shares the same value etc. I feel heard, connected. We all are basically alone (an existential aloneness) but when someone, even a stranger, has shared and voices my feeling or idea or value almost exactly as I experience it, that existential aloneness lifts for a moment and I feel connected to humanity through that person. That is as close as I can come. I collect quotes also probably for that reason. Yes, I agree with Marty....they bring me to my knees. Usually make me tear up or weep. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 This was posted by someone I connect with in Africa...who just lost her husband after losing a son a few years ago and her daughter is having a scan for cancer. As we remember her...let the words of this song touch your heart. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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