Looking For The Positives

[mfh]

fae, this couple is known for their volunteer work...they run one of the local food pantries, work with the boy scouts, help others constantly. If one saw them one would never guess. It has been hard on her to be here as her mom lived here for 20 years and died 5 years ago last Monday. I chatted with her about it and it has been difficult. She loves that I love the house..and am caring for it. I am not nuts about the location but it has its pluses and minuses...it worked for Bill well as we are close to the main drag and for a short time he could walk over for coffee by himself. The house is now quiet. Bentley is calm again. He is so sensitive...to changes. Always has been. But he lives with two sensitive people...well lived with.

Weird that you called him Brinkley. When we were waiting for Bentley to join us (i.e. be old enough to leave his mom) we saw the movie, You've Got Mail...and Tom Hanks dog was Brinkley, a golden. So we decided to name our dog Brinkley. By the time we got him, we could not remember the name and we came close with Bentley. Bill liked Bentley as he was an antique car collector in the past and had a 1931 Rolls Silver Ghost and loved Bentley's. So Bentley it is.

I fear you are pushing your body too hard and that you will pay for it. I hope you do what everyone here has urged me to do for a long time...pace yourself. I can't tell you how many times i have been sick since Bill died and a lot of it because i did not pace myself. Up until his death I never got sick. I have never spent a night in a hospital at 73. Been to ER for broken ankle once and a couple of things but basically I have inherited a healthy body...until he died. That chapter ended there. Be careful, fae.

Peace to your dear heart,

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

That is a great story about how Bentley got his name! Car and all! Neat!

I am so glad that the painter couple had you in her mom's house. Someone who "got it" about the feelings she would have in entering that home, now the home of someone else. Circles of Grace all around us. Amazing.

Yes, Mary, you are very accurate and correct: I am pushing too hard. My body is yelling at me right now. I must change my former habit of how I approach projects.

Instead of saying, "I will clean this entire set of shelves today, get everything sorted and indexed and packed or stacked (give away stuff) and then I will rest." Or, "I will paint this entire room today. Then I can rest"

I cannot do that right now.

So, I will be saying, "I will sort and pack things for one hour. Then I will stop and rest not less than a half hour before I decide if I want to do another hour or half hour of sorting and packing." OR, "I will paint for one hour, then I will rest for a half hour."

I am changing from measures of productivity to measures of time. In my usual state of being, I would find this entirely unacceptable, other than maybe the four on, one off, four on sort of hourly accounting. This is a new era, and a new, or rather, repaired, body. Things are still adjusting. My back is still complaining when I lift things out of posture. I try to lift too much. I forget to take breaks.

This is a new learning on how to live and work each day. It is a remarkable revelation for me to witness this in myself. I am still recovering, and I must honor the need for rest and repair above my own, unmindful habits of old.

Thank you!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, yes. That is pacing yourself. Bill and I led active lives but the caregiving years and his death sucked life and health out of me...it was traumatic but I did not listen to my body. Do one small task, rest, ask yourself honestly what you can do next IF ANYTHING. Trust me...

[mfh]

I was just rereading some of my posts and emails and saw how many mistakes I am making lately..typos, leaving words out, and more. It tells me how tired I am. Even when I go back and check the content, I miss them. So bear with me folks...I do know how to write, spell and type The real point of this is, however, to acknowledge my fatigue and am committed...again...to doing as little as possible for the next week in order to get some energy back. You will know I did it when you stop seeing mistakes in my posts.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

fae, I'm glad you got some help getting the heavy things moved inside.

Mary, We are getting sunshine finally so maybe there is hope in sight for you and Marty too! I agree, it is the principle!

Oh, and I just figured you were typing on your iPhone. Maybe you and fae are taking on too much?

That is funny about how Bentley got his name! Did you read "Bicky's story" about how he got his name? That was pretty funny.

[feralfae]

Oh, hello you two!

I am going to turn in, because I just yawned, which is a pretty clear signal.

Love to you and everyone, and I will be back on line tomorrow night, unless I get caught in a storm, in which case I will be snoozing in the back guest room in White Sulphur SPrings. Those of you who know Ivan Doig, the author, will recall that the Doigs are from WSS and Ringling. His dear nephew is our chef for the dinner party. A retired research biologist on tick fever and other icky stuff. We do not allow him to bring his (retired) work to the table. One must watch these biologists.

I am off to sleep.

Blessings.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

We actually had sun a lot today. Still too cold though but Bentley and I got a good walk in. I did very little today. Tried setting up the LR/dr but soon ran out of energy and quit and took a nap. I really have done nothing now for two days now.

Using iPad. I have an Android phone because iPhone service is not good with our hills

How is our boy? Arlie?

[MartyT]

[mfh]

This is pretty desperate!!

[mfh]

Well, the books are back in three of my bookcases...probably 500 hundred of them with some treasures to break up the wall of books. What a job! Now for the CDs....in another area. I thought this would go faster but it feels good to be creeping towards the finish line which will come in a week perhaps when the art is hung and the kitchen and bathroom etc. are done. A good time to finally get the oil of Bill framed also. I waited for the painting to be done so I will ask my color guru to go to Madtown with me soon to a great framing place we use and get that done. Slowly but surely. VERY slowly. I decided to do one other task that I have wanted to do since we moved in here...the previous owner turned the original tiny 50s bathroom into a laundry room so it would be on the main floor. I love that as the steps to the basement are 50s also and steep. They then turned the smallest bedroom into a bathroom which I appreciated with Bill's walker etc. However, the new laundry room is minus a toilet so I am having my plumber come next week and install one along with a new small pedestal sink...giving me a half bath...that way when I have clients in my home office (which is where I intend to see them and have been since Bill was too sick for me to leave all day), they will use the half bath and not be in the main bathroom of my house. Must be a tax deduction in there somewhere. I hope I outlive my funds and in the meantime I will enjoy the house more. My positive for the day!!

Mary

[kayc]

Sick two days now, a lot of tummyl pain so haven't done anything today. Going to go walk Arlie, hopefully it'll help. Mary, Arlie is doing fine, wish Kitty was as good.

It must have been a huge job getting your books put back, ugh! I have no idea how many books I have, a lot, but I don't think 500.

[mfh]

Kay, I am so sorry you feel ill. I hope you feel better tomorrow. I am uncertain of your schedule. I know you are off on Fridays. Do you go in tomorrow? I hope the kitty catches up with Arlie....

rest, relax, tea....know you are loved

mary

[kayc]

Been drinking green tea & having ckn noodle soup. Yes, I'm back to work in the morning.

[mfh]

Excellent. You have had a tough winter and I am not surprised that your body is screaming...I wish you could stay home tomorrow but alas...you can not. I hope you feel better in the morning. Sleep tight...Peace, Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Kay and Mary,

May I recommend chicken rice soup rather than chicken noodle: the rice is a lot easier on the tummy than gluten noodles. For anyone.

I am so sorry you are not feeling well. My tum is still on the fritz, and I am on mostly rice, banana, some dry toast, and I cooked half an apple in some almond milk, added cinnamon and a splash of Grade B maple syrup, and had my Sunday dessert. My dessert for the week, and such a delight on my day off from training!

Look, you take care and try a day of biled rice if you need to do so. It has really helped me to begin to bounce back from what the heck this was in my tum. I am off all dairy and gluten, so having an easy time, but not tolerating raw veggies yet.

So, now that Arlie is better, we move along to the next larger mammal in the house. Then there is the smallest mammal to attend to.

Mary you should be able to get a tax deduction of some sort for the remodeling of a space into part of your home office. Your accountant will know. Or, brilliant one, you will find the answer on line.

Wow! On the books! Super. I am glad that you are also pacing yourself.

I am so glad I stayed home today, as it is still snowing and blowing. Neighbors are out cutting more firewood for their house. I, fortunately, am pretty well fixed for right now. Winter is back, and I can remember when our last blizzard of the year was on our anniversary, 19 May. We laughed and went out to play in the snow.

Four cartons are packed. That is a good number for me to do in one day. Then, I meditated for a long time, and am going to do so again.

I will go do my last set of meditations, take a shower, then if I am still alert, I'll see who is here when I am ready for sleeping.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

fae, actually, most vegetables are better off blanched than raw as they will release their nutrients better when slightly cooked. I heard about it at work and in disbelief, read about it myself on line. I was surprised! You're right about the rice but I didn't feel like cooking and this is all I had, although I thought about it briefly. Oh well, wasn't much noodles in it anyway. I think it's an attack of IBS. Anyway, I was better late last night and slept well, woke up 1/2 hour early and cooked before going to work early and taking a break to read the paper before starting my day.

[dickd]

I went for my usual morning 3 mile walk today, and while I walked I talked to my deceased wife Judy, and didn't burst into tears once; I talked to her about some of our good times together over 46 & 1/2 years of marriage. The positive thing was I didn't turn it into a pity party. Gives me something to work on. Thinking of things that were positive for the day helps. Thanks

[MartyT]

Good for you, Dick! ♥

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Dick, welcome. I will try that today. I was married for fifty years to my beloved Pete and I talk to him too.

[kayc]

That is great to hear! I talk to George all the time...when you live alone you can get away with it.

[dickd]

I went for a 3 mile walk this morning, talking with my wife Judy who I lost Mar 11, 2013 after 46 & 1/2 years without bursting in to tears. Practiced just thinking of all of the good times we had during all of those years. I actually looked up toward Heaven & smiled several times.

Today I went back to the out patient rehab facility who helped Judy after her surgery for Brain Cancer; they were so nice to both of us, and really helped Judy. I felt good going back there to tell them how much we both appreciated all they did for Judy. I actually felt a little healing inside.

[kayc]

It's okay to grieve, to burst into tears, to feel sad, to miss them, but it's also so important to try positive focus when possible. What you are doing, by showing appreciation to those who were of help to Judy, is a positive focus. Positive focus take effort, this grief work is not for wimps!

[mfh]

I have a lot of posts to respond to but I must post this first.

This blew me away and it is only when I got home and was alone, that I was able to let it in and let the tears flow; tears I held back for the most part since 9:30 this morning when I left for my art workshop (which had its pluses and minuses). When I packed my gear for the two days of art I grabbed a sketch pad that I had never used, had no idea where it came from but was in the art drawer with other pads of paper that I remember boxing up when we moved to this house in 2009. As the class was beginning we were told to bring paper and pencil (for notes) up to the circle of chairs at the demo area. I grabbed that pad, went up front and opened it to find a pencil sketch on the first page. I had no clue who did it. I knew I did not. Then Kathy, a friend sitting next to me, saw it and told me I did a good job. I told her I did not know who did it. She pointed out that it was signed. Yes, it was signed by Bill in 1974 (39 years ago…the year we met-he was just 43). I have never seen it. I knew he could sketch but it is the only sketch I have of his. He drew house plans and a few sketches of sculptures he wanted to do but he later tossed them out one day when he knew he would never be able to do them. The paper this is drawn on is yellowed with age. The tears started as I sat with this sketch and the instructor started talking. Only one friend there would get it and I shared it with her at the break. She saw how significant this is to me. I am blown away by this find. I cannot put into words how I feel. It just reaches way down into the deepest part of my soul. It feels like he is telling me to continue making art. I have been wanting some sign from Bill about anything and I know this may or may not be one of those…but it surely felt and feels more than good. An artistic piece of him that I will get professionally framed and treasure forever. I just want to sob and hug it (him) to my heart. Now that I know a bit more about perspective and light, I see the potential he had to become an artist. That makes me glad and sad. He had just also purchased a wood lathe to make beautiful bowls from from burls.

[kayc]

Oh Mary, it is beautiful! I would have it framed and hang it somewhere where I could look up at it often and cherish it. What a gift! George wasn't artistic but man what a gifted writer! His college professor thought he should write, but he took psychology and eventually ended up a welding fabricator. He liked seeing something for his efforts. I found a poem he'd started after he died, he wasn't finished with it, and it meant so much to run across it, I really understand how you feel.

[mfh]

Thank you, Kay. I do intend to have it framed. I would love to share the start of the poem George wrote if you ever feel like sharing it. I came across the notes Bill had compiled for a book he was planning to write... The Tone of Your Voice...it was about couples communication and how we says things to each other. We planned to create a CD of examples. These finds are bittersweet treasures, aren't they.

Thanks so much, Kay

mary