Meditation

[MartyT]

Here is a very, VERY simple meditation practice that might be helpful for beginners: Daily Meditation for Success: Do This First Thing Every Morning

[mfh]

Marty, this is a great meditation tool. Thank you, Mary

[mfh]

If you go to www.soundstrue.com and look on the right side of the home page, there is a place to sign up for emails. If you sign up (they are not a site to overload you) you will get several free downloads on meditation and meditation music. It is a great site for other purposes also. They offer free interviews with their authors and they are usually excellent (Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, does the interviews. There are also free podcasts.

Just FYI

Peace

Mary

[mfh]

Below is a piece on meditation that Marty requested I write for here and for the blog. I hope you find it helpful. Peace to your hearts, Mary

Meditation: Helpful to Those Who Grieve by Mary Friedel-Hunt, MA LCSW

"It is only through holding our own broken hearts and wounds in an attentive and compassionate embrace, that we can, over time, move through our grief to some stage of peace and resolution."*

Research studies confirm that the practice of meditation and mindfulness changes our brains and our lives; reduces pain, anxiety, confusion and stress; boosts the immune system; and increases concentration, focus and compassion among its many other benefits. The practice of meditation and mindfulness can assist us in healing our grief because, in addition to the above benefits, it helps us live in the present moment...where our grief resides. It gives us better access to the "now" thereby helping us become more aware of our pain and sadness and by being more aware of it, begin to heal it. Distracting ourselves from our grief is necessary and helpful from time to time but repeatedly avoiding pain and grief only serves to prolong the journey to healing. Any tool that can increase concentration and focus and bring us to that place where grief resides (the present moment) is surely a tool that will facilitate grief healing. As a dedicated advocate of the use of meditation, my hope for others is that they learn how helpful it can be as they walk the labyrinth of grief in their lives.

My Story

A daily practice of meditation has been an essential part of my life for years. First as a member of a religious order in my twenties; then as a teacher in the early 60s and early 70s when I taught my 5th grade students how to meditate. And as a psychotherapist for many years, I teach and have taught many clients to use meditation as one way to deal with anxiety, depression, grief and a host of other concerns. My husband Bill and I practiced meditation on a daily basis throughout the years of our marriage.

Why then, when I needed it most, did I abandon this lifelong and important practice? It happened somewhere in 2008 as Bill moved into the later stages of Alzheimer's disease and was no longer able to meditate or practice Mindfulness. At the same time, I was becoming increasingly overwhelmed and exhausted and clearly in survival mode doing only what had to be done as I took care of Bill, saw clients, published a local magazine that he and I founded and much more. Life was challenging and even traumatic and eventually meditation and mindfulness got lost in the trauma and stress of Bill's final months. It was not until well after he died in 2010 that I deeply missed my meditation and knew it would be one of the keys to healing my deep grief.

In hindsight, I know if I had maintained my practice during the caregiving days and as I was in the early months of experiencing the gut wrenching grief that followed Bill's death, life and healing would have been easier.

It's Not as Difficult as You Might Think

Because there are so many ways to practice meditation, the thought of it can seem overwhelming to a beginner. This chart outlines some of these ways. http://www.wikihow.com/images/sampledocs/2/Meditation-Techniques.pdf

In reality, however, meditation is simple. Let's start with Mindfulness meditation. Stop what you are doing and... look around your space. Let your eyes fall on the various objects that surround you. Really look! Really see! Choose one object and hold it in your hand. It can be a pen, a shell, a flower...anything will do. Block out everything except the object you have chosen to look at. Become one, so to speak, with the object. Study the tiny details, the colors, the shape. Do this for a few to several minutes. You have just practiced Mindfulness, i.e. being present to the here and now either by focusing on one object or all that surrounds you including sounds and more.

Now try this. After you read the following paragraph, sit up straight and close your eyes. With your eyes closed, pay attention to your breathing...follow your breath in, as you inhale and out, as you exhale. You can also imagine your breath moving through your nostrils, filling your lungs and traveling back out again or you can count to 4 as you inhale and again as you exhale. When you are distracted (and you will be distracted) gently bring your attention back to your breath. Do this for a few to several minutes. You have now practiced another type of meditation, one with a goal of clearing your mind and focusing on just one thought.

Keep It Simple

Our minds are quite busy producing some 40 or more thoughts in any given minute. It is what the brain does. Those of us who have meditated for a lifetime, still have to deal with our monkey minds. Your mind will wander. Don't fight with your it, just gently return to what you have chosen as your focus. With time and patience, it gets easier to maintain your that focus. With practice, you might see your blood pressure decrease if it is high or your emotions level out a bit or those grief triggers that happen all the time becoming less stressful. When the tsunamis of grief come barreling into your day, you will have a resource to turn to that will help you become calmer and more peaceful as the torrent of grief subsides.

Use the suggestions above or go to any of the websites below for guided meditations. Guided meditations are helpful to those who are grieving because they provide something on which to focus. I know from experience that as you grieve, it might seem difficult if not impossible to sit quietly (even as the tears may flow) to focus on a flower, the sounds in the room or your breath. But be gentle with yourself and try it anyway. At first, perhaps all you can do, is sit quietly for a few minutes. Once you can do that, try one of the guided meditations using the links below.

The journey through grief, for me, has involved not only acceptance of my loss and my grief but an embracing of them. We who grieve learn to integrate our pain into our lives. Eventually what feels like a backpack filled with lead, lightens until we actually have times, even moments, when it is barely imperceptible. And then in time, your own time, those times will increase and grief will no longer control your life. Instead it might sit quietly in the back of your heart and/or mind allowing you to honor the love you have for the person or pet you miss so much and even to be compassionate for others who are walking through grief. Meditation is one tool to help you arrive at that place.

Meditation Resources:

Videos

Tara Brach -Free guided meditations

http://tarabrach.com/audioarchives-guided-meditations.html

Joan Halifax -Grief and Meditation

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/encountering-grief-guided-meditation/4983

Bella Naparsteck -Ease Grief

https://www.healthjourneys.com/kaiser/easeGrief_flash.asp

Jon Kabat-Zinn -Body scan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdG2C8wr1pc (23 min)

UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center includes LovingKindness Meditation (varied lengths)

http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

Guided LovingKindness Meditations

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRDsbXr9CY8 (13 min)

Jon Kabat-Zinn -What is Mindfulness (2.5 min)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoLQ3qkh0w0

Thich Nhat Hanh- Guided Meditation (40 min)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehhzQq7cIuc

Sharon Salzberg -LovingKindnesss (Metta) Meditation (27 min)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3uLqt69VyI

Articles and books

Ten Myths About Meditation

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bhanu-narasimhan/meditation-myths_b_4170727.html

Books on meditation:

Meditation for Beginners (Jack Kornfield

Real Happiness (Sharon Salzberg) (Includes a CD on Metta Mindfulness)

Mindfulness for Beginners (Jon Kabat-Zinn)

A Beginner's Guide to Meditation

http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/a-beginners-guide-to-meditation-20131025-2w5pq.html

Ten Myths About Meditation

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bhanu-narasimhan/meditation-myths_b_4170727.html

*Brad Hunter, Use of Mindful Awareness in Loss and Grief, Handout: "Coming into the Present Moment", Association for Death Education and Counseling Webinar, Nov. 13,2013

[feralfae]

Oh, Dear Mary,

Thank you so very much for that, and thank you Marty, for bringing Mary back here to share with us. You are both beings of such light and compassion, and I hope you have even a tiny inkling of how much both your presence means to us all here.

Mary, thank you. I have most definitely found that the more mindful of being in the present when I am meditating, the more I can heal and release the pain of grief. There are days when I can physically feel the pain leaving my body, and my heart becoming more peaceful.

I have tried many of the meditations you recommend, and have yet to find one that did not speak to me, especially since I seem to be led to a meditation that is just exactly what I need for the day. *<twinkles>*

Mary, your story of how you lost your presence with your meditation when Bill was very ill reminds me of how I lost almost all mindfulness of myself in Doug's last months. I think maybe this is a part of what happens for many people when we know we are walking with our Beloved to where and when they will cross the veil, leaving us on this side. I am very happy and grateful to have meditation back in my life, and so very thankful for all the wonderful meditation links you and Marty and others have found here. I know it has helped me tremendously.

I can still feel the weight of my backpack, but these days, I think I will be able to carry on while carrying it along.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Thank you, Mary, for this piece. I printed out the meditation techniques chart and have it on my wall in my meditation corner. I always called it my prayer corner.

Even though I have been meditating for a while I still consider myself a novice.

I really find your examples of “meditating being simple” helpful. I believe that many of us have been meditating only not calling it so.

For years I used to think that I was failing in the practice of meditating because I was always so distracted. I have learned now that it is normal to have all these hundreds of thoughts come into our heads and it is all right. The object is to focus on a mantra each time we are distracted and just let the other thoughts go. I think I’ve been more aware of doing this since Jim died.

I am far from “accepting and embracing” my loss of Jim but it does not stop me from trying. The “integrating of our pain into our lives” will be for me a life long process.

I was asked by my physical therapist when I first started treatment what my goals were and I said right away that one of my goals was to be rid of the pain and be able to turn in bed without the ouches waking me up. It is so with my goals in life now – to accept the pain of being without Jim here with me in the way I’d like him to be and work on integrating him into my “new” life that I am forced to live. The pain is easing over these months and I’m sure that over the months to come - if I work on it – my grief will not be as painful.

Thank you for all the resources you have compiled for us. Several of these people I have come to know from your meditation thread. I look for anything with Tara Brach, Joan Halifax and Sharon Salzberg. The books I have gathered are treasures to be read over and over again. I am almost afraid to go on Amazon for one book because I end up buying several! Anne

[mfh]

Dear fae and Anne, I am so glad my piece on meditation is helpful. fae, I like to think in time the backpack becomes a part of us...a teacher, a source of sadness, and even a gift. It all takes time as you are learning. You are taking time for you and that matters. Good for you. Anne, I agree with you that we tend to formalize meditation instead of seeing those quiet moments and times of deeper awareness as a time of meditation. I do believe the pain will lessen and there will be those days when it is hard to carry. Healing is happening...for both of you. I can see it from here. And I know both of you see it in your own lives also. Slowly but surely.

Peace to both of you,

Mary

[mfh]

Without overloading you with meditation information...this piece might be helpful also. Mary

http://www.bustle.com/articles/8605-a-beginners-guide-to-meditation-and-mindfulness-in-6-steps

[kayc]

Wow, so much information! It can seem overwhelming. But just selecting one at a time, brings it back to the simple. I used to practice it all the time and somewhere along the way, I left it, I'm not sure why...busyness? Sometimes it's just when we need it the most that we leave it behind. Trying to get back into doing it daily and carrying it with me inbetween.

[Wifflesnook]

Wonderful Mary. I'm wondering how we can copy and keep it? Any idea anyone? Or will it be necessary to just come back to it? I want to keep all of it including the links.

[mfh]

Jan, if you are referring to my meditation piece, here it is in pdf with live hyperlinks. Glad you like it.

Meditation pdf.pdf

[enna]

Oh, thank you Mary for the pdf of your meditation piece. I'm so glad that Jan asked you for it. So very many helpful links that I'm glad I have it on my desktop. Anne

[Wifflesnook]

Wonderful. Thank you. And how clever. I used to think I was pretty good with these things but I think I got left behind a while ago.

[mfh]

You are both welcome.

Mary

[enna]

My post just vanished so I'll post again. Mary, the Tara Brach link on her guided meditation under your meditation resources is broken. I get a message Not Found. I have listened to these before so I don't know why it is not working. This is a very good link. Just FYI. Anne

[mfh]

Anne, I repaired the link and the pdf link. No clue why it quit but I thank you for letting me know. Do let me know if either of these fails again. Thanks much, Mary

[mfh]

Tomorrow, Wednesday, Nov. 20 is the 6th of several webinars on Mindfulness. These are open to all though geared towards professionals in the mental health field and I recommend them as a foundation for understanding your mindfulness practice and how it can help with grief. I say that understanding fully that concentrating and staying motivated to learn can be challenging as we grieve. But if you feel up for it, these are very good. If you watch this live or within 24 hours of broadcast it is FREE. This is the focus of tomorrow's speaker, Dan Siegel, MD. Each one is followed by a talkback session which is equally good. I believe there are three more Wednesdays in this series after tomorrow.

Register at http://www.nicabm.com/2013mindfulnesswebinarseries/k3-info/?del=11.19.13blog

Dan Siegel, MD

The Neurobiology of Mindfulness: How Being Present Can Change the Brain

• How Mindfulness Affects the Brain
• Mindfulness and DNA: How Mindfulness Can Raise Telomerase Levels and Change Chromosomes
• What it Means to be Present
• Learning to Become Mindful: Turning a Mindful State Into a Mindful Trait
• Why What You Do With Your Mind Changes the Structure of Your Brain
• The Power of Presence to Create Health and Happiness
• How Mindfulness Improves the Integrative Capacity of the Brain
• Meditation and Mind-Wandering

[enna]

These all have been excellent. I look forward to tomorrow's with Dan Siegel. I have come to really like Ruth and the talkbacks with Joan and Ron have been great. Thank you for the reminder, Mary.

[mfh]

I agree, Anne, they have had lots to offer. Tomorrow's looks to be very helpful also. Enjoy.

Peace,

Mary

[mfh]

Helpful piece on Mindfulness Meditation:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elisha-goldstein-phd/mindfulness-practice_b_4276387.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Five Key Tips to Start Your Mindfulness Practice.

[enna]

Enjoyed the link above Mary and today's webinar with Dan Siegel was excellent! I'm sorry I didn't buy the Gold Membership but it really doesn't fit anything I'm doing so figured I could spend my money on other things. The entire series has been so good. I took many notes so will have much to fall back on when I organize the notes. Anne

[mfh]

Anne, so glad you are enjoying these. I missed Siegel yesterday but will watch it on the weekend....it is a great series...and the talk backs as well. Here is a link to an article by Siegel.

http://scan.oxfordjournals.org/content/2/4/259.full

Peace to your heart, Mary

[mfh]

Bruce Davis is just excellent on topics like meditation, silence, etc. Here is one on meditation.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-davis-phd/meditation-_b_4288486.html?utm_source=Alert-blogger&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Email%2BNotifications

[mfh]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-taft/meditation-practice_b_4244404.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

Here is a good piece with hints on how to get your meditation practice in place and keep it there.

[enna]

Thank you, Mary for all the treasures you give us here on the meditation thread. Today I woke up with the thought that something wonderful was going to happen. It is still early so we shall see. In the mean time I came across this video that I had bookmarked and it reminded me of the video Mary posted about the Band of Light. So, I used this to start my day...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrsOco9Hbu0