Changes I'm Making

[MartyT]

As you take that ride and walk, dear Anne, please know that you take my love and blessings with you. It's good to know that you are proud of yourself and how far you've come ~ and I too am very proud of you for the hard work you have done, and continue to do, on your own personal grief journey.  ♥

[kayc]

Oh Anne, you have reason to be proud!  You are exemplary in your grief work, I wish others could see how you've tackled it, you'd be a great mentor.  I realize everyone handles it differently though.  But you've had not only your grief to deal with, but medical issues that alone would be daunting!  I am proud of you and hope your walking and reflection are good.  Love you!

[enna]

Thank you, Kay. You know how hard this journey is and we both know that it is a journey we must take alone ~ others can walk with us but it really is our journey.  

 

[enna]

It is good to get out in nature for I think it helps us in our grief. I took off early this morning for the White Tank Mountains. My trip was quite different than when I used to go with Jim. I had only gone one other time since Jim died and that was for a midday memorial for a student (age fifteen) who died of cancer.

I am glad I went today even though it was painful. I saw hikers, a few creepy crawly things, one coyote in the distance, and many birds.  NO snakes, thank goodness!

 I took a book with me that I’ve been reading daily written by Henri Nouwen called Bread for the Journey. The message for the day resonated with me and I share it here: “Sharing our Solitude” ~ A friend is more than a therapist, or a confessor, even though a friend can sometimes heal us and offer God’s forgiveness. A friend is the other person with whom we can share our solitude, our silence, and our prayer. A friend is the other person with whom we can look at a tree and sky and say, “Isn’t that beautiful,” or sit on the beach and silently watch the sun disappear under the horizon. With a friend we don’t have to say or do something special. With a friend we can be still and know that God is there with both of us.”  

It makes no difference who we believe in or what we call a “higher being” ~ what matters is that each one of us gets in touch with our soul for that is what will last when we enter another realm of our existence. This is only what I believe.

My trip up the White Tanks helped me to do just that. I went alone but I wasn’t alone. I sat on a rock and looked down at the valley I live in. I thought of all the beautiful people I know. I prayed for peace in our tumultuous world. I reflected on what I was going to do with the rest of my life. It’s another step forward. For me, the steps have really been “baby” steps. I returned home thankful for the time out in the sun. After a shower, I took a nap. I no longer feel bad when I nap during the day. It is a right for anyone my age!

[scba]

Beautiful landscape! 

[enna]

Just reading this exhausted me! But I'll try a few.  

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/64-tips-grief-and-exercise/  

[Froggie4635]

Well, I made the appointment to take my driver's test....May 16.  Something people do every day that so many take for granted...scares me so very much.  But, I need to get out from under it...the fear.  I have no doubt that I can do it...it is all those other people who don't worry about my safety as much as I worry about theirs.  

[enna]

April 3rd would have been my beloved Jim's birthday. How I miss him every day. This weekend the USAF Thunderbirds are here at Luke Airforce Base ~ what a wonderful show. My Jim was a pilot. 

 

 

 

Edited June 24, 2017 by enna
Removed personal photo.

[kayc]

Anne,

How neat that they're doing a show, I like to think it's just for Jim!

[feralfae]

Oh, Anne, how wonderful to have all those wings above you as you celebrate Jim's birthday!  Doug was a pilot too, both before and during his service and then after.  Aviators often seem to have a wonderful perspective on life.  I know Jim did -- it shows in his smile.

Much Love to you today as you remember, celebrate, and as the grief flows from your heart.

namaste,

far

[enna]

A big thing I am learning on this journey is that each day is important. It is not easy to "stay in the moment" but that is what we have to do. If we fret about what happened yesterday it does us no good and if we worry about tomorrow we are really missing out on all that is happening right now. Namasté 

"There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is yours is the present." www.gratefulness.org 

Grenville Kleiser
(Photo by Emilian Robert Vicol)

 

 

 

[enna]

All part of the process...the challenge is to "allow it to be, without resistance, and let it flow over and through you."  A BIG order! And a daily challenge. 

Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

 

Sometimes it seems as if things are ok, you're managing. You might even smile and laugh again. And then suddenly, out of the blue, grief bursts upon you again. Like a giant wave, it washes over you and knocks you down. These 'grief bursts' are normal, even after years and decades. Just allow it to be, without resistance, and let it flow over and through you. Trust that even this is part of the process of healing and living with loss.

[enna]

How fragile we are. . .

 

[kayc]

Beautiful!  a wonderful addition to this gorgeous 70s degree day!  I have all of my flowers out, the bees are happily buzzing around the my hummingbirds are vying for the feeder!

[enna]

Finding my appetite after Jim died took me a long time but today I can say that I'm back to cooking and enjoying some of the foods Jim and I used to eat. I will usually invite a few friends over since I still have a hard time eating alone. 

Oh, I wish my Jim were still here for he loved to cook before he became ill. I am so happy I learned from someone who loved being in the kitchen. I have been on a soup kick lately and I so remember how good homemade cream of mushroom soup tasted. Vegetable beef soup with homemade bread was a staple. Later I became creative and tried cream of broccoli/cauliflower soup made with four cheeses. My five bean chili was tops. Just for fun, I made chicken noodle soup, French onion soup and even made Italian Wedding soup.

My Jim was a BBQ king but I loved to experiment in the kitchen using a double oven. I would prepare pineapple pork tenderloin with my oven-browned potatoes. My salmon (came fresh from WA from Jim’s brother) wrapped in foil with an herb butter sauce was always a favorite. Potato-crusted Halibut is also a favorite. Grilled asparagus and corn or fresh veggies make a nice side dish.

We were simple folks who believed in comfort food and never fixed any fancy foods that after you ate you felt like you needed to jump in the car and look for an Arby’s or Chinese restaurant open late to satisfy that hunger.

I am an appetizer queen. My bruschetta with homemade baguette bread was always a hit. Sometimes I would prepare fresh mozzarella cheese slices, garden tomato slices, olive oil, salt, and fresh basil and no bread. If you like avocado then you would love my avocado dip served with chips or my avocado crispy fries. Is there anyone who does not like deviled eggs served with margaritas as you wait for those BBQ ribs smothered in sweet-and-spicy sauce and baked potatoes to be ready!

Have I mentioned dessert yet? There is only one – chocolate anything, but I do make a wicked apple pie and lemon squares and cherry tart cups.

Today I will make my Zuppa Toscana soup using the same ingredients as Olive Garden ~ spicy Italian sausage, fresh kale, and russet potatoes in a creamy sauce.

And because this is the weekend I will have chocolate twice.  

[kayc]

Sounds wonderful, Anne!  One of my favorite soups is Turkey Frame Soup, another that I make all the time is Green Soup (kale, spinach, purple onion, celery, cabbage, carrot, red bell pepper, mushrooms, chicken, rice).  I, too, love soup!  And I'm a real sucker for bread, you're getting me hungry and I just had breakfast!

Today is a "take care of Arlie day", I have to make him another batch of food, and also turn a dozen eggshells into powder, and change out all of the water (I keep it on hand in case the electricity goes out).  It will keep me busy!

[enna]

As painful as it is we must acknowledge our grief for that is how we get through it ~ I believe. 

[enna]

 

Our world really does stop. This is such a good book. 

[enna]

I am so sad today. 

 

[enna]

In our lifetime, we must pause.

 

[enna]

As I mentioned in the positive post thread my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday April 28th. My grandbaby was not due until the middle of May but the baby had other plans. This is number three for me and the kids chose not to know if they were having a girl or boy. Because she was born early, they did not have a name chosen yet. I still don't know what to call her except beautiful. It continues to amaze me that sadness and joy really can co-exist. I am still so sad that my friend's precious dog died on Wednesday and then my grandbaby was born on Thursday. It really is true that there are two sides to every coin. When sadness is about to swallow you up along comes a breath of fresh air and the heart is not as heavy.

The picture was taken yesterday when she was only a few hours old. Mommy and baby are doing just fine. Grandpa would be so happy for he loved babies.

 

Edited June 24, 2017 by enna
Personal photo removed.

[MartyT]

Warmest congratulations, dear Anne, and welcome to your latest little darling  ♥

[kayc]

She is just beautiful, Anne!  I hope you can get there soon!

[enna]

Four Years Ago this month (May 25, 2012) I lost the love of my life. How could it be!

STILL, BY NOW ~ there is no such thing. It is so unkind of us to think that we will ever get over our losses. There is no By Now" says Jeff Foster. The heart always says, “awe you are here.” We will never be free from this loss and that is okay. It is as it should be. Sadness does not want to be healed it wants to be held. That is the healing.  If your heart is open sadness can come and go. Our sadness over loss will always come and go. It is okay to hold the sadness. 

I look at my bookcases and see many books on grief. Some I don’t even remember reading. I think back on the MP3s, videos and meditations I have listened to, the art projects I lost myself in, the articles, music, and webinars I dove into as a way to help me on this new path. I recall with fondness all those who sat with me and did not try to “fix” me. Who held up me when I was too weak to stand by myself ~  

 I look in a mirror now and see someone very different ~ early on there were no smiles but that has changed a bit. I now can smile, I can go through a day without deep heartache, I am slowly getting back into a life that will hold new meaning for me as I carry my Jim in my heart. Yes, I believe he is still with me. How could he not be? We had forty years together.

This has not been an easy time for me. I have dwelt with learning how to live alone, health issues, other deaths, friends suffering losses, and dealing with people who don’t include you because you are no longer a couple!  I know the rollercoaster ride will always be present. I know I’ll be slapped against wild waves. I know the triggers will be present but what I see is the ride is not as wild, the waves are not as fierce and the triggers do not bring me to my knees as they did in the beginning.

Believe it or not, I have grown as a person. I don’t have time for artificial friendships, I make volunteering a priority because it draws my attention to others rather than just to myself, I reflect daily (pray, meditate, garden) because it is important to me, my family is still top of my list and I will always keep those friends who are not afraid to allow me my grief.

This month I will reflect on gratefulness. I have so very much to be grateful for and a very important part of my gratefulness is being a member of this grief healing discussion group. You have allowed me my pain and I love each one of you for that. I wish those of you who are so new to your grief will one day read this and see the possibility of new life. It will come. You only have to work on it. “Grief Work” is just that ~ work.

Anne

[MartyT]

Your loving message warms my heart, dear Anne. We are so fortunate to have you here with us, as you are one of the most beautiful flowers in our garden. Blessings to you, and thank you  ♥