kayc Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 He's trying to get on here but can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 (Kay, thank you sweet friend for posting for me) Sadly my second granddaughter Lilian Mary followed her twin sister Lila Beth to Heaven to be with their Grammy. Lila fought for six days and Lily fought almost seventeen days. They weren't supposed to be born yet at 24weeks yet they have lived on this earth and passed to Heaven in a whirlwind. My heart breaks for my son and DIL. There is no comfort I can possibly offer them other than the knowledge that Mary and I lost two babies stillborn when our son was young. I know my son needs his Mother now, and it crushes me that she isn't here to comfort him. The only comfort in all this is the girls are with Mary and our own two babies. I thank you for all the prayers for both girls. They were not forsaken. My boy thanks everyone who has prayed. My grandsons know both of their sisters are in Heaven but they don't understand why. We adults don't even understand why. I'm lost for any more words right now... Butch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 Butch,You are the sweetest...how very hard to post this. It's hard to comprehend and none of us can explain, just know our hearts and prayers are with you and your family. Your beautiful baby girls are being cared for by their grandma even now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 A dear friend of my DIL sent this precious song to her to comfort her in the loss of Lila and Lily. Her friend lost a child too... An infant though. It just blows my mind that the girls weren't even supposed to be on this earth yet for a few months and yet they existed in this world for such a short time... But the most precious sweetest time. The most difficult trying time... But these tiny girls lived what feels like a lifetime but only in a glimpse of time really. So tiny. So loved. So innocent. So strong. So precious... ❤️❤️http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c_U0ctrJDo&sns=em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 Beautiful, Butch. Just beautiful . . . ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 Butch,I am so deeply sorry for your loss. This forum has become a family of sorts and it hurts that one of our own has such a deep loss. I did not know him then, but Mark told me of how deep the hurt was for him when his niece, Emily passed after only living a short period of time. It does not matter the length of time someone is on this Earth; their lives have an impact that will touch us for the rest of ours. My heart goes out to you, Butch and your family at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 What a precious gift, this song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 The world is too still and quiet. Allen and Katie went away for a few days to be alone to process the girls loss and that they should still be in her belly. They are facing reality and its twice the load to carry. Plus my boy really misses Mary... His Mommy... And I'm just stupidly beyond helpless. I've got the boys. They are "camping out" in the living room in their tent. While I lay on the sofa. Little Man has been super attached clingy to me. I think he feels my heart heavy for many things... Mary, our own twin girls we lost stillborn, and our son and DIL losing their tiny baby girls. It's just insane how the bricks just keep piling up and yet we supposedly are equipped to fight back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Yes, Butch, "the bricks keep piling up" and there are times when words can't express our thoughts.I found this link and found it helpful. http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/08/20/of-tears-and-terrible-sounds-when-life-is-too-painful-for-words/ It just about sums up things when life is too painful for words.I am glad Allen and Katie have a chance to be away for a time to process all that has happened.I am so very glad that you are there to watch over your grandchildren.You remain in my heart.Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Anne, I thank you for finding that amazing piece of writing, that expresses so beautifully what we cannot find the words to say ~ and I hope that Butch will read it too . . . ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Been praying and continue to pray. Words cannot convene the profound loss and aftermath. Please know we are praying for you, Allie and Katie. My heart is saddened for your loss. Praying for peace and comfort. Shalom George Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Butch, you are being a godsend to Allen & Katie right now, thank God you all have each other as you stumble through these losses. Loss, pain, and death has become altogether too familiar to your family this last year as you lost first Ziggy (further back), then Leo, then Shannon, your precious Mary, and now little Lila and Lily. Any of us would feel this is too much, yet you've had to deal with other major things as well, your fall, your heart, and your knee replacement.Press on, dear friend, your kids and grandsons have need of you. Press on, even through a time when you have no words, no thoughts, no conscious being, merely the powerful loss that consumes you. You are a good grampy. My kids used to build tents and forts in the living room and in the back yard. I was thinking just yesterday about that, how that's what divides a great parent from an ordinary one...getting down and playing with your kids and letting them "mess up the house" a little in the spirit of fun...for kids need that. They know how to do it, too, no matter what is going on in life! I wish we could take lessons from them, but somehow it seems our awareness of all that is going on makes it more difficult.I have a mental picture of Mary holding the babies...the only redeeming thing in all of this is that they are with her and being cared for. How hard for poor Allen and Katie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Anne,That is beautifully written...of Tears and Terrible Words. Some people are gifted at expression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Butch,Any words I could offer just seem so inadequate. I send you and your family strength at this most horrible time. Life is so unfair, yet somehow we keep at it. We all grieve for you.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 I am trying to keep my family together. I'm struggling to know how to make it better. I can't when I can't keep myself sane. I can't ease my son's pain I can't ease my DIL's pain nor the confusion and sadness in my grandsons. I can't even do these things for MYSELF. 7 1/2 months since my bride went to Heaven. Yet I keep turning to her... Looking for her... Needing her comfort. I need to give that gift to my son of having his Mommy (as he called her even in his adulthood) because he needs that comfort. He is lost as is my DIL. So many dreams gone with the passing of their precious girls. And me, the patriarch of our little family... Totally helpless. It's my job and I'm failing miserably. I know what it feel like to lose not one but two baby girls of mine and Mary's yet I cannot comfort my the kids. Things would be easier if Mary were still here. She had the comfort that is needed by all. And she'd give it endlessly. Why? I am furious. And it's indeed eating me up. Im broken. Broken for too much that cannot be mended. It's my job. And I'm failing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 Butch, my dear, I hear your sense of helplessness, hopelessness, despair and fury, and you've every right to feel all of that and more. This is so wrong, so cruel, so unfair. I wish with all my heart that things had turned out differently and we could lift this heavy burden from your shoulders, just as I know you wish you could do that for your family.The pain you feel at your own losses is bad enough, but to see your children and grandchildren in such pain is almost beyond your capacity to endure.All we can do is offer you our compassion, understanding and love, along with our heartfelt prayers.And that is what you have to offer to your children and your grandsons ~ along with your loving presence. You are there for them. You are there for them as you share with them your sorrow and wrap them in your love. Your love is what they need from you now, and you have never failed at giving that.I send my love to your precious family, and pray for healing and peace to your broken hearts . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 I am praying for you Butch. I have no answers. I struggle myself at just over six month loss of my wife. I know Jesus is able to handle it. "Cast your cares upon the Lord for he cares for you." I will continue to pray and intercede for you.We are not made to handle it alone. Many members in this group care and are praying, meditating, etc.. . for you. Rest in God. Shalom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 I'm so sorry about this news. I've been trying to think what to write but nothing seems appropriate. There are no answers, and this is awful too. Answers would be very appreciated. you've right to be angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 Butch,You can't fix what isn't in your control to fix...I don't see it as your job, much as you wish you could. When you and Mary went through this, could anyone fix it for you? My guess is, no...you just had to get through it together, the best you knew how to stumble through. It is one of those cruel jokes of life, one beyond our comprehension, one very painful.I am so sorry for all you and your family are going through. You are helping by being a good grampy to your grandsons, by just "being there" for Allen and Katie. You say you can't even take care of yourself...maybe not, but all of you together will get through this...one day at a time, together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 I thank you all so much for your overwhelming support. I seem to fail in the support area. But I guess I'm just trying to survive and hold up my family. I know none of this heartbreak is my fault. I just feel inadequate as the one who is the protector. I promised my love before and in her final minutes that I would take care of everything in our family until we are together again. No I can't change circumstances but as a father and Grampy my heart is broken for their broken hearts I really had such hopes for my granddaughters I loved them so much in their short time here I loved them before they were born just as I did my own girls all were taken way too soon No one could ease my heart nor Mary's heart when we lost our twin girls So it's hard that I can't ease my son's heart He's being a stand up husband and father As I was when we lost our girls I had to be to take care of my Mary and our son I guess he got that stand up strength from me I can admit that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 PS-- my son has read all of your thoughts prayers and support for his family. He isn't a big talker but he is touched immensely but the outpouring of emotion for he Katie the boys and for their Angel girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 26, 2015 Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 yes, I guess they have to make their way through it the same as you and Mary did. I understand that it is hard to watch them go through the same thing and be unable to do anything. Death and grief are very hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffNH Posted August 28, 2015 Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Butch there's really not much more I can add to the beautiful words and sentiments that have been written here. My heart goes out to you and your family at your loss. Take care.Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2015 Tonight is 33 weeks since my bride passed away in my arms. And I'm having a meltdown. My son and DIL are melting down over the loss of their twin girls. Tomorrow we are holding an intimate memorial at church. Close friends and family. I can't fix anything. I'm jealous of the Angels. My wife having our own twin girls in her arms as well as our twin granddaughters. I'm just plain overwhelmed tonight. I will again speak in church tomorrow. It's harder than when I spoke at Mary's memorial. Because I hurt for my own flesh and blood... My son and grandsons and my DIL because I can't take that hurt away from THEM. iwish I had my partner beside me where she belongs. For our son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 29, 2015 Report Share Posted August 29, 2015 Thinking of you, Butch as you grieve your beloved Mary. Please know that you, Allen, Katie, and the boys will be in our thoughts as you hold the memorial tomorrow for your precious grand baby girls.Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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