9 Months

[Gin]

Al has been gone 9 months today.  I wish I could say things are better, but in many ways, it is worse.  I feel so alone.  People seem to have forgotten about him, unless I bring it up.  I have had medical issues, so I can not do too much.  We always had a cookout for the 4th and always included folks who had no place to go.  Well, now I have no place to go.  My friends have mates and are doing other things.  Have not heard from my kids.  They have things to do with their friends.  I will try to go to the health club and do some gentle exercise.  Big deal.

I miss Al so much.  His family in Pennsylvania have no contact with me anymore.  I guess everyone thinks I am OK after "all this time".  I have news for them.   I can not blame them.   Al was my everything.  They cared about him, but no where near how I feel.  I only met most of his family a few times, so I am not very important to them.  

All in all, not a very fun day.  

Gin

[mittam99]

Gin, I know this is a tough day and my heart goes out to you. I too, feel abandoned by Tammy's family. It hurts to an extent, but I've come to an understanding that, in the scheme of things, it's not really a big deal. My older sister actually invited me to a cookout today and I have to say, my sisters have been kind and supportive of me.

Right now, the most important thing is you and your health. Both physical and emotional. It's so hard to deal with the emotional side of things though when you are having medical problems.  I wish I could take your pain away, I wish I could go back in time and give Al and Tammy and all our beloved soul mates the gift of good health, but I can't.

I hope tomorrow is a better day than today and I hope you begin to find some comfort and some peace in your life.

[R.Everit55]

I can only offer huge hugs.  

[brat#2]

Gin, you are in my thoughts today.  I know how hard it is and you are right that it doesn't seem to get much easier.  I'm alone today also, what little family I have left are over a 1,000 miles away and even if they weren't, they would be doing their own thing with their family.  Holidays are hard enough, then to add the anniversary date really makes it hard.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better for you.  Sending you a BIG HUG

Joyce

 

[Gin]

Thanks Mitch, Butch and Joyce.  This is stuff we all have to deal with.

[kayc]

Gin,

Thinking of you at your 9 months out.  I know the pain of being alone on the holidays while very aware of everyone else having their fun family times.  I have a daughter 1 1/4 hours away, never answers the phone or texts me, I have a son 2 1/2 hours away, busy with his family.  For all intent and purposes, I am very much alone.  I wish I could go see the fireworks my town is having but not being able to drive at night cuts that out.  There are drawbacks to living where I do, if I were further in, I wouldn't be so isolated.  But I do love the nature and wildlife here.  I'm thinking of taking Arlie to the park today, it'd be nice for us to get out and do something fun together.

[Gin]

Kay,

One daughter lives about 30 minutes away and another about 45 minutes.  Son lies in California (me in Illinois).  Rarely hear from him.  One daughter does not answer phone or text either.   I am getting tired of begging them for time.  

Gin

[Widowedbysuicide]

I'm sorry for your situation Gin.  I'm an only with a son living at home.  I'm thankful I have him (even when he makes me crazy).

Thnking of you and sending hugs.

[Gwenivere]

I don't know what to add except I truly understand anniversaries stacking up and how much more we keep missing them.  I'm sorry about your kids too.  I don't had any, but friends that have vanished that adds to the loneliness.

[KarenK]

Not sure I will ever adjust to living alone after having Ron by my side for 40+ years. Still longing for those calls from my daughter which will never come again.

 Going to Walmart later for dog food and a few groceries. My son is working, so will share a steak with my grandson if he wishes. Yesterday was a bad day for him. He was in his funk of wanting to die. I never know what sets him off as he won't talk to me. We had actually been spending a little time together watching Stargate DVD's for several evenings, then BAM. I know it's not my fault but makes it very uncomfortable around here. Even the dog wants to hide.

[Margm]

You all know all my problems.  I love my kids, but I am glad neither were twins.  I put my anniversary thing on FB yesterday and one of my friends that was with us (friends) from our first date told me "Be happy you had him so long."  I told her I was truly blessed.  I was.  It was a long time, but just not long enough for me.  Forever and a day would not have been long enough.  This friend got married late, but I think they have kids, or one of them does.  I definitely do not wish this on her, not angry at her, you do not understand until it happens to you.  She is a sweetheart anyhow. 

Hope you all have a good 4th, as good as you can squeeze out.  Hugs to you Gin, and the rest of you too.  Will go to "de house" on Wednesday.  Too much to do down here..  Now, how did I get into this mess?  Too much to do in Louisiana to leave and too much to do in Arkansas to leave any faster.  I'm running as fast as I can.  I have house set up in two places.  Crazy situation..  I can really be my own worse enemy.

[Clematis]

Nine months is not much... Jewish tradition requires a full year of mourning after a significant loss, and every year after that you observe the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) at services, where the congregation stands with the people who are mourning or observing the Yahrzeit of a loved one. This seems more realistic than what our general population seems to think is realistic.

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Will go to "de house" on Wednesday.  Too much to do down here..  Now, how did I get into this mess?  Too much to do in Louisiana to leave and too much to do in Arkansas to leave any faster.  I'm running as fast as I can.  I have house set up in two places.  Crazy situation..  I can really be my own worse enemy.

Marg- I know what you mean...I am split it two places, as you are--and we are both doing it much too soon! I can't even imagine how you are doing in two states! How far of a drive is that from one to the other? At least my two houses are only a block and a half apart!

[Gin]

Karen,

It sure is hard living alone after so long being with Ron.  And then losing your daughter, also.  How  has your health been?  You had problems a while back.  It is hard to believe that we can get through all this.  We will keep trying the best we can.

Gin

[KATPILOT]

Not a fun day at all Gin. It seems like holidays we celebrated together lose so much meaning when we find ourselves alone. I'm sorry you have such a void compounded by the lack of importance Al does not have for them. I mean missing him as you do. Sadly as you go through the years you will find yourself still missing him while others don't to the same degree.  This day was always such a big deal for Kathy and I. We always would go somewhere special perhaps more than most holidays. I had these memories all day because they were so damn much fun. I am trying to concentrate on what this day actually is about. Truthfully I had little thought about how we became a nation on this day all those years before. I started thinking about the sacrifices people before us made so I could be born here. No small deal. At least it got my mind off of missing her so much. At least it did till I started writing this. I think we are all a little more blue today than red and white.

You made it nine months. Seems like an eternity sometimes doesn't it?  But dear lady, you're still standing and that's no small deal either. One day that shall mean more than it does right now.

[KarenK]

Gin,

I am doing okay, just very tired all the time. Don't rest well worrying about anything and everything. Tests were fine as I knew they would be. Have they figured out your breathing troubles yet?

I haven't been to a fireworks display in many years. It's just so blasted hot here and not really enjoyable. I sometimes step out into the driveway and can see a few of them high in the sky. There are about 30 of them around here.

You are right, Stephen. I think we sometimes forget those who paid the price for our freedom.

[Gin]

Stephen

this day was a big deal for us, too.  We always went to an outdoor patriotic concert at the local university.  We went last year and it was quite a struggle.  Al could not walk and we put the transport chair in the car.  It was quite a struggle to get it in and out.  The band played the medley for all the military branches and Al stood for the Army song.  Only a year ago...so much has happened since.  I am sure this day means so much to you since it was a big deal for you and Kathy.  Tomorrow is a new day!

Gin

[Gin]

Mitch,

You  are right.  It really does not matter that much that Al's family does not care that much.  His sister and brother died so there are only nieces and nephews left.  He really was not that close to them, so why should they?  It is so good that your sisters are understanding.  My brother has been kind to me, but he has early Alzheimer's so it is not consistent.  I worry about him a lot.  I hope you had a nice cookout and had good weather.  No rain here.  When you are alone and missing your loved one, the days seem so long.  I, too, wish I could restore health to Tammy and all the rest of  our soul mates, but we both know that we can not.  We just have to struggle on.  I am grateful to you and the rest of our friends here who understand.

Gin

[Gin]

Karen

Right after Al died, I tore the meniscus in my knee.  After his service, I went to the ER.  They started me on ibuprofen.  Evidently I am sensitive to that drug.  After a few months (after chest X-ray, allergy meds, stress echo) he took another blood test and found I was very anemic.  That accounted for being out of breath.  Now I am on iron.  No where near OK, but better.  Two more weeks and another blood test.

[kayc]

I wish I could go see the fireworks, maybe it'd make me feel less alone.  Not being able to drive at night and living alone is a a huge drawback.  I miss so much!

Harry (Hap) wrote on FB today that he always reads the constitution and the Declaration of Independence on the 4th of July.  I think that's a cool tradition!  Thought I'd do that this evening.  The Declaration of Independence means all the more to me because Ben Franklin signed it, and I'm related to him).  I love history and learning about relatives as well as our country's history intrigues me.  It's good to remember what we celebrate this day for, even if we don't have anyone to truly celebrate it with.  Most of our holidays have lost their original meaning and have become a time to enjoy family, which isn't necessarily a bad thing if you have family around.  Since I don't, I guess I'll try to get back to the original meaning.

I tried to visit my sister today but they went to the casino.  Still, I had a good time with Arlie, he makes me feel less lonely.

[kayc]

Karen and Margaret,

I always lament not seeing my kids & granddaughter much, but reading what some of you have been through maybe I shouldn't lament so much.  I don't know how you do it.

 

[Patty65]

(((((((Gin)))))))

Much love,

Patty

[mittam99]

Gin, the weather here was rainy so the cookout was moved inside. It was nice but I still don't do all that well at these family social gatherings. Going as a couple with Tammy was the life I knew. I feel out of place and out of sorts now at these kind of events.

Then I come home and it hits me so hard. The silence is deafening. I need Tammy. I need my old life back and I need Tammy's love. I can't believe all this happened. It's my new reality but even after almost 16 months, I'm still staggered by the pain and the overwhelming sense of emptiness I feel.

Tammy was not only an amazing person, she and I fit like a glove. You find that perfect someone and you think it will last forever, and then, in a flash, everything you ever wanted in life is gone.

Sometimes it's incredible that we even halfway function in this new life. A life that's for all intents and purposes our worst nightmare. Except this isn't just some bad dream, it's our painful reality.

[Gin]

Mitch,

I do not even make it home.  I cry all the way home.  I usually avoid gatherings for that reason.  I am somewhat ok if I do not think about my old, good life.  But I always do, just as you think about Tammy.  I think we all think about how great it was when we had our soul mates by our side.  So hard to think that it will be this way from now on.

Gin

[CharKath]

So sorry your feeling so bad Gin. Things are starting to snowball for me too. In fifteen days it'll be one year without Charley. It just can't be that long. It seems like it just happened yesterday. I went to the fireworks with my best friend and she really enjoyed herself, but the whole time I'm thinking here Charley and me sat in this exact spot sitting next to one another enjoying the show not knowing it was the last time I'd ever get to do this with him. The following week things would go downhill and my whole life would end with one final breath. Today I was ansie and uneasy and I have this cold knot forming inside. My subconscious knows what day is coming. I feel for you and everyone else out there that has to go through this misery.

[kayc]

Kathy,

I'm sure the fireworks remind you of the anniversary of his death because it happened so quickly afterwards.  I thought the same sort of thoughts as you that first year, how just shortly before I was happy and had no idea what was coming or that my whole world would be shattered.  It's a lot to swallow.