KarenK

Kay, Had to laugh, not at you, but myself. I went and counted my teeth. I actually have 20 left! Most of my molars are gone & all wisdom teeth. They didn't enhance my wisdom anyway. It's terrible how teeth affect our well being. When your teeth hurt, you hurt all over. I went to the dentist on Tuesday expecting to get a molar pulled. Nope. It is in there too solid. All, of my 5 temporary fillings are still in place, but the dentist foresees some of these teeth coming out. He doesn't want me to waste money on filling these and he can redo the temporary fillings, if necessary. Unless of course, they start causing a lot of pain. Like you, I sure don't want to lose any front teeth. Guess I am too vain.

Thinking of you today as you cherish the moments you had. George is but a stone's throw away and always in your heart.

How true this is! I often hesitate to say that I lost Ron 3+ and Debbie 2+ years ago. Unless they have experienced this type of loss, they look at you like "So, big deal. You should be over it by now." I simply say that I have adapted to it. It is as if I have "jury rigged" my heart waiting for it to break again. Other opinions be damned!

Praying Butch, just praying that she will be alright. I always look forward to seeing her beautiful little face.

And that is how I think we survive. Just getting through each long day and even longer night. The anniversary does not signify greater or lesser pain, rather the day our lives were changed forever. My heart is with you, Marg.

I have been on a sporadic search for a church where I felt at home. This is a challenge to me because I guess I am not religious in the traditional sense. I have a lot of trouble with faith, as you do Marg. It is hard for me to reconcile the fact that half of my family has been lost to me in such a short time. I suppose I am searching for a way to contribute to humanity and find some meaning in my life. This morning, I may have found just such a place. It is a Church of Christ. The church is not huge, nor the membership large. It is simply a warm, welcoming non-traditional atmosphere with many members in my age bracket. I was pleasantly surprised to find that an old friend of 40+ years attends there with her husband. We worked together those many years ago. She lives nearby and our sons went to school and played ball together, although we did not socialize outside of work. She has known tragedy in her life as her oldest son committed suicide many years ago. There was a coffee and snack fellowship after the service and I met some nice folks. Time will tell, but this may be the place I have been searching for.

Marg, Without knowing, I somehow knew you were speaking of Rose Kennedy. She truly lived it all in her lifetime, did she not. Glad to hear Kelli is home safe, but the temperature sounds worrisome. Hope someone is with her to keep any eye out.

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am going to force myself to leave this house and go shopping. I was going to go to the swap meet, just for somewhere to go, but decided I couldn't face that one. I've not been there since Ron left. We used to go on Saturday mornings and he would rent one of those riding chairs because it is a lot of walking. So I have settled on JC Penneys. I have managed to mask the pain of shopping in menswear. It took me almost a year. I got one of those $10 off a $10 purchase things. I don't need a thing, but my grandson needs boxers. Not too exciting, but I love a bargain. For further excitement, I'll hit the library, grocery store, and Subway. What a fun life I live. So very different from what once was.

Kay, So glad you are making it okay. Got up at 5 and the first thing I did was to check the Weather Channel. Looks very bad and scary up your way. Hope you are not getting flooded too badly. I know you are expecting tons of rain and wind today. Debbie's area of Kentucky gets torrential rains, wind, and tornadoes. The first year I experienced this(the rain), she lived in a mobile home on top of a hill. I just knew we would be surrounded by floodwaters when morning came. Absolutely not! She lived 20 miles from Mammoth Cave and there are cave systems and sinkholes throughout the area. The water just goes into the ground. The creeks flood though. Rain like yours here would put us in boats. Hoping we hear from Gwen soon.

Butch, I am simply sending you a giant hug. Love, Karen

Marty, I long for the days when the whole neighborhood pitched in to build someone's barn, although I never lived them. It is just a fantasy, like "Little House". I think there are still many cultures left that honor and care for their elders. Unfortunately, there don't appear to be many in America. Most elders are "swept under the carpet". I am fortunate that my son is of the mind that since I have taken care of him and his for so long that it is only fair that he reciprocates. He helps when he can, like driving me to the doctor and grocery shopping when I don't feel up to it. I do sometimes feel like I am taking up his free time. None of us wants to be dependent on others, but sometimes it is a necessity. Marg, I think you and I could put Erma Bombeck to shame.

Kay, I am so blasted sorry about your roof. I know you said there was rain coming. Is there any possibility you could find someone who would put a tarp over the damaged roof area just until you can get it fixed. I know you have limited resources in your area.

I have wondered if there will ever come a time when we no longer miss those we lost. Will there be a magic moment when the loneliness just fades away? Perhaps for the younger crowd if love finds you again. For me, that is not an option. Too many years spent with that one person just negates that idea. It seems like only yesterday that they were here beside me even though it has been years since I lost each of them. The loneliness lives on and with it the non-stop video in my head of the last days of each of them. One of the worst moments was my daughter running from Ron's grave as we buried him, crying "Mama, Mama, soon that will be me." A year later it was. If only I could edit that video or erase it.

Thank you all for your love and concern. I did go to the doctor today and I have Bronchitis, not a surprise. He gave me 3 prescriptions. I could only afford the one for the Zpac antibiotic. I was choked up enough before the price of $51 each for the other two was revealed. Who pays $51 for a bottle of cough syrup or an inhaler? Not me. Neither of those are covered by my Humana Wal Mart prescription plan. This must be a conspiracy by big pharma and insurance to phase out the common person. LOL Anyway, I have a somewhat expired inhaler and will survive without the cough syrup and hope to feel better soon with the antibiotic. Now, if I could just fix my broken soul and heart...................

I have been sick with this flu? and a cough that won't quit for two weeks now. I can't sleep because I get choked when I lay down. I got choked in the store 2 days ago. They brought me water and hovered until I finished getting groceries. How embarrassing! I'm so tired I can barely see to type. In the middle of the night I just sat and cried. Being sick doesn't help. I cried because half and more of my heart and soul are missing and I can't get them back. I don't know how. The person who saved me from myself for more than 40 years is gone. There is no one to save me now. I am crying again and so sad.

Missing Maryann!. Have not heard from her since we parted at the art auction. Hope you are doing okay, my fellow Texan.

Patty, May your tears dry and be replaced with the many wonderful memories you shared with Ron. Happy Birthday, my sweet friend.

I have lived in Arizona for 60 years and visited the Grand Canyon many times. Our cabin was only a couple of hours south of there. Have never hiked the canyon, only a short way down the trail, but turned back as Ron was not able with his health. The canyon holds a special place in my heart. On my wall hangs a framed print of Brighty of the Grand Canyon, the original mule associated with the famous mule trip rides to the canyon's bottom. It was given to Ron by the sculptor Peter Jepsen who created the bronze statue of Brighty that sits at the North Rim of the canyon. Ron assisted him in designing the small model that was used as a prototype for the bronze statue. Kudos to you Brad, for completing the hike.

Kay, So sorry I missed your birthday. I'm glad your family was able to be there, if only for a short time. I know you treasure those moments.

Patty, Here is a coincidence for you. My Ron and I were also married on 11-19, although 1972 was probably a few years earlier than you two. The length of your relationship does not matter, only the quality of it. Yours speaks volumes. Love, Karen

Laura, Love my little bird and loved meeting you and everyone else. Sorry, I missed Brad, and couldn't find you Patty, to say goodbye. Will confess that my head was in a bit of a fog with this crappy flu. Please, please, no one get sick from being around me. I just wanted so badly to meet everyone. Everyone that contributed did such a fantastic job. Steve, you just went so "over and above". It was a pleasure to meet you and our other forum members and your precious grandchildren. Wishing for a safe return home for all those who traveled afar. Karen

Amy, What a wonderful thing for both of you! I hope you will brighten each other's days. A challenge for sure to raise a 12 year old. I'm sure Daniel is smiling down on you.

Oh Butch, I'm so sorry that you are having an extra difficult time right now. I thought perhaps that you were just "taking a break" from the forum. I am glad you took the initiative and went in for some help. Perhaps it is the med change that is adding to your feeling of just not feeling like yourself. I don't really think you "get over it". Somehow, we just trudge onward. You are not a failure, my friend. Far from it. Karen

Gin, In time, I hope those last few hours will fade from our memories. They have yet to fade from mine, even years later. My husband's last few hours were quiet. My daughter's were not. Hers were the most painful thing I have ever witnessed. Ron's device was disabled in the hospital before the ambulance brought him home. I cannot remember if it was returned to me, but the home monitoring device was one of the first things I got rid of. It seemed so alien sitting there in my kitchen. For no particular reason, last night was one of those where it felt like someone had poured an extra helping of lonely over me, Those are still frequent and very unwelcome. I managed to watch John Wayne's "Big Jake" with only the hint of a tear. I know all those movies so well, I could quote the script. I told Ron that this one was for him. Hugs to you.

Marg, I'm so sorry this is happening to Kelli, but glad their appears to be a team willing to help and so glad that these are benign. Gamma Knife appears to be used for the head and neck area only, while CyberKnife is whole body. Both are non-invasive. When is she having the procedure? I so understand your wanting to be with her during this difficult time. We always want to be there for our children. There are so many things that we can not kiss and make better. It sounds like she is in very capable hands. Thinking of you....