iPraiseHim

My Journey continues... May is usually the roughest month for me because of so many life events. You can scroll through previous years posts for that. This year as it is my sixth trip around the calendar without my beloved Rose Anne, I decided to just let the month of May roll in and out without much fanfare.... Well that was the plan anyway,. Just feel the feelings and keep moving forward. Of course May 1st was important because of having to making decisions about Medicare options, etc... I have never been reminded so much about my age or that focused on a number. I've decided I'll just hold at this age for the rest of my life. I went to my Cardiologist to get clearance for an elective surgery but the doctor wants to postpone it because of my stents and the medications. My Endocrinologist says my thyroid function is fine yet I still have some annoying symptoms. I am fortunate to be able to work . I installed my window air conditioner today as the temps went up into the 90's and it is 85 in the rest of the home. I will be able to sleep comfortably tonight. I hope to get my Home AC repaired soon! Life continues to march forward one day at a time and I strive to do my best each day. Stay safe everyone. Shalom (Peace)

Does your oxygen machine have a humidifier? Oxygen dries out the sinuses and that is what causes it. When on a portable, a couple of shot of saline mist in the nose helps. - Take care - Shalom

JimJim, In my early days and years of grief, I too searched for some reason, for some way to blame myself for my wife's death. If only I did this, if only I knew that, etc... I keep going over in my mind trying to find some way to blame myself so that I could hang on to a reason for her death. I love my wife, Rose Anne, beyond the limits I can put into words. Through this group, prayer, and my faith, I have come to understand that FEELINGS are not FACTS! Yet when examined can lead us to Truth. I was my wife's caregiver the last six years of her life. I learn to forgive myself for being a human, fallible and unable to perceive and keep everything working perfectly. I am not Sovereign and control everything. Life is not in my our our control. I had to learn to forgive myself and stop looking for someone or something to blame. My wife died five years ago while I was away at work. I wasn't home to save her. I miss her every day. ( Today is her birthday). I cherish all of the wonderful memories and experiences we shared together for almost 26 years. I pray you will find a way to forgive yourself for being human and loving your wife. You are worth it. Take care and I will be lifting you in prayer for healing your heart, mind, and soul. Take care- Shalom (Peace)

Happy Birthday, my beloved, Rose Anne - Shalom

Hi Metal, My heart grieves with you as I read and absorb your profound loss. Although our journey is different , I went through similar symptoms of grief, sleeplessness, lack of appetite, no energy, etc... Fortunately, I found this wonder group and safe haven of people who understand deeply the intensity of this grief. I reached out here, listened, asked questions, and just shared my life. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and at times even had trouble breathing. Everything looked hopeless and bleak. I took the advice and went to a doctor that prescribed a relaxer than would just calm my mind down so I could rest. I learned to take it one moment at a time and try not to look too far ahead. I called it "SHOCK and AWE". Your story shocked me. My beloved wife and best friend was just gone. The intensity of this grief will lessen over time. Marty has a wealth of resources to help us travel this grief journey. There are many here who know and understand what you are going through. There is also hope and healing alongside the grief. Take care of yourself, your body and your health. Grief takes more energy. We are all here for you as others were her for us. Most people don't understand the deep love, compassion, and sense of loss. I have learned to move forward and my beloved wife, Rose Anne, is with my in my heart, mind, and spirit. Your wife is with you too! Take care my friend. Shalom (Peace)

Laura, My heart grieves with you. This is such a wonderful tribute to a beautiful soul. This pandemic has touched all of us in vast and unfathomable ways. Praying for peace and comfort for you as you traverse another grief walk. Please know we are here with you and lift you up. Shalom (Peace) and {{{ HUGS }}}.

Checking in: Hello everyone! 👋. I am fortunate to be able to work through this pandemic. I never imagined my home cleaning business would be thought of as an "essential " service. I take extra precautions and up until two weeks ago, I hardly saw any clients as they were away working. I have only lost a few cleaning jobs. I am blessed. Health has been a challenge this month with my hernia and now some leg issues. I am trying to delay doctors visit until May 1st when Medicare kicks in. I have had a few hiccups but have managed to get them resolved. My health insurance cost will go up $250 a month in May. Medicare is neither simple or cheaper. I have never really paid attention to my age until now with all of these constant reminders. I was able to get my medicine at a reasonable cost $50 month verses $450/month. But , there are still a few more hoops to jump through to get that resolved. Stay safe everyone and have a blessed Easter. - Shalom (Peace)

Hi GinGin, Welcome to our wonderful group. My heart grieves with you as you go through this loss and grief of your beloved Keith. We are the survivors and the one left behind as a result of our partners death. We survive simply just one moment, one hour, one day at a time. I was in such Shock and AWE from my wife's death and these wonderful group of people listened, shared, and cared for me on this grief journey. It is comforting to know that we are not alone and that others understand, empathize, and care for one another. My wife, Rose Anne, and I were married for 25 years and together 26. We were inseparable until the day she passed. There will be others to welcome and say hi with some tips and suggestions. What you are feeling is real. I had a difficult time concentrating, sleeping, eating, focusing on a task, and even breathing at times. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Feelings are just that feelings. Drink plenty of water, try to eat nourishing food, and get plenty of sleep to rest and restore. Grief takes a lot of energy. Thank you for sharing with us and let us know how we can help you. - Shalom (Peace)

I just had another UTI from this medicine I suspect. I am curious how a televisit is going to work for a UTI. I had blood in my urine and you could take a photo of that. Fortunately, I call my Dr and he just refilled the script without a doctor's visit in this COVID19 climate. It is very uncomfortable pain. Praying they order some medicine for you soon. Shalom (Peace)

My heart aches for you as you are forced to go through this. You are not a terrible human being. Your experiences have etched a scar in your psyche. Death is not something that we can just get over and move on. My life is not any better because Rose Anne died five years ago. It is profoundly different. We can't undo or change what has already happened. I have had loneliness and isolation since. It is a private thing. It's not something I let others see. My understanding is that masks are not required to be worn unless you suspect you have a cold or the virus. The hardest part for me is to not touch my face with my hands. I wear gloves all the time when I am working or going shopping for groceries. I will be praying Peace and comfort for you during this current National Pandemic - Shalom ( Peace)

Adorable picture and a treasured memory. I remember my Mom telling me about "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean" as a children story. I loved to hear my Mom read. She instilled in me the desire to read and learn everything I can. Thanks Marg - Shalom (Peace)

My cost will be similar to yours! I signed up for Plan G $ 112, Part B $145, Part D $ 13. The $1,400 deductible for Medicare Part A is Covered with my Plan G ( MEdi-Gap Plan) . There is a $200 Deductible for Medicare Part B and then every thing else is covered except the Drugs. Yes, there is no deductible for Tier 1 & 2 Drugs. My Heart medicine is Tier 3 so the $435 deductible applies. There is some gap thing After $4,000 in drugs are paid which shifts my cost to 25% of the cost of drugs. I may also qualify for supplemental care due to my low income... I received my Medicare card Saturday ( how can I be this old??) It is a strange juxtaposition in life now. Another surprise! Because I filed for Medicare, Social Security informed me that I have some small monthly benefit from work back in 1997!. I contacted the firm and TODAY they just transferred the plan to another trust company so the funds are frozen for a month. Take care everyone! - Shalom

My understanding is that PART D can not be signed up through Medicare system but rather the various Drug/insurance plans. When I receive my medicare card # then I can apply for the rest of the program. The medicare broker said they have the lowest Part D plan annual costs yet I stumbled on another one that cut my costs by $200. I am still trying to get this expensive drug through another program but the doctor has not filled out the necessary paperwork to get processed.... There seem to be always a struggle doesn't there. Once approved it would only cost $50 per month. - Shalom

Yes, any doctor that accepts original Medicare. The $1,400 deductible is for a hospitalization. I looked at the networks but they get real restrictive and I lose my pre-existing condition exemption once I choice an Advantage plan. What bugs me is Medicare does not allow us to use coupons from the Drug manufacture companies. It seems like a rigged system. IMHO - Shalom

Yes, Eventually... The person helping me to choose Part D, Part G and Medigap (covers the other 20% of part informed me that I needed to sign up first for Medicare. I am now enrolled and waiting for my Medicare Card. I received paperwork confirmation that I am enrolled. The Part D Medicare coverage has a $435 deduction before there is coverage. It looks like My out of pocket RX expenses will be $1,000 plus the $13 per month. So here is the breakdown for 2020: Medicare Part A - Hospitalization (covers 80%) - no cost Deductible $1, 408 Medicare Part B- Doctors, outpatient, DME - Cost $145 per month, Deductible $198 Medicare Part D - Drugs - Cost $13-75 per month Deductible $435 and there is a max payout and out of pocket costs increase. Medi-gap Plan - cost ?? $198 I'm still trying to sort this out. - Shalom

Good NEWS! I received a letter today informing me that the hospital wrote off over $4,000 of my outstanding balance. I applied for charity and they were very charitable! I just received the Physicians bill for their services for my hospital stay and office visits. That bill is almost $3,000. Hopefully, they will look at my financial situation and give me Grace as well. On Other news... I have applied for Medicare Part A and B so hopefully it will go into effect in May. I picked up my Rx today. The Rx is $76 this month. Each month will be a different price ? I am told that once on Medicare that I can not use coupons for the Rx? I don't understand that logic! We had a small snowstorm last Friday but I was able to scrape windows and ice and go to work. The roads were clear. Work keeps me busy and paperwork, insurance, cleaning up my home and several small projects. I take each day as it comes and still working on maximizing my health. Take care. - Shalom

I hear and understand your grief, loneliness, and pain. My emotions at times are my worst enemies. You continue to be daily in my thoughts and prayers. Growing older (aging this year) seems to have hit me harder because of Hospitalization, Insurance issues, billing, collections, Current physical ailments, uncertainty of medications and treatments, etc... I can easily spiral down with certain thoughts and feelings. Praying you will have brighter days! - Shalom (Peace)

Five years ago today, my beloved wife, Rose Anne departed. It seems to have hit me more this year. I had trouble sleeping last night. I woke up late and decided to not attend church. Some memories and flashbacks to the time I discovered her lifeless body has haunted me the last few days. This too shall pass. - Shalom (Peace)

Yes, you will! - Shalom

Fae, Thank you for sharing everything you have with us. On the 16th of this month, I will be experiencing the fifth anniversary of my beloved wife, Rose Anne. I didn't think I could survive for a day or a week yet here I am. I share the same sentiments that you have expressed... and still we continue on the path laid before us. I appreciate you and many others that helped, listened, and encouraged me. Thank you - Shalom (Peace)

Two months after my hospitalization, I return to the gym to resume my fitness routine. My anxiety level and trepidation was high. Before I began, my heart rate jumped up to 134 BPM. That was before I started to exercise. I calmed myself down and just starte my upper body routine. I spent about 35 minutes today just getting used to using the muscles, machines, and memory. It felt good to be back where I have been going to for a year now. tomorrow I plan to return for my lower body workout routine. Keep pressing forward. - Shalom

You have a lot to deal with it. I would think that you would prefer to be at home than in an assistance facility. I would ask your financial advisor to help with the process of determining the best in-home care services to work with your budget. If the first one you chose doesn't work out then move on to the next one. It seems you would have more control and there is always hope that your health will improve. Plus you will be home with your beloved pets.... praying for your healing and recovery. - Shalom (Peace)

Thank you, Kayc, I have decided to start walking each day and plan to return to the gym on Monday to resume my basic core exercises. I will plan to start slow and rebuild. I'm still working on sorting out all of these Medicare choices and options. Time flies and I need to sign up soon!. May will be here soon!. - Shalom

The physician assistant told me the same thing!. My LDL-c is 153. My triglyceride 46 and HDL is 69. The best number a person can have. Lowering cholestoral lowers all of our hormone, vitamin, and mineral production. The scientific studies all say that we need higher cholesterol levels as we mature. The mortality rate is higher for people on statins with lower cholesterol. Once I know it, I can't pretend I don't ! Please ask your doctor for real clinical trials that prove the doctors protocol. there are none. They are associative studies. " Association dose not prove Causation. They suggest further clinical trials. I have decided to follow "PEACE" instead of "Fear". It is a daily choice.

I realized it's been another month since I've written. It has been a tough time since my hospitalization. It has been hard for me to accept the fact that I had a heart attack... It is even hard to write or even say it. I am fortunate and blessed that there is NO damage to my heart. The controversy is the doctors view on how to treat it is counter to actual scientific trials and facts. The cardiologist could care less about my thyroid and how it caused this heart episode. She is only interested in the heart. " They only follow AMA guidelines and recommend statins and reducing LDL's down to 70. However every study says that it causes congestive heart failure. Our body need more LDL and protein as we age. Well, I'm aging because I'll be 65 in May. The medical community uses so much fear tactics to coerce us to follow their prescribed treatment. I blindly trusted the doctors with my wife's medical care and it put her to an early grave following old assumptions that were never actual proven. I am fortunate to have changed my food and lifestyle as I was headed down a disastrous road. My overwhelming passion to learn to fly an airplane drove me to lose weight. When I stalled, I was determined to continue and discovered that I was head down the same path towards Type 2 Diabetes. I was shock and stunned. No doctor every advised me. I discovered it on my own. The doctors can do a few simple tests and let people know 10-15 years before they get diabetes. However, there is no drug treatment or profit motive in it. Sad but true. It is the same way with cardiovascular disease. There is a simple test CAC ( coronary artery calcium that can tell us what the ACTUAL calcification in our heart and arteries, however that is not were the money is made. So this seems to be an uphill battle on many fronts.... Also I turn 65 in May and have all of these decisions to make about Medicare options. My Insurance costs last year $5 month. The first four months $95 plus meds then on May 1st jumps to $350 per month. It is another stressor along with this huge doctor bill I just got from the hospitalization ( huge deductible). I prefer to report growth and healing but that's not where I'm at right now. The medications and planted fears have side effects as well. I am able to work but still have not gone back to the gym since my hospitalization. I realize some fear has crept in where I would rather be faithful. For those willing please intercede for me Peace, Protection, Wisdom, and Guidance through this valley. - Shalom