iPraiseHim

I agree. Next month, it will be five years since Rose Anne died. You would think I would get used to it but I just miss her more. It still floors me and the crying hits me even now. I agree with you Marg M. We are still here for some reason. - Shalom

Mark M, Reading your story, I can so relate in many ways. I met my beloved wife, Rose Anne, and our story has some very similar themes. I was in SHOCK and AWE for a long time after her sudden and unexpected death. I too, went back to work in a couple of days and walked through the valley you speak so well of. My journey is recorded in this group. For this is were I discovered how to make sense and learn tools to deal with the grief, loss, and eventual acceptance and living with both grief, and healing. My Mother died, my brother, my MIL, but nothing prepared me for this journey. This place is a sanctuary and a safe respite where people here truly understand and get what it means to be the one left standing in this world when our beloved passes. Next month, it will be five years. Your story reminds so much of where I was then and I too couldn't see or understand how to continue. Welcome to the group that none of us really want to belong to and yet we are learning to deal with and manage each day as it comes. Please return and share whatever you need or want to . We are all here to help each other. Many people helped me through the roughest early time and many of us stay to help others as well as supporting each other. - Shalom ( God's Peace be with you)

Merry Christmas Everyone! Much is going on! It's difficult to write down and sort out what is going on. My health is as good as it can be. My mind still struggles with the concept of now being a cardiac patient. I have been focused on getting my home getting sorted, discarding unnecessary items and paring everything down to a manageable order. It is difficult dealing with the emotions of letting go of stuff that "WE" had but that I no longer really need. I'm thankful for the improved energy but uncertain about the future. The doctors, cardiologists, nutritionist are all still pushing statins, blood pressure meds and a total change of food and lifestyle that goes counter to everything that i have learned and adopted the last three years. I have lost 155lbs and maintained it for over a year and half. There are so many unanswered questions and the doctors use fear and intimidation to persuade patients to conform to their "Stand of care " practices. They don't listen or care what the TRUTH is about Cholesterol, Saturated fats and only know to push their pharmaceutical drugs as the only treatment option available. It is difficult to push against the majority stream of consciousness yet I understand the TRUTH and can not pretend that I don't know. I was informed today that Thursday I can pick up the mandatory drug with no co-pay for December. January is a new year and a new set of deductibles and co-pay. My prayer is I can get my house in order before I am called home. This anti-clotting medicine has some serious "blackbox" side-effects that i can not even begin to wrap my head around. Every day, every moment is a time of Grace for me. Live it to the fullest! None of us is promised any more time on this earth. I pray, I can serve out my time with peace, honor, and respect for this additional time I have been granted. - Shalom ( God's Perfect Peace be with you)

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving! Yesterday was a very emotional day. The reality of what happened hit my soul and softened my heart towards my sister. My sister wanted and I had no intention of going to her husbands relatives today for Dinner. I wrote out a letter and read it to her and ask that she just listen, and not respond until I finished reading. I told her I really didn't want to go as it is stressful to me. She is connect to them by marriage. Their customs, speech, interests, etc.. is just not the same. I told her I didn't want to ruin her Thanksgiving. She accepted my request and I will get to relax at home today. The medicines they put me on have side effects that really affect me. The blood pressure medicine lowers my heart rate too low, and makes me dizzy, foggy brain, affects my speech and thinking. It also contributes to congestive heart failure! The Statin drugs increases diabetes and obesity. The blood thinners can cause brain bleeds and organ bleeds as there is no blood clotting factor. When the plaque buildup was removed then the stents needed to be placed so the arteries don't collapse. However without, the anti-blood clotting medicine, they will immediately block because the stents are a foreign object to the body. I am studying and searching for the best option to maximize my health now with the diagnosis added to my health risk. I am thankful for every moment i am alive for I don't know how long that will be. I have read that there is Widowmaker Heart Attack Grief as well. Life sure throws us some interesting turns. No that I have a heart attack my dream of being able to fly has been completely grounded. Ill have to accept this as I have other losses in my life. I have noticed other improvements in my health. I have more energy, my hands and feet are not cold all the time and the sores on my feet are not painful! I continue to pray for wisdom to navigate through this maze of man-made drugs and their side effects, quality of life, and healthy natural alternatives. Have a blessed day! - Shalom

UPDATE: I had a widow maker heart attack Sunday morning! Most people do not survive. I had two blockages (99% and 90% ) in the same LAD artery. I was fortunately spared. No damage to the heart! It was caught and repaired quickly before any damage occurred. I went to the emergency care when I had chest pains, shortness of breath, and pain radiating in both arms. I took aspirin and got treated promptly. The doctors were surprised that it was so occluded without severe pain or damage. My God is merciful to me. Almost three years of working on improving my health helped to mitigate damage. The low thyroid function contributed to the excess plaque buildup though. I was discharged this morning and able to walk back to my home. Al of my scheduled work is cancelled this week to rest and recover. I am Grateful and Thankful to be alive and able to celebrate another Thanksgiving. My Insulin sensitivity has almost normalized by switching to a healthier way of eating, living and exercise. My doctor said , " I have an extended ten year warranty!" and that if he has a heart attack he would want it to be like mine! I am tired an will rest and relax as I adjust and learn to deal with the label of "Cardiac" patient. I have meds to take and more to learn about how to continue to optimize my health. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. Shalom (Peace)

Katie1, I wanted the same thing. In fact we all still do! I was in Shock and AWE for a long time. I found this place of sanctuary, comfort, and people who truly understand what this side of grief and loss is that most of the world just doesn't comprehend. Please come and share as you can. I found it very helpful in my grief to share what I just couldn't make sense of what happened to my beloved wife. I still want her back... Peace

I love your stories. They are precious memories! - Shalom (Peace)

Hi George P. This grief journey is a walk through grief and healing. My beloved wife, Rose Anne, An i were married for over twenty five years. She died four and half years ago, yet I still miss her every day. I have learned to accept that this after life is what it is. I do my best to just accept life on life's terms. So much in life is out of my control. I still haven't cleaned out her clothes closet of drawers. I get to it when I get to it. Life now is just different than before. I have learned much from these wonderful souls that helped me in my most difficult time. I still have tough times but realize that they will pass. I am learning to simply move forward in life. I will never get over he. Her love and memories are embedded in my heart and soul. We are still together just not in this physical realm. Most every one else has moved on with Rose Anne. This special place is where I come to listen, share, and care for others who are going through this grief journey . Please come and share, ask questions, and learn as we are all on the same journey. Take care - George C - Shalom (Peace)

Welcome back! Been wondering how you are doing. - Shalom (Peace)

Kayc, Check with your telephone company on how you can either block his phone number or put a trace on him. If necessary file a police report and notify the senior site as well. You need to take steps sufficient to protect your safety and security. Friends don't act this way! Meanwhile, I will add specific and intercessory prayers for the angels to protect you - Shalom (Peace)

You are beginning here and now by simply asking for help. This place is a safe haven for me because people here know, realize, and empathize with you and your story of grief, pain, and loss. There are so many emotions and feelings that come at us that it becomes difficult to sleep, eat, and even breath. Grief takes a lot of energy and it is important that you take care of yourself through this most intense and difficult time. All of the emotions you feel are real and authentic for you. We are here to listen, share, and care for you, a fellow traveler on this road through this grief, pain, and loss. Please be kind to yourself. No one is prepared for this unknown afterlife after your beloved's death. Please return often and share what you are going through, questions you may have or when you simply want to tell someone how you feel... believe us... we understand and want to help. Take care - Shalom (Peace)

Welcome to this safe haven of those of us who are left behind to continue this life after the unspeakable. In my opinion, nobody truly understands the depth,pain, and chasm when your beloved dies and we are left to somehow live. For me the SHOCK and Awe of it all just completed devastated my world and shook my foundation to the core. There is no training manual or book of rules about this. After a couple of weeks I found this wonderful place that listens, understands, shares, and cares for each other. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and at times really had difficulty breathing. People here listened and gave me simply instructions on how to get through this moment, this hour, this day. I listened and followed some suggestions and found a place where these people truly understand and empathize. Many of us here have been awhile on this journey after... always learning, growing, and sharing with people who come visit as each of us did. Please come and visit as often as you like. Ask questions, share, lets us know how we can help you on this grief journey. - Shalom (Peace)

Happy Birthday KayC. Sounds like a great time! - Shalom (Peace)

Same thing when my Toyota Camry died. Rose Anne's Makeup and face prints where still there years after she died. I just couldn't wash them off. They were gone when the car was salvaged. My backup car that I bought was from my client and it was a slightly newer version of The Buick Park Ave that I helped my wife purchase. It had some comfort but Rose Anne never rode in that car. The previous owner died last year from complication of a progressive lung cancer and she was on oxygen just like Rose Anne. Memories keep piling on but they are never the same. - Shalom

KayC, You are still the person that loves and cares for Arlie. Don't let anyone take that from you. My beloved pets are still on my mind and hearts and it has been many years since they died. Other people don't know what we know or feel what we feel. I make no excuses. Life is too short and too precious to let others perception of me steal my joy, love, or peace. Let them MOVE ON! ... NEXT!!! You will know when is the right to for you to get another pet. Grieve and just feel the feelings. They are a part of you and a part of us. We do not tire of hearing about Arlie. BTW... I notice no one brings up wife's name, "Rose Anne" until I do. It is my memory, my grieve, and my heart. We who are left behind have to learn how to deal with this every day. We don't move on.... We move forward... one day at a time! - Shalom (Peace)

My sister called yesterday and talked for three hours. Her tone and countenance was different. About halfway through she blurted out, " I miss talking to you!" I told she could call me anytime. She is the one that is hard to reach. I agreed to meet her over at Dad's house today and it was a pleasant visit. She wanted to give me a tour of the home so I let her. She is having difficulty letting go of objects and things because they were my parents belongings accumulated for over 60 years. The suits of Dads are four sizes too small. I did get 10 gallons of paint... they are sure heavy. I need to paint my home... someday. It is getting cooler now 55 at night so the home is finally cool down to the 70 the last few days. It is 84 in the home now though at 10 pm. The AC company finally called me this week for some maintenance and looking for payment. I told them I was really unhappy with their service and they still owed me for two service visits. They now agree with me that a straight air conditioning unit instead of a heat pump would have served me better. I told them that AC is not a high priority for me now going into the fall season. Yes, it has been hot but I have saved money this year from not running AC in the whole house. I don't have the $5,000 to get one now anyway. Work is real busy again this week, so I just keep pressing forward each day. - Take care and enjoy the journey as best you can. - Shalom (Peace)

True. Stress raises Cortisol which raises our Insulin level and causes us to store fat and prevents us from burning it. Oddly enough, Weight resistance training and HIIT Cardio are good stress relievers and reduces Insulin levels, builds balance and core functions. I am reading now this book about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is supposed to help with dealing with stress... We will see! - Shalom

Your sharing reminds me of my sister. My father died three months ago and my sister was his caregiver the last 18 months in her home. She has very similar stories that she shared with me today and it gives her great comfort amidst the grief. I'm glad you and Lena are doing well. It's good to her from you. - Shalom (Peace)

Congratulations! I stumbled upon Intermittent fasting two years ago and i natural fasting 1-23 hours each day. It is a great and natural way to shed excess lbs and maintain it!

The eye of the Hurricane Dorian passed further east of me so there was just raining and some winds. We were spared. Electricity and internet stayed on. I'm heading out for work in a few minutes. I wanted to let my friends here know I am doing okay. KayC, stay safe and use wisdom about travel and helping your friends. Peace be with you in your travels, home, and sleep. - Shalom

I am home and work has been cancelled for tomorrow. The eye of the storm appears to be veering east which is a good thing. The latest forecast for tomorrow are rain and winds up to 35 mph. I plan to hunker down and enjoy this day off. Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers. - Shalom (Peace)

I'm so sorry. Our minds have a mind of their own. I will pray for peace and protection from these disturbing dreams, my friends. - Shalom (Peace)

I can speak from the husband/soulmate perspective. My beloved wife, Rose Anne's Diabetes, progressed to the point were the last six years of her life she was completely disabled and unable to work. I never thought or imagined for one moment that I was missing out on life because she was ill. She was my life. Just being with her calmed me and settled my soul. She would mention how she thought she was a burden to me and making life harder but for me it was just the opposite. I loved her from the moment I saw her and our bond grew closer each passing day. We were blessed to share almost 26 years together. She knew every day how much I loved her because I showed her every day. She would comment, " How come you love me so much?" I would answer, "because I love you more today than yesterday!" I still miss her presence every single day. I had the best life with her even during the difficult and trying times. They were still better than what I'm dealing with now since she is no longer present... the afterlife is not as bright. Still, I press forward on the path set before me. - George (Shalom)

I am more confused now than before. I thought it meant just the opposite. Now I have no clue how to respond.

I plan to LABOR on Labor day. It's a holiday for some. It's just another work day for me. - Shalom (Peace)