iPraiseHim

Wow! It's already been another month... This week has been one of my busiest work weeks in a long time. I have had several 10-12 hour days and worked every day this week including today! I try my best to always rest and not work on Sundays but it couldn't be avoided. The good news is this morning has been the coolest inside home temperature in months... only 80. It has been a real mild overcast day and the outside temps are only 74. I removed the old washing machine (pulled a muscle), repaired the water valves, and installed the new (to me) Washing machine. It's so super HE (High Efficiency) machine that it takes two hours to wash a simple load.... But it least it works... mostly except I have to put it through another spin cycle for some reason. I have worked so much this week there was no time ( or energy) to work out at the gym. Ill resume my workouts tomorrow as my work schedule is more regular this week. Sister news... . She is still pressing for me to help her get Dad's home cleaned out on the pretense that she just wants to see me... yeah right!. We set a time last week, I cleared my morning schedule for her and she never bothered to call me back. When I asked her why she didn't call and tell me of her change of plans, she said she thought I was supposed to call her because I'm always so busy??? ... She did text me late that night that she went to visit her daughter.... Some things never change. I have been reading a book about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and working on grasping it's contents. I notice patterns in my life of moods, obsessive thought patterns, and melancholy. Sometimes, I am able to adjust and change the thoughts and focus yet sometimes the feeling overwhelm the thoughts. It is an interesting concept. I am continuing to working on just living in the now. letting the grief thoughts and happy memories flow. Hoping your journey through grief and healing is progressing for y'all ( you all)- Shalom (Peace)

Jackie, You are still so new in your grief, your anguish reminds me of how much acute pain I was in when my wife died suddenly without warning. Nothing in my life prepared me for that Shock and AWE. I kept looking for reasons, excuses, something i missed, I forgot to do that may have killed my wife. I was her caregiver for the last six years of her life. I loved her beyond life itself. We are soulmates. It took some time and working through this grief steps and healing journey that I came to realize that all of this "what if" and "If only.." still wouldn't bring my beloved, Rose Anne, back into my life. Her death was beyond my control. I had to forgive myself and let all of those thoughts go because they didn't help. We know God forgives our sins, past, present, and future. So if God forgives us, who are we to not forgive ourselves. Healing will come when you can accept and forgive yourself... or at least be willing to be willing to pray for forgiveness. The sign is Jesus death on the cross and the Resurrection. With acceptance you will receive healing... choose life. {{{ HUGS}}} - Shalom (God's Perfect Peace be with you, Jackie)

I understand your pain and sorrow. This place helped me in so many ways to realize that what I was thinking, feeling, and body pain is the way the body deals with grief and loss. It is normal and intense initially. It helped me to know that I was not alone and that others here understood, listened, cared and shared. This is a comforting respite from the outside world. Welcome. Praying for your peace and comfort. - George - Shalom

Very profound statement indeed! - Shalom (God's Perfect Peace)

I live in Virginia. I am about 20 miles west of the Atlantic ocean (Virginia Beach). The window unit is my life saver. I can cool down and sleep well at night.

Thankfully, I have a window unit that cooled the room down to 81and dropped the humidity down 15%. It is tolerable. I am careful to not overexert myself in this heat and drink plenty of water and take additional electrolytes. I need to get back to my usual sleep routine though. It has been off since my father died. I have over 12 hours of work scheduled for tomorrow... If i can not finish the work tomorrow, I will need to complete the work on Sunday. I used to be able to work 17 hours straight but as I mature (get older), I find I just can not work as long. The lower high temps (80's) is more tolerable. I am looking into a few different cooling systems and options. - Shalom

Work has kept me busy and the extreme heat has finally past. The hottest day was 103 with 50% humidity. The temps inside my home were 96. My HVAC company that I have had a maintenance agreement for twelve year, finally gave me an estimate just to replace my compressor would be $2,500.... and in six months the refrigerant used will no longer be manufactured and they would not be able to service the unit. ??? Another words, I have to buy a complete HVAC again!... It seems technology is advancing so much that it makes old machines obsolete and unable to repair forcing us (consumers) to buy more. I have been working in the sales and service business most of my life and I would never recommend a product or service that would not benefit the client. ... Thankfully it is cooler (80's) and more tolerable. ... My sister is still try to manipulate me into her schemes but I just chose not to play in her sandbox. ... I attended a funeral service yesterday for a friend I've known for twenty years. Death and grief really put life into perspective. My work schedule has been so busy that I have not been able to workout at PF since Monday. I have full days scheduled through Saturday. Thankfully, I am off on Sunday, to Praise, Worship, Grace, and Rest. - Shalom(Peace)

The reason is a sudden weight gain lets you know there is more fluid retention. My father had CHF (Congestive Heart failure) for a few years and he would weight daily to see if there was fluid retention more than normal. - Shalom

Laura, The diagnosis is treatable in many different ways. May I suggest looking into natural and low carb options. It seems our pets get similar diseases to us humans. I know it works well for dogs. Cats need a higher protein for their metabolism. I read recently about this. Although, it is not good news there are some simple adjustments that may improve Lena's diagnosis. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. Are you on Facebook or Instagram? PM me with your contact information and I will let you know what I find out. (YOUR info will be safe and secure) - Shalom ( Peace be with you)

I read your posts and empathize with you on this grief journey. Although, this is my fifth trip around the calendar without my beloved, Rose Anne, It doesn't lessen the pain or grief. I become accustomed to it as it travels with me everywhere. The sudden Shock and AWE of her sudden unexpected death has lessened over time, yet the reality is she is not here anymore and that void still stings. Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are all a part of what each of us goes through in this transition from we(US) to just me (without US). We all come to listen, learn, share, and care for each other as most people (out there) truly don't grasp the reality of our loss and grief. Thankfully, many of us found a safe haven from the battered storms and aftermath of death of our beloved. I pray you will find comfort in solace in that we do care and want you to know that you are not alone in this journey. Thanks to MartyT, Kayc, and many others hear we can continue on this grief healing journey towards the mark set before us. - George- Shalom (God's Perfect Peace be with you)

Interesting as i have been pondering the same thing. I live in the city but I had a health scare a couple of weeks ago and thought, who could I call or ask for help? I am still, able bodied, working, etc.. but that could change in an instant. For thirty minutes, I was doing some serious praying and petitioning to God for help and calming my spirit. It is odd to feel alone and yet surrounded by people. I am on a quest to downsize, de-clutter, donate and to adapt to a more minimalist lifestyle. In a few days it will be a month since my father died, and I have been thinking about his health and life the last few years. As long as I wake up each morning. I will continue to strive to do what life lays before me and do my best to push forward to the goals placed before me. I still think about getting a dog but don't know how to pull it off with my work schedule unless I could train the dog as a cleaner. 😊 - Shalom (Peace)

Happy July 4th Everyone! My sister called (as expected.. family gathering time in her mind) last night and asked "Why have you called me and ask how I am doing since the (Father's Day/ Dad's Birthday). I told her I was wondering the same thing. Nothing has changed she is trying to manipulate me to help her with something else. I told her I was working all day today and will not be there. She commented that I hadn't been to her home since dad died. Her last words were, " Be sure and call me and check up on me!" Yep! It's all about her. She never asked about me. She is planning her next scheming adventure. I am happy to be working. I love our country and celebrate our Independence from tyranny, manipulation, and my past insatiable hunger and food cravings. I am free! I do not CHOSE to be put back in bondage from anybody or anything. My Insulin Resistance is still getting better and I'm feeling healthier that two years ago. Enjoy the day! - Shalom

I thought the same. Tomorrow will be three weeks since my Dad died. My sister insisted we all get together for Dad's Birthday on Father's day. I have not heard from her since. More is going on than I care to write about. My Mom's saying, " If you can't say something NICE, don't say ANYTHING at at all" rings in my head. Yeah it hurts, but so what else is new. My good news is, my AC in my van is now working. Now trying to get the Home AC working as well. Home temps average 85-95. It is nice to have work inside the homes and that most of the AC works. - Shalom ( God's Perfect Peace)

Mitch, We both experienced the sudden death, loss, and grief at about the same time. I also turned 64 in May. My father died 10 days ago. I am the oldest surviving member in my family. My relationship with my sister (one year younger) is stressed and non-existent. I was removed from Dad's will because he didn't think I had a family since Rose Anne and I didn't have any children. So basically, I am already an orphan. I have been dealing with this for the past couple of years. It hurts but there is nothing I can do about it but to just let it go. Two and a half years ago, a childhood dream was rekindled, and I wanted to learn to fly and get my private pilots license. Despite huge obstacles ( morbid obesity, old age, and no money to pay for lessons). Despite that, I started to lose weight and then stalled. I could have easily given up yet my passion and desire to fly is bigger than the obstacles I face. With much research, I discovered the ROOT CAUSE of my obesity and that I am Insulin Resistant (pre Diabetic). That floored me because no doctor ever told me and this is what Rose Anne died from. I share all of this to encourage you to fight... Choose life. All of us who are still here are here for a purpose. i do know that... FEELINGS are not always facts. Yet, when examined they will lead us to TRUTH. I have come to realize that certain foods also effect my mood, thoughts, and emotions. I have not been making the healthiest fod choices the last few days and my health shows it. I joined the gym six months ago to improve my health through weight resistance training and HIIT cardio. Two words that were not in my vocabulary last year. I still have not been able to start flying lessons yet... another health setback. Discouraged but I will not give up my dream. Also, I am able to help other people with IR and Type 2 Diabetes that want to know the ROOT CAUSE and how to heal their body. Mitch, I know you have much skills and talents. Please search your heart for projects, people, places, events,etc... that encourage you and uplift you. I will be praying and interceding for you to find your purpose, passion, and thrive each day. Let go of your setback and strive to push forward one step at a time. - George - Peace

Happy Birthday/Father's Day Dad. I Love you. - Shalom

Marg, You are entitled to your feelings but let me share with you what I am learning on this grief/healing journey. I have mentioned many times that FEELINGS are not necessarily facts but upon examination, they lead us to TRUTH. I have learned that when I tell myself I can't do something then my mind/will/emotions find a way to make sure I can't. For example, When I first started weight resistance training, If I had told myself, " I could never do that!" Then I would never have tried. My least favorite exercise is leg squats. I could only do three sets of five(5) leg squats. It FELT like it was impossible to hit the goal of 3 sets of thirty (30). Yet feelings are not FACTS. I started thinking I could do one more on each visit. After six months, I am now up to 3 sets of 33 leg squats. You already KNOW he FORGAVE you because he KNOWS you and you KNOW him. The challenge is that you have not forgiven yourself for something you simply were not able/ready to do at that moment. You can FORGIVE yourself NOW. Billy already has! As I read your post, I remember clearly screaming to God , " NO God .. not now Please I don't want this now!" when I found Rose Anne's lifeless body. I forgot about this until I just read your post. God is not mad or angry with me. I just couldn't mentally accept it at that time. It has taken awhile yet I have come to accept now. That door has opened up for you now to open up and examine it. You can either stuff it back in it's box or be willing to be willing to face it that you were just not ready then to accept Billy's passing. This is a normal reaction. Please ponder forgiving yourself, Marg. Billy loves you and so do we. {{{HUGS}}} 😘- Shalom

My sister called me last night and I thought she was giving me an update on my Dad. She said " I have some sad news to tel you". I said oh, wow. These were the same exact word my Dad said to me when he called to inform me of my brother's death. He passed away peacefully. My sister and her husband went out to dinner and the caregiver that was attending to him called my sister. He went peacefully at 7:20pm. As soon as she said those words I was filled with incredible peace that passes all understanding. I sign my posts with SHALOM which means God's perfect peace that passes all understanding. This group and many others are praying and I sense everyone's prayers and love. I didn't have an expectation about how I was going to feel or handle it. I slept well and worked today. I will continue to take this journey one day at a time. Thank you everyone for your love, prayers, and support. I am loved and I am not alone. 🥰 - Shalom

Opaleyes, I truly empathize with your pain and grief. My wife died from complications of Type 2 diabetes but it was a complete unexpected then. I was my wife's caregiver for the last six years of her life. It felt like half of me died with her. I was in Shock and Awe for a long time. I had trouble sleeping, eating, even breathing at times. I found this wonderful group four years ago, and I have learned so much. I can not think too far ahead. And you are correct in saying that each day we are here we need to choose to life. Initially, I had to do things that i didn't feel like doing (like sleep) but understood it is necessary. The people her know, care, and understand this side of grief because we have survived the death of beloved spouse. MartyT, and many other here have wonderful resources, and love to help. First you will need to care for yourself. It takes energy to adapt to this life on the other side of deep love. It really help me to express my thoughts and feeling as I was dealing with this grief. ...praying... Peace

Thank you everyone for your beautiful thoughts and prayers. The visit went okay. The Hospice intake nurse was there to get the hospice machine in gear.. My dad was sleeping most of the time but he did wake up to see me and saw the circus peanuts. My Dad has not eaten or drank much liquids for about a week now. He was able to get up and go to the bathroom with assistance. They will be bringing in a hospital bed and start administering medicines. I hugged and kissed him and told him I loved him and he shook his head yes. Dad looked better than what my sister described him. He is weak and frail. I trust this is the best treatment for him at this stage of his health decline. I trust god will see me through this like He has everything else. Thanks everyone. Y'all understand this. I am touched by the love and friendship in this group. 😘 - Shalom

My Sister asked me last month to carve out some time in my schedule to watch dad when her husband foot surgery's are scheduled for Thursday June 6. The last time I spoke with her was on her birthday May 29th. She told me she would call me one way or the other by Friday. I received no call at all. I called my sister yesterday (Sunday) to find out how her husband is doing after his scheduled surgery on June 6th. She said, "OH! I thought you were gonna call!" I also found out dad's health has been declining but she never bothered to let me know. She is considering putting dad in hospice care because that is the advice she is receiving from the husbands helpful relatives. I voiced my concerns over hospice. Her husband's surgery was postponed because he developed cellulitis on his arm. Her parting shot was, " You could stop by to see him before he is dead... or not!" Stunned, I just said that this will end our conversation for the evening. She retorted, the I took what she said all wrong. You wouldn't even recognize him and probably don't want to see him this way anyway. Yeah, she has the gift of language for a special ed para teacher. She did ask me if I was going to stop by Sunday because it's Father's Day and Dad's birthday. I said, well, if he dies before then, I don't think that is gonna happen. She said it didn't matter.... she still wanted to see me irregardless.... She called me today, and let me know my dad is dying. The doctor estimates two weeks or less. Hospice has been called. I plan to visit with my Dad after work tomorrow. He is not eating much. I remembered he loves circus peanuts candy so I plan to bring some to him. It might spark a smile and memories. My Dad (Bill) will be 87 on Sunday. Prayers are appreciated. Still praying for his salvation before death. - Shalom

Jimswife, Welcome to the group that no one wishes to belong to. I remember those early days so well. I had similar feeling and emotions. Fortunately, I found this safe haven where people understand, share, and care. Mitch's advice is spot on. I shared on here to get the thoughts out of my head. They are titled, "Shock and AWE" because that was were I was for a long time. These caring people, listen, cared and shared with me tips, articles, and compassion. It is a safe place where these people truly understand. I had trouble breathing, sleeping, eating, and just moving through the day. Rest, forgive yourself, and do your best to eat and drink water. We are here for you. - George - Shalom (Peace)

TomPB, I understand exactly were you are coming from. My wife told me many years ago that if I survived her, to please go find another because she knew I do not function as well on my own. I met my wife when I was 32 and lead a pretty lonely single life. I am back there again. I don't even know how this whole courting thing goes in today's world. I am still trying to learn to be at peace with being single for the rest of my life and yet still desire companionship. I don't have any solid answers for you. I didn't have a particular person in mind when I met my wife. So if there is someone else, I know it would not be fair to that person either. Plus, now I know the aftermath of death to a spouse. I just have to trust that this path I am on will sort all of this out. I am trying to approach each day with new mercy and grace. - Shalom

Today is my two year Keto anniversary. It is amazing to me how quickly time flies. Last year I was told by several people that this way of eating is not sustainable and that I would fail and return to my old eating habits... I simply said, "We'll See!" I am not trying to prove them wrong but I am determined to pursue my dream of flying a private aircraft and getting a pilots license. This WHY is what drove me to research and discover why I stopped losing weight on the typical recommended diet and I discovered the ROOT CAUSE of my problem... That is that I have a carbohydrate Intolerance that drove my insulin levels up, stored fat and also PREVENTED my body from using the excess fat as fuel. Once, I understood that and then the science and history of this way of eating, I developed a plan that I would be successful with. I haven't don't this perfectly, however I am constantly, learning, studying, listening, learning, testing, and adapting to optimize my health. I have managed to lose 145 lbs of excess fat and kept it off for a year now. I am still not where i want to be but so much more happier than were I used to be. This has encourage me to improve my sleep hygiene, optimize sun exposure (Vit-D) and Circadian rhythms, Weight resistance and HIIT ( High Intensity Interval Training) Cardio, and now mindfulness meditation. I am an admin on a Type 2 Diabetes FB Group to help others and help others where ever i am able. Even my business has picked up and is growing more this year. No one knows what tomorrow holds but I know and TRUST who hold tomorrow. 😊 - Shalom (Peace)

Tragedy happened this afternoon in a sister city close to where I live in Virginia Beach, VA. It was a shock to hear since I have been in that building conducting business before. 12 people dead. He was a long term city worker... no motive yet. I heard about it as I was watching national FOX news... what a shock. Praying for the family and loved ones for this horrific event. 😩 - Shalom

George, You are doing better than you know. Don't worry about the leaky eyes and roller coaster feelings. You are doing good things and are on the right path. Most people outside of this group do not truly understanding and deal with this grief and healing journey. I just joined a gym six months ago and have noticed some good improvements in my strength, balance and stamina. The good memories are what sustain me in the darker times. Feelings will come and go. Over time they will become less intense. They still hit me out of the blue for no particular reason. I just feel them and keep moving forward. Just keep doing, sharing, reading, learning, adapting and growing. 😊 - George C. - Shalom