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This has been a most horrible Xmas. My dad has recently been diagnosed with a disabling disease, my mother is drained and lashes out her anger on him and us. I had a fight with my youngest sibling for his attitude on this matter. I ate dinner without uttering a word. I left the table before midnight. Today I spent lunch at a relative's feeling so sad and alone. Last month I have been diagnosed with depression and I have to take medication. This news destroyed me. Five years later, I got sick. How can I think that life is a precious thing? I feel so so so alone

Also Mitch, I think Xmas Eve was too an anniversary for him.

This is very good news! You, Stephen and Patty, Marianne, Polly, Brad. You embarked into new chapters and I think I speak for everyone here, we are very happy for all of you.

I don't think it is a betrayal or any of that if someone decided to be on a relationship again. We have Steve and Patty here and we are all happy for them. I agree with what Karen said and Kay quoted. I discussed that with my therapist, I have no reply to what I would be looking on a new partner. Really. So, I am not looking at all. I always remember what Steve told us: a new partner should accept who else is coming with you into a new relationship. That was the wisest thing I read on this matter.

I lost him 5 years ago but I guess my heart is still pretty much broken to even think of being in a couple as benefitial. I am a childless unmarried widow. I am not single, free, independent, open, ready. I am simply not interested. I don't struggle with the idea, I am just not interested. I have friends who are dating or signing on apps to meet men. I am not interested in that stories, on how it works. I don't feel under pressure although I am loosing my youth. I am 40 now. I lost him at 35. I had it all and it was taken away from me. Some friends are upset for not meeting someone. I cannot relate with this feeling. I am in a total different situation and I accept it. I was with a friend doing some shopping and she suggested me to try a pair of very fancy trousers. I declined the idea and she said "you won't find a boyfriend with that attitude". I loudly reply "I couldn't care any less!". Meaning not finding a boyfriend. The answer came from my heart.

I can relate with this. Last night I was collecting some pictures to send to my MIL. I made an effort and paid attention to me on those pictures. I could see how happy I have been, there was something in my expression, in my eyes, something that isn't there anymore. The difference was so evident to me. Truly, that who was me doesn't exist anymore. That face of serenity, that smile and those eyes are forever gone.

Welcome to this forum, you will find nothing but gentleness here. It doesn't matter how old you are, or for how long you were in a relationship. We all have something in common, we lost our soulmates and our lives are very different now because of that. Keep reading and posting. Be sure it helps to express yourself because on the early days and months the pain is very fresh. It will change, it will soften. But now it is what it is and it's very very painful. We all have been were you are today. One day at a time. But please keep looking for help, suicide thoughts are not to be overlooked.

Dear Katie, I`m very sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance 5 years ago, a surgery that went wrong. Reading your words, they were mine at that time. Yes, a part of your very being has died, no sugarcoating this, but you will find a way to go on and live. How? I don`t know how, but you will do. I know I have, but I still cannot convey exactly how it happened. I look back and I can`t believe it. My life has never been the same. To live without the love of your life is painful, is unfair, is hard, is challenging. And it feels so empty. Same as you, we will never marry, never live in our apartment, never celebrate our Holidays, never parenting any child. Our lives are full of "nevers" and it`s painful to put up with them, to process the whole thing. Grief changes with time, yours will too. With time, grief softens, a lot, a little bit, as much as possible. I have been told so many times about living in my heart, feathers, sunsets, signs. I`m always perplexed at these affirmations. Even if it is true, they cannot compensate the amount of pain I have been through. They cannot compensate his absence. If God would show up, I would tell Him the following, I have repeated this tons of times in my head: "I don`t need you to explain me about your Plan, your Reason. If there is a tiny little peace of freedom in my soul, I use it to tell You that I don`t understand why, and even if I do receive an explanation I won`t ever accept it. He was taken away from me, from his family, from this life he loved, our dreams were destroyed before they were born. He lives in a place where he doesn`t belong. He may not suffer anymore, but I do. He is in Heaven, I am in Hell". Your daughter needs you. You have a reason to live. But you need to grieve too. Grief who is suppresed always finds a way to call for attention. What helped me was going to counselling. This is a safe place to express yourself. No judgment here. Come back to read and write as much as you need.

Thanks Gwen for asking I am currently victim, if that is the word, of mobbing at work. Plus, my parents relationship is getting worse. Both events have affected me deeply. I feel I'm close to break like a stick. I can't believe God ripped me from my love, from the best gift He gave me, and left me now surrounded by mean and evil people. What have I done to deserve this? I feel so vulnerable, sad, alone, isolated defeated. It is unfair. I thought I have suffered enough. I was wrong. Ana

I'm here, hi everyone. This has been a horrible year, that's why I've been missing posting. But I keep coming to hear from you You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Ana

“Because they’d been to the top of the mountain, and they just knew in their heart they’d never get there again, that it was never going to get — never going to be that way ever again."

I want to sit down and cry until no tears are left. I miss you so much. I need you so much. Where are you?

Probably because I'm scare to loose the few people that still contact me from time to time. This is already a lonely place.

I need to express the following. I have notice that I purposely avoid to tell friends (who are not in contact with me often) about my life. I have regular contact with two friends. With others, quite occasionally (and mostly by chat). With these I really divert conversation to talk about them cause I feel that I have nothing much happy or positive to say about the big categories of life. People stopped asking at around year 2/3 and I stopped talking about it. I find it is very hard for me to reveal how my life really is now. I don't tell lies, I just can't talk about it. I can't tell them the truth. Does it happen to you too?

I'm so sorry Kay for your dog. I shed tears when I read about it. You will be in our thoughts tomorrow

I am in this with you Gwen. He wouldn't recognize me. He would ask: what my death have done to you? I have seen that what in his father. You can see what is imprinted right in his lifeless eyes.

Have you heard from her? I hope she and kids are ok.

Hello, I'm sorry about your brother's loss and the issues you and your family are dealing with. It's very, very, very difficult for us bereavers to understand and comprehend that life does go on. people eventually go back to their lives. It is not automatically. But one day you realise of it and you are thrown to the deepest of loneliness and aloneness. It is not a nice place to be. I'm not justifying your brother, I'm sharing my experience. Grief is a horrible experience to go through, no sugar coating in this. However, as much pain we are in, as much desperately we may be, we are entitled of nothing more than kindness and compassion and companionship. And help as far as people are able to, in a healthy way. Our pain doesn't make us to be the center of others universe. This is unrealistic, and it is not healthy. It might be still early to him to take an initiative and do something with his spare time, like hobbies or distraction. I took two years off work and spent a year blocked at home. I was in a lot of pain. It clouded my whole existence. If you feel you have done all you could, repeat him that you trust that time and counselling will help him. That you will support him. Empower him with your trust in that. I remember I needed that. Apart from surfing Marty webpage, she has lots of good resources, I suggest you to Google Megan Devine. She also has lots of advise about how to support a bereaved. This is a very complex issue.

Yes, that`s a big thing.

Good description. I take this.

It's my turn. Today is our anniversary. 4 years together against 5 years only me. I feel so much pain right now that I can't remember how we celebrated. I will survive today, just don't know how. My heart is breaking in million pieces of glass, and I'm walking barefoot.

Keanu Reeves: ‘Grief and loss, those things don’t ever go away’ "In 1999, his long-term girlfriend, Jennifer Syme, gave birth to their daughter Ava, who was stillborn. The couple broke up soon after, and two years later Syme was killed in a car accident. He has also never spoken publicly about their deaths, and who can blame him? But given that the heart of the Wick films is about him mourning a lost love, the resonance is hard to ignore. "What is it about grief that interests him? “Well, for the character and in life, it’s about the love of the person you’re grieving for, and any time you can keep company with that fire, it is warm. I absolutely relate to that, and I don’t think you ever work through it. Grief and loss, those are things that don’t ever go away. They stay with you.” Has he been thinking more about the people he has lost as he’s grown older? “I don’t think it’s about getting older. It’s always with you, but like an ebb and flow,” he says".

JTP, I can see myself in each word you wrote. I lost my boyfriend in 2014. This is THE place of caring and understanding. Grief is a lonely place, but not here. Ana

I get it too. I have felt the same in my last 5th birthdays. It`s a horrible calendar day that bring me anxiety and sadness. We understand you. I wish you peace today. Ana

I feel the same. These have been the worst years of my life and nothing, really nothing, can ammend that. It gets softer, but this softness cannot erase or cancel what these years have been to me. Life goes on. I`m scared of it and at the same time I feel I cannot fear anything else. I`ve been killed and have been left alive. Peace. Ana.