Widowedbysuicide

Prayers to all of your family Butch. I am so so very sorry about Noah's injury and now his passing. My hopes are that your beautiful wife will be holding him close to her now. You have so many Angels ? in heaven. I also wish that she could let you know that you are loved deeply. She would also tell you that she is so proud of you and that soon you need to start caring for yourself again, you don't always have to be the strongest one. biggest hugs to you my friend ?

Prayers always.

I don't know if a similar age group would make much difference. It seems that we just need to find that place and those people who will listen without judgement and will not try to fix our broken hearts. Compassion isn't something that just comes with age. I have met people that I thought might understand because of their age, life circumstances or their work, I was so wrong. I'm learning that there are some really wise young people who get it. For some, their families treat them like throw-aways and others come from horrid abuse. I guess my feeling is that we might regret being judgemental about who might or might not be a supportive friend.

Well said.

Wow! Interesting to say the least! I'm glad you are safe. Good luck to you KayC.

I've been thinking about you as well. I'm sorry that life is so unfair. With our partners gone we are living a half life. I feel that all the best parts are gone. Doing ok for me means that I'm doing only what is necessary to keep waking up each empty morning. Thank goodness for good memories. Take care Mitch.

@mittam99 Mitch your love story was one of the most beautiful I've heard, until it came to Tammy's death and then it became one of the most ? heartbreaking. I agree so strongly that none of us would ever feel that we had anywhere close to enough time.

I wish I had the answers for you. I know how hard it is to have unanswerable questions. I am 60 in a few months and I used to think that finally it would be our time. We spent so many years putting our parents and our son first that we were really looking forward to just us. So even though we had 35+ years married and 13 years as childhood friends before that I still feel cheated. I am sorry you didn't get as much time as I did but I can tell you that when you have that certain mate no amount of time is long enough. ?

I hope your surgery is successful and painless. Hugs ?

I am also so very sorry Butch. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. I pray God's strength will hold your family up, give you some comfort in the love you all share for each other. Please know you are loved and respected. I so wish I could do something real for you all.

big hugs to you ?

She is a doll. Seeing photos of her and knowing a little of her struggle to be in this world inspires me. There is good in this world that we need to cherish. Miracles do happen, I just wish you could have more of them Butch.

Best thoughts and wishes for you Maryanne.

Dearest Butch, If I could choose a brother I would certainly choose you. You are such a kind and giving person. It is not right that so many of the hardest things in life have been thrown at you in such a short period of time. You have suffered so many significant losses that I can not imagine how difficult it is to get up each day and put on the "I am ok" face. My heart breaks for you and your family. There is so important for you to look after yourself. I am sending you my sisterly love and hugs ?. Bless you all Butch

Thinking of you KayC and cheering you on. ?

Marg M, you are too funny, and thanks for that! MartyT, I used to ask my Dad stuff because I figured he as so old he must know everything!! My dear old Dad was 45 when I was born. If he didn't know then it was Encyclopedia Britannica time. My dear old Dad is gone and so is my husband; I don't know where a printed current encyclopedia could be found so I rely on my son looking it up on Google or Jeeves or whatever ?

Thank you George! Never thought to look there. Great to know there is good info out there. I sure liked seeing the string of five pop out one at a time! Take care my friend.

I hope somewhere in your days you have found a little bit of feeling better Gwen.

Finding the desire to do do some of the old tasks can be so debilitating. The satisfaction of a job well done isn't always enough motivation for me to get started on things. Working on the tractor and being reasonably competent at it is something I really wish I could talk to my husband about. It would mean so much to know if he was proud of me for some of the things/fears I have been forced to overcome. I believe that when he chose death it was about something deep inside him that had nothing to do with me, our son, or our marriage. He never hinted at being in any kind of pain, or of not wanting to live, or at wanting to die. It's been almost 15 months since he died and I still have no idea why. I'm not angry that he left me in this way. I'm just so very sorry that he felt death was the answer to his pain. Patty you are an amazing lady. I'm going to be cheering for you. ?

I do know what you mean by Each time I try to use the equipment here that was his or to do his man chores I feel defeated before I start. All the knowledge and life experiences gone. All I can say is I don't pretend to fathom the depth of your situation but I understand repercussions of inexperience. On Friday I needed to use our Mitsubishi tractor to remove some 11 shrubs in the yard. They were planted too close together to try to dig them out so I tried to remember if he had done anything similar and figure out what he did and how he did it. I was here alone as usual and went ahead with wrapping a sling around the shrub then back to the bucket on the tractor, there was no hook so I had to wrap another sling around the bucket and join it to the first sling. I got on the tractor and thought to him, please help me here. The area I was in was not perfectly level but it wasn't bad so I figured that I could lift the bucket and pull up on the shrub. I tried it but couldn't seem to break it loose. I put the tractor in gear and started to reverse. Everything seemed ok and then the tractor started to tip to one side. It went so far I thought it was going to roll onto its side so I quickly pushed the clutch in. The tension on the sling loosened and the tractor righted itself. I was so glad and frightened at the same time. In those moments of the tractor tipping I was so afraid, angry and devastated. I should have paid attention when he tried to teach me, I never thought I needed to learn because he would always be there to do it. Sadly, our lives are harshly forever changed and will continue to change. Hugs ? to you. I learned that day to pay attention when you have an opportunity to learn something new, don't operate potentially dangerous equipment when you are alone, and asking for help is a smart thing to do. All 11 shrubs were removed, no human was actually injured during the activity, I will wait for my son to be home to try to till the area that the shrubs were in. IT ENDED WELL

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Patty my heart is with you. I am feeling some of the same things you are but without the eviction. I'm so sorry this is happening to you after all you have been through. I will be praying for you to find the path to what you want and hoping you are able to save your dream if that is what you choose. Put on the big B panties and kick their a$$. I will be there in spirit cheering for you. There are so many of us here that will be there in spirit for you. Be well. You've been missed but I can understand why. Big hugs ??

I too hear your thoughts Gwen. I think about getting something done in the yard and then I'm inundated with the 'why bother'. He isn't here to notice or to tell me he's proud that I'm becoming quite proficient on the tractor. His tractor, he loved playing on it so much. I'm sad when I use it because it represents the last thing I saw him do: plowing snow in the driveway January 5th 2016. Take care Gwen, you too Gin. ?

? sending hugs and prayers

Really love this last one MartyT.