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kayc

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Everything posted by kayc

  1. Marion, I know it is bittersweet, yet I'm glad it sold because ultimately it will be a relief to you to not have to be responsible for the house and yard. I pray you will find a place you like and can feel at home in. Life has it's phases...I know I won't be in my house forever and it will be hard when I leave. I hope things go well for you.
  2. I'm sorry...I know how badly it hurts, it feels unbearable. None of us can physically take that level of pain forever, and eventually it has a way of subsiding a bit so that it's at least more tolerable. It's always there, just beneath the surface, but not as intense as it was in the beginning stages. It's kind of like the difference between a throbbing intense unbearable pain, and a dull ache.
  3. I don't allow myself to fantasize or hope for things that won't happen, you're right, it only makes it worse in the end, but I sure can understand it. George and I did everything together too and now I'm always alone. Alone at work, alone on the commute, alone at home, alone attending church...always alone. It gets old. I have to go out of my way to spend an hour with anyone. And being as I'm responsible to do everything at home now, I really don't have the time to go spend with people...kind of a catch 22. I keep hoping things will get better but I sure don't know when.
  4. Mary, I feel the same way about this site. It is the one place I can come to and know I'll be understood. George was also charismatic, a very caring person. It's hard to understand how someone who can be larger than life, can just be gone. The more I have seen of other men only makes me miss George all the more. There IS no one like them, they are unique and one of a kind!
  5. Melina, I only had one dream about George and it was about a year after he died. I wondered the same thing, he was such an integral part of my life, why no dreams? I don't know, I guess we'd have to ask an expert. But he's in my heart and on my mind all the same.
  6. Melina, My husband died of a heart attack and I hadn't even known he had heart problems! Yes the sudden death is quite a shock to absorb. Lingering illnesses are hard in their own way but oftentimes you've done some of your grieving by the time death occurs...that doesn't make it easier, just more spread out...the time preceding the death is harder in that case. So you are dealing with not only grief, but shock and huge adjustments as well. It's a lot to process!
  7. redwind, You will know if your dog is sick and if you don't know what to do for Bear, ask your vet. But try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet because they may not even happen. Try to stick in the present, you have enough to deal with in that. To take on all of the future is to invite anxiety and to take on the past is to invite depression...we are made to be in the present. We can only look at the future for planning purposes and the past for learning purposes, beyond that and we're borrowing trouble. You will do fine for Bear, I'm glad you have him, it helps so much to have our furry companions. I think the ashes probably triggered things in you, I'm sorry you saw that. (((hugs)))
  8. This is something I've employed since Jim broke up with me...since the weekends were our time together, it is real hard now that I'm alone again. I try to keep super busy. I wish it was with something fun, but alas, most of it is household chores, ugh! Not exactly something to look forward to but at least I'm spared the commute and I have my dog's companionship. If nothing else, in another five years my place should be good and cleaned up! (I've been here 33 years and there's a lot of stuff to go through). Today my neighbor dropped by for an hour or so, it was a welcome break from cleaning/organizing.
  9. Honey, you're talking to the break-up expert! It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 70, break ups hurt. They're hard at best, and around your birthday has to just make it feel all the worse, I am so sorry you're going through this. Your friend agreed to go with him and then changed her mind because of your friendship? It'd be better if she'd turned him down but at least she thought better of it and canceled. Now for the advice part. I would try to let him go and move on. I know, easier said than done, but eventually it does stop hurting and eventually the hole in the heart should close. It does take time. Try to give yourself a little break from guys before going out with someone else, to give yourself time to get over him first. It helps to stay busy, schedule fun stuff with your girlfriends...do you have a sister you could do things with? It might help to talk to your mom if you have a good relationship or an aunt you're close to. Just so they know what's going on with you (they'll have noticed you're not feeling like yourself). It helps to understand that you are grieving not only him, but your relationship, your habits/patterns/way of life. You probably did certain things together and spent certain times together...now you don't know what to do with yourself at those times/places. You will have to create a new life for yourself apart from what you had with him. Maybe try varying things a bit, try hanging out at different places and make sure you spend plenty of time with other people. It may be hard to concentrate and focus for a while, it should get better. Please accept a big hug from me, I know how it feels, my fiance broke up with me and it hurts like the dickens. Take care of yourself, Kay
  10. LindaKay, so you're just one year younger than me! I commute 1 1/4 hours one way, longer in winter. I live in the country, there's a lot to maintain but I like nature, am not a city girl. I know opportunities are limited where I live but I derive so much pleasure from nature/animals. I'm just totally not interested in dating/looking/guys. I know it's too soon to think about, I'm still in love with Jim, it takes a long time when you love someone this much, but my trust was so broken, I don't think I can ever get over it. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, it just so shocked me that he could do this, I can't seem to get over the shock, I just really believed in him. I've had too many heartbreaks from too many men and I just don't want any more. That's fine with me if they don't just drop down in front of you, I'm not expecting or wanting that, I'm done. They can scratch it, it's their loss anyway, I was always wonderful to them and they're on their own now as far as I'm concerned. To each their own, I'm busy with my life. I can't say as I enjoy it all that much, not really...it's been over five years since George died and it's never been the same since. Other guys out here, they just don't invest themselves, they don't give or receive in life.
  11. Happy birthday to Walt and Marion too! I haven't looked on the calendar in so long...I need something that grabs my attention, maybe reaches out and bops me upside the head! LOL Anyway, hope it was as good as it can be!
  12. Deborah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it's not the same Hon, but I do hope you have some high points in your day, maybe your kids will call or a friend will drop by, something. I plan on having a huge celebration with George when I get up to heaven to make up for all of the celebrating we had to miss out on...he was big on celebrating everything.
  13. PopPop, You're three months out...I'm that plus five years...yes, you can keep doing it, even when you feel like you can't, it's not always easy or fun, but it does get more tolerable. We never stop missing them, never. But we learn to live with it.
  14. It's that way for all of us...I keep busy doing housework/chores/cooking, etc. on Saturday and Sunday I go to church. I think it'd be easier if I was retired because I could schedule some things to look forward to but as it is, there's just me to do things around the place and I don't have much time for doing fun things, it does make it hard to look forward to weekends. I used to enjoy taking the dogs for rides/walks but the transmission went out on my truck so now I can't even do that.
  15. What a beautiful video, how great that your daughter made it! He looks too young to be gone, you look like such a happy family. I'm glad you had him in your life.
  16. Kath, Yes, you've voiced what I continually feel. It's that time of year again, we used to go out into the woods and gather colored leaves for a bouquet, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it since he died. I bought some artificial ones to decorate the house. Somehow, it seemed like something special we did together.
  17. Yep, been there...after Jim broke up with me, I was at McDonald's and ordered a diet Dr. Pepper and paid for it. Went to get the drink and there was something wrong with it, tasted like Alka Seltzer. Went back and stood in line (again) and told the young dumb girl about it and said I wanted either a drinkable soda or my money back. She responded by ignoring me and taking the next customer. After standing there for ten minutes with no help, no offers, no $ back, I got involved again. I told the manager about it and let them know they needed to TRAIN their help (there's an idea) since they apparently don't have the common sense they need. TOTAL overreaction on my part. And the other customer next to me's look on her face told me so. I wanted to tell them my fiance just broke up with me by Fed Ex and I'm sorry if I'm overreacting but I'm not in my right mind at the moment! But I didn't. I just left there, wondering what was the matter with me. Normally I'm not like that. It's like we have no tolerance left.
  18. Uh-huh. I feel that way all the time. It's not having someone to share in all of the joys and griefs with that's hard. There is no one else besides me that is responsible for everything around the place, earning enough money, etc. And to top it off, feeling like there's no one that really cares, well that's hard. I guess you just have to do your best with it and hope it all comes out. I try to stop and see a friend now and then to break up the monotony of being alone. Am not sure I'll ever feel comfortable in this life.
  19. It does feel like a trigger that brings it all back fresh, but it subsides a little quicker each time and becomes less frequent inbetween. I was just telling my son that it was nice to have Jim be my SECOND thought in the morning and think about him only 95% of the time instead of ALL the time! It's an improvement...maybe seemingly insignificant, but marked nonetheless.
  20. I'm sorry you're all going through this, it is hard, I know. But think of it this way, on day one, you didn't know how you'd survive a day, a week, anything, yet here you are at six weeks...I know it's hard to see progress when you're in it, but it's happening, little by little, so slightly you don't notice it. (((hugs)))
  21. Marion, Just think of Ray being right there with you enjoying your getting those flowers, because you know he is in spirit even if he can't physically touch you. You're not 1/2 of a whole, you're both the whole meal deal! Happy Birthday, wish I'd been on here yesterday.
  22. Good sound advice, Linda Kay. From what I've seen, I'm not inclined to date either. God would have to drop someone down in front of me and say "This is him". Ha! Since that's not likely to happen, I'll just be on my own. I thought Jim was that one. He was what I was looking for, he wooed and won me, he was easygoing to be around, funny, smart, good character. He was a Christian, and our lifestyles were compatible. He introduced me to his friends, colleagues, neighbors, church, family, everyone loved him...including everyone at my church. I thought this was the man I would spend my life with...clear up until he dumped me without even talking with me about it. Some people say that he's now revealed his true character, but I still think he's a good person...just cowardly. I think he feels guilty cuz he knows he's done wrong to me so he can't face me, not even to just be friends. I really never expected this of him, not even in my wildest dreams. So now I don't trust anymore...not men, not my own judgment. I can't say as I love being alone all of the time, I've been alone a lot in my life, but I do prefer alone to the "wrong choice". I miss Jim. I wish I didn't. It hurts to wake up thinking about him and have him cross your mind a million times a day, to wonder how he is, to know you didn't mean all that much to him. I know it will lessen eventually but the road between here and there is very hard and very painful. And it's not fair. Nothing about any of this is fair. Being as I have to work and commute so much and am the only one taking care of this home, I don't have a lot of free time to make friends, so it's not likely to get better any time soon. Maybe my old age will go better, ha! Most people's doesn't, but one can always hope. I guess if one wanted to date they could do the internet dating thing, me, I'm not interested. Too much work for too many disappointments and there's just plain a lot of weirdos out there, plus it doesn't seem all that safe...not to mention how much time it'd take. No...no thank you, not for me. I spend my weekends vaccuuming, doing dishes, dusting, taking out garbage, stacking wood, mowing, etc., etc. Never a dull moment! LOL Anyway, we do get over them eventually, it just takes time, I don't think it unusual to take a couple of years or more though. Broken trust, now that's a whole other issue.
  23. Yes there is a way to get over him without someone taking his place. We have to learn to love ourselves and be comfortable and happy with ourselves before we are ready to enter into another relationship. And the funny things is, once we do, we just might find we don't even want anyone else! We have to come to the realization we don't need someone, we are okay just by ourselves. Often a fresh loss triggers an old loss, so we feel double whammied. We work through it the same way we did the first time. 51 is not that old. i understand what you're saying about trust issues because that's how I feel too...I've had my heart broken too many times to want to go through it again. I'm almost 58 and not inclined to even date again. However, I know a lady in her mid-80s that just got remarried a couple of years ago and they are so in love and it is working out beautifully...so you never know what the future holds. I also didn't expect my fiance to break up with me like he did, I was specifically looking for someone of character, someone loyal, someone stable, and he won my trust and my heart and then shattered me inside. The hardest part for me is not knowing who you can trust and who you can't...if I was so wrong about him, I feel I can't trust my judgment. He is a wonderful person...except he led me on and broke his promises to me...he's great to his neighbors and family...too bad I'm not one of them. My best advice is to build a life for yourself without a relationship with a man in it, and after a couple of years, see how you feel then, you might be surprised. I know a lot of confirmed bachelorettes!
  24. Well to me actions speak louder than words, so I don't see how someone can love someone and do what he did to me. But be that as it may, I'm trying to get past it and am determined to extend forgiveness to him...forgiveness doesn't mean I'd want more of the same, nor does it excuse what he did, it means quite simply that I will continue to care about him, not wish bad on him, and pray that God sustains him and works in his life. I continue to love him, yet I pray that each day takes me further away from this pain.
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