R.Everit55 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thank Marty for the sound advice. I believe I can't be weak or struggling because it was my promise to my Mary to be strong and take care of our family. How do I not do that? I will try to sit with just how I feel. I know Allen won't judge me for that. He's a great son. The best son. Because his momma raised him well. We both did. He was home with her for most of his schooling. So she's in him. And she's in my grandsons. They loved her as much as she did them. And Gracie girl is a miracle angel from above. As well as the baby boy coming in the spring. I will try. I will.., I promise. ❤️ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 You cannot take care of your family, dear Butch, unless and until you take care of YOU first. Mary knows and understands that. It's essential that you know and understand that, too. Think of what the attendants on an airplane always tell us during that drill at the beginning of every flight: "If something happens and the cabin needs oxygen, the masks will drop down automatically. Be sure to put your own mask on first, and then help others to do the same." You need to put yourself at the very top of your priority list, and take care of YOU. Think about how worried you were about your own father a very short while ago. That is how your Allen is feeling now, about you, Butch. Let your family be your reason to keep on keeping on. They need you. They love you. They want you here with them, to share in the life of the living, to be the patriarch of their growing family. Do it for Gracie girl. Do it for your grandsons. Do it for Allen. But most of all, do it for your beloved Mary. She is counting on you to do what she could not be here to do. Do not try, dear Butch. As the great Yoda once said to Luke Skywalker: "Do or do not. There is no try." There is only do. I know it's hard. I know it hurts. I know it feels impossible. But you are not alone. We love you, dear Butch ~ and we are here to support you, to love you, to care about you, to pray for you. Do this for your family. Do it for Mary. Do it for us. But most of all, do it for you. ♥ 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Hi Butch, “When it rains, it pours” and it sure has been pouring down all around you. I’m sure all you want it to do is STOP. Sometimes life throws things at us in threes or fours and it is important for us to acknowledge it. All we can do is take a deep breath and accept what is happening. We don't have to like it. You will always miss your Mary ~ she was/is the love of your life. That is a given and it will not change. The pain of losing her will ease and you will begin to focus on the good memories that made your love so strong. Until then you must take care of yourself first. If we don’t care for ourselves we won’t be able to care for anyone else. Your family loves and needs you. You would be the first one to agree. We are here for you. We know about the heartaches. When we come to this forum we know we will be heard. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 I will honor my wife and take care of me before anyone else. Our son has his life and family and can take care of them. I've got to get myself together especially before the next grandbaby arrives. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 You have inspired me, Butch. I fuss so much about my kids, especially my son way off in California. I mean really fuss. Causes me not to sleep well. I am always trying to find a way to honor my Al. So, I will honor Al my putting me first and get ME together. I know I will still worry about them, but hopefully not with the same intensity. I realize it is crazy to get so upset about things that I have no control over. Thanks, Butch. I will follow your lead. Gin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Butch, It really hasn't been that long since Mary died. You've had so much happen during the time since, distractions from your grief, the big snow, your fall, the heart trouble, in and out of the hospital, Allen's accident, losing the twins, Gracie's birth, your grandson's broken arm, and now another death. I call them distractions because they haven't allowed you to fully focus on grieving your beloved Mary in the way you would have without all these things happening. You've tried "holding it together" but instead of trying to hold it together, which seems impossible under the circumstances, try letting it all flow. Feel your grief. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel sad. We don't have to paste on smiles and appear like nothing has happened. Something HAS happened, a LOT has happened! And it changes who we are when we have loss like this. Just keep loving your family and enjoy them when you can, but also allow yourself to feel your grief, to miss your Mary. I miss my George every day of my life! I talk to him, whether he hears me or not. The love continues, whether our life as we knew it does or not. Just doing your best is good enough for Mary, it always was, we can't do more than that, Butch. She loves you just as you are! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 ared Rivers of Flowing Waters's photo. 2 mins · Like Like Love Haha Wow Sad Angry CommentSha 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Butch, my dear, this one could have been written just for you: 3 Reasons to Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions ♥ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Marty I know I shouldn't try. I should do or not do as yoda said. But the best I can do right now if try . Thank you all for your loving words. ❤️ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 No "shoulds" and no "shouldn'ts" allowed here, dear Butch. I won't presume to tell you what you should or should not do, and I know you're doing your best. I just want you to let your best be good enough ♥ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 Gracie girl caught a leaf. ❤️ How can I not smile at this little face. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 14, 2016 Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 It's simple, Butch: You can't! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 Update: i am just letting myself do what my body or emotions want to do. I'm crying I'm watching movies that were both Mary and my favorites I'm just laying in our bed with her pillow talking to and thinking about her with smiles and tears I'm thinking of all we lost and all I've lost since she passed I am promising to let my feeling just be and I won't feel guilty for caring for myself because when I do that I know she will approve Allen and Katie got confirmation that my sixth grandchild is a boy His name is Joseph Ryan Joseph was my dad's name 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 15, 2016 Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 Butch, I know you miss Allen & Katie and your grandkids living with you, but maybe it will be healing for you to be able to express your grief without holding back for fear of bringing anyone else down...just as you are doing now, crying, watching you and Mary's favorite movies, talking aloud to her. I like the name Joseph Ryan! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 I'm feeling things as they come and not trying to avoid or shush them away. But it hurts. I just miss her so much there are not enough words. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 My ❤️ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 On 10/15/2016 at 5:54 PM, R.Everit55 said: I'm feeling things as they come and not trying to avoid or shush them away. But it hurts. I just miss her so much there are not enough words. And that is a healthy thing, Butch......although the pain can be awful, at times. I think, all of us.....we'd give 10 years of what time we have left on this plane for just one more year with the the one we have lost....I know I would, in a heartbeat! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 Gracie is inpatient in pediatric icu with pneumonia. Her temp is 105 and her breathing is extremely labored. They are giving her Iv meds. They just got a vein in her leg for Iv access. This is because she was born too early and her immune system sucks. My Gracie girl looks so helpless. I hope this is short lived once meds are on board. update Drs say yes she will outgrow this by the first birthday but maybe not until the second one. Her temp is down to 100. And with breathing treatments it's improving. Thank you for prayers. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 Butch, little Gracie is surely in my prayers, as is your family. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Praying Butch, just praying that she will be alright. I always look forward to seeing her beautiful little face. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Sending prayers for you and your family, dear Butch ~ and this is for our darling Gracie Girl! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillT Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Prayers to you and yours Butch. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Her breathing is pretty labored again. Her temp is 101. I hate that she's so sick. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for my girl. Marty that's an adorable bear. Thanks. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Butch, I couldn't sleep last night so I prayed for everyone on the forum, and Gracie especially. I was hoping for an update so glad to see you on here. We'll keep praying, I know it's a helpless feeling to not be able to DO something, but I've learned that prayer IS the greatest thing we can do...it's connecting with the one that CAN do something! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 It is indeed a struggle to come into this life so early Butch. We await your updates. I like what the doctors have to say. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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