Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Hi all, I met a guy and we get along well. Is it too soon to date? Kev will be gone 7 mos soon. So much has changed. I have changed. My friends have changed. Loneliness has become too familiar. Kev and I were not perfect. We grew up together and were happy we still had each other through all of our ups and downs. We used to say, I got you babe.....we kind of created our own world out here in the country and were fairly content... Until, that fateful day.. I still have overwhelming sadness that hits me out of nowhere. I have gotten better about housework and haven't been sleeping as much. I see improvement in that. I know nothing is going to bring him back. I still fight guilt and sadness when I love on and play with our grandbabies. One of the reasons I am thinking on this is I need new friends. I have lost so many throughout this ordeal. I think that moving in a different direction,making new frds and experiencing new things will be a positive move in a good direction to assist in the healing process and rebuilding of my life. I look forward to all of your wise comments and inputs. Thank you my frds. Marie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Marie, I think it is a matter of personal preference. No one should be able to judge you. Only your heart knows what feels right for you. That being said, I would only caution you to not mistake love for loneliness. You are an adult and probably already know that. I am definitely not wise. I think I would be lost trying to start a new relationship. Times have changed way too much since I went on a "date" LOL Take care. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 I wish you all the best on whatever you decide Marie. We all know that life is precious and can be too very short, if you can find someone who makes you happy I say good for you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Marie it is definitely a personal choice the heart is most definitely capable of loving more than one person if you feel it is what you need to do to find your way in this journey or if you feel it is what you need to do to find some sense of peace and happiness again than everyone will support you. I call Kevin my soulmate all the time and I was talking to a very wise person in this group who told me they don't use the word soulmate because loving someone is a choice I never thought of it that way but that person made me think of things in a different way for me I chose to have my Kevin be my only soulmate to be my one and only forever love, I choose that no one else will have my heart but that is just it a personal choice there is no right or wrong people can choose to love again and there is nothing wrong with that we deserve to find our happiness no matter what we chose hugs to you 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Thank you all. Hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Marie - I am NOT dating. I have connected with a gal I used to teach with, Deedo and I used to socialize with her and her husband, we used to travel to the Caribbean together. Since September we go out for dinners, we go hiking and kayaking together, we have plans to go to the theatre and a piano concert together, but we are not dating. We are two lonely people who are grieving the lost of our loved ones and need to connect with someone who understands what we are experiencing. I understand the need to connect on a personal level with someone, to have those conversations over a cup of coffee, to have that interaction one cannot get from counselors, forums, support groups, or occasional friends. If you feel ready then by all means go for it: PLEASE understand that you are fragile, so also really guard your emotions. There are many, many wonderful people out there but sadly there are also some real creeps looking to pray on the vulnerable. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 8 hours ago, rdownes said: I call Kevin my soulmate all the time and I was talking to a very wise person in this group who told me they don't use the word soulmate because loving someone is a choice George was most definitely my soul mate. Our connection was uncanny. We fit together in every way possible. I've never met anyone else it could be like that with. Our communication was amazing. How we both felt about things. We were alike in ways we needed to be to relate, we were opposite in ways we needed to complement one another. We were perfect together. I don't wee how anyone else could fit the bill unless they were a clone of him. Of course I choose him, but that doesn't make him any less my soul mate. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Thanks so much Brad...I am being cautious. I read this today and decided to write it down in my journal...I found it so fitting: Hugs to all, Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 15 hours ago, Marie Lee said: Hi all, I met a guy and we get along well. Is it too soon to date? ... Loneliness has become too familiar.... One of the reasons I am thinking on this is I need new friends.... I think that moving in a different direction,making new frds and experiencing new things will be a positive move in a good direction to assist in the healing process and rebuilding of my life. I look forward to all of your wise comments and inputs. Thank you my frds. Marie In my humble opinion, it is a real personal decision. Loneliness after the loss of your mate is a tough thing to deal with. Each of us needs to follow peace and try to understand our own motives. I am not ready or prepared to date again. My loving wife encouraged me to date and remarry again because she knew me. I am still not ready to make the move and my heart has not resolved some issues that linger. I loved my wife and only wanted to be married to her for the rest of my life. I never imagined she would die suddenly. I suggest reading a book, " MARS and VENUS Starting Over" by John Gray. Ph.D He gives some simple,practical steps and exercises to work through that help to clarify our thoughts and feelings after such a loss. I have gone from I can't imagine my wife has died to "I need to not close my heart to love and life". It is so easy to make vows to ourselves to protect us ad they end up imprisoning us for our self protection. My wife and I were so blessed and happy to share our lives together for almost 26 years. We loved each other as much as best we could. It would not be fair if there is another person to come into my life that they would be compared to her. Each of us needs to follow what gives us peace and joy. I pray God gives you wisdom and discernment and you find what you are seeking for. - Shalom, George 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Thank you so much George.... I do often wonder about comparison... I will look for that book, great suggestion... Thank you all. Hugs... Marie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 I mentioned this article in another post, Marie, but you might like to read it too: My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Thanks Marty :-) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Very good article Marty. Insightful and honest. tks again... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted January 9, 2017 Report Share Posted January 9, 2017 Marie, It has been 14 months for me. I have met someone too. He lost his girlfriend of 20 years. We met at a support group. The support group was only for 8 weeks. After it was done This guy and another women from the group and myself and my daughter have been going bowling once a week. For me there was some kind of connection between us the first time I met him. I wasn't looking for it, it just was there. There have been so many emotions over this. At times I ask myself if I'm ready for this. Is he ready for this. Then I was worried how my kids would feel about this. Right now we are just taking things slow and getting to know each other. It feels so right when we are together. Not sure where this will lead to. I am happy to have him as my friend and someone I talk to about anything including Richard. He understands. He understands when I'm having a bad day. I'm just taking it day by day. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 9, 2017 Report Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm glad for you, Polly. We all need friends and companions. It's good you're able to keep your mind and heart open. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 Good to hear Polly. It can be conflicting. I am trying not to overthink it and enjoy the companionship and see where it goes. I have no idea how people will react. I know it really doesn't matter as I am an adult, but my family is everything to me and I think it's the same for him. One day at a time... Thanks for sharing. Good luck to you! Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 10, 2017 Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 Marie, You're not that far out from his death, and thus very vulnerable. Just go very slow, it's good to start as friends. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 Thanks Kay, I am... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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