My Sanity Needed Vents

[Margm]

Ah yeah, you are a fighter.  Grocery stories deliver now.  I don't know how to do it but probably should.  I usually go to Walmart, wait in the prescription line, gonna be the 3rd one up and then it hits me.  Nope, I cannot use  the bathroom in a store bathroom, I run to customer service (they know me now), leave my full shopping cart, I live a few blocks from Walmart and I run to the car and make a fast trip home.  Then I go back and get my buggy and get in line for the prescriptions, 9th or 10th now.  Getting closer and sometimes I make it all the way through checkout.  

I remember our water line under the sink busting one night and walking into the den the next morning with ankle deep water and $500 water bill.  (They cut it down a little when they cut out the sewer, etc. out of the bill.  I put a note on the refrigerator for Billy to replace the other line. (Only time we ever used the house insurance).  Never happened.  Did not burst in his lifetime though and that is why I rent.  Could not afford fixing up a 1965 house, things got old fast, including us.  I was no housekeeper, he was no house fixer. 

I hope you get to go home and I know you are up for things.  Keep your meds handy.  Take it easy.  I've learned that is the only way to take it.  The only acrobats I do happen when it is necessary to get to my own commode.  

You got this girl.  Keep everything close at hand.  I know how bad you hate to depend on other people, so just take it slow (unless you have to take MiraLax).  I get up in the morning and I ache and hurt so bad it takes me so long to get around.  Some places I cannot sit because it  hurts my back to get up and sometimes I use one of my former walking sticks (not regular canes) to pull myself around.  Might help to keep something like that around.  

I have started noticing people using walkers now and they sorta bend over and I wonder if their back hurts like mine does and I feel for them.  You' will find you  might need some help but honeychile, lots of us need help, even younger than you.  After you get used to it, it might be okay.  They were planning on helping Billy a long time.  They would always call me and tell me when they were coming.  They didn't know he would leave so fast, me neither.  I just know you can do it.   

[kayc]

Gwen,

My BIL broke the lock on the sliding patio door many years ago and the locksmith wouldn't fix it.  I put a steel bar in the track, holds much better than a lock would.  Simple solution.  I go out another door when I need to lock up the house.

Gwen, there should be a senior & disabled person that can get you a caseworker that can help you.  They helped my mom with letting her know what's out there in the way of helps.  (Until my mom's dementia was so bad that we kids had to step up.)  I know nothing is as smooth as we'd wish, and it was easier when we were younger and could do everything ourselves, but there are people to come in and do housework or errands, shopping, a few hours a week.  There are also home health aides...we used them when my MIL was bedridden with cancer for three years that I took care of her, they were invaluable.  If you have problems with one person, you call the agency and they'll send out someone else, we had to do that once with one that was hitting on my FIL.  I'm sorry you lost your ice cream, it's those little perks we look forward to that help us.  Everything seems undoubtedly overwhelming right now...tackle the most crucial first, one thing at a time.  You can do this, you will do this.  In a few months you'll look back on this and realize it was a very hard time but you made it through it.

[kayc]

 

7 hours ago, Marg M said:

I was no housekeeper, he was no house fixer.

Marg, this made me laugh!  After George died, my son got leave from the AF for a couple of weeks...he came into the family room and saw some masking tape on an electrical cord to the light fixture.  (Total no no, I knew that but hadn't noticed, I had so much going on that last month)  He said, "Uh...Mom...did George touch anything else???"  I never forgot that, it was so funny.  George always tried but he was no handyman. 

[KarenK]

Gwen,

I posted during the night, but the website took a nosedive, so I'll try again.

First things first.....Take a deep breath and relax(easier said, than done, right). You can and will handle the "what if's" if and when they occur. I'm sure the idea of returning home is scary. Ask your social worker, liason, etc. If they can arrange for someone to meet you there just to get settled in. You will most likely be tired.

Make a grocery list now while you have time.  One less thing to think of. Order online when you get home. Get that lock fixed. Get your girls home. Everything else, do at a pace you can handle.

We are all pulling for you in this tug of war for life.

[Margm]

Any one of us, any single solitary person of us, Gin, Karen, Kay, Gwen, Marty, Cookie (I miss you), Ana, Anne, Dee, Kieron, George, Dee, Kevin, and so many more have had a mountain they felt was too big to climb.  You either take your trekking sticks, your cane, your walker, or your wheelchair, and you try to climb that mountain because if you don't, it is going to stay in your way.  I have my mustard seed and the Bible says I can move mountains with my faith, but Louisiana does not have mountains.  It has a worse medical system than my last state, but then again, my last medical system let Billy down, so we have to pick up the pieces and move.  We don't move fast, but we find a way to move, to make headway or we just simply throw some pillows around us and stay stationary.  and look forward to a new TV show coming on.  You just make motion, till you cannot.  Then you use the internet to pay your bills, the phone to order your groceries.  Our memories “That's the problem with memories: you can visit them, but you can't live in them.” (Shaun David Hutchinson).

Right now the word "concentration" has visited me again and I am involved in a book again.  I think shock takes away our concentration, but just like artists of all sorts (and I cannot compare myself to an artist, but I know some who are), they get blocks and are at a standstill.  My concentration does that to me.  Someone can be talking to me and I act interested, but that block in my mind will forget everything they said.  Shock can make us do and behave differently.  Your body has shocked you and your mind has also.  You are in there somewhere though and you will fight through that block.  I just know it.

[Gwenivere]

LThis is the 3rd time my post has disappeared and then I forget what I wrote.  Very frustrating.  But then, everything is these days.  

What I am dreading is the in home care.  I truly hate the thought of strangers in my home to help.  I  am in desperate need of truly caring support than another clinical situation.  It’s like this is never ending.  I want to pick up my life where I left it and I can’t.  The hospital did their job, I don’t feel the longer time I’ve spent here did very much when I was waylaid by the flu bug.  I was doing so well the first week.  I’ve lost so much stamina and motivation. Each  time I stand I’m not the self sufficient person I was.  My roommate would tell me I was going to be outta here quickly.  Everyone says patience now.  But what if you’ve run out?  4 weeks is a very long time.  I see the effort it will take to settle back in home.   I have no idea of the food situation for me and the kids.  I’ll want to grab my keys and do a grocery run for apples, carrots, green beans.  Bread and chicken are in the garage. In between are those 6 steps in and out of the house.  Might as well be 60 for how I feel.  Taking a shower is going to be a whole new situation.  

The other hurdle is being homebound.  It’s always been a big fear.  Even on days I’ve had to wait on repair people, I’ve always done a drive and errand after to have some very needed perspective contact with the world.  I don’t know any more if I can go without oxygen as I did in stores or the nursing home.  I didn’t need it for showers either.  I already know doing poop patrol and getting the mail will be changed.  I’ve learned my existence was much more livable.  Independence in ways I didn’t realize.  Will I have to carry oxygen now instead of a purse?  These are the kind of things I expected to tackle slowly, one at a time.  Get a chance to get used to each change, but not in one slam dunk.  

Another week begins and the talk will again turn to discharge, get back into clothes, hopefully get that darned shower before Weds and acceptance I didn’t get to ditch the walker which I was so close to doing.  Scheduled a session with grief counselor.  Much needed.  I’m just so angry I’m going to feel worse leaving from the bug and these horrid beds.  I’ll beback with my kids.  Hope I can handle us all.  I feel I’ve aged a good decade. I found the HOPE amulet Steve gave me.  It’s just as useless as the day he gave it to me, but he said to always carry it so I do.  

Spent all day on this.  Love you all to vent to.  You are my hold on sanity.  💖

[widow'15]

Gwen:  Just had first chance to read your latest and am feeling your distress.  I am so sorry you are full of fear.  If you can do as Karen suggested, take a deep breath, and try to think what is the most important thing to do first.  I know I have no right to tell you what you should do, but none of us can do it all in one day.  You have so much running through your mind right now.  You want answers now, you want to feel safe and secure like you did when Steve were here.  If any of us could, we would pack your clothes, drive you home where there is a full refrigerator and set you down next to your girls.  But, unfortunately we can only offer words and knowledge learned from our experiences.  Just know, we are here listening, hoping and praying all turns out well for you.

Warm hugs, Dee. 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I  am in desperate need of truly caring support than another clinical situation.

I agree.  We found that in the Home Health worker that helped with Mom all those years ago, I hope you find the right one for you too.

I'm sorry you had to re-create your post, not as easy as the first time.  Karen went through that too.  Sometimes it'll show back up when you come back in to post and you can save it or clear editor, but not always.

Is there a neighborhood child that can do poop pickup for you?  As Marg suggested, most cities have grocery delivery, just a matter of calling and finding out what store.  I know you have determination enough to make it through this, but I'm sure it's overwhelming right now with all the changes you're experiencing.  I wish you could have skipped the rehab place and gone home from the hospital, seems you'd have fared better.  Your dogs will do for you what nothing else can.  Sending you love and hugs and hoping your nightmare changes soon.

[Margm]

Funny story.  Brianna's best friend is sort of a solitary person, like Brianna is.  She filled out application for the "personal shopper" for Walmart and was told her personality did not fit in good with Walmart, so she was turned down.  So perhaps, if you use Walmart personal shopper, you will get an exceptional person to help.  The girl was crushed.  She and Bri both get their feelings hurt easily.  Neither are ready to step out in the world of today.  

[Gwenivere]

I’m beginning to think going straight home would have been better.  There’s no way to know, but I would have avoided the beds and flu there.  Less bed time, been with the kids and sitting up more.  Was walking better. Needed the walker but was about to ditch that.   I’m very bummed out this morning as some personal mail had a suggestion for assisted living.  So easy for others to throw in their opinions thinking we haven’t heard it and it was unsolicited.  Anyone that knows me knows better than to do that. I know my options.  They forgot I’d have to give up my dogs, live in an tiny apartment,  have my meds doled out, eat their food.   All that I hate about this place.  Go from a clinical lonely room to one with some of my stuff.  Yeah, that sounds like the solution.  Been promised a shower this afternoon as part of therapy.  Better happen.  Have complaints to register about PT making this worse IF the social worker shows up that blew me off last week.  I just want to role over and go to sleep. It’s the only break I get from this nightmare.  I must be nearing the end of my reserves as I usually write at the end of the day and it hasn’t been 2 hours yet!

Marg,  I’ve heard of places saying 'you don’t have the skills we require', but nothing so directly personal!  That would be crushing to a young person that is still trying to discover themselves.  That would hurt if it wasn’t followed up with why and explanations to soften the blow.  Teenagers are so vulnerable emotionally.  Recruiters are supposed to be trained in tact.  They also could help the person with explanation and ways to help for future job interviews.

 

 

[Margm]

The job would have been perfect for her as she is very timid.  She is like Brianna and is scared of people.  Her father is a pastor and I cannot intervene, but if it  was Brianna, I would be calling Walmart headquarters 2-3 times a day.  It was her first job application and someone had referred her for it.  She was really crushed.  Brianna is a teacher's dream student and she hates the people to be rude to the teachers, and I am surprised at how mean they are..  I "went to school" many-many moons ago.  I remember being sent to the principal in my senior year.  Never before.  I had written a girl and called her a jackass, which was nicer than the one I had erased.  She turned it into the teacher and she gave it to the principal.  He told me the girl may  very well be a jackass but I should not write notes in school.  I rode a bus to school.  I was so shook up I walked the country way home, through the oil fields, I was so upset.  But now, they say curse words to teachers.  This young girl is very quiet, and like Bri, she can take up for herself but her width of standing is very slim.  

[kayc]

I agree with your assessment, Gwen, it sounds like you'd have been better off going home from the hospital, you could have hired what you needed filled in with, they've set you back with their lousy "doing their job."  

Bri's friend...that feels very personal when they tell you it's your personality, something you can't control nor should you change.  I hope she can look at it like her and Wally-world are not a good fit.  Heavy on Wally-world.  I hope she has a guidance counselor that can help her explore where she would be a good fit because we all have a good fit somewhere, it's just a matter of discovering where and what we're good at.

[Gwenivere]

Well, it’s been decided I go home Sunday.  It’s both good and bad news.  I’ve realized I’ve gotten used to human contact and will be going home to total isolation.  So much to do there, but I’ll have to pace myself.  The biggie is I want to know I can drive.  Going to get a shower here so I won’t have to tackle that for a couple days.  My cousin reminded me to keep resting as they are pushing me on PT and the last thing I want to do is repeat this experience which would be easy to do.  I’ve found I need oxygen all the time right now so will have to factor that in on getting some groceries.  The dollar store doesn’t deliver the chicken I buy for the kids.  Things are complicated with insurance billing from the hospital and it taking 45 days to go thru meaning I have to pay out of pocket for RX refills and submit forms for reimbursement.   I know I will break down in privacy from all this.  I don’t know if my pain will improve being home.  Freaked the nurse out this morning crying when he woke me up and I moved and couldn’t stand it.  Talk of getting someone in to help me a couple days a week at home.  Hoping I won’t need that.

I know this sounds contradictory to my posts of getting out of here, but I guess I didn’t think about what awaits going back to what is now an alien existence.  I changed so much around to survive this and its still very difficult.  I did start packing up.  I have 4 more days of therapy, but I am not going to overdue it.  Mostly concentrate on basic walking.  I feel silly writing this.  Afraid to go home?  Did not expect this.  Got used to people saying hi walking by.  Hearing my name.  Feeling like I matter despite the circumstances.  Shows me how desperate I was/am.  The staff is excited for me then is surprised when I tell them I have no one to go home to.  People can’t wrap their minds around not having a family.  I’m one of them still.  Always will be.  Really didn’t need this to intensify that knowledge.  

Where the heck are you, Steve?  

[kayc]

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I know this sounds contradictory to my posts of getting out of here, but I guess I didn’t think about what awaits going back

Totally understandable, Gwen.  You will be in my prayers as you leave there and I pray your worst fears do not come to fruition.  I hope, too, you'll be able to drive.  I wish you had neighbors like mine, they'd make a grocery run for you.  It is so hard for me to ask for help, but when I do, I get response, that has amazed me.

I hope you reach the point where you can still visit the nursing home you did for so many years...it'd be good for you as well as them.  Even if Attila the Hun runs the place. 

Yes you will break down, undoubtedly from everything, that's okay, to be expected...hospital bills alone can do that.  I remember all the hard places I've been through and tell myself I can go through tomorrow, even when I don't see how.  Growing old is not for the faint of heart.

[Margm]

My son, who is not 100% well, he is a disabled veteran and has to wear a brace on his right leg.  He has what they call drop foot also, and his foot is floppy without shoes or brace.  He takes gabapentin because they did a nerve transposition surgery on his leg, he was shot in the femoral artery and coded twice on the table.  He says four times, but I typed his surgery dictation.  His doctor had to take him off surgery the first time to keep giving him blood.  I don't know how many units of blood they gave him but his friends, my friends and Billy's friends were all in line to donate.  When I saw him in ICU he was so puffed up with transfusions, I didn't recognize him.  They wanted to remove his leg, but he would not let them.  He has what they call that phantom foot pain that people who have had their leg removed suffer from.  His foot is still there, but he cannot feel it.   When he would sit down he was constantly rubbing that leg and foot because what was not numb, hurt terribly, it was nerve pain.  They gave him a medicine that didn't help so I told him to ask for Neurontin.  (gabapentin).  Now for years he still has the  pain sometimes, but with this state of the art brace, you cannot tell he is crippled.  The nerve transposition graft did not help anything, probably made it worse.  But, you cannot tell he wears a brace, he never complains, never did, (maybe if I had given his dad time to complain sooner, but that's another story.  

He stayed a month with  his daughter who is going through a divorce, in Georgia.  A messy divorce.  He came back home and he spends the evenings with Bri and me each day.  It was like a foreign country coming home.  That is how it was when we traveled.  As long as we just lived in the RV, that was home.  But when we had to get off the road and made short trips, we bought another home.  Coming "home" after those trips was like coming to a new place and it was not like "Oh, I'm home, glory-glory," it was more like "I gotta get used to this place again.  We were both still able bodied people, but you are not.  Still, your  coming home is going to seem like a foreign place for a few days.  I have always been a gypsy and hate routine house living.  The only real home I cried leaving was in 2000, and leaving our 1998, 28 foot Holiday Rambler RV.  I still have pictures of it.  Only home I cried leaving. 

So see, we are all so different in how we tolerate "home."  To you  assisted living sounds terrible.  To me it sounds like an adventure.  They won't let you have anything but microwaves in assisted living.  (Yea!  No cooking for me).  But, I think you can sign out and go when you want to go.  I'm terribly speaking out of turn, because I have no idea.  

And we are all different.  In our Escapee's RV Club we had an "assisted living" type of place.  Nurses were hired, a big building was built, spaces to keep your RV and live in it until you either got well, or didn't.  Rides to the local doctors and hospitals were provided.  Activities and physical therapy in the big building were provided.  I wanted that for me and Billy, but sometimes God thinks I am a comedian and just laughs at me.  

I hope it works out the best for "Gwen" and that you can fall into a routine that will make the unfamiliar become a familiar and comfortable routine.  I wish that for you.  

 

[Kieron]

8 hours ago, Marg M said:

sometimes God thinks I am a comedian and just laughs at me.  

Tough crowd (of one!), Marg!

[Gwenivere]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

Yes you will break down, undoubtedly from everything, that's okay, to be expected...hospital bills alone can do that.  I remember all the hard places I've been through and tell myself I can go through tomorrow, even when I don't see how.  Growing old is not for the faint of heart.

The money I’m the least concerned with.  I expect to get slammed.  It’s emotionally I’m worried about.  I’ve never felt so beaten down and my life not in control.  I think it will continue to feel that way when I get home.  I’ll be dumped from the system and access to help on request.  I see me sitting catatonic in my living room wondering what to do.  I’m still weak from the flu and being thrown back into PT. I feel like everything has been sucked out of me.  I don’t really want to be anywhere.  The woman that is coming to get me operates like a military person.  There is nothing enjoyable about being with her.  I just met with the facility administrator about how they keep messing up my meds.  It’s imperartive they are on schedule or they load me up on the sedatives late in the the day which makes me too zoned out.  It defeats the purpose.  Gawd, I just want someone to hold me.  

As for tomorrow, I’m getting sick of tomorrow’s.  They don’t get any better where I am in this mess now.  Maybe when I get home.  Maybe it won’t be as bad as my imagination has created.  Getting there is the battle.  I had a phone session with my grief counselor and she said the fear of going home is totally normal.  We may hate we are in an institution, but there are people and it is safe since we get from being laid up.  Also, we do lose connection with how we did things.  Can’t jump right back in like it was and have to force ourselves not to do more than is required.  Like I want to drive again.  What I should strive for is getting down the stairs, into the car, get back in up the stairs and see how that feels.   I hate this feeling like a baby.  

You're right, Kay.  This isn’t for wimps.  But I feel like one now.  Just been too long being so many places I haven’t wanted to be and facing home that is not a place things will go back to normal without a lot of effort, or controlled effort.  I don’t think any of us are ever prepared to find out even more limits where they never were before.

[Margm]

Kieron, I don't make long range plans.

Gwen, honestly, if I didn't have to I would never leave this apartment.  I really don't want to go anywhere.  My mom and sister can/could be hermits and I just want to pay my bills by computer and let the Orkin bug sprayer in every three months.  I think  I could go by the drive-in once a day and live off burgers.  No onions, tomatoes or lettuce.  I have one down the street, two stop signs and I can turn left and never hit the main road.  I don't get to do this though.  

[Gwenivere]

Same here, Marg.  Every morning is challenging enough.  I miss those days tho.  Long lists I could cross off at he end of the day and feel true accomplishment.  You do make me laugh sometimes and that’s a great gift!  ❤️

[KarenK]

I'm with you guys on wanting to stay home. So funny as I always wanted to be on the go. Maybe because there is no one to go with anymore. It's like my spirit for adventure has died, just in the last year or so.

I'm dreading next week as I've been notified for jury duty. I don't want to be a juror. I just want to be left alone. It's an hours worth of traffic and figuring out where to go in downtown Phoenix, which I hate. Then sitting around in a big room of strangers trying to stay awake while waiting to be called. Daytime is when I usually sleep if I can. I gave up trying to sleep at night. Not gonna happen. Maybe I'll fall off the chair and get to go home.

When you get home, Gwen, I hope you'll find things less difficult than you imagine and you'll get into a new manageable routine. Take those steps to the car one at a time. You'll be driving in no time!

[widow'15]

Gwen:  Once you are home you will know what you need to do first and hopefully even though it won't be what was normal, your needs will create a new routine and you will gradually get over your fear - I know you will.  

I understand your description of the friend who will be bringing you home.  I have an acquaintance similar to her.  Actually, I am envious of those type of personalities since I don't have an teaspoon full of that drive in me.  When I am in her presence I try to take a deep breath and tell myself the reason to be together will soon end and I can retreat into my own quiet little world and do only what I want.

Once you determine if you can drive, one option to get your groceries is "Pick Up Grocery" Shopping offered by Fred Meyer, Safeway, WalMart and probably other grocery outlets.  I gave it a try a few months back and it has made my grocery shopping quite bearable.  My old knees and lousy vision can be a challenge parking my car, walking the grocery aisle, standing in line, checking out then loading and unloading my car.  I go online, order groceries, set a time for pickup, drive to the designated pick up area and let them load the groceries in.  I only have to unload groceries once home.   Or, you can have the groceries delivered to your home if you won't be able to drive for a while.

I recently came across a quote from a long time Forum Member, I think it was Brad - it has stuck in my mind for a couple of days now as I have had to make some recent tough decisions.  “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart… I'll always be with you.” A. A. Milne 

Keeping you in my thoughts as you face this big challenge.  Hugs. Dee

 

 

[widow'15]

30 minutes ago, KarenK said:

I'm with you guys on wanting to stay home. So funny as I always wanted to be on the go. Maybe because there is no one to go with anymore. It's like my spirit for adventure has died, just in the last year or so.

I'm dreading next week as I've been notified for jury duty. I don't want to be a juror. I just want to be left alone. It's an hours worth of traffic and figuring out where to go in downtown Phoenix, which I hate. Then sitting around in a big room of strangers trying to stay awake while waiting to be called. Daytime is when I usually sleep if I can. I gave up trying to sleep at night. Not gonna happen. Maybe I'll fall off the chair and get to go home.

 

Karen:  I had to laugh reading your remark.  I will be wishing you "fall off the chair and be sent home from jury duty selection", or maybe they won't choose you.   I was in Phoenix once, and it was a busy place full of traffic. 

I, too,  only want to be home.  I really don't think I ever had much spirit for adventure - that was my husband - he was full of energy and always ready to go anywhere.  In my younger days I could keep up with him, but since I didn't fish and didn't want to go, he'd usually take the kids or one of his friends and I'd get to stay home and work in the yard.  Worked out great for all of us.

Good Luck.  Dee

 

 

 

[kayc]

I lived in Phoenix 50 years ago...my sister just came from there, said it's horribly busy, tons of traffic, I can imagine!  Karen, it's easy to get out of jury duty if you feel you can't do it.  I was Office Mgr. of a busy mill, trucking co., and brokerage firm, and my boss couldn't do w/o me, so he wrote a letter, got me off, but they haven't called me back since.  It's 1 1/2 hours away from here and I can't drive at night so I'd just get a letter from my doctor telling them.  Not like I don't want to do my civic duty, sometimes the timing is wrong.  They called me when Melissa was an infant too so I told them she was still nursing.  There's been times I would have liked being called for it but they didn't call then.  You cracked me up with your "fall off the chair," nope, they'd probably strap you back in, prop you in and make you stay there!

On 2/5/2020 at 7:13 PM, Gwenivere said:

It’s emotionally I’m worried about.  I’ve never felt so beaten down and my life not in control.

I get that.  I think the unknown is always scary, but once you're settled in and have a routine it won't seem so daunting, you'll adjust to even these changes.  I really hope your energy comes back and you surprise yourself.  (((hugs)))

[Gwenivere]

I lived in Phoenix 45 years ago.  Being 19/20 it was quite the adventure.  Really liked it except for the heat.  Pretty much lived at night.  Had an MGB that would overheat in the day.  Worked a pizza place that was a high school hangout so forget tips.  When I ran out of money I went back to Albuquerque.  ‘Twas an experience.  I can only imagine how much more crowded it is now like every other big city has become.  

Energy is the real problem in this mess.  After dealing with the pain get now waking me up after a few hours and tossing and turning, I couldn’t snap out of the fatigue until well into the afternoon.  Cut back on PT today as I was definitely overdoing it since getting out of  isolation.  Can’t afford to be in that state come Sunday when I leave.  The woman coming to get me makes me tense enough as she’ll have a checklist so it won’t be very relaxed.  My biggest thing will be getting back on home schedule.  I can’t even fathom the amount of  mail (mostly junk) and a months worth of messages (robocalls) on my machine.  I’m truly hoping the pain will subside to a liveable level in my own bed.  Then there will be the dogs.  They are on a whole different schedule too.  

My old roommate left today.  I know she was scared about it too.  Must be exra lonely as her dog is still in boarding.  We were both wondering how much this truly helped us.  Totally agreed we would never do this again.  I can’t believe how much I miss her.  I guess because it’s another’s reminder of entering a new phase of change and I am so sick of changes!  But, aren’t we all?  Well, the annoying ones.  Tho I can’t think of one that hasn’t been one in a very long time.  Even ones that weren’t before.  

[kayc]

PTs are a special breed.  I think they were drill sergeants in their previous life.  I'm sure you'll miss your roomie in the next couple of days, at least the two of you could commiserate on being there.  How are you doing with walking?  That will be the important thing so you can let the dogs in/out, get to the refrigerator, etc...and begin driving again.  Is there a medication you're on that is robbing you of sleep or energy?  It may take a while to build your stamina back but keep pushing a little past your comfort zone, in small increments, you'll get there...right now you just have to build back from having had the flu.  What a month you've had!  Truly praying for the best outcome for you.  You've got this.