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Have you received an appearance from your loved one?  A dream about him/her.  Or they appear to you in a dream.  Or you feel their presence?  You see a cardinal.  Anything.  I so want Richard to appear to me and let me know he’s alright and that he misses me and still loves me, but I don’t feel anything.  I want to feel him.   

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I dream about Steve.  In the beginning it was very frequent.  Now, years later, it’s not very common.  Or I’ll see him but it’s not a very intense dream.  Like we’re used to running into each other, kinda like day to day living.  I’ve had some odd things happen since he left that I could attribute as signs if I wanted to.  Some people feel that very strongly.  They know it is a sign.  I think our minds gravitate to what gives any source of relief from the pain.  I do talk to him at times when it is something I really need to say to him.  I have lit a candle for him every night since he died and have complained to him when it needs a new one when I am settled in as it would be like him to not tell me something that was needed way back when.  Good thing no one sees and hears the old lady grumbling and limping down the hall to get another one saying.....geez.....now?  Not earlier when I was up and back here?  I can only see him in my mind around the house in familiar ways.  

I understand your wanting to feel him.  When that overtakes me is inconsolable sobbing and I do still do that.  I hunger for him.  A brush of my hair, a hug, anything.  It’s called 'skin hunger' and very real.  I’ve gotten lots of hugs since he left but they don’t fix it or give me solace beyond the short time they are happening.  Not like his that could last me til the next one.  Make me feel everything is OK.  

I don’t know why some feel things and some don’t.  I hope you do as I imagine it feels very good, even tho it is sad.  

 

 

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My husband has been gone for 15 years.  One year after he died a pansy sprung up in the yard, having survived a harsh winter of snows, never happened before or since.  It was our flower, he called it "the smiling flower."  I felt it was a sign from him.  Another time I was going through a lot with vehicles, had just bought one and week one had to sink a fortune into it.  While walking back to my office at the church, I ran across a pansy growing through the sidewalk...I took that as a sign.  Many such things like this, but nothing quite like the following which was a little over 2 1/2 years ago:

Mine was from my husband and it wasn't your usual "sign.  I had called the social security office because they didn't show two years I worked full time and I wanted to know how much I was going to get when I filed.  This lady answered the phone, a Friday afternoon and coldly flatly told me I'd get like $250/mo or something (I can't remember exactly, too low to live on).  This after working all my life!  I asked her to check and she refused, she told me to call the local office.  I'd had to wait an hour for her to come on so there wasn't time...they were closed.  It was a three day weekend and I had to wait three days before talking to someone and my anxiety was through the roof!  

That night I felt his hand on my shoulder/back area, reassuring me.  It was unmistakable, it was a physical presence, no explaining it, but it happened!

When the soc. sec. office opened three days later, they told me the correct amount.  All I can think of is the lady just threw a number out there and didn't care how it affected me, she just wanted to start her weekend and I was her last call of the day.

They somehow find a way to get through to us when we most need them.  I have heard stories of animals giving signs as well!

I do want to point out that we can't make them happen or conjure them up.  It was one year before I had a dream of him.  I've learned to accept that with or without signs or dreams, it's not a measure of our love, I understand it's not easy for them to get through, and any time I get the least little thing it's a bonus!  I go by faith in our love...our love continues far beyond the grave and I believe we will be together again!

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30 minutes ago, kayc said:

we can't make them happen or conjure them up

Some would disagree, Kay. There are a number of ways to increase the likelihood of seeing such signs. See, for example, Ten Tips for After Death Communicationthe work of Louis LaGrand and After Death Communication: A List of Resources♥️ 

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That's true, I know there are studies and professionals that say different, I should have said, I can't make it happen. ;)

 

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A butterfly appeared in the immediate vicinity of the place where I was preparing to scatter Mark's ashes about 2 years ago, just a flitting orange and white thing that alighted briefly, fanned its wings a few times, and took off again.  It wasn't a monarch, but after some quick research, I concluded it was a species of small butterfly called Question Mark.  🙂

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was listening to a prayer call earlier this morning.  I was in and out (half awake).  And I distinctly remember smiling big.  You know how babies smile in their sleep sometimes?  While I didn’t see a face I know it was Richard.  He was giving me something and I remember smiling big.  I love him ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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I'm glad you had that experience!  Those little visits can mean so much!

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I cant count how many mornings....(all of them)......that I’m in that prewake up phase and my mind is filled with things I want to tell or ask Steve.   It was like I used to wake up years ago.  I’ve somewhat adjusted that I can’t, but it always brings a twinge of sadness to accept again he isn’t here.  It’s really hard on days I have nothing to do, thanks to this pandemic or just being older and limited.  He would always think of something.  Just having a partner creates so many possibilities.  Even in my pursuits without him, it was knowing I would be sharing telling him about them later.  I miss hearing about his stuff too.  I especially miss him handling things I hate to. I’d set the appointments for service, he’d deal with them when here.  

But yes, I know that feeling of smiling thinking of him.  It seems so real for a fleeting time.  It’s like trying to grasp a wisp of smoke when I wake up.  He’s not there and I love him so much too.  ❤️❤️❤️

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@Gwenivere later in the early afternoon as I tried to fix myself some lunch I started crying again because I needed to cleanup the kitchen before doing anything and thought about when I was last with Richard that’s what I was doing.  Preparing a good meal for his return.  I just so miss him and what we were going to do together. He always had the plans.  I just joined him for an adventure.  I miss talking with him.  The messages from him.  The anticipation of being with him.  I miss holding him.  Holding his face.  Kissing his lips.  Holding his arm while we’re walking.  Riding our bikes together.  Talking about the future.  We were not husband and wife, but we were each other’s spouse.  We were so happy and I just can’t stand that this happened to him.  He needed more, I needed more, time.  But, if all I can get for now is a glimpse of his presence and each time it brings my heart to smile.  I will take it.  I have been waiting and asking to feel his presence m to let me know he’s still with me.  I gave him a trinket one time that says you make my heart smile.  I am going to include it with his ashes when they are interred.  I want him to forever make my heart smile.

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I see cardinals everyday. When I sit outside and pray, talk to Brian...I see several cardinals. One even landed on the chair he used to sit in on the deck when we had to stay with my parents until we got on our feet. Another circled that chair yesterday.

One morning last week just before 2:00am, I was standing in the yard praying. Asking God to somehow show me Brian is okay and happy. I looked up and saw a brilliant shooting star and I know that was God's way of telling me all is well with Brian. 

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After he left, that first few months, if I would doze off sitting up in a chair, just probably not even aware I was dozing it has happened more than once.  The first time I saw his khaki colored pants and I followed them up with my eyes and he kissed me on the forehead, and he was gone.  Once or twice afterwards it happened again, but mostly right after he had left.  Recently I dozed off in the rocker only to see his head against my left chest, side of his head, looked like I had just gave him a haircut, and his old green Tee shirt and he was gone.  It was so real though.  I figure it was a phase of REM sleep that dreams come to you, but it has been a long time and for some reason I try not to do this.  I just go to bed.  You have REM sleep when your in bed usually with dreams.  Heck, I dreamed I was fighting in the Civil War the other night.  Don't know what side.  Had to be the south don'tcha think?  I honestly can still see his head against my chest.  Billy did not believe in the supernatural.  I always wanted wood nymphs and fairies to live in the woods.  Never saw any.  I enjoy his moment visits.  I don't know if my mind is playing tricks, don't care to know.  I'll take a second or two if offered.  

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On 7/9/2020 at 2:35 PM, kayc said:

I should have said, I can't make it happen.

Blame it on Missionary Baptist brain washing, I call it that, but I also call it teaching.  I am not against after death experiences, I think I have had them, but I also have an immense imagination.  It is too soon after seeing Billy's head on my chest, my heart side, accidental probably, REM sleep explanation, but I can still see him and also see with the blink of an eye, it was gone.  I'm already haunted some times by things I do not know what they are.  Some places I might go into but have to leave fast.  Billy laughed at me.  The Native American women voices going up signal peak (lots of "signal peaks" in the SW), but in my book about this small town in the Gila Wilderness it mentions other people hearing voices. (I read the book after going up the trail).  It sounded natural to me, there was some one just above us on the trail, a woman talking to one or more women.  Billy had heard them too.  But, when they were not there, no explanation for hearing them, when I told the story he denied hearing them.  He had heard them.  I do go places that I have to leave because I call it being haunted.  So, I don't know what to believe.  These actual REM sleep visitations I cannot explain, and I wish I could keep them longer than an eye blink.  But like my granddaughter said to me when I talk to the moon and the stars, "Mamol, he does not answer you because he knows it would scare you to death."  Yep, probably would.

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That’s an interesting thought, Marg.  Would I be scared or happy to see Steve?   I only know the dream scenario.  But if I saw him when I was fully awake?  I don’t know.  I don’t see how I could be scared of him.  He’s the man I love and always will.  About the only way. Could see it as scary is if he was still in pain and I could do nothing.  I would not want to see that ever again and take small solace that if he does exist on some level, he is free of all that and the dynamic man he was.  In his prime and a heartbreaker to look at.  The man that made other women jealous of me.  Since there is no fairness in life, I can only hope there is afterward.  All of our loves deserve that.

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Yes they do.  The only thing that worries me is the three old girlfriends who are already where ever he is.  Are we supposed to trust Angels?  Supposed to be perfect, but I wonder if that means perfect place or perfect for him?  Jesus will throw me out if I go around fighting people.  

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  • 2 months later...
On 7/8/2020 at 8:25 PM, TameraSanders said:

Have you received an appearance from your loved one?  A dream about him/her.  Or they appear to you in a dream.  Or you feel their presence?  You see a cardinal.  Anything.  I so want Richard to appear to me and let me know he’s alright and that he misses me and still loves me, but I don’t feel anything.  I want to feel him.   

Tamara, you might try meditation, my late wife was into Buddhism and got me into it, Being a pragmatic, I was skeptical at first, but I read into it and it really works after practice. We meditated together and didn't always have a spiritual experience, but when we did, wow! I'm not kidding. Hard to describe, but from my own consciousness I seem to become one with a kind of a dimension that goes on forever. It is very peaceful. Then when I come out of it, I feel more like facing the world and its problems. There are many different types of meditation. We did mindfulness, but since my beloved wife passed in April, I am trying spiritual meditation but it is very difficult to clear my mind because i'm grieving so much, my wife is constantly in my mind. But I have the hope that I can make a spiritual connection with her. I don't know what happens when we pass, but I hope we can be together again, I am hurting so much, We were together 53 years.

 

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I so wish I had the patience to meditate, but it would take a lot of Xanax to help me be that calm. I live in a mobile home park that's like a kennel- there's so many dogs barking all the time and sound triggers my anxiety, and dogs do that big time. I often have to have headphones on just to keep sane. 

I know that if it was easy to appear to me or be in my dreams, Annette would do it. Maybe I'm just too out of touch with my spiritual side. It might be too frustrating for her to contact me. 

 

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1 hour ago, nashreed said:

I often have to have headphones on just to keep sane. 

Might you consider listening to any of the audio programs offered by Belleruth Naparstek / Health Journeys, designed specifically for anxiety relief? Each program in her catalog offers a link so you can listen to a sample from the recordings.

Sampling this clip from Relieve Stress will give you an immediate idea of what guided imagery is. 

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I have put myself into self hypnosis, I guess, once in my lifetime.  It was back when we had cassette tapes and I had a set that was sold at my university hospital library, at the hospital I worked for.  Cancer's uncertainty, my life's uncertainty drove me into anxiety attacks where I actually did leave a shopping cart full of groceries in a waiting line at Krogers and fled to my car, to home.  I had to go to a psychiatrist, but the most helpful were those three cassette meditations.  I actually could float on that cool soft cloud, and I felt it.  When Billy passed I tried all meditation.  (plus pills).  That was when I had the plugs in my ears, had fallen asleep to the meditation, and my family could not make me answer phones (I could not hear them) so they (police) were fixing to knock down my door, ambulance waiting.  Don't know what is wrong now but even with medication that has worked for five years I get the "heebie jeebies" (what I call them) around daylight.  And no, I have not slept.  I read.  Medication did not take ahold.  I was hearing people talking (we have balconies for each apartment), the outside is lighted with enough light you would think it was daylight.  Each corner off the apartments have motion lights.  So, last night I went back to the earbuds.  First time since the police scare.  I kept having to change meditation sounds.  Some aggravated me but the soft guitar sounds had me asleep in no time.  During the night I knocked them off.  Perhaps I will try Marty's suggestions.  We are very safe in a low/no crime area and tight locked windows with shrubs in front that would hurt anyone that tried windows.  Balcony door protected.  Hope it is just a phase.  Billy did not have a bit of imagination or supernatural belief about him.  I did.  I think he took mine with him when he left.

Addendum:  I go back and reread my posts and I am tending to repeat myself often.  Just ignore.  I remember my little Mammaw used to repeat herself so often and her daughters would fuss at her.  I didn't want them to fuss at her.  I am my grandmother's granddaughter.  

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I understand, there are about a dozen barking hounds (each sounds like it has a dual set of vocal cords) just three houses down from me, and a German Shepherd across from me that barks terribly with a sharp piercing sound, the owners never get onto him and why for the life of me they leave him outside at night when window are open, I do not know.  None of us can sleep with it.

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2 hours ago, kayc said:

I understand, there are about a dozen barking hounds (each sounds like it has a dual set of vocal cords) just three houses down from me, and a German Shepherd across from me that barks terribly with a sharp piercing sound, the owners never get onto him and why for the life of me they leave him outside at night when window are open, I do not know.  None of us can sleep with it.

I'm sorry. People are so rude. Absolutely no consideration for others around here. Plus, there's always these screaming kids terrorizing the streets. Why do kids constantly have to scream and why do parents let them? Whatever happened to "Kids should be seen, not heard"? I would never have gotten away with that crap when I was a kid.

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Somehow or other, moving from that quiet house in the little coves and hills where nothing was heard but the sound of birds and maybe little animals, moving into an apartment house where there is a big wall across from the apartments, there is some kind of dog that barks constantly (I have not seen him, but he sounds big), not too much children's noises right now.  Somehow hearing the noises I did not hear, hearing people getting up  to go to work and maybe sitting with a cup of coffee out on their patio, where they cannot be seen, but are heard, just somehow that made me believe in life again.  Billy had left me in that huge house, on that beautiful lonesome street, and the quiet was louder than anything I had ever heard.  It was good when it was me and him and various family members at one time or the other.  I fed the birds, the squirrels, we would identify any new birds and here I am.  I have the biggest patio of any of the apartments.  I've never been out on it.  I cannot feed the birds anymore, that was mine and Billy's hobby, I do not want an only one hobby.  I do hear life though.  I didn't hear it after he left me.  We are all so different, yet we are all the same.  We miss someone so terribly we sometimes hide from life.  I know I do.  I need to be out walking with my trekking sticks.  I know I cannot go far, but maybe a little further ever so often, so, why won't I do it?  I don't need to dig this hole any deeper..  

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As annoyed as I get with the noise from my neighbors at times, it does tell me there are other people around.  That’s why I often go out despite the risk.  I have to be around some actual people, phones and Zoom don’t cut it as only sources.  I miss some neighbors that left after about 10 years or so.  We weren’t super close buddies, but we did have a good relationship and bartered help.  After Steve died they mowed my little lawn and I accepted packages when they were off on adventures.  If they left their dogs home, I’d take care of them.  Don’t hear many dogs, just the neighbors when they let them out for a bit.  People that leave incessant barking dogs out make me wonder how they stand it.  I used to call our dogs during the day if they got obnoxious.  Never let them do that at night.  I don’t feed the birds either like I did.  Makes me sad all the things that I used to do like that and enjoyed.  Now I just throw food out in the driveway as the crows take anything.  Little things I could do but have no motivation for and I’ve already tried forcing myself.  Doesn’t work.  You have to want to do it.  Like your walking with your trekking sticks.  I want to walk so badly and can’t.

Grief and age are thieves.  

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