How Did You Meet Your Soulmate?

[Sad_Widower]

I assume most if not all of you have once thought, “if I would have turned left instead of right” or “if i would have stayed home that night” or [insert any common event that would have prevented you from
meeting your future soulmate], “then……[life as you know it] would have never happened. “

I often think back to how meeting my wife was BY FAR the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I met my her during during the summer between my junior and senior year of university .  I got a job working as a waiter at a fancy restaurant in a large “Entertainment Area” that had restaurants and various clubs etc.  Her father did not own the restaurants and clubs, but he owned the property and had an office there as well.  They had just moved from East London six months before, and my wife was only 18. He gave her a little job there and I would often see her, smile and wave.  Ironically a friend/fellow waiter had a crush on her and used to talon about her all the time.   However she fancied me, she told me later she thought I had a cute butt—ha ha—so we got to know one another and one thing let to another. 
I imagine we officially became a “couple” within two months of meeting each other. After about eight months of dating I proposed to her (the most nervous I’ve been in my life).
We initially planned on moving to London (as she wanted to go back), but I got a good job here right out of school, and then we realized we wanted to be near both our parents, etc. 

It’s amazing though as I always reflect on how if I would not have circled that waiter job to apply….I doubt I would have met her and life would have been completely different. 

Although I lost her, and since have endured what I imagine pure hell to be like, I would do it over again knowing the same outcome due to the wonderful memories we had. We truly achieved all of our dreams, save for growing old together. 

[nashreed]

That's sweet. 

I might have mentioned this before... My Annette worked at Taco Bell here in our adopted hometown (neither one of us was born here- thank God). It was actually a very nice sleepy retirement community back in 1988- known for having the street with the most banks on it in America, second only to Wall Street (not anymore, just maybe more meth heads on one street). 

I was a shiftless, restless 18 year old, already a year out of high school, making a half-hearted go at community college, but it was leading to nothing. I had had a job a year earlier at Carl's Jr. (this town was never a land of opportunity), which I got fired from after two months. I was hopeless, awkward, skinny and shy. My dear Aunt (gone many years now) suggested I apply at Taco Bell out of all the myriad possibilities in fast food, maybe because she frequented it (she was Mexican and loved spicy food,... So maybe not...)?? I didn't want to work, I didn't want to exist. I wanted to stay home and listen to my Smiths records and disappear (I was hopeless even then). But I didn't want to disappoint my Aunt (I got no encouragement from my Mom), so I applied and since I was young and able bodied (BWA-HA-HA), they hired me. 

Annette was younger than me (by a year and a month exactly), but had already gotten a GED and was a shift leader at Taco Bell. A harder worker than anyone I've ever met. She took pride in making food FAST (to the sometimes detriment of her health. She would have low blood sugars working "the line"). She was rather intimidating and I can't say it was love at first sight. She was scary. 

I started....and of course, I sucked. Very slow and terrible at making orders. I still cannot wrap a burrito. I was relegated to cashier. She was friendly, but her parents were getting a divorce so she was also going through a lot. But, after a few weeks, she saw that I was really struggling, so she called me out of the blue under the guise of it being "official Taco Bell" helpful advice, telling me what I could do to improve, how she could help. She later told me she thought I was cute and she thought I was going to be some great "guru" with all the answers to the mysteries of the universe. How wrong she was. 

We actually went on a date, (to see the movie "John Lennon: Imagine" because I was a big old nerd) but I was so hopeless (I didn't try anything) that she thought that there was something wrong with her, or I was gay or something. Again, she was going through stuff and I was a disaster, so we broke up (from a barely one date relationship), making work awkward... 

I spent over a year getting her back (call it stalking maybe). I made myself a nuisance, got in with her friends (maybe this built my confidence!)... Long story short, I won her over (or worse her down). It was worth it. I always knew she was the one. I did not give up. 

[Boho-Soul]

Sad_Widower, it's like the planets aligned for you to get that job and met your wife.

James, I love your persistence in pursuing Annette. And I really like your writing style. Whenever you post something that involves a story, I enjoy reading it, the way you outline the storyline, and how you toss in little antidotes (i.e. “I still can’t wrap a burrito.”). It’s truly like a short story.

I was a single mom back in the 90’s and had a girlfriend who was a single mom like me. She loved to go to clubs to try and met guys. She always wanted me to go so she wasn’t alone. I started going because I loved music and dancing, but most of the guys were either really young, typical club snakes looking for a one-nighter, or both. After 3 or 4 months I had enough and quit going. I told her the club is not the place to meet a quality man. Then 2 months later she told me she found the perfect way to meet tons of quality men. I was hesitant, but also curious, so I tried her suggestion.

I meet my Michael on a telephone dating service. Back in the day it was free for women to join, so there were a lot of women on the system. Guys knew this, so they gladly paid to put on a voice profile to find love. That’s how it worked, you get assigned a voice mailbox number, then you record your voice profile and at the end you’d say, “If you like what you hear then box me back at 5822” (or whatever voice box number you were assigned). Then you could choose categories using the phone keypad to pick age range, relationship type, etc. and you were ready to access the system and listen to profiles. If you liked one then you’d leave a message in their voice mailbox, or you could have some messages in your box to listen to.

Michael was on the system for 3 years; I was on for 3 months when I came across his profile and “boxed him back”. We talked on the phone every night for 2 weeks (I blocked my number to protect myself) before we decided to meet up in a public place for safety. We had a crazy connection over the phone, and I remember telling him if we have this kind of connection when we meet, we’re in trouble. Well, the connection was instantaneous for both of use. We were like strong magnets that were drawn to each other. It was amazing, he was dark and handsome (I didn't need tall, I'm 5'1", he was 5'7"). He told me that week was such a high for him. He just started this amazing new job on Monday, we meet in person on Wednesday, and went on our first date that Friday, which also happened to be my birthday.

When we got married we had a phone at the head table, many quests weren't sure why as we hadn't told many people that we meet on a telephone dating system. We shared the "How we met" story before the speeches, replaying it from each other's perspectives and in reverse. I know that may sound weird, but it went over famously.

[KarenK]

Unconventional, but I met Ron at a traffic light on the way to pick up my friend and go to a club. He pulled up next to me, looked over and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I told him no. He asked where I was headed and if he could come along. I thought about it...he was kind of cute. I figured I would be safe with my friend, her dad and kids there, so I told him to follow me. I truly had never done this before and had no idea what to say to this stranger so I offered him a beer when we got out of our cars. He got a kick out of that and told me later that any stranger who offered him a beer was okay in his book. We went to the club in separate cars, drank and danced a bit and then he left. I had given him my real name and phone number(another first for me). He called 3 weeks later for a date. I had plans for a party which we went to, but soon left as I didn't care for the activities. We went to a club.....I had way too much to drink....he took me home and he stayed for 40 years until it was time for him to go.

Was it an ideal way to meet someone...NO! Was it an ideal marriage...NO! But we weathered those 40 years together. They could have been better.....They could have been worse. They simply were....

Would I do it again if I was 50 years younger? I don't honestly know. For sure, I'd be more cautious in meeting  a stranger in this day and age.

[nashreed]

Boho, that really is an amazing story. A telephone dating service! I mean, that sounds awesome that people wouldn't see my picture, but hearing my voice would potentially be worse. The telephone was the matchmaker! 

What strikes me in these stories is the random chance of meeting our soul mates. Neither me nor Annette were even supposed to be living here- if things had gone the way they were supposed to for our parents. Annette was born in Portland, Oregon. Her parents met as missionaries and were saving and studying to be sent to work in Papau New Guinea! They were going to pack up the family (she had a sister and a brother), but her Mom developed Rheumatoid Arthritis (the family curse) and had to scuttle those plans. If things had gone as planned, Annette would have been halfway across the world! Annette's Mom had to live in a dry climate- Hello Hemet, California. I also, was not supposed to live here. My parents divorced and my Mom "fled" to here to get away from the L.A. suburbs and hide us two (me and my brother) out of spite. 

You have no idea how dogged and determined I was to win her back. I mean, she HATED me. I was a disappointment to her. I had let her down by not being who she wanted me to be at a time when she was very fragile. I didn't understand. I tried to prove my love in weird ways (because that's me). I got a license plate (ILUV ALD) with her initials, and she despised it. I had to prove to her that I would be there for her always, when everyone else let her down. I was always there. 

It's just so wonderful and so cruel how the fates that worked so hard to bring us together also took her away from me. I know we'll be together again, but it takes so long. I don't want to wait. 

[Boho-Soul]

56 minutes ago, nashreed said:

A telephone dating service!  I mean, that sounds awesome

Yup, it was great. I talked to a few guys who I never did meet, we just became phone friends, someone I could call up and chat about life with, or how our week went. That stopped once I met Michael though.

I wish there was something like that now. I remember the system had a friend option. It would be so nice to connect with someone that way, make friends to just call up and talk with, no pressure to meet up, such low risk for many reasons. Now it's all online, type on a screen. Not saying that the friendships we've formed here aren't valued, it's just that most of the conversations are about the aftermath of loss and grief, or in some way connected to our loss because that's the nature of this forum.

[Roxi]

I was stuck at the time, with a good life with friends and opportunities to do the things i like..(we had a theatre group and a free radio as we called here )...and we went out to concerts theatres movies travelling or simple dinner with friends, Lot of nights outside wandering around...

But i was unhappy inside 'cos i didn't have  someone to love and despite all the actvities i enyoied with lot of people i felt alone...

So i made an announcement on a newspaper to find a friend for a travel, but it was like a message in a bottle thrown into the ocean...

Unexpectedly it worked, as Boho said: the planet aligned for me!

He left a message in my voicemail and since the first moment i heard his voice i knew he was the one even if i didn't still met him!

The magic begins...we met and i let go all the defenses i built around me. The same evening we met, we were kissing and cuddling ...it was a dream come true!!!

the beginning of the most intense funny and loving 20 years of my life!

Grazie amore quanto ci siamo divertiti insieme!!!

Thanks honey how much fun we had together!!!

[kayc]

14 hours ago, nashreed said:

I still cannot wrap a burrito. I was relegated to cashier.

I love this!  So sweet, I appreciate her patience and getting to know you regardless...sounds you are like me in a kitchen, ha!  I don't eat tortillas anymore so even more challenging using lettuce wraps!

9 hours ago, nashreed said:

Her parents met as missionaries and were saving and studying to be sent to work in Papau New Guinea!

Oh wow! I was missionary president for nine of my 20+ years on the council...one of my favorites were a couple who were missionaries to PNG and they'd always bring me back something from there...I have them up still!

10 hours ago, KarenK said:

Unconventional, but I met Ron at a traffic light on the way to pick up my friend and go to a club. He pulled up next to me, looked over and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I told him no. He asked where I was headed and if he could come along. I thought about it...he was kind of cute. I figured I would be safe with my friend, her dad and kids there, so I told him to follow me.

I love this!  Thank you for sharing!

I wrote a letter to the editor and they published where I was from (I'd asked them not to), it was read at Promisekeepers and George was so impressed he looked up my address and wrote to me, and we clicked from the onset...I'd received many letters from people but this one...we clicked.  So we got to know each other through writing, long before hearing his beautiful voice on the phone...

2 hours ago, Roxi said:

He left a message in my voicemail and since the first moment i heard his voice i knew he was the one even if i didn't still met him!

I love this!  I was going through a divorce so didn't allow myself to wonder until much much later but still, the friend connection was evident!  And a good place to start.

[nashreed]

14 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

Yup, it was great. I talked to a few guys who I never did meet, we just became phone friends, someone I could call up and chat about life with, or how our week went. That stopped once I met Michael though.

I wish there was something like that now. I remember the system had a friend option. It would be so nice to connect with someone that way, make friends to just call up and talk with, no pressure to meet up, such low risk for many reasons. Now it's all online, type on a screen. Not saying that the friendships we've formed here aren't valued, it's just that most of the conversations are about the aftermath of loss and grief, or in some way connected to our loss because that's the nature of this forum.

I so miss just talking with Annette about the stupid headlines on Facebook, or the 80's (the BEST decade) or just anything other than naval gazing. My family, unfortunately, are a bore. Absolutely predictable in what they talk about, their opinions... Annette never failed to surprise me. Always had an interesting thought of point of view. Talking about our dreams. I have no one to tell my dreams to (why was I courting Kelly Osbourne???).

Honestly, I am not great on the phone. I'm able to express myself so much better on here, yet it's also impersonal in the way of not knowing what anyone looks or sounds like (win win here- you'd all run). I had a text buddy last year, but that crashed and burned. It was nice to have a more personal connection, a "Good morning" greeting or sharing photos of your surroundings. It's very hard maintaining any relationship now. I had a school friend that I hung out with a couple of times, and I still have no idea what I did to make him stop contact. It was all so easy with Annette. We always promised each other not to take each other for granted, but alas, I guess I did. 

[Gwenivere]

I don’t think we take our partners for granted, per se.  We just live as couples do when they become one.  Maybe we assume they will always be there, but that’s normal.  When I realized how even more sspecial. Steve was is when he was diagnosed and I had to live with the knowledge he was going to leave me for the rest of my life.  So in some ways you could say it was ‘for granted', but not deliberate.  I see now how how our lives were full because of each other.  We didn’t use each other or expect more which is how I’d define taking for granted.  I so miss him now for care I now need.  Like I cared for him.  I hear you about friends too.  I do have people I can call, but no motivation.  I’m consumed in my medical problems so conversation’s would be like talking to the docs.  I know they have problems too.  I cant be as empathetic as I want to be.  This pure hell.  I want to reach out but to uplift whoever and I can’t.  So I spare them from more misery, I hope.

[nashreed]

Oh Gwen. It's so unfair. I don't know what I would have done if I had known, really known that Annette was going to leave. If she felt she was going to (supposedly people know- they can feel it), she wouldn't have been able to tell me. She would have known that I would have freaked out beyond freaking out if she said something like that. But I knew that she was in so much pain, and I took a picture of her a few days before....She looks so sad and defeated and just done. I might have been in denial. I knew she couldn't keep going that way. 

We always said that we wouldn't take each other for granted, meaning that our love for each other, though it was a given, was still something that was to be earned, to be cherished, to take moments and savor them. I know how it is to feel you could have been more present at the time. So much selfish time that I could have spent with her. 

[kayc]

When at last I saw George on that final day...I think he was preparing himself for what was next...it felt like something there between us, like a gulf you cannot broach somehow...

[V. R.]

All such beautiful stories, I realise that the 'meeting by chance' factor is very common. 

I met my soulmate after I'd been living in Italy for just over a year. As I've already told some of you, I was actually born and raised in London, Italian parents who emigrated there in the 60s. I had always had a strong desire to live in Italy though, so when at 26 yrs old I grew bored of my office job,bored of London life, I just left, did an English Teaching course and moved here to my grandma's house, leaving mum and dad behind! Then I moved to an apartment in town, sharing with other girls my age and older, who were either students or working. One evening one of my flatmates invited me to have a night out with her with a couple of male friends of hers. I said OK, a bit reluctantly, as I had recently come out of a bad relationship. Anyway, we waited for them to come and pick us up by car, but the appointment time went by and they didn't show up. We thought oh well, let's go out anyway, just us two. As we were going down the stairs, my flatmate suddenly pointed out at the glass door: "oh, look, they're outside waiting for us!". We later discovered that our intercom wasn't working! They had been there for ages, waiting for us to answer, but we couldn't hear anything. We presented ourselves and I noticed that one of them was absolutely gorgeous. Later, I noticed what a sexy voice he had. Throughout the evening I realized he was the type that all the girls were after, he probably had girlfriends all over the place, and couldn't possibly spare a glance at me. We invited them to dinner a few days later, and that's when it all happened. Me and him ended up being teased by the other two, saying that they could see there was something going on between us, we all started behaving like teenagers, giggling and joking,although I was 27 and my husband was 31. So to  'please' the other  two who were teasing, we looked at each other in a special, particular way that  I still have embedded in my mind today, he led me to the kitchen, closed the door and we had our first kiss. That was the start, and nine months later we were married and expecting our first child. There! I know, a whirlwind romance. Have to stop now, tears are looming. 

 

 

[kayc]

I often have people trying to spur me to "find another husband."  I'm not "looking" and for good reason!  I have been through much in my life, I mean MUCH!  I'm tired.  Plain and simple.  I don't close the door as an option as I had a friend who met and married the "love of her life" at age 84!  So one can never say never.  I just read an article about a couple that met and married in the old folks home.  You never know, that's all.  HOWEVER, I'm not going on dating sites or searching...just not.  I'm able to recognize a good one that's right for me if I meet him and so far that has not happened.  I figure if God wanted me to have someone, He is perfectly capable of introducing us!  Maybe he knows something I don't.  

[Gwenivere]

I don’t factor in God, but I know, be cause of my life circumstances, I will never want anyone else.  I also know if I were not physically compromised, I would be closed to it.  I looked at men after a few years by observing. them and knew that part of my life was forever over.  For me, the love I had was it.  I don’t feel sad about that as it was the best.  I feel sad it was taken.

[scba]

13 hours ago, kayc said:

 if God wanted me to have someone, He is perfectly capable of introducing us!  

LOL!!!! I say the same and I've found that by invoking God's name next to finding someone people stop talking and change subject immediately. 

I'm sure God understands.....

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I don’t factor in God, but I know, be cause of my life circumstances, I will never want anyone else.  I also know if I were not physically compromised, I would be closed to it.  I looked at men after a few years by observing. them and knew that part of my life was forever over.  For me, the love I had was it.  I don’t feel sad about that as it was the best.  I feel sad it was taken.

I really get this, Gwen.  I think in the beginning I was so young and felt it was part of rebuilding my life...WRONG!!!  What is right is getting used to being on my own, taking time to grieve and adjust to the changes it meant for my life.  I realize I had the best also and truly appreciate and miss him more and more each day the years go by!

[kayc]

10 hours ago, scba said:

LOL!!!! I say the same and I've found that by invoking God's name next to finding someone people stop talking and change subject immediately. 

I'm sure God understands.....

LOL!

[Chocolate]

I met my soulmate/twin flame at the river.  He was on vacation fishing, and I was healing myself from the death of someone else.  He came over and asked me if I'd seen any fish.  I thought it a unique line.  Turns out it wasn't a line, but we were together after that for 31 and a half years.  We both knew....

[Margm]

On 10/4/2022 at 6:17 AM, kayc said:

like a gulf you cannot broach somehow...

Well, I could deny it.  I could turn my back on it.  It didn't matter what I did, I could not stop it, but I could not accept it either.  We both were immortal, until we weren't.  

1960 seems so far away, but it was only yesterday.  His best friend met me, (his longtime girlfriend and I were fast friends).  It was a Christmas party at our trade school.  All the departments were having the party.  He looked at me and he said "she is for Billy."  No cell phones, 1960, remember).  Got him on the phone, he wanted to go out that night.  I had a date.  He told me I didn't know what I was missing.  Smart-alecky fellow.  Finally agreed to a blind date.  I had a friend-boy, not a boyfriend, take me to meet up with my friend, her boyfriend and Billy.  He was aggravated I had someone bring me.  I didn't go on blind dates without someone to save me if I didn't want to be there.  I was 18 for four months, he was 20 for five months.  I told my friend he could leave, I had found a tall Steve McQueen.  Six months going steady he knew I was going to leave home somehow.  School finished, job to find.  Scheduled marriage instead.  He knew I was running away from home, and the reasons.  We had fun, we had no money, he had a steady state job.  My teachers told me we could not live on that amount. (It is important to note, he told me his wife was not going to work, he was begging me to after the second child and he was tired of working two jobs.)  I knew nothing about  getting groceries.  We ate up bacon and tomato sandwiches fast.  His folks lived about three miles away.  We were not city folks, we were all country, flatlander, crawdad mud between our toes.  His mom fixed pinto beans, beautiful cornbread, sweet tea and onions from his dad's garden.  We fished the borrow-pits of Dorcheat Bayou.  We had fish to fry.  He had told me he couldn't have kids, he didn't think, because of the mumps.  He was right, he couldn't have them but I sure could.  Scott was born a week before our first anniversary.  Fifty-four years, one child later, and then he left me.  He wasn't ready to go.  It happened so fast, a cane one week, walker the next, wheelchair the next and then he was gone.  A lot of bad times, but somehow we stayed together and the last 30 years were just contentment.  I miss him.  If I had it to do over I would not change a thing, even the bad times.  In two days it will be seven years he has been gone.  Like my grandma said, "it seems like yesterday."   

[Margm]

On 10/2/2022 at 9:23 PM, KarenK said:

Was it an ideal way to meet someone...NO! Was it an ideal marriage...NO! But we weathered those 40 years together. They could have been better.....They could have been worse. They simply were....

Karen, that says so much in so few words.  I think a lot of us understand.