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Holidays


dpodesta

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I have been reading a lot about the upcoming holidays and how hard it is going to be to go through them. I myself am dreading them coming as it has been a depresing time for me since 1986 when my parents got divorsed and the death of my grandmother who lived with us. So I thought this might be a good subject to post and ask the questions. What do you cope with the change in your life with your loved one gone? Do you keep the same traditions or create new ones, or both? Post any thing you do that makes it easier. Hope to hear a lot about this as I know this is a very difficult time for all of us.

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Hi Derek

I have no idea what will come of the holidays this year.... Haven't figured that one out yet....

Mom passed away Dec 3/05 and there just was no Christmas in our house.... my kids were both here for the first time in a few years and neither of them wanted christmas to happen ....most of all, I just couldn't deal with much back then...My hubby and I were on the verge of separation and had a huge fight on christmas eve.... I spent christmas eve in a hotel room... can't get much worse than that....

I am not really sure what will happen this year... my son said he will be home for christmas and he told me he needs to be here for me this year... I guess he knows what a difficult time this is going to be once again....

I guess the holidays brings up memories from our past... and makes us want to go back in time and change it all....

It is going to be difficult for sure but as every other event in our grieving journey.... we will get by....

I was thinking of booking a room and spending christmas at the ski resort near here... a new tradition... one my children would love....

Anyone else have any ideas??

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Derek, this will be my second holiday season without my Gene and my mother. My mother passed Mar/05 and My husband June/05. Last year I created picture ornaments of my husband and my mother and hung them on the tree I put up for my grandchildren. It brought tears but the ornaments will always be there on the tree with all my love. I wrote Gene a letter and sealed it and hung it on the tree...a tradition I intend to keep every year. The letters will collect in a special box. Christmas was Gene's special time...he loved to give surprises. It brought him so much joy. Holidays will no longer hold the joy they once held but they will be a time of relection and of memories of the 28 special holiday seasons I was blessed to share with this wonderful man...my Gene. Winter tears will fall instead of snow but I will remember Gene's smile, his anticipation, his joy.

I wish comfort and peace to all who are on this journey of grief. It is so hard and so lonely...longing for those who made us whole.

Always Gene!

Always!

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Hi, Derek:

I'm in the process of trying to figure that one out myself. Today I had to pick up some things for my Mom at my local Wal-Mart and I saw they're beginning to put the Christmas stuff out now. I took a deep breath and sighed....I'm just not ready for that one yet, but ready or not, I'll have to try and make the best of things. It was last December 14th that Dad had his stroke. I was with him at the hospital on Christmas while my brother was home looking after our Mom. He and I talked about Thanksgiving this year and what we were going to do, so it's on his mind as well. The only thing we do know is that we're going to hang together. I've just been so exhausted lately...been dong a great deal of sleeping. It takes everything I have to get through my work day, then I crash when I come home. So I hadn't thought too much about the holidays. My bereavement counselor is going to begin that part of our sessions with me tomorrow, so I'll be happy to share anything I learn.

Hugs to all,

Leann

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Dear Ones,

Please see my post in the Loss of a Parent or Grandparent Forum, under the topic, Holidays?

Marty:

Thanks for reminding us that these articles are here! I'm so tired that I sometimes forget there are many, many resources for support and comfort that I can tap into. I've been reading some of them this evening and printed several out to re-read later. They've been a good place for me to start.

Hugs to everybody,

Leann

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Hi All,

I am dreading all too much this coming Thanksgiving, eventhough it is the second one without my parents it is still very hard for me to face... The reason for this is last year I was still in my parents house where I lived too and this year I am in my new place... I am thinking of not celebrating with the family and just spending the time alone in a hotel room and just remembering old times... I just do not know what to do... Take care and Thanks to everyone that helps with this website... Shelley

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Hi Shelley, and welcome back! We've missed you :wub:

As I was doing some online research just now, I came across this insightful article that I hope will speak to some of your concerns:

Loss in the Season of Giving

by Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D.

How hard it is to be bereaved during the winter holiday season. The demands of the season for cheerfulness, socializing, and giving are intense even for those who are not in the midst of mourning. How is it possible to join in the spirit of these holidays? Your emotional reality is that you are sad, angry, possibly depressed, maybe anxious. Your social reality is that you've lost someone who is extremely important to you, possibly the key person in your interpersonal sphere, and basically, you would rather be alone, or maybe with just one person whom you trust. In terms of giving, well, metaphorically, you've just given, i.e. you've just taken one of the biggest losses you've ever experienced, and you haven't been able to find any sense of joy in the process. So how to cope, and even find meaning in all of this? Read more . . .

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Hi Marty T,

Thank you for your last post, It was very helpful to read the information. I have decided to go somewhere that I do not have to celebrate this holiday if I do not wish too.. I think for now I just need the time to reflect getting back to days of the week and not holidays as of yet... Take care and thank you again... I did miss everyone and I am so glad to be able to read the posts again... Shelley

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i am also wishing the holidays away. i can't b/c i do have two boys who love them. i don't have my siblings so i won't be with them and my mom is gone. i feel very alone. we could go with my in laws to a relatives house but i think thanksgiving will be to hard for me to be some place that i can't cry if i want to. we may just stay home have dinner and see a movie. if not we are thinging going overnight somewhere just to be away. i am not sure what to do. i loved the holidays and this time of yr, know i hate them. christmas will be another one but i have to keep it together for the boys. i feel so sad when i think of the holidays so i push the thoughts out of my head. i start a support group next thurs at a local church maybe that will give me comfort. i also joined a online support group for motherless daughters. i try to find as much help as possible. i think though alot of people think i should be moving on, it has only been 3 weeks. i want to scream at them. now i am grieving over my spanky dog who died friday. the pain is horrible.

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lorikelly,

It is the same for me, I have a 7 year old so I can't just skip over them. I have both sides of the family living close so I will be at both Karen's famimily and mine on the holidays, but it definately will not be same with Karen not there.

It seems like a common theme when it comes to other's opinions about how long it should take for us to be over a death of a loved one. It baffels me, I try to think back before Karen died and of the people I knew that lost someone, and I don't remember ever thinking that they should be over it. So I just don't understand how people can think there is a time frame associated with this. All I do know is that one day they will find out for themselves. Lori, I am sure you will make the right descision as to how to handle the holidays this year.

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Hi Shell,

Thank you it is certainly good to be back, I had some personal problems to deal with and my computer went down for a little while... Thanks again and it is people like you that make it nice to come back too. Take care Shelley

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Hi Trudy

I know what you mean about having too much time to sit inside and think...I am dreading it...

My birthday is in a few days and I just dont even want to face it... my Mom was here last year with me....how will I feel...I am not sure..

I just hope I can keep it together for my hubby's brother and girlfriend are staying with us right now... maybe they are here to help me through the holidays this year...

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Hi Penny1,

I know that it is hard to face your birthday without your loved ones there but I will pray for you that the day goes as well as it can... Take care and Happy Birthday I know it is in a couple of days but I just wanted to start it on a positive way.. Your Post Friend Shelley

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Penny,

Happy Birthday in advance. You are allowed to feel whatever you want to feel on your birthday. My Mom passed 3 weeks before my birthday. It was rough. I got through it via many tears. The first of many tears to come. Your Mom is still with you. She in your heart. Your husband's brother and girlfriend may be just what you need. Hope for the best but do what you can. Remember, you don't have to make excuses for anything you don't feel up to doing.

Trudy

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Penny

Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!

I just had a birthday also and it does suck I did not want to do anything just sit and cry I also have kids so I can not just hide either I just want the pain to go away I like the idea of going to a hotel and all that sounds like a good idea. I have not even started thinking about the holidays really I am so afraid to I blank it out of my mind its nuts. I have really nobody here for family they all moved so now what this is my first year for this and I wanna got nuts. A few good stiff drinks sounds good to me. Well I will along with all of us deal with this in our own way.

Good thing we all have each other thanks to everyone.

Thanks

Haley

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Thanks Haley for the birthday wishes.... :rolleyes:

I have no plans as of yet and don't really care to celebrate...maybe the few stiff drinks might help...

I have been off work this week... ear, throat and sinus infection so that doesn't help my mood any... maybe more nyquil with those stiff drinks....

Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for your support... you guys here are oh so wonderful... don't know what I would have done without all of you...

love & hugs to all

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Hi Penny,

Ihope your birthday was ok - not too painful...and yes, when I'm physically sick, my emotions get the better of me too.

I had a birthday Sept 27 and I didn't feel like celebrating. It was ok. My daughter gave me a beautiful necklace and the BIG present is in the future - since I haven't felt like doing it yet - she got me (and her) tickets to go swim with the dolphins at Sea World in San Diego. I've ALWAYS wanted to do that - so that will be sooooo special.

I told her I didn't want to put on a bathing suit - she said you don't have to - that they supply a wet suit. That's fine with me! I told my girlfriend in Oxnard about it to see if she wanted to go as well and she said "NO - I would like a seal!!" Gave me a few laughs.

Hope everyone is 'copasetic' - and love to all.

Benita

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