One Year Tomorrow

[LarrysGirl]

Tomorrow marks the one year since Larry's death. Even typing these words doesn't seem quite right. Like maybe I will wake up and this isn't happening. I am filled with dread. I had a picture of him that I am framing in this small locket with an angel that I'm going to put by the vase at the cemetary tomorrow. I want people to see his face, that he was here, had a life and was loved. It feels like life is over for me. I know people think I am coping okay, but they have no idea. I think the only thing that keeps me alive is in knowing if I did something to myself there are no guarantees that I would get to be with him. If I knew for sure I would see him, I would be gone. I know its selfish but its mine and Larry's life that came to an end. Everyone else's life has gone on, not missed a beat. I actually don't know how I've held up this long. I'm tired of being strong.

I miss you my love. You were so brave, so good. Thank you for accepting me, and loving me. Your dogs miss you too! Tell me how to live without you, because I don't know what to do anymore. Love you, Deb

[chrissy777]

Deb,

I am sorry you have to go through this rough time. Anniversaries are horrible. People tell me I look good too but little do they know. People say to me next year things will be better. Well I dont see how. People dont understand how it feels. Like you said their lives go on and dont miss a beat. For us our world grinds to a painful hault and it will never be the same. My only advice is to keep busy.(Iknow its easier said than done sometimes). I dont know what else to say I wish I could give you a hug. Take care

[Laurie]

Deb and Chrissy, I'm sorry you are both having such a hard time. It's not even 6 weeks for me but I always wonder, How am I ever gonna get through this? How do people do this? I never knew such pain. I had one day that I felt a little bit better and I was hopeful that it wouldn't always feel this way. That one day we'd wake up and feel happy and excited about things again. I know it seems impossible now. We all deserve to feel good again. The last few days with me I have been thinking so much. Remembering so many things I feel like my brain can't keep up. I don't know what else to say, but I think that it has to eventually get better, and remember that our guys are watching over us and they'll be waiting for us when our time comes. Love, Laurie

[lorikelly]

Deb

I hope you find some peace today and everyday. i pray that God gives you the strength. you have come along way, take one day at a time. lori

[Charlie]

Larrys girl,

How your words seem like my words. Thats how I feel, eveyones life just moves on and we are left behind. My husband too was so brave, especially when he knew his cancer would take him, his only thoughts were how would I go on without him, he worried about what would happen to me. I guess him being brave came natural, his entire working career he was a firefighter, helping and saving others so when his own time came he still was concerned for some one else welfare.

I too want him remembered, even my children sometimes go on with their lives and forget that my life has changed so much.

We will be attending this Sat, the Hospice of the Valley memeorial service, we vow to make that a regular part of our lives so we will never forget what a wonderful person we had.

Grace

[ustwo]

Larrysgirl...I will be praying for you today as this anniversary washes over you. I am so sorry anyone has to feel this pain. For me (I am at 17months) the year anniversary was somewhat a turning point. That "little something" inside that was still waiting for Gene to walk into the room...it stopped waiting...now something else was gone. The world thinks we are all ok..after a couple months, a year or more. We're not ok...we're existing but it's hollow. I hope today's tears lead to a better day. You do what you need to do to get through this day. I hope one day we all know what joy feels like again. Each day is less intense with grief but our loves are never away...they are with our heavy hearts every moment of everyday. Deb, you will be on my mind all day. I've not been able to understand how this could be but somehow the days continue to come and go.

Moments of peace for all of us through this journey.

Always Gene!

Always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LoriW]

LarrysGirl,

As I read your words I am near tears. I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death on Saturday. My emotions are very near the surface. My Dad and I were talking the other day and I know he must feel the same way as you....we both cried. I will be praying for you.

Lori

[missingcharlie]

Larrysgirl - You know my heart goes out to you, today!! As I mentioned to you the other day, this is my 2 year "sadiversary" - I am truly missing my best friend!! I lit a candle for my Charlie this morning and I just lit one on the internet for him. You should light one for Larry! Go to www.daycarter.com/candles/ You can email the website to friends, too.

The people at my work took a couple of pics of my honey that I have up on my wall and had them enlarged and framed them for me. Got me some flowers and had them on my desk when I walked in this morning. Very sweet!!

Hugs to everyone!

Patti

[WaltC]

Tomorrow marks the one year since Larry's death. ...I had a picture of him that I am framing in this small locket with an angel that I'm going to put by the vase at the cemetary tomorrow... It feels like life is over for me.... If I knew for sure I would see him, I would be gone. I'm tired of being strong.

Tell me how to live without you, because I don't know what to do anymore. Love you, Deb

Hello Deb,

I hope that today goes well for you as I know it's a tough anniversary. Your idea of the picture of Larry in that locket on the vase sounds very touching. I am sure that those who see it will realize that he was truly loved.

Those who haven't suffered a loss like yours do have NO IDEA how hard it can be - I know that I did not before April 13th last year. I too am "tired of being strong." - but that's what we are supposed to be especially after a year or more! As the Diamond Rio song says - If we could just have One more day

Hang on Deb - Larry will be patiently waiting for you to be with him forever once again.

[searcher]

Well now I feel really stupid, I hit the wrong button, sorry! first to say, I have a daughter named debbie. so I already feel a little closer to you. My loss was 3 mos. ago, and I just went thru our wedding anniversary. All the special days will be tough, I dont know how to get around that. I seem to get some warmness in my broken heart whenever I think of the good times.

another thin i've done is after my husband earthly body was creamated, I purchased a small silver locket, had it ingraved with a personal saying and placed some of his hair and ash in it and had it sealed. I wear it all the time. I know his soul is with the Lord, but a part of him will always be with me. We all care about you, I trully hope something like this can help, but we are all different in a same way.

may he be with you always "deb". I will pray for you.

[LarrysGirl]

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for your kindess. I know you all know exactly how I'm feeling today. My heart is broken and I've cried all day, sobbing just like the day he died. WaltC, your messages always touch my heart and the song was perfect. Yes, I cried all the way thru, but crying always helps in the end. I will listen again and again and miss the man I loved more than life. He was very special, kind, funny, brave, made me smile, he was always grateful even if it was just a grilled cheese sandwich. He would always tell me it was the best he ever had. Well, he was the BEST!! and I miss him, my heart misses him more. Deborah

[spunkye]

Hi Deb,

Not a very happy year anniversary coming up, is it? I'm sorry for all your pain.

You said something in your last post that startled me - my husband, Dick, ALWAYS said, "That's the best _______I've ever had!"...whether I'd cooked something or someone else had cooked something. It got to be such a joke, that our friends would finish the sentence for him.

He was always so sincere when he said it...he was such a sweatheart!!He, too, was brave, and strong - and one of the kindnest and most loving men I've ever known.

I'm so thankful for the time we had together...it just wasn't long enough!!

Love, Benita

[janieb0828]

I think the only thing that keeps me alive is in knowing if I did something to myself there are no guarantees that I would get to be with him. If I knew for sure I would see him, I would be gone. I know its selfish but its mine and Larry's life that came to an end. Everyone else's life has gone on, not missed a beat. I actually don't know how I've held up this long. I'm tired of being strong.

Don't give up, I have tried a couple of times to be with Mike, not knowing if I would end up with him or not, Nov 21st it will be six months since my Michael went away. I miss him so much.

Please hold strong, try to seek counseling if you can. You can email me and we can chat back and forth if need be, but please don't give up.

Love Ya!!

[kayc]

I wrote to you early in the morning to let you know I was thinking of you and praying for you, but I see, again, my post is not here. I don't know what keeps happening to them, but I have a dial up connection and sometimes it disconnects and it looks like it went through, but it didn't save.

Anyway, I think your idea about the locket is a great idea...how neat that you have some of his hair...I wish I had thought to get some of George's before he was cremated.

Sometimes the missing them is just so hard. I don't cry as much as I used to, but it's there in my heart all the time, you never, ever stop missing them.