New Here

[Barb E]

Hello I am new here,

September 15, 2008, the day my life as I knew it ended. My husband Ray usualy made it home around 3:30, as it was getting later and later, I was getting worried. Then I heard a vehicle in the driveway, when I seen that it was the Highway Patrol, I knew...

Tomorrow is our 22nd anniversary, I just don't know how to live without him. Where do I go from here? What do I do? The simplest tasks are difficult. I can't think straight, people will talk to me and I find my mind drifting off and I didn't hear a word they said.

I know all of you have lost a loved one, I am hoping that your experiences will help me cope.

People will say things like...I can't even imagin....well, they don't want too. No one should, we where supposed to grow old together.

This is not fair....

thanks for listening, Barb

[kath]

Dear Barb,

I am so sorry for your loss. You are being slammed with a lot in a short period of time. My husband died nearly 17 months ago and we, too would be celebrating our 22nd anniversary this month. Everything you described is very normal after someone we love dies. The simplest tasks seem impossible, it's hard to stay focused, the future is unclear and yes, you were supposed to grow old together. All I can suggest is to just take care of yourself right now. It will be hard to sleep and eat, and you need to just do the best you can for now. Please remember you are loved by all of us and I will hold you in prayer. Post here often. The friends here are many and sad to say, we can imagine what it is like.

Kath

[WendyJ]

Barb I want to express my deepest sympathies on your loss, I am so sorry. You have come to a very special place as we are all experiencing the same loss and truly understand what you are going through. We are all family here, we love and support eachother dearly. Do not be afraid to express your feelings, I guarantee when you do we will all tell you we felt or feel the same way. I am sorry we had to meet this way but I want to welcome you to our group.

Love Always,

Wendy

[JeanneC]

Dear Barb:

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone here is going through some pain or another. We totally understand everything you are going through. I lost my husband just about 4 months ago and we would have been married 15 years and together 20. It definitely does not seem fair. Life turns on a dime as they say. I also thought that I would grow old with my husband. It does get easier as time goes by. In the very beginning it was hard every day. Now is is hard maybe not as much. Just keep yourself busy and try to get out of the house as much as possible. I am happy that you found this site. Everyone here is wonderful and very helpful.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[Jan Thurman]

Hello Barb, so very sorry for your loss. This is a great website to belong to but if there is a grief support group in your area that you can attend I would greatly suggest it. I am starting my 3rd session with my support group on November 5th and it has helped me so much. My husband died on March 4, 2008 I felt that I was doing well but now have felt like I have taken some backward steps and as I have read on this site that is natural especially as I have his birthday on Nov. 8th and then the holidays. We were married 40 years. Keep coming back to this site with any questions that you may have and you will always get kind and sincere answer. Take Care. Jan

[dpodesta]

Barb,

I am sorry that you had to find this great group of people here under these circumstances. I can't add to much more to what everyone else has said. Unlike many people out there in the world, we do understand and we don't have to imangine as we have actually experienced the loss. Feel free to post what you are feeling or any questions, especially if it is something that you are experiencing or thinking and wondering if it is normal and I will almost guarrentee that someone will come back with a similar experience.

I won't sugar coat anything here, this is a tough journey you have entered into, however this site and the people in it are a blessing and will make this journey a little easier. Just always remember, people in the outside world think that you should be able to get over the grief in a short period of time. The truth of the matter is that each of us has our own time frame, don't let someone rush you to do something that you don't want to do, take your time.

Love always

Derek

[karenb]

I'm so sorry, Barb, you must still be in shock. There's so much to have to try and deal with, it's impossible. All the emotions you'll feel will come, go, come, and go again. Everything you feel is all normal. It's the hardest thing we go through when we lose a loved one whether it's unexpected or an illness - it's all the same. Just try to go with your feelings, cry, stare into space, whatever, just go with it. We're all here for you, each at a different stage, but we all understand and hope you come back again. Just try to take care of yourself, and surround yourself with loving and caring people.

Your friend, Karen

[kayc]

Oh Barb, I am so sorry you lost your beloved husband, and that you are going through your anniversary feeling alone. Please know that he continues to be with you, just in a changed form...I know, it's not what you want...none of us did. You have found a very caring group of people here, we will be here for you and help your through this. You are right, it is not fair....nothing fair about it. You are still very fresh in the journey, you will learn to cope eventually but it takes time, try not to expect too much of yourself. One day at a time, live in the day and try not to look at the future too hard.

KayC

[fred]

I am so sorry Barb. We all have been there and we all know that there aren´t any words that will make any difference. There isn´t anything we can do that will help make today any better. Just know that we care and will be here at any time of day or night to lend an ear, or a shoulder or a hug when you need one. All of these warm, loving, caring, compassionate people have made it so far by being here for each other. Welcome to our group. Visit and post regularly and when you need some comfort in the middle of the night (we all have and sometimes still do), just go back a page or two and read our journeys, questions and concerns.

[cheryl lee]

Barb, I am so sorry for your loss, yesterday marked 3 months since I lost my Dale, and it really has'nt gotten a whole lot better, this site has helped me alot though, just knowing there are careing people that offer comfort and advice has really helped me,I hope we can all do the same for you, take care of yourself,and know we all understand,Cheryl lee

[Rosemary T]

Hi Barb,

I remember not too long ago when I was "new here". The death of my husband was also very unexpected and I have also not gone through all the first's yet (first Thanksgiving not together, first Christmas not together, etc).

I'm not really ready to give anyone advise yet, (too messed up myself) but I sure can relate and say that NO ONE can feel exactly what you do because your situation was unique to you and your wonderful husband. This is however the closest you will probably come (I still have not been able to meet with people like me face-to-face and probably shouldn't yet)to meeting people who really feel most like you and understand your pain.

I wish you the best in what will be a painful and sometimes seemingly unbearably long (every minute seems like an eternity to me) journey.

Rosemary

[Barb E]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome.

I will have a full house, lots of friends over this weekend, so I don't have to spend our anniversary alone. It is good to have friends to laugh with and share all those Ray stories.

I am so greatful to have all of our friends, but they have to live their lives. So I am greatful that I can vent with all you people when the house gets quiet and the loneliness gets overwhelming.

Thanks, Barb

[MikeC]

Hi Barb,

I am relatively new here, too. My wife died in June after a 3-year fight with cancer. I wish I had some advice for you, but I am still "learning the ropes" myself. I've gone through one anniversary alone (4 days after her death) and it was very difficult. My experience has been that my life goes through cycles where things seem to get a little bit better for a while, but then they get worse. I am currently in one of the down phases, missing her so incredibly much.

You are right - this is a good place to come to when the house gets empty and loneliness sets in.

Mike

[Guest moparlicious]

Hi Barb,

I am so so sorry for your loss and offer my deepest sympathy to you!!!! You have come to a place I am proud to call home and my family. This site has truly saved my life and I have meet the most warm, caring and loving people in the world here. I am sorry we all had to meet under these circumstances, but I am so blessed to have everyone on this site for the incredibly hard journey we are on. I was with my husband for 24 years and he died 13 months ago of cancer at the age of 41. He left behind a wife and 3 children. We are all here for you and I encourage you to keep coming back, post as often as you like and share with us whatever you would like. We all care deeply. Love, Kim

[kimb]

Hi Barb

welcome to the group, im fairly new here myself. My husband died just 6 months ago. mine was very unexpected also. I hope you find peace of mind here. Just venting can make you feel better, knowing someone else has gone through the same things you are. It is a real blessing to come here, I have found it to be so.

God bless you

kimb