Transformations On This Path

[enna]

Hello fae,

Keeping you close to my heart and offering only good thoughts to what is going on with your body. Our bodies are wonderful things until something goes wrong. I am praying that the doctors find out just what's going wrong with yours.

I'm glad you have your laptop with you. Keep us posted when you are able.

Anne

[feralfae]

Thank you Anne, Mary, and Kay (email) for your prayers and support. I have been given my own pain pump, and this morning they just removed the NG tube from my nose, thank goodness. I see the surgeon on Monday, at least that is the plan right now. Meanwhile, I am on delicious gourmet ice chips at a rate of about two per hour, lots of IV fluids, and I get to push my pole around the hallways in this wing for exercise.

Yesterday, it was so cute that one ranch family brought Thanksgiving dinner to the matron of the family who is in here from a fall. There were 13 people in her room, enjoying an abbreviated Thanksgiving picnic with her. Very delightful to hear them all laughing and having a good time. I had ice chips.

It is Doug's surgeon who will do the surgery if any is required, I think. He is a friend of ours, a decent and good man. But since they were feeling it was safe to remove the NG tube, it may be that I will once again dodge surgery, and be sent home with a diet like the one Doug had: pureed foods and soft foods for six months or so. We will see how it goes. I am not telling a lot of people i am here, so they can enjoy the holiday weekend and I can sleep. Typing of sleep, I am off to do some sleeping now. Sleep is happens when one can find time between doctor visits and being checked by the nurses. Wonderful crew here, though.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[MartyT]

Oh dear Fae, I've just now read your posts. I am so sorry to learn that you're back in the hospital again! And a hospital is one of the worst places to be when you're sick. No rest there, what with all the noise, lights in the hallway, regular visits from staff to check your vital signs, and all the rest. Ice chips for Thanksgiving dinner. Dear, dear me. How we do take things for granted, don't we? I am so sorry. Know that we carry you softly and gently in our hearts, and certainly in our prayers. We are there with you in spirit, for sure, and sending healing thoughts your way. Do keep us posted, as you are able ~ and get the rest your body is requiring of you! ♥

[feralfae]

Thank you Dear Marty,

The nurse just came in to take vitals, so had to wake me, then a little while after she left, another surgeon came in to see me.

So now I am hoping to sleep for a little while.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Oh fae, you had an even worse Thanksgiving than I did! I am so sorry, and I had no idea you were in the hospital or having problems to this extent. I hope they find the cause and can find a way to help you. Ice chips and an IV is a heck of a way to lose weight!

Do keep us posted...and I hope you're able to come home soon. Not much rest when hearing "Dr. So and So, Room Such and Such" all day and night!

[Mary1063]

Dear Fae,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry you are going through so much.

Big (((hugs)))

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Thank you for the loving message. I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers, and I know they are helping.

Kay, I brought ear plugs with me, because from last time, I know it is the only way to get any sleep here. Even when people come and knock on the door, sometimes I do not hear them when I have the earplugs in, but at least I am getting more rest. The loud noises still come through, like the paging system and the loud metal trolleys they use for meals. (I listen, but do not eat!)

I get to have pain meds from my pain pump as often as every ten minutes, though, so I am pretty comfortable most of the time. I have been up and walking the halls three times already today. I will do at least two more laps before dark. My room is above the main entrance to the hospital, which is a quite place, not near ER where the ambulances are stationed, so at least that is good that outside of my room is quiet.

Thank you to everyone here. I know you all understand how hard this is without Doug here with me. He spent so much time in this place that every step has a memory of him attached to it. That is pretty tough. But I am just crying in my room when I need to cry. I have three boxes of tissues.

I love you all and I very much appreciate the emotional support and comfort of knowing you care. Thank you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

To cheer you, Fae. We are all thinking of you.

[Wifflesnook]

Dearest Fae

I had looked for your postings and missed them but am so shocked that you are back in hospital. Like all your friends here I am wishing you well. Peace.

[KarenK]

Fae,

Just catching up on things & I saw your post. Just so sorry to hear you have landed back in the hospital. What the heck is going on? Any possibility you have injured yourself while moving the wood? Whatever it may be, I'm sending warm thoughts & positive energy your way!

I understand your thoughts regarding the hospital all too well. Several of them became my second home for so many years. I know they will take care of you there, though & you will soon be back in your own comfortable home.

Please update us when you can.

Karen

[mfh]

Anne,

On Monday, 1pm central- The Making of Sound of Music is on BRVOD (Bravo Digital) channel.

On Thursday, 7pm central time- The Sound of Music LIVE will be on NBC...

I enjoyed the clip.

fae, this is for you also...hoping you are either home or have a TV in your room.

Peace,

Mary

[kayc]

Oh fae, I wish I had a magic wand and could pronounce you all better! I'm sorry you've had so much pain, and that you can't eat!

[feralfae]

Dear Mary, Thank you.

Just had a chat with a nurse whose husband is lactose intolerant, and told her about Feta (sheep and goat) cheeses. So the Goatherd was perfect timing, Anne, thank you. And besides, I Love SOM.

Now then, here I have a TV which I do not know how to work, but one of the nurses can help me. If I am home by then, I have the DVD.

Thank you all for your love. I just finished 3 laps of the wing, pushing my IV pole, all by myself, but with the nurses watching out for me. I have some ice chips to nibble. Life is good. really, LIFE is good,and I am glad to be alive.

I am about to push my pain pump for the fourth time today. I could push it every ten minutes, but I'd rather be more alert. My hair is brushed and in a braid. My teeth are brushed and I have had a bird bath with these neat bath cloths they heat in the microwave for me. I am not yet allowed to shower even on the seat because of the dizziness and my weakness, but I feel pretty clean and shiny now. I have totally great nurses and staff here, and some of them knew Doug. It is so good to have the NG tube out. I have scrubbed all the adhesive off my nose and upper lip and cheeks.

Kay, when I find a magic wand, I will get one for both of us, and I think Mary wanted one as well. When Doug was a young man, and SSK was still in her teens, they made two wands out of branches, and put crystals on them, and wrapped them in ribbons, leather, and feathers. SSK still has hers. Thank you for the thought. The pain is not so bad with the meds. I can walk and talk and carry on with nattering, so you know I am not terribly in pain.

Yes, Karen, this place is sort of a second home, and being here these two times has been therapeutic in a way, as I am clearing ——through remembering and releasing——a lot of the scared times, the desperate times, and the pain of watching Doug slip away from me. Peaceful acceptance is growing.

I love you all so much for bring here in our Tribe, for having the courage to make this journey with me and with us all. Here comes the team, changing the guard, so to type, as my day nurse leaves and my night nurse arrives. They are both great nurses. And I may get another tablespoon of ice chips, too. Hey, when that is all you can have, you come to love ice chips!

All of you stay well and enjoy the turkey sandwiches. I will continue to dream of what Anne tells me are Arizona hibiscus, flowers and birds, and turkey soup -- pureed -- when I get home.

Smiles and healing hopes from St. Peter's, where the day has been a good one.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Dear Fae, you amaze me that you are lapping around the hospital floor to keep up your strength! I know you love SOM and I thought you'd like the video. Remember, the apple/pumpkin curried soup with chives (or without) is absolutely delicious. I wish I could make it for you.

Thank you, Mary, for the information on The Sound of Music - I've seen the making of it already and look forward to the live show - my calendar alarm is set. Karen, how are YOU doing? Hope you are well and taking care of yourself.

Kay, how is the pain you have been dealing with for the last several days? I am still concerned about the pain when you turn your neck. Promise me that you will be watchful. How is puppy!!?

Enjoy those ice chips, Fae, and maybe tomorrow you will have something to eat with a little flavor. We are all keeping a watchful eye on you.

Anne

[kayc]

fae, your attitude is inspiring and amazing! But I am concerned about you! Not knowing what is going on is killing me! I hope you will have someone helping you when you get home. I know you'll get your strength back soon, look at you, trapsing all over the hospital!

I am still in constant pain but yesterday began to show slight signs of improvement, which encouraged me greatly. As long as it's going in the right direction! I got just a tiny bit more mobility in my neck. Also I do think the intensity of the pain has decreased ever so slightly. I had to take a valium last night but hope I don't have to any more, I only have three left and when they're gone, they're gone.

Yesterday I spent all day, excepting lunch which I had with a friend, taking care of the dogs. Sammy dug a huge hole, which Arlie went and laid in, then Sammy started digging with Arlie downwind, throwing dirt all over him, hitting his face. He sat there blink blinking, grinning, not a care in the world! He had mud all over him, so I had to take him home and give him a bath. The outdoor faucets are turned off for the winter so I couldn't even prerinse him. Sammy's paws were muddy so I washed them off as best as I could and spent 1 1/2 hours trying to vacuum at their house because of what the dogs tracked in. He has his water shut off so I couldn't mop the kitchen, but at least I vacuumed the chunks up. I say "tried to" because the vacuum is horrible, doesn't pick up, old, hard to push, etc. Probably didn't do my neck any good. Anyway, I just didn't want the dirt ground into the carpet. Dogs! I watched them like hawks last night so they wouldn't dig and get muddy again...easier said than done. Of course that means I have to stay outside with them and it's cold. We're getting cold fronts in all next week and getting down to single digit temperature, snow, ice. I won't want to be out in it then! I'm afraid their time outside will be limited then, they'll have to do their business and then run around the house. It's hard because I let Sammy out and she doesn't do her business, first dog ever I've seen like that. I swear she hasn't the brains God gave her. Oh well, she'll do what she will do. Counting the days down, five left to do.

[mfh]

fae, I truly hope each day brings you a step closer to healing...and that getting home to your own house and bed happens sooner than later. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers each day.

Peace

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Ones,

Many doctor visits today as we assess the situation and as I continue to walk, walk, walk with hopes of getting things moving. Today, I get to sip some coffee which can increase peristalsis slightly and might contribute to resolving the adhesions. If adhesions they are. We are not sure yet. But the problem is in the extreme lower abdominal area. The object is to avoid surgery, of course.

There is a snow storm and colder temperatures moving in, so it is not so bad being snugged here in the hospital being cared for. My G*ddaughter is bringing in some organic chicken broth, and I will have some coffee in a while.

I am sorry I have not been keeping up with everyone here, but maybe in a few days I will be back to writing more on other threads.

Thankfulness:

I am not on the floor where Doug spent so much time, and a lot of those memories have been healed.

I have the most loving and caring team of nurses on this wing.

I am surrounded by good and caring doctors who are being conservative and doing all they can to help me avoid surgery.

My earplugs are working against all the noise.

I get to take a shower today.

My attending nurse is brewing some coffee on the nurses' own private coffeemaker for me.

I am learning much about low-residue diets and food preparation.

I am alive and present, and have a safe and warm place to be today.

I have so many loving and caring people here around this fire holding me in love and compassion. Thank you all.

Off to take measured sips of black coffee and hoping it helps to resolve the blockages, whatever their cause.

The sky is darkening with clouds that are laden with snow. There is no blue today, but a richness of gradiations of greys, with the gees occasionally flying in formations beneath them, like Sumi-e strokes punctuating the shades of grey with their true sumi black across the sky. Stark aspen trunks stand as dark shadows against the clouds. Beautiful.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Hi Fae,

Today here in sunny AZ my yard was filled with little tiny finch and doves flying all around. The quail prance around with their young acting so smug. The young are already almost as big as mom and dad. Benji just sits and looks at everything happening. He doesn’t bother with the birds but will chase a rabbit if he sees one.

There are many visitors here with young families enjoying the holiday weekend with parents and grandparents…many walkers no doubt working off the holiday foods. I was very good and did NOT partake in any Thursday leftovers. I give myself that joy of eating once those things that are sometimes not on my heart menu (as long as salt is very limited) but I shy away from leftovers.

One Monday I shall have an Italian Cypress and another hibiscus bush planted in the back. This is a good time for planting here in the valley of the sun. Temperatures are staying in the seventies here. I love the warmth of the sun. It keeps my bones from hurting. I am getting many AZ sweet oranges and now the lemons are finally coming in abundance. It will be time for lemon meringue pie soon. Soon you will be feasting on something besides ice chips, broth and coffee. The coffee surprises me. Remember that apple/pumpkin soup I told you about – that should be on your menu. I have some ideas of easy pureed dishes that you could make when the time comes.

I am praying that your pain is subsiding more. They will not allow you to go home until you can do without the pump! Please keep us updated about things when you are able. I am so sorry that you are spending this time in the hospital, but as you said, you are being cared for in a very loving way.

We all keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Our fire continues and shall keep you warm.

Today I was out on the patio and about fifteen ducks flew over the house. You should have seen Benji. It was a riot. He barked and howled at the same time. I am sorry I didn’t have my camera out with me. What fun. I love having my dog. He is my therapy dog. Holding you close. Anne

[kayc]

I got my house decorated and my tree up...took me all day except for when I was watching the dogs. The lights didn't work on the top 1.5' and you can't reach the company, besides they want you to ship it all back and you pay the shipping, so forget that, I want the tree up now, not after Christmas! I added a string of lights and called it good. I'm exhausted, after moving furniture, then found I couldn't put it in the spot I wanted because their plug in is too long and three pronged so it wouldn't work with my extension cord, so had to move all the furniture again. Ugh! This is another time you miss having your spouse around! But I wanted to do it, not only for myself, but for George...he always loved stuff like this. So tonight I toast George, with a cup of cocoa! I hope he can see it!

Anne, your Benji must be a delight, just as my Arlie is to me!

fae, You are truly looking for the positive in the present, and I'm sure will be rewarded for it!

[Wifflesnook]

Kay your tree is lovely. We shan't decorate ours until just before Xmas when Ellie comes so she can do it. I sent up for some baubles. One has a photo of Pete on it, one has Ellie and one has Rosie-Mae. It's a surprise for them.

It's morning here and I've not been well for the past few days. Didn't eat hardly at all yesterday. I think it's my ibs again :-(

Got to get ok as I'm going over to Leeds again on Friday and I'm still recovering from their last visit. I love them but I do find it tiring.

I dreamed of Pete last night. He wasn't dead after all and the first thing I said was "oh you will know how to repot that Stags Horn fern I'm so worried about". Then we saw a moth on the window and he identified it for me. Oh I wish!

[mfh]

Dear Dear Jan,

I am concerned about your ongoing fatigue, ibs, and feeling sick/not feeling well reports. I am glad you share them but I wonder if you need to consider staying home from this next trip and get yourself well and less fatigued before your wonderful family descends upon your home for Christmas. It seems that listening to your body and taking care of yourself might need to be moved up to the top of the list. Remember you are still recovering from the stress of losing your beloved Pete. Just a thought I had to share.

Peace and health

Mary

[Wifflesnook]

Thank you Mary and I hear you. And of course you are right. And of course I'm going to say I have to go, if I can. I want to see our niece and husband on Saturday and help Rainie out by looking after Rosie-Mae on sunday while Rainie take Ellie to two parties (!)

I shan't stay longer than a long weekend as I don't feel up to it. It's my first time on parish council tomorrow night and maybe I'm stressed about that? Or maybe low level ill health is normal when we've had a massive bereavement. It sure looks that way from all our experience here. I have got several days to improve. I'm fed up with not feeling well, but am aware I'm not the only one.

I haven't even told Rainie I'm not feeling well. It truly isn't an awful thing. Like I said a low level feeling of unwellness.

Mary, thank you so much for caring. You say what my beloved Pete would say as he had and has my well being at heart always.

[mfh]

Yes, Jan...I do understand. I just get concerned about your ongoing feeling of not being well.... I hope you get some serious rest this week.

Peace

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

I want to second Mary's concerns because I can trace this ongoing sense of tiredness and not being quite well for some time. I don't think it is a question of how we are any of us doing without our Beloved, but how we are treating and caring for ourselves. Sometimes, we simply must put ourselves first, and trust that others will find a way to make it through without us. I would love to be able to do more for others, but I have come to know my own energy and health limits, and am slowly learning to respect those limits and teaching others to respect them as well. Many of us here are often trying to give too much too often, I think.

I hope you can talk with Rainie about your continuing tiredness and how you are overdoing it when you must drive, take care of the littles, then drive back home, only to be back on call or hosting people in a few days, without adequate time to recover. I think if Rainie knew, she would not ask so much of you, and that she, too, would encourage you to get more rest and take more time for your own recovery and healing.

We are all concerned about each other here, and I just want to say that I see a trend of not enough self care and rest for many of us. I think we all need to remind each other, so consider yourself lovingly reminded.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

I am still here in the hospital, and the doctors are still trying to figure out out what can be done. More imaging and more tests today, but now at least I can have a bit of organic chicken broth, and they have added some minerals to my IV along with the 5% dextrose.

I hope to be home soon. SSK may becoming out to care for me, because I am getting weaker every day here, since I am not eating and walking only a mile or so each day in the hallways.

And now I am off for more walking.

*<twinkles>*

fae